James shook his head, thinking this was a perfectly terrible start.  However, for probably one of the first times in his life, James was glad to see Potter Senior at the train station, inside of platform 9 ¾.  "I'll be right back," he promised Lily, and walked swiftly to his father.  "What are you doing here?"

"Picking you up."

Lily couldn't help but slowly drift toward them, her curiosity taking hold.  She marveled at the two standing next to each other, one dark, the other light and blonde.  It was definitely obvious they weren't related.  James's strong, harsh features were mirrored nowhere in his elder's golden aristocrat appearance. 

"What if I hadn't been here.  I never come home for Christmas."

"Dumbledore owled me to say you signed up to come home, so here I am."

"I signed up to leave, not come home."

"Are you staying with Remus?"

"No."

"Sirius?"

"No."

"Peter?"

"No."

"THEN WHO?" James Potter the XXIIV said tersely, clearly aggravated.  "I didn't come here to waste my time on an insolent brat who doesn't have a healthy respect for either of his parents."

James's eyes narrowed, and Lily silently wondered if that was his real expression that he just relaxed for most of the day.  "I reserve my right to privacy."

By this time, Lily had crept forward just a bit too far, and entered James's line of vision.  His father saw James's expression change, and turned to look.

"Are you going home with a girl?"

"Maybe."

"I demand an explanation.  It's not appropriate for you to-"

"Hey!  Drop it.  Besides, she's not what you're thinking.  She's nice, and she knows I've had a succession of crappy Christmases, so she invited me to have a nice one with her family."

"Fine.  So why are you talking to me?"

"Can you have one of the Elves go to Hogwarts and get my winter clothes?" James hated asking anything of his parents, and this particular request required a setting of the jaw.

"Why didn't you bring them initially?"

"Misinformation from my moronic friends.  They said it's warmer where Muggles live."

"She's a Muggle?" Senior arched an eyebrow, looking very skeptical.

"Born, and I like her, so leave her alone, Sir.  She doesn't know anything about the circus I grew up in, and you're not going to disillusion her."

"Or what?" Amusement and interest overtook the skepticism.

"Just think of the very worst thing I could do, and consider it done."

"Well, I believe your feelings on the situation are as clear as your mother's Italian crystal.  I'll get an Elf to visit Hogwarts.  Does this girl have an address?"

"She does, but I'm not giving it to you.  I want zero interference."

"It's as good as done."

"Thank you." James turned to Lily, who was a few meters away. "Sorry about that. But that was Potter Senior."

So I heard."

You're not, uh, scared, are you?"

No. Why would I be scared?"

Just checking. So are we going to meet your parents or what?"

I suppose we can." Lily tried for a happy smile to smooth over the awkwardness of walking away from his father. "May I ask why your bird's covered?"

Damon's at a rather delicate stage right now."

Aww, is he sick?"

Not seriously, don't worry. Who are we looking for?"

My mum is picking us up."

Great, all I have to do is analyze every woman at the station, that won't be hard at all," James said sarcastically, making Lily tempted to run over him with her trolley.

I believe I can handle pointing her out, perhaps," Lily returned in a more mild sarcastic tone, causing him to turn and raise an eyebrow in her direction.

Go over your family members one more time, please."

Mum, her name is Annette. Then there's my dad, and his name is Robert. Petunia is my sister, and Vernon is her husband. Here, I'll go first."

Lily stepped through the barrier when directed by the guard, and James soon followed. In truth, she was as nervous as James. She had seen his rather radical behavior patterns first-hand in the recent months, and to put it mildly, he wasn't her parents' favorite sort of person. Then, she spotted her mother, waving happily at her. "There she is, James."

James immediately put on a polite smile that unintentionally made Lily giggle. A brief five seconds later she was enfolded in a tight hug.

I'm so glad you're back!" Annette breathed, rocking Lily back and forth for a few moments as she always did during a homecoming.

I'm glad to be back. Mum, this is James Potter."

There was a brief pause as Annette sized James up; and of course, James wouldn't be James if he didn't size her up also. Lily had reached a high level of terror before James extended his hand, "It's wonderful to meet you, Mrs. Evans."

It's nice to meet you too, James," Annette gave a smile, but Lily winced at the use of 'nice'. James showed no signs of noticing the phrasing, but she imagined he'd had a lifetime of that. "Well, shall we go to the car?"

James abruptly grinned. "Car? Did you say car? You have a car? Lily, you guys have a car? Awesome!"

Lily stared at this abnormal reaction, and completely non-James attitude. "Umm, yes, we do."

Sirius said most Mugg-er, non-magic people don't actually have cars and that's just a line of…crud that they feed us in Non-Magic People Studes!"

