Anywhere but in Between
I simply cannot tell you all how much you all have brightened my days, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest. I come home and see your words, and I read them over and over. Sometimes we all need a bit of encouragement, and you all have a way of making me feel so happy. Thank you.
I am so sorry this took so long. The real world has been pressing on my neck pretty hard lately.
Author's Note:
I really had quite a time writing that last chapter. I wanted Hermione and Ron to act more emotional as well, as someone pointed out, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out how to write it. I had Hermione having a fit, or stomping out, or ignoring him, but because I write in multi-point of view, I had a hard time making it work. So I compromised, and had the scene you saw. It was a bit cute, but I just thought that with him being so beloved, and gone for so long, and people seem to forgive him anything… I figured I'd go with it and see what happened. Anyway, this next chapter will get back a bit to the anger and frustration, on all their parts, since they haven't been together in a while. Also, Ron and Hermione will step it up a bit. I figure by this point, they may be blind and scared, but they'd have to be stupid too, to ignore much else. We'll see. I have some fun ideas rambling around, and we'll see where they lead.
Chapter 14 – A Simple Touch
Ginny couldn't remember being this happy in a long, long time. She was seated between her father and Charlie, avoiding the latter's swinging arms as he told a story about his latest rescue of an Arabian Razorback. Her family was out in full force, save one, who was still very much with them on this particular night. She smiled around the table, wondering how she had ever thought she could stay away for so long.
Her eyes fell on Harry, who was sitting next to Ron at the far end of the table. Ron was talking animatedly about the Profiling classes he was taking, and Harry was listening with almost rapt attention. She wondered what it must be like for him, hearing about all of his friends' accomplishments in his absence. She knew that the changes in her brother surprised even her, and she had been in much closer contact with him than Harry had.
Hermione was sitting across from them, every so often staring at Harry as if she were afraid he would suddenly disappear from the table. Ginny's heart went out to her, since she knew the feeling all too well. The first night they'd had dinner together in Bulgaria, she had been acutely fearful that Harry was either just a figment of her imagination or that he would get up, walk toward the door and vanish like a shadow bending around the corner.
The most amusing to watch, by far, was her mother. She was beaming across the table so often that Ginny was sure her face would be frozen like that well into tomorrow morning. Every so often, Ginny could see her mother's eyes shining brightly, although considering the overwhelming circumstances of the evening, she was holding it together brilliantly.
"Ginny, could you pass the pudding?" Bill asked, his hand enfolded in Fleur's on the table. They hadn't broken contact with each other all evening, and although Ginny found it endearing, she couldn't resist ribbing her oldest brother just a bit.
"If you would stop being so sickening with your future wife, you could get it yourself," Ginny said, although she passed the requested food at the same time. "Really, people are trying to eat."
Bill grinned, which was not a new thing tonight, and Ginny smiled at him. He accepted the bowl with his free hand and kept the other firmly around Fleur's.
"Sod off, Gin, or I'll have to relegate your duties on Tuesday," he said, spooning out the bread pudding onto his and Fleur's plates. "I can easily put Fred and George in dresses and let them take your place."
Angelina laughed, earning her a jab from Fred at her side. "Laugh it up," he said devilishly. "But you didn't seem to mind so much when I-"
"Well," Angelina announced over him, effectively cutting him off with a withering look. "I think it's time for me to get going. I have an early day tomorrow."
Ginny couldn't help but wonder, as she watched the two of them, if Fred and Angelina would be next to get married, especially as she watched him place her cloak over her shoulders with the care and attentiveness of a man completely smitten. She smiled at the thought. She had always liked Angelina, and she had an amazing way of mellowing out Fred's rather impetuous nature. He still behaved like a child most of the time, buthe was more like a twelve year old now than a five year old.
She chuckled to herself, glancing once more down the table of the people she loved most in the world. Her eyes suddenly collided with Harry's, whose were trained on her in quiet contemplation. She smiled at him, and he returned it before turning back to listen to whatRon was saying.
