This is the last chapter. Ever. I'm serious. Don't come back, this is the end. The very end. I didn't get too many reviews but I got a ton of hits, last time I checked I think I had 200-some. So, thanks for reading everyone. :) Enjoy!
Chapter 7: A Title Longer than One Word
Check that out... yeah... I'm a reble! Whoo! Anyway what you see is the same day, except instead of Selphie's point of view, it's Zell's.
In the Infirmary
Bla bla bla Irvine has no brain. Bla bla bla Zell's acting uncharacteristically nice.
Bla bla bla Selphie bla bla bla Zell bla bla bla Irvine.
"Well, it's almost lunchtime. It's almost pizza day." After Rinoa, Selphie, and Quistis left, Squall asked, "You coming, Zell?"
"Nah... got some stuff to do."
"What kind of stuff?"
"Just school stuff."
Trailing behind the squad, he sat down in a bench next to a girl with heavy mascara and pretended to do some homework for Deling City University's online service. But he wasn't. He was writing a letter.
When he got done he headed down towards the Directory. Secretly, he slipped the letter into Xu's hand. Their eyes met for a brief moment. Zell thought intently, this is for 15 gil. He'd spoken to her earlier. Reluctant, she agreed to help, remembering an instance in which Irvine shoved her down a flight of stairs once, To his relief, she winked, and headed towards the cockpit to tell Nida.
He pretended to study the Directory by the front gate, waited a few minutes, then turned back around to the cafeteria.
"Like I was saying, that mutt is practically shedding flees on me," Quistis complained. "I can't work with that thing."
"My dog is not a mutt or a thing," Rinoa said defensively. "She's cleaner than you, at least."
"Zell, where have you been?" Squall said.
Bla bla bla choking bla bla bla pinwheel bla bla bla Q-tip.
"I'll get Irvine something to eat," Zell volunteered. "I've gotta do some more homework after lunch anyway."
After Zell ordered Irvine some chicken strips, he secretly poured an excessive amount of salt into the BBQ sauce, mixing it in so that it couldn't be seen. Then he ate lunch with the squad, and returned to the Infirmary to give Irvine the food, after buying some Sominex from Kadowaki's "pharmacy" and putting some into the drink.
"Lunch," Zell announced as he came in.
"You didn't poison it, did you?" Irvine said as he hesitantly grabbed the box.
Like I would tell you if I did, Zell thought with a smile. "No way, dude. It's clean. Just eat."
Irvine took a bite. "This is pretty good," he said. "A bit salty, though. Can I have a soda?"
Zell eagerly handed him the drink. He took a nice, long sip.
"Fizzy," Irvine said sleepily. He yawned. "I'm getting kinda tired."
"But it's only noon."
"I know. I- I'm so sleepy, I-" he began snoring almost instantly. Zell grabbed a nearby counter to keep the force of the snores from driving him backwards. Dr. Kadowaki came in, in a panic. "It's an earthquake! I want my patients! I want my insurance! I want my mommy!"
"It's all right, Doctor, Irvine's just asleep again."
She said quietly, "Oh. This is... so embarrassing." She walked away.
Zell took the microchip-like device out of his pocket and began his work, hoping Dr. Kadowaki wouldn't come in to find him putting the microchip-like device behind Irvine's teeth. Alright, Nida taught him how to do this. It would be a piece of cake. Right?
30 minutes later, in victory, he headed down towards Selphie's dorm to tell her the "good news". On his way he bumped into Quistis. "Hey," he said, looking at her hand to the book in it, Saving the World For Dummies.
"What's that?"
"I haven't told anyone, because I wanted it to be a surprise until it was on the market, but since I've seen that it was in stock at the store, I might as well tell you already. I wrote this book for some extra money."
(btw there is a store at the Quad. I made it up as well, don't go looking for it)
Zell looked at her in amazement. "I didn't know you could write."
"Yeah, well, you'd be surprised," she said. "Where are you heading?" she asked in curiosity.
"I was heading to Selphie's room."
"Me too."
"Can I go first?"
"Let me go first."
Quistis sighed. "Fine."
(at the secret spot in the Training Center)
"You know what?" Xu said, putting down the headphones, "I should just go tell Cid that you're doing this." She was beginning to feel guilty again.
"Please, Xu," Zell begged. "Do it for your friend."
"You're not my friend," she said stubbornly.
"Then do it for Quistis."
"Quistis would want me to throw you over the side."
"Let's not get feisty, now."
Nida stepped between them. "Come on, people. Let's get this show on the road already. Anyway, where's my money?"
"How can you accept money for something this dastardly?"