I don't mind the word Muggle, so you can say it if you want," Annette said, looking amused.

James, you really might want to forget most of the stuff Sirius told you about Muggles. I think the majority of it was false," Lily suggested, patting his shoulder comfortingly.

I think you might be right."

James's great mood died a quick death about twenty minutes into the car ride. He was sitting alone in the backseat, becoming increasingly nauseas; Lily kept looking back at him in worry.

The trip had been okay until they got out of traffic and onto the open road, and then the trees started whizzing by at a rapid pace. It was all downhill from there.

Mum, I need to go to the toilet!" Lily said forcefully.

Immediately!" Actually, it looked like James needed someplace to throw up immediately.

In fact, he thought the same thing.

As soon as the car rolled to a stop, James jumped out of the car and walked briskly around out of sight, Lily following.  "Are you okay?"

"How can I be after just getting out of that God-awful creation?  It's a nightmare!" James gasped for air, slowly regaining his composure. 

"I don't see your problem.  You ride on a broom, going at an equal speed, only you throw around a big red ball, and two others are being pelted at you," Lily tossed her hands up as she said this. 

"I'm distracted when I play Quidditch.  I don't see trees and livestock rushing by at an alarming pace.  And I didn't realize you actually understood that much of the game."

"I'm a jack of all trades, what can I say?  Just don't look out the window anymore.  Here, I've got some medicine that gets rid of headaches, so why don't you try it and you can nap on the way home.  Can you take medicine without water?"

James shook his head as he looked curiously at two little pills Lily offered him, otherwise known as aspirin.

"There's a water fountain inside, just a little to your left.  Don't touch anything, though!" Once he was safely inside the convenient store, Lily got back in the car.

"Car sick, huh?"

"Yeah, but pretend you don't notice, he'll be embarrassed."

"Big on male pride?" Lily's mother asked with a wry grin.

"Yep."

"Doesn't know what to do without magic, either, does he?"

"Apparently not," Lily said, holding back a laugh as James came out of the store with a large water spot on his sweater, looking extremely out of sorts.  He slammed the door with a little more force than necessary and buckled his seat restraint with a loud click.  James was silent for a full five minutes before Lily asked, "James, are you sulking?"

"No."

"Because she will stop this car." Lily turned to smile at him, her mother laughing.

"Was that supposed to be funny?"

"Yes."

"I don't like water fountains.  They are ignorant."

"Of course they are, they're machines," Lily said cheerfully.  "Relax though, we have a good old-fashioned faucet with cups at our house.  And a dryer for your shirt."

James was not comforted by either assurance.  The encounter with his father hadn't done a whole lot for his state of mind. 

By the time the forty-five minute car trip was completed, Lily and Annette had discovered how cranky a sick, mad, unhappy, and wet James Potter could become in a short time.   

Annette had tried to make some sort of conversation with him, but she was met with rather churlish answers.  Of course, she had asked him what his family did for a living, and that certainly didn't help the situation a single bit.

Lily leaned her forehead against her window, savoring the coolness as she decided that this trip was a disaster.  And her mother couldn't let dead dogs lie.

"Do you enjoy school?  Lily mentioned in her letter home you are Head Boy."

"It's incredibly boring, and personally, I consider it a waste of my valuable time.  The majority of it is textbook material that I learned when I was eight in my reading primers.  I would prefer a situational education as opposed to out of the book drilling."

Lily groaned.

"That's an interesting way to look at it.  What sort of schools do wizarding children go to before Hogwarts?"

"Oh, God," she moaned, wishing for a quick death.  Why couldn't her mother just drop the conversation?

"Most go to an area school that offers writing, science, mathematics, and history.  I had a tutor."

"Interesting."

"So you said," James observed dryly.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Not anymore.  I ate them one night after I had been on enforced starvation from my parents."

"He's joking," Lily explained when her mother looked uncertain.

"I don't quite understand your sense of humor, James."

"I generally use satirical wit, it's much sharper than normal sarcasm.  It helps to cull out the morons."

Lily turned around to stare at him incredulously, and he raised his eyebrows at her.

Annette obviously felt a new topic was needed.  "Lily also said you play Quidditch.  You seem to be active in your school's affairs."

"I actually try to avoid affairs of all sorts.  They're bad for the Potters.  I do play Quidditch, but you seem to know that."

"Do you enjoy it?  Her friend Amos adores it."

"It's one of the things that give me the least amount of pleasure in life."

"Well," Annette clearly didn't know what to say at this point, so she drove ahead stoically, glancing back at James in the mirrors quite often.  Lily stared out the window, wondering how this could start out so badly.  James started reading a book he produced from his pocket.  "What are you reading?"

"The Left Hand of Darkness.  It's a Muggle book, as you probably know."