A shiver ran through her, causing her gut to twist in an oddly delicious way. She had felt like that all evening, whenever she would look down to where he was sitting to see if he was okay and finding him smiling and laughing.
Although, at one point, she had seen him simply sitting back in his chair, an unreadable expression on his face as he took in his surroundings. He had seemed to mentally shake himself at that point, and in the next instant, he was laughing along with George at something Fred had said.
After Fred had left with Angelina to see her home, everyone began getting up and clearing their places. Ginny moved to collect the serving plates in front of her, but her father pushed her aside.
"Go and relax for a while. My little girl shouldn't be cleaning up on her first night home," he said, tweaking her nose before picking up her plate.
Ginny smiled again, her whole body practically buzzing with a general sense of happiness. How had she found it possible to stay away so long?
She knew that Hermione and Ron had the same questions concerning Harry, but to their credit, they were allowing him time to just enjoy being home. She could see the need to know the answers to her questions burning behind Hermione's placid façade, but Ron seemed to be having a calming sort of effect on her. Ginny caught her looking at Ron periodically, who would in turn look back steadily, almost as if he were assuring her that this was real and that things were alright.
The scene she and Harry had walked in on earlier had her thoroughly curious. Hermione had some questions of her own to answer. It seemed, at least to her, that her friend and her brother had stopped simply ignoring what was going on between them. They weren't acting on it, either, but Ginny realized that just that step was a miracle in itself.
She decided to sit on the sofa in front of the fireplace, so she could remain a part of the commotion going on around her, while at the same time, giving her a bit of space to think and take it all in. She saw Ron walking over to join her, and she smiled. She had missed him more than she had realized initially. She found the changes in him quite disconcerting, but oddly, it seemed to make sense. Somewhere along the way, her brother had found himself and he had slipped into the role almost seamlessly.
"Hey, there," he said, sitting next to her on the couch. "I figure if I'm talking to you, mum won't force me to do the dishes."
She laughed, making room for him. "It's nice to know how much you care," she said, shoving him in the shoulder. "When you say stuff like that, I wonder how I could have stayed away so long."
"Why did you, by the way?" he asked, scrunching his brow up in confusion. "I mean, I know the program at the Ministry has you pretty busy, but you could have apparated home from time to time."
"Same reason you're throwing yourself into your classes. I guess I thought it was time to do something, and it was easier to just kind of put my head down and plow through," she explained, watching her mother shoo Hermione and Harry out of the kitchen with emphatic swaps of her dishtowel.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked, turning her attention back to her brother.
"Sure," he said, settling back onto the sofa in a more comfortable position. "As long as it's not about what Fred was going to say about the dress at dinner," he said, his face contorting in a look of disgust. "I think the less known about that, the better."
"Actually, this has to do with someone in a dress tonight, but she looks a far sight better, I think," she said, nodding toward Hermione standing at the kitchen doorway, in deep conversation with Fleur and Bill.
Ron followed her gaze, and although his face remained passive, she could see the Weasley flush crawl into his cheeks briefly.
"What?" he asked, almost too noncommittally. Ginny grinned at him, and he cleared his throat. "Look, if you're wondering what you walked in on, I don't have an answer for you. Besides, I would be careful if I were you. At least I haven't been keeping her a secret for three months. Couldn't bear to share him, could you?" he teased, nodding his own head toward Harry.
It was Ginny's turn to follow his line of vision, and her heart constricted when she saw her father and George talking to him at the table. Her father had his arm almost protectively across the back of Harry's chair, and she found the action unbelievably comforting, even from where she was sitting.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about running into him, but I didn't want to put anything on him that he wasn't ready for," she explained finally, giving Ron an apologetic look. "I didn't want one of you to come storming into Bulgaria, demanding that he explain himself or something like that. I figured if you didn't ask, I wouldn't tell. I know it was wrong, but it was the only thing I could think of to do for everyone involved."
Ron watched her silently for a moment, then slowly nodded his head. "I guess I can understand that," he said, shrugging. "I mean, I still wish you would have told us, but I think I probably would have done the same thing if it was me."
