February 1974

"Why won't you tell me what's going on?" Millie asked, following Lily into the dormitory, barely missing the slamming door.

"Because I don't want to talk about it! Believe it or not, I have a part of me that likes to be by itself."

"I just can't figure you out. I leave for holiday and you're still depressed about your parents and drudging around like a dark cloud. Three weeks later you are like…something from outer space!"

"My, you're a witty one," Lily said sharply, stooping to dig something from her trunk.

"This is about that blasted note you got last week! Don't pretend it wasn't from James. I know it is, don't bother denying it, Lily Adelle!"

"Then I won't."

"You're different. I would have said a month ago you were never going to get past your parents' death."

"A month ago I didn't know what I was going to do for the next hundred years. I found something I would like to do, and that makes a lot of difference. I have a purpose now."

"Oh really? Just tell me this, are you off your Potter binge?"

"I've decided and I can't let the death of my mum and dad control the rest of my life, if that answers your question."

"Quite adequately," Millie answered grimly.

Lily could recite the note by memory. It confused her beyond belief, but she still came. The note did not need to be removed from her pocket to recite it; she had unintentionally memorized it through rereading it. A week after school had reconvened she had received an owl from James. More than one set of eyebrows raised when his black owl landed with a thud in front of her.

Not wanting to explain everything then, Lily had quickly scribbled her reply on a spare bit of parchment and sent it on. She had carefully studied the note later, but no hidden meaning could be found. There was only so much that could be read between the lines of Meet me at Caprice's at noon next Hogsmeade weekend. James. In fact, the only thing Lily could discern was that they were going to presumably eat lunch. Caprice's was a small diner that had a huge variety of food. It would have been popular if the owner and cook, Caprice, was not notoriously temperamental and quite good at living up to her name. People she disliked regularly received burned food an hour after an order was placed while those she favored could be served a delicious meal in ten minutes.

Lily couldn't imagine Caprice liking James, but no matter, she had excused herself from her friends and made her way over to the restaurant. She was surprised to see him already waiting for her at booth near a window. She was even more surprised to see him reading a book and drinking a glass of water. "Hello."

She had expected him to jump, but instead he smiled and marked his spot in the book. "Hey, Lily. I'm glad you came."

"The reason you wanted me to is the great mystery," Lily said as she slid into the seat across from him. Somehow it was hard to be dignified as you snaked across the vinyl of a booth.

"I…I just wanted to see you again. I had forgotten how much I actually liked you," he said ruefully. "I was reminded when I talked to you at the Ministry."

Lily couldn't help but laugh; he seemed surprised to like somebody. "I guess I like you too. You just wanted to come here and talk?"

"Yes. If you want to do something else, we can."

She leaned back against the blue booth back and crossed her arms. "Why don't you tell me what's really going on in that odd mind of yours?"

James rubbed his eyes and took off his reading glasses. "You didn't seem as mad or as angry when I saw you the beginning of the year. You have lost a lot of that unbearably hurt look, and I thought we could have a second chance."

"I see." Lily fought to keep her face neutral. "Well, that's interesting…daring too."

"Sometimes we need a little nudge. All I ask is that you consider it. In the mean time, let's just have a good time. Are you ready to order?"

Lily felt as if she was really talking to someone for the first time in months. She had forgotten how invigorating it was to talk with James and his blunt honesty and odd views. She had missed the way he raised the eyebrows when he found something amusing or the way they drew together as he concentrated. Lily helplessly began remembering all the things she had adored about him. As they walked down a quiet backstreet, it was easy to fall into their old relationship. His frame blocking her from the heavy wind reminded her of the late autumn at Hogwarts and flipping through books in an old shop was reminiscent of Madam Pince's library. It was not quite as easy to forget the rainy August day when she lost her whole world, but it did not seem quite so recent.

It started raining when they were in an art shop, trying to decide between two different paintings for James's mother.

"My vote's still for the dancers. That other was is…blegh," Lily said, tilting her head to one side.

"Blegh matches my house."

"So have a bright point as an anchor. Just go with this one and be done with it."

"You think so?"

"Definitely."

Lily held up an umbrella purchased at a newspaper vendor while James carried the painting. For the first time she noticed how charming walking under an umbrella in the rain was; it was like being the only two people in a little world. "I was thinking…maybe we should re-instate our couplish status."