"Look, Xu, we both agree that Irvine is a moron, right?" Zell said in an attempt to calm her down.
"Yes."
"And that I'm competent and intelligent?"
There was silence.
"Well, at least more so than Irvine?"
"Yes."
"Well, something could alter her decision and make her choose the wrong guy, right?"
"Right. But won't she hate him?"
"I'll tell her what happened."
Xu examined it from all sides. Either Zell or Irvine would get burned here, and if she was lucky, both. "Fine." She put on her headphones and tuned the machine. She set the mini-satellite on the stone banister as Zell and Nida put their headphones on. The signal was tuned into the microchip in Irvine's mouth. They heard conversation.
"This may hurt." A chuckle. "Why am I saying 'may'?"
A couple more seconds.
"Ooh."
"Don't touch it! You can put it back on, but give me my hat."
After listening to some more conversation, they saw the two heading out the front doors. They watched intently.
"Nida," Xu whispered. "I'll patch you on. Get ready."
"Now you'll see the master lip sinc-er at work."
With a push of a button, Xu told the computer to put whatever Nita said through the microchip and to shock Irvine's jaws and mouth in accordance to sound waves with short, undetectable sparks of electricity to make his mouth move just right and make it look like he was talking.
Nida cleared his throat and grabbed the microphone. "I want to do it with you," he said through the microphone. Zell giggled silently at how close his voice was to Irvine's. In his fit of mime-like laughter he knocked over the satellite dish into the trees below.
Xu mouthed cuss words at him and slapped him. From now, they had to just go by instinct. Nita gave a worried look, then said, "I want to hump you all night long."
But to Zell's horror, he saw Selphie throw herself at him. "NO!" He felt the headphones get pulled off his head. He turned around to see Nita and Xu fleeing. "HEY! COME BACK! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!"
"You owe me that for the satellite dish plus 500 more Gil."
"500?"
As he ran after them, he noticed the sky and remember what the Trepie had said. "DAMMIT IT'S A QUARTER WANE MOON! WHY COULDN'T IT BE CAT FUR!"
Zell gave chase through the Infirmary. They were stopped dead by a T-Rexaur near the entrance. "Ha! I caught you now!"
"Zell, help us!"
"Nuh-uh, no way."
"Zell, we're serious."
"Tch. Fine." Zell banged his fists together, jumped on Nida's head, and propelled himself up to the T-Rexaur's face, uppercutting it, and landing on its head. It thrashed wildly as he attached itself to the top of its head, blowing hits to its cranium until it fell. "And that, my friends, is how you take down a T-Rexaur with style." He said that final word with a strange inflection.
"Uh, thanks. Now we gotta go!"
"Not so fast!" Zell grabbed Nida and Xu's sleeves as they tried to run by him.
"Fine, you don't have to pay for it. I'll pay for it myself. But, Zell, this really is wrong, you know?"
"...no."
"I mean, if you love Selphie, and she loves you back, you shouldn't have to do all these things. If she really did love you, then you wouldn't have to try to mess with her and make Irvine look evil."
Xu gave Nida a look, begging him to say something.
"Y-yeah, she's right, you know," he stuttered finally. "You know, all three of you, you guys used to be all buddy-buddy. Now you guys are at each others' throats. Do what you will, but at least tell Selphie the truth. Don't you think she deserves to know?"
Zell sighed. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."
"I won't make you pay the 500, Zell. Just take Nida's advice."
"Okay... thanks, Xu."
Zell had summed up the courage to talk to Selphie. He knocked on her door. "Oh, Zell. Hi."
"Hi..." He wasn't sure if Irvine was in there. Was he? "I'm not... interrupting anything, am I?"
"Like what?"
Like you and Irvine getting your freak on, that's what! "Nothing."
"Oh, well would you like to-"
Then he saw him, Irvine sitting on the bed in a towel.
"NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Then you wouldn't like to come in?"
Zell blinked, staring at the spot. Was it just an illusion? It must've been.
(the next day)
Selphie now knew it was time. She had done a lot of thinking, and knew he it was that she loved. She phoned Zell and Irvine. "You guys... I love you both very much, but I can only be serious with one of you. So, I pick... Zell. Zell is the one who I love the most.
Everyone was silent. "Irvine, this doesn't change anything," she said reassuringly. "Things can be like they were before all this happened. Right?"
"But I wanted to be more than friends."
"I know. But, sometimes this how life is. Life will go on, and we can still be friends, right?"
"Yeah, yeah, you're right," he said half-heartedly. "I, uh, I'm gonna go now."