"Thanks," she said, nudging her brother with her elbow. "You know something, you've changed a lot since I saw you last."
He pulled a face at her and she laughed. "It's not a bad thing," she amended quickly.
"Yeah, well, I guess I sort of got tired of being the only one who wasn't doing anything important with their life," he said, shrugging again. "Now, I feel like I am actually heading somewhere."
"I think it's wonderful," she said, smiling openly at him. Ron smiled back, and over his shoulder, Ginny saw Harry getting out of his seat and making his way over to them.
"Hey," he said, dropping into the chair next to the sofa. He looked a bit tired, but not like she had seen him when she'd first run into him in Bulgaria. It wasn't a bone-weary tired, that affected everything from the look in his eyes to the way he carried himself. This was simply a look of actual exhaustion, brought on from their very long day and emotional homecoming.
"You look like you're ready to turn in, mate," said Ron, apparently noticing the same thing she had. Harry shrugged, but even the small action seemed to make him even more tired.
"I'm okay," he said, and Ginny knew that the last thing he wanted to do right now was leave the comfort of the living room. She would be surprised if he ever closed his eyes again.
"It's been a long day," she said, hoping that Harry would realize that no one was going anywhere, and that it was alright to go to sleep. "I think I'm going to turn in soon myself."
"You never could hang with the big boys," Ron teased, smirking at her.
"Maybe because I never was a boy," she shot back, raising an eyebrow at him.
Harry snorted, and Ron turned to face him. "You laugh now, but did I ever tell you that when Ginny was little she used to ask mum why she was the only one in the family that had to sit down to –"
"Ron!" she yelled, covering his mouth with her hand. "You know, I take back what I said before. You are still as insufferable as you ever were!"
Harry let out a short, quick laugh that made Ron stop trying to wiggle away from her confining hand. Ginny knew that her brother hadn't heard that sound in a very long time, and took pity on him. She uncovered his mouth and watched him as he sat there, staring at Harry with an almost amazed look on his face.
In the next instant, Ron started laughing along with Harry. The sound was like music to her ears, and before she knew it, her chest constricted tightly. It had been too long since she'd heard the two of them laughing together.
She felt the need to look away, to give them a moment to share together after so long, and her eyes went to the doorway where Hermione was standing. She was surprised at what she saw. Hermione was standing completely rigid, her face pale, and Ginny could see the brightness in her eyes from all the way across the room. Her eyes were trained on them, and after a moment, she turned and walked briskly out of the back door to the yard.
Ginny got up quietly, ignoring the teasing remarks about not being able to take a bit of fun at her expense, and went after Hermione. Once she got outside, she saw Hermione sitting on a bench facing the grove of trees off the back of the house.
"Hey," she said softly, approaching the bench Hermione was sitting on. "Are you ok?"
Hermione didn't face her, but Ginny could see her shoulders sag slightly. She sat down next to her, and lightly touched her arm. "Hermione, what is it?"
"I didn't want anyone to see me like this," Hermione said, her voice thick with emotion. "I didn't want to start crying in front of Harry, and I was about to. Just seeing you guys sitting there, laughing - it was like stepping back in time."
Ginny grew quiet at her words. She knew that this was hard for Hermione, and for the rest of her family. When she had first seen Harry, it had been like seeing a ghost from her past. So she could completely sympathize with Hermione's current state.
"It wasn't just that," Hermione continued, now turning to face her. "This whole night has been so wonderful. Bill and Fleur look so unbelievably happy, and even Fred and George behaved themselves. It was the first time that everyone has been together in so long, and I'm afraid that I'm not handling it well at all," Hermione said, finally allowing the tears to fall.
Ginny's own eyes filled with tears, and she worked hard to hold them back. She moved to hug Hermione, who cried on her shoulder for a few minutes. She didn't say anything to her friend, knowing that there wasn't much she could say. Hermione was simply overwhelmed, and needed an outlet for the dozens of emotions that were circling around inside her.
After a while, Hermione's tears lessened, and Ginny felt her pulling away.