James laughed, stopping to kiss her. "That is a brilliant idea."

Very possibly, kissing under an umbrella in the rain was more charming.

In contrast, the remarkably long trip to Hogwarts was far from charming.

Millie and Amos stared at Lily and the accusation was sharp and vivid on both faces, making her feel worse with each turn of the carriage wheel. "Could you two stop that?" she murmured.

"Stop what? Wondering when our friend completely sold out? Completely changed?"

"I believe I have the right to a personal life."

"So tell me, what am I?" Amos asked, a deceptively mild note tinting his voice.

Lily put her hands over her face, knowing that this would be the hardest part. "To be perfectly honest, I had no idea what he would want when I met him today. Therefore, I couldn't, well, break up with you beforehand. Come on, Amos, I'm not the sort to juggle multiple boyfriends. I'm not that good at lying. You don't understand how I feel about him; half the time I don't understand. Amos, you're a wonderful friend, but I think that's all we should have ever been. You were there for me when I needed somebody to love me, and I think that gave me the impression we would be a good couple. I was wrong and I hate it. I just don't want anybody to hate me. I am just trying to make the decision that is right for me."

Amos crossed his arms and said, "I'm sure you did."

Millie, on the other hand, remained silent until they reached their dorms. It was then that hell and all its demons seemed to suddenly erupt. "Just tell me what you're doing. I can't figure you out."

"I'm trying to have a normal life again. It's not a difficult concept, Millie!"

"Why are you suddenly back with James?"

"Because I want to be! Is that okay? I know you don't want me to be happy, but I can't live for anybody besides me. I want to have a life again. And I know that this is sudden, but I can't explain it."

"Compulsive shoppers can't explain the urge for new robes. Alcoholics can't explain how they got to the bottom of the bottom. Just try telling me what went through your head."

"Honestly, nothing went through my head. I didn't think; I felt. What I felt was that when I was sitting there with him, I was happy. I felt alive and I felt like I had a chance with the world. I felt like the Lily before her parents died. I felt like me again."

"Oh, Lily. You just don't get it."

By this point Lily was angry enough she wasn't entirely in control of anything she was saying. "Why not? You tell me I'm being childish or stupid, but I can't point out that your life looks a whole lot better when I'm miserable. If you want to be mad at me, be mad at me. I don't care and I don't need you."

Millie stared at her with shock on her face and anger glinting maliciously in her eyes.

"It's true. If I can live without my parents or Petunia, I most certainly do not need you."

"I don't understand you anymore."

"I don't think you ever did."

"Lily-."

"Don't even say anything, Millie. Stay up here and mope if you want. It really doesn't matter; I have homework I want to do." Lily grabbed her book bag, hoping her things were in it, and slammed out of the room, still shaking with anger.

It would be a fairly safe call to say that the following week was one of the roughest at Hogwarts. Lily's friendships had been put on hold after her infamous trip to Hogsmeade that had Gryffindor tongues wagging. She could only imagine her personal life was like a car accident to her fellow students: they didn't want to look but couldn't help it. Of course, the fact that Lily had actually emerged from her grieving state only to make her friends mad did invoke curiosity.

Naturally, there was the large supply of homework the professors doled out, followed by the NEWTs preparation. All seventh years also had to meet with their head of house for one of their final career counseling sessions. Lily really thought it was a bit of a joke; Mundungus Fletcher was pretty much incapable of doing anything correctly, and unfortunately, he was the Gryffindor head of house. He was also one of those professors who had been through one too many dungbomb explosions and pixie escapes. Every little drama at the school seemed to send him over the edge, causing him to stutter and turn rather red. The general consensus among students was that he would soon be an alcoholic.

Fletcher's version of career counseling was reviewing the student's test scores, asking them how they felt about blood. Depending on the answer, he would give the unfortunate Gryffindor one large box of pamphlets or the other. Since Lily already had her box of brochures, she was in the 'chat' portion of the career counseling. After falling over a cauldron, Lily was able to sit at his desk. He gave her two more booklets, asked if she had made any final decisions, and then dismissed her.

Thankfully, James was there. Actually, he was at medical school, but his owl was at her plate every other morning. The short note was a brief glimpse of a world outside of Hogwarts, and her only look at sanity and friendship. It was something to keep her going and it was a great way to get Millie's anger at its maximum level for the day.

All in all, life was returning to normal. As normal as it got for Lily.