"Are you interested in the Dark Arts?" Annette asked, deciding to dump him here and there on the roadside if he answered the positive.

"MOTHER!"

"Are you?"

"Only objectively.  I have no wish to practice it."

And he finally gave a good answer, for a very welcome change.  Lily sighed in relief. 

"Do you do drugs?"

"What?" James asked, not knowing what she meant.

"Wizards don't have drugs, it's exclusively Muggle."

"What about smoking?  Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Good."

"He's clean, Mum, leave him alone."

"What religion are you?"

"Religion?"

Lily hit her head against the window, knowing this would be bad.  Her mother would probably swerve across the other lane once the answer was given. 

"Yes.  What are you?  Catholic?  Protestant?  Buddhist?  Muslim?  Hindu?"

"I don't believe in God.  I think there is one, but I don't believe in it."

Lily prepared for the swerve, but there wasn't one. 

"Well, I suppose you can't blame the child, in this case, without blaming the parents first.  I would be interested to know what sort of childhood you had."

"Please, Mum, no social-worker stuff with him."

"It's his choice to answer, Lily; I'm just offering professional help."

"I decline a comment other than that I have no need for professional help."

"See!  You've made him mad.  James, don't be mad, she didn't mean to pry."

"I'll try not to be.  Are we almost there?"

"Ten minutes," Annette answered, and Lily was near tears.

When the car stopped, Lily again jumped out immediately and hauled James out.

"Are you mad?"

"Am I mad?  Funny you should ask that.  Yes!  I'm mad.  You were being intentionally boorish to my mother!  Are you stupid or something?  You told her you were an atheist, that you're interested in the Dark Arts, and that you enjoy wounding people with your sarcasm!"

"Was I supposed to lie or something?"

Lily ran her hands through her hair in aggravation, then took a calming breath.  "Couldn't you have sugarcoated it just a bit?  It doesn't matter now, though.  Just please try to be a little more sunny."

"I didn't know I had to act like a different person just to spend Christmas with you people."

"James.  You don't.  Just-" Lily broke off when she saw him grinning.  "I hope you're enjoying this.  I swear if you ruin my Christmas you won't know what hit you back at Hogwarts."

"Is that a threat, Miss Evans?"

"You bet your socks, Sir."

*~*~*

"James, this is my dad, my sister Petunia, and her husband, Vernon.  Wait, where's Vernon?" Lily looked around after she sat James's birdcage on top of his trunk.

"Grocery store for some toilet paper," Petunia clarified, looking James up and down.

James's eyes widened.  They really didn't have toilet paper!  They were getting some just for him.  "Hello."  He shook Robert's hand, and then looked at Lily for help as to what to do to her older sister.

"You can hug me if you want."

"Oh.  Right.  I didn't want to be too presumptuous."

"I'm sure you do worse to my baby sister." Petunia hugged James, and whispered in his ear, "I'm watching you, Slick."

"So where is James sleeping?" Lily asked, watching the situation warily. 

"My old room.  I'm sleeping with you, and Vernon gets the couch."

"I'll show him where it's at," Lily volunteered, picking up the birdcage again.  "Come on, James."

She showed him to an upstairs bedroom, decorated in hues of pink.  "Adorable, huh?"

"You could, uh, say that." James touched the white wicker furniture in disbelief.  "Why doesn't she look anything like the rest of you?"

"Who?  Petunia?  Don't worry, neither of my parents had an affair.  She's adopted."

"How much older is she?"

"Seven years, but they adopted her before I was born, so it doesn't seem that way.  Do you want me to uncover your bird?  What's his name?"

"Damon, and not yet; he's sensitive to light right now.  Why does your family hate me already?"

Lily turned to stare at him incredulously before turning toward the window again as she saw him unpacking.  "It could be that you were incredibly rude to my mother.  Yeah, I'd say that clenched the deal."

"I didn't think I was being rude."

"Trust me, she was an inch before dumping you at a truck stop."

"I'll try to act better from now on.  Really, I will.  And Vernon didn't have to go get toilet paper just for me.  I brought my own." James displayed several rolls of toilet paper with a proud grin.

First, Lily started smiling, and then she couldn't help but laugh.  "Do you always pack your own toilet paper?"

"No, but one should always be prepared when venturing among Muggles.  How did you stand not having toilet paper before you came to Hogwarts?"

"James, dear, did Sirius happen to tell you this?"

"No, Peter."

"He was lying.  Muggles have toilet paper too.  It was very considerate of you to bring your own though.  I guess."

"So what are we going to do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"What sort of Christmas-y stuff do you people do the day before Christmas Eve?"

"Decorate…obviously." Lily shook her head at him, as if assuming he was from a foreign planet.