"I swear, I feel like all I've done recently is fall apart like a little girl," Hermione said, swiping at her cheeks in frustration. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this tonight. You and Harry are home, and that's a good thing. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Ginny held onto Hermione's hand for a moment, squeezing it in support. "You have every right to feel this way, Hermione. For what it's worth, I'm sorry I had to keep Harry's secret from you. I didn't want to, but I thought it was best. As for everything else, I assure you, I was close to breaking down completely at least a dozen times tonight."
Hermione smiled at her, and Ginny squeezed her hand again. "I'm going to go inside and see if my mum needs any more help before I turn in. Do you want to come?"
"No," Hermione said, wiping her cheeks free of tears. "I think I'll stay out here for a little while and collect myself. I don't want to have a repeat performance in front of everyone."
"Okay," she said, getting up and placing a hand on Hermione's shoulder. "Mum made up an extra cot in my room if you want to stay tonight, which I'm hoping you do. We can get up early and talk like we used to when you stayed with us."
Hermione smiled at her. "I think I might. I'm too exhausted to go home, and besides, nothing beats your mum's breakfast feasts."
Ginny rubbed her shoulder quickly before making her way back into the house. Ron approached her as soon as she was through the door.
"Where did you get off to?" he asked, his brow furrowed. "You weren't really offended by the teasing, were you?"
She shook her head, gesturing out the back door. "I saw Hermione go outside, so I went to talk to her."
The concerned look on his face deepened. "What's wrong? Is she okay?"
She smiled inwardly at the obvious devotion her brother had to Hermione. She found it almost unbelievable that the two of them hadn't gotten together in her absence. If it was this obvious to her, how could they be blind to it?
"She's just a bit shook up about everything," she explained. "This was a really busy day, and I think it simply caught up with her."
"Is she still outside?" he asked, his gaze fixed out the window in the kitchen.
"She said she wanted some time to collect herself properly," she said, knowing before he even took a step in the direction of the door that he would go after Hermione. He always did.
"I'm going to check up on her," he said, grabbing his cloak from the hook near the door. "Tell Harry I'll be up in a while."
Ginny smirked as she watched her brother go out into the yard. Sooner or later, the two of them would stop tiptoeing around things and then they could finally all celebrate. She hoped it happened before New Year's. She didn't want to lose the bet she had going with her other brothers.
She found Harry still sitting in the same spot she'd left him, his eyes half-closed behind his glasses.
"Why don't you head up to bed?" she questioned lightly as she sat on the sofa. "It's been a really long day."
"I'm fine. I'll wait until Ron turns in and head up with him," he said, blinking to keep his eyes from closing completely.
"He's out checking on Hermione. He told me to tell you to head up whenever you wanted and he'd be up later," she explained.
Harry's eyes opened, concern flooding their depths. "Is she alright?"
"She's fine. Just an overwhelming evening for her is all," she said evenly.
Harry nodded, his whole body relaxing visibly. Ginny studied him for a moment, watching the fire glinting off his glasses.
"It was pretty overwhelming for you too, I think," she said after a while, drawing her knees up toward her on the couch. "By the way, I think you handled things brilliantly."
Harry breathed deeply. "I barely made it through dinner. I had to keep pinching myself to makemyself believe that they didn't all hate me."
"I looked down the table at one point, and you seemed to be in a trance," Ginny confessed. "I swear, I thought you were going to fade away right in front of everyone."
"I was just thinking, that's all," Harry said, staring straight ahead into the fireplace.
"About what?" she asked, after he'd been silent for too long.
"Nothing in particular. Just how great it felt to be sitting at the table with everyone again, listening to them talking and laughing…" he trailed off, his voice growing faint. His face suddenly clouded, and he sighed heavily. "They all have these lives now that I know nothing about. They've all done things that are important and have changed them, and I wasn't there for any of it."
Ginny studied him as he continued to stare into the fire. He looked so lost and sad all of a sudden, and she didn't know what to say to him. He had missed it all because he had made a choice. She couldn't say anything to make him feel better about that, because it had been his decision to exclude himself from their lives.