He sat in depression in a lonely corner of cafeteria. And he sat there, staring out the window, cuddling his teddy bear. An hour later, when he was done crying like a baby, he saw Seifer on the live TV news. He was in an orange jumpsuit and he was smiling, something you don't see every day, even though three guards were holding on to him tightly as if he would vault away.
"I know you probably won't believe me since I tried to kill an MP when I last said this," Seifer said, "But I'm really sorry. I-I guess I just kinda fell for Ultimecia's promises. And because I wanted to prove myself against Squall. Squall, if you're watching this-I'm-I'm-" He summoned up more courage than it did to leave B-Garden, to hurt Rinoa, and to follow Matron into that indefiant nothingness-and said it.
"I'm so... I'm sorr BLEGH... I'm s..s... or, ree. SORRY!"
"You better damn well be!" Squall yelled triumphantly from somewhere in the Garden.
"Now it's my turn," Zell said as he smiled from Selphie's room.
"And Zell... you are SUCH a chickenwuss! I am NOT sorry for anything I've said to you at all."
"Damn you Seifer!"
"Hey!" Selphie shouted at Zell. "Language, mister!"
"DARN YOU SEIFER! DARN YOU ALL THE WAY TO HECK!"
"And now that my five year sentence is up today, I just want to say that I'm giving up my attempts to be a SeeD. I always thought it'd be cool to be a comic book salesman. Like Rocko. Wouldn't that be cool? I'll live next-door to a stuck-up frog and make friends with a cow raised by wolves. And I want to give my Hyperion to my good friend- Fujin."
"Do you people really believe that that's live?" Seifer said as he triumphantly entered the cafeteria. "That happened early this morning."
Some people clapped and cheered. Some people hissed. Nevertheless, Seifer sat down with Irvine.
"What's up, dude?" he greeted.
"What are you doing here," he said quietly and miserably.
"I'm up. Finished. I want to be kind and caring. Not that power hungry ass you knew. I'm no longer Seifer Almasy. I'm now Seifer Almasy." He waved his arm in a rainbow-like way as he said Almasy.
"Well, I don't care. The whole world could blow up and I wouldn't do a damn thing."
"Geez, what's your problem?" Seifer asked.
"She fell in love with Zell."
"Who? Quistis?"
"What?" He gave him an odd look. "I don't love Quistis. I hardly even like her. I love... I don't know much anymore."
Quistis walked over with three peanut butter sandwiches and some soda and sat down.
"I heard the news," Quistis said. "The news about Seifer and the news about Selphie."
They talked for a little while. In about half an hour, Seifer left to go talk to his friends. Quistis and Irvine, however, kept talking. They were so interested in the conversation that it was 10 o' clock before they went to bed.
Irvine called after her as she left. "Hey, Quistis!"
"Yes?"
"Um, do you wanna get together sometime?"
She looked at him oddly. "I guess so. What would it hurt?"
Quistis kept telling herself not to fall in love again after what happened with Squall, but there was something about Irvine that was special.
And so life went on.
Epilogue
-Later that month, Zell and Selphie set the date for their wedding. They were both very happy, until Zell got a subpoena from Xu for 500 Gil in small claims court.
"XUUUU! YOU SAID I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY! I'M GONNA FIND YOU! YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE MRS. GIMME SUMMONEY!"
-Irvine and Quistis did go out with each other for a month or so, but decided to break it up because the know-it-all thing was really getting on Irvine's nerves, especially when she was talking to her friends.
"And I thought, that's totally a violation of rule 51-A-45 paragraph 7-G."
"Haha, yeah, you know, Trisha was telling me the other day about how the gymnasium dress codes are more consistent than the meat byproduct limits."
"Yeah, they're about as consistent as the 16-C-23 set."
-Rinoa and Squall also set a date for marriage, and got into several more fights, but got used to it, and got over them rather quickly, so no one really cared.
"You know, I've never met anyone who eats their peas and more annoyingly than you!"
"Oh, you think I eat my peas weird? How about when you get ready in the morning, Mr. Perfect? What's the deal with brushing your teeth before you put on your deodorant? What kind of sicko does that?"
"Let's do it."
"Right behind you."
-Seifer didn't like living at Garden, so he moved to a small town in Galbadia called Hiphopomotamus (the founder was a hippo-lover who wasn't a good speller) and founded a comic book shop there. It was really all rather boring."
-As for Nida, Xu, Dr. Kadowaki, and all the other characters, who cares? All they did was bore the crap out of me anyway.
So that's the end. The very end! I'm also working on a sequel, called the Raijin vs. Seifer Show. Look for it and plz review:)