"You're right," she said matter-of-factly. "You weren't here for any of it."
He swung his gaze away from the fire to look at her, surprised by her comment.
"But you're here now," she finished, staring at him steadily. "And that's what matters. You chose to go away two years ago, and there's nothing you can do to change that, but you also chose to come back. Now you can make up for all that you've missed, just like you did with me."
Harry sighed. "Yeah, but you were easy," he said.
She raised her eyebrows at him, and then burst out laughing. "Don't let Ron hear you say that. He already thinks we were living in sin for the past three months."
A sudden smile broke out on Harry's face. "Does he really?" he asked, amusement evident in his voice. "So that's why he was asking so many questions about my flat when you went outside before."
Ginny giggled. "Once the baby sister, always the baby sister," she surmised, shaking her head.
They sat in companionable silence for a moment, watching the last few embers of the fire dwindle down to nothing. Harry yawned, and Ginny rose off the couch.
"Well, I'm going to get to sleep. I have a feeling my mum will have about a million things she'll want me to do for the wedding tomorrow, and I'm going to need all the rest I can get," she said.
Harry looked up at her, and she was sure he was going to say something, but he just nodded.
"Goodnight, Harry," she said, walking toward the staircase. As she moved past his chair, she felt his hand reach out and grab onto her arm lightly. She looked over her shoulder at him, and found his face hard to read.
"Ginny," he started, his gaze not quite reaching hers, "Thanks, for… well, for talking me into coming back and for letting me do it on my own terms."
"You're welcome," she said softly. Harry's hand remained on her arm for a long moment, in which neither of them said another word. Then their gazes met and held, and Ginny felt her pulse quicken despite herself.
He removed his hand quickly, averting his gaze back to the fireplace. "Goodnight, Ginny," he said in a low voice.
"Goodnight," she said again, before making her way quickly up the staircase. She realized she desperately needed some sleep. If she didn't know any better, she could have sworn that she just saw a flicker of something more than thankfulness in Harry's eyes.
The night air hit Ron the second he left the house. He was surprised that Hermione would still be outside, seeing as how she was wearing a thin dress that barely covered her shoulders, let alone her arms.
Sure enough, when he found her sitting on the bench, she had her arms wrapped around herself. He quickly made his way over to her and put his cloak around her. She turned around in surprise, and he could see the puffiness of her eyes even in the darkness.
"Thought you could use this," he said, sitting next to her.
"Thanks," she said quietly, pulling his cloak closer around her, almost disappearing beneath it.
"Are you okay?" he asked, facing her on the bench. "Ginny said you were a bit upset before."
Hermione's back straightened suddenly, and he realized his mistake too late. She hated being thought of as a weak female who couldn't hold herself together.
"I'm fine," she said, her voice now firm and unyielding. "I just needed a bit of air, that's all."
He knew that she wasn't going to be the one to bring up Harry's return and how she felt about it. She already hated that she'd cried in front of him the night her young patient had died, and she certainly wasn't going to do it again. If Hermione was anything, it was stubborn.
Then again, so was he.
"It's strange having him home, isn't it?" he asked, doing his best to keep his voice even. He wanted to talk about this with her, but he was afraid that if he asked her how she was feeling about it, she'd storm off in a huff.
"A little," she conceded, shrugging under his cloak.
"I mean, one minute we have no idea where he is, and the next, he's standing in front of us in the kitchen," he continued.
She nodded, keeping her eyes trained on the patch of trees directly in front of her.
"At first, I didn't think I could move," he said. Now that he had started talking about it, he found that he couldn't stop. "I almost thought I was seeing things. Then when Ginny spoke, everything snapped back into focus and I realized he was really there."
Hermione didn't respond. He could tell that she was trying very hard to keep a tight rein on herself. He had seen that look so many times that he knew it by heart. Every time they had gotten into an argument in the past, she had worn that same look for as long as she could before finally reaching her limit and letting it all burst forth. He wished she'd do it now, because her silence was always a clear sign that she was truly upset about something.
"Can I ask you something?" he questioned, settling back onto the bench.
She nodded, her eyes still staring out into the dark night.
"Are you as angry with him as I am?"
She turned her head so quickly toward him that Ron was sure she wrenched it in the process. Her eyes found his in the darkness.
"What?" she asked, the surprise evident in her voice.
He smiled to himself, knowing that he had guessed right. "I said, are you as –"
"I heard you," she cut him off. "I just don't understand. You've been talking with him all night like nothing was wrong. You've been laughing with him about the silliest things. How can you say that you're mad at him when all you've done is act like nothing is different?"
"Just because I'm not yelling at him doesn't mean I'm not angry with him for leaving," he explained. "I just didn't feel like tonight was the night to lay into him for going away without so much as a goodbye."
She frowned so deeply that Ron was sure her face would be sore tomorrow. "Well, then you're a better person than me. All through dinner, all I could do was think about everything I wanted to say to him, and it just made me angrier. What does that say about me, Ron? What kind of a friend would think like that?" she asked, her voice now shaking slightly.
"A good friend," he insisted. "If you didn't care about him, you wouldn't be so confused. You'd simply hug him and welcome him home, and then get on with things."
She shook her head. "No, a good friend would do what you did. Make him feel at home again, like nothing's changed since he's been gone."
"I'm not as good as you think," he confessed in a low voice. "Every time I looked at him, I kept wondering if he'd be here at all if Bill and Fleur weren't about to be married, and if Ginny hadn't run into him in Bulgaria. When I thought about that, I almost socked him."
A small smile crossed Hermione's face quickly. "Well, at least it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in this."
"No, you're not," he said.
They both grew quiet, each lost in their own thoughts. His were centered on what Harry's arrival had put an end to, and what might have happened if they hadn't been interrupted. He shivered involuntarily at the thought of what it would have been like to finally tell her what he'd wanted to tell her since they were fourteen years old.
"I feel like so much has been changing lately," she said suddenly, breaking into the silence that had descended around them. "I'm finding it hard to keep up. Every time I think I have a handle on things, something else comes up to show me that I know absolutely nothing."
He considered her carefully. He couldn't help thinking that the situation they found themselves in earlier might very well be considered one of those things she didn't want to change. Judging from the look on her face, he was pretty sure that he was right.
She looked miserable. He had always known that change was something she didn't accept readily. Her world had always been organized and neat, and whenever anything had happened that she couldn't immediately control, she became anxious and upset.
"Not all change is bad," he said, realizing too late that he sounded like a petulant child. He averted his eyes to the darkness before him, and willed himself to keep the frustration out of his voice. "I mean, things have to change eventually, don't they? If they didn't, things would never get any better than they are."
She didn't respond right away, and he felt like slamming his head into the ground. Some day, he hoped, he would learn when to keep his big mouth shut.
"You're right," she said finally. His eyes moved up to hers involuntarily, almost as if they were drawn by some invisible magnet. His breathing became shallow, and his heart began hammering against his ribs.
"I am?" he asked, amazed that he was able to say anything at all.
She nodded slowly, a slight flush creeping into her cheeks. "I don't think that all change is bad. It just takes me a while to get used to things. I don't like feeling out of control, and when I do, it scares me."
"Me too," he said in a low voice.
They stared at each other, and every fiber in his body screamed at him to tell her. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
She looked expectantly at him for a moment, and when she realized he wasn't going to say anything, she gave him a small smile.
"Why don't we head inside. I'm freezing, and you are starting to turn blue," she said, pushing herself off the bench. "Your mum would never forgive me if you caught a cold just in time for the wedding."
He rose off the bench, mentally berating himself for his cowardice. Someday soon, he vowed himself, he'd find the courage he needed to tell her how he felt about her.
As they walked back to the house, side by side, her hand found its way into his. He held onto it tightly, wondering if she already knew what he wasn't brave enough to say out loud.
As always, thank you for reading and for your patience with the story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review if you have the time!
In the next chapter, Hermione and Harry have a bit of a heart to heart, and she makes a final decision regarding Terry...