A/N: Okay, in response to some confusion, contributions made by the four characters are now in italics, unless something that they write is supposed to be italicized for effect, in which case it appears in plain text. Perhaps the reason that it is hard to tell what the characters are writing as opposed to what I am writing is that I have had the style of Harry and company get more sarcastic and parody-like as time has progressed. Although there was no logical reason for my doing this aside from the attempted comedic effect and laziness on my part, we can also assume that the fact that several people have mentioned in their reviews (which the characters theoretically have access to) that this is a parody has led the characters to amend their style to fit this description more accurately. Also, thanks to voicesinmyhead12 who pointed out that I accidentally put the characters in Hogsmeade partway through last chapter. It's fixed now. Anyway, after that long author's note, here's the chapter that at least some people have hopefully been waiting for.

Chapter 9:

Aboard the Hogwarts' Express

On this particular night, just for some variety, Hermione and Ron got to the computer room first. However, since they really didn't have anything to say to each other in private that would be worth including in this chapter, Harry and Ginny showed up soon afterwards.

"Okay, so in this chapter, we'll get on the Hogwarts' Express and arrive at school. This chapter officially starts the school term, and as such, there are several new rules that must be kept in mind. However, I will explain those after we finish with the beginning author's note." Hermione began to type the author's note.

A/N: Wow... 18 reviews on the last chapter... At this point, if we responded to each one indicividually, it'd take up way too much of the page to be rational. Still, we would like to thank all of you, and respond to a few over-arching concerns: We will definitely remember to put in the typos from now on. We're glad people seemed to enjoy the alpacas and the maroon toothbrush. Also, just to clarify, Ron, Harry, Ginny and I are still on our summer break, and will be for several weeks. We will have the story finished before we go back to school. (A/N from Gryffindor777: You are to assume that the characters update every night, even if I don't). We would also like to thank Queenbee14 for the e-hamster and ashvaultrosegarden for the e-sweets and... er... spam. (That's right, if you give us stuff, we mention you specifically in the author's note.)

"Hmm... I hope the reviewers don't get angry at us for not responding individually," said Ginny nervously.

"Why, what would it matter?" asked Ron skeptically.

"Well, they might not review again..." said Harry.

"True, but I was thinking along more alarming lines," said Ginny. "I mean, these reviewers are harmless now, giving us e-sweets and e-animals. But what if one shows up with an e-knife? Won't be so funny then, will it?"

"I suppose not," conceded Hermione, "but I think that our readers are mature enough not to resort to violence or review-boycotts just because we didn't respond to them individually this chapter..."

"Let's hope so," said Ginny. "Anyway... So what are the new rules that we need to know for this chapter?"

"Well, in general, now that we're starting the school term, the thing that I mentioned last night about author's trying to show off their knowledge about the books is completely void. Apparently, they feel that it is impossible to create an interesting story within the parameters laid out by the books, and so they consistently stray from canon in order to liven things up, or make the story simpler (because sometimes authors are just lazy. As proven by our refusal to respond to the reviewers...)."

"I see," responded Harry. "So anything about school rules and that kind of thing is completely up for grabs?"

"Yes. And not only that, facts that the author him/herself makes up can also be contradicted within the course of the story. I'm pretty sure this is worth bonus points," explained Hermione.

"Ah," said Ron. "I've always wanted bonus points. Anyway... What do we need to do specifically in this chapter?"

"Well, aside from the obvious part about getting us on the train so that we can have the start of term feast next chapter, we've got to have our annual verbal-sparring match with Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. Also, since this is the first chapter in which we're seeing the rest of the student body, now might be a good time to mention some other pairings. Speaking of which, several of our reviewers seem to think that Neville ought to get some action. I feel that we should oblige so as to avoid giving the reviewers any more reasons to show up with e-weapons."

"Hmm... Should we pair him with Parvati then? She's pretty. I mean pretty for him," Ron added hastily. "We all know perfectly well that I personally don't even consider anybody other than Hermione to be a female, let alone an attractive one."

In the interest of time, Hermione bought this apology and simply responded to Ron's proposal for a pairing. "Eww... no. They'd be horrible together. And remember, so far we're two for two with our pairings coming true. I'm not saying there's anything to that, but on the off chance that there is... Do you really want to be responsible for Neville and Parvati getting together in real life?"

"No, I guess not," said Ron, sounding somewhat unconvinced.

"What about Neville and Luna? That seems to be one of the more popular pairings on the site so far..." suggested Ginny.

"That could be interesting. Though in a good way. We'll let you write the bit about us seeing them sitting together or something. Who wants to write the verbal sparring between us and Malfoy?"

"I'd do it," said Ron, "but I don't want to actually type."

"Here, I'll type it, if you let me put some input into the conversation," said Harry.

"All right, that'll work," said Hermione. Now, for the record, there are a few things that you must include in this argument between you and Malfoy. First of all, you must call him a prat. Then, since we're going for the self-contradiction bonus points, we might as well use some American slang within the argument as well. So throw in the term 'Oooh, what a diss,' since that sounds American, and very contradictory to the word "prat." We've also got to call Malfoy a ferret, because everybody mentions that at least once in their story. Furthermore, the insults that we use can't make any sense because fanfiction authors tend not to make sense. Other than that, go at it. And remember to include the typoes, the reviewers seem to enjoy them. Oh, wait, one more thing. Malfoy must "drawl" when he talks, and be "flanked" by Crabbe and Goyle. Although, these words should definitely be misspelled."

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all made their way onto platform nine and three quarters, just like every other year except that this year they all crossed the barrier at the same time because fanfiction authors don't care about magical secrecy. They then quickly picked out a compartment. Ron and Hermione did not have a prefect meeting to go to this year because Ron is not sure that he wants Harry and Ginny to have too much time to themselves in the compartment. Even if he is okay with them dating, that doesn't mean he wants to include the type of thing that they might do in an abandoned compartment in a fanfiction that he's helping to right.

"It's weird they're not having a prefect meeting this year," commented Harry idly.

"Yeah, I hear a lot of things are changing at Hogwarts this year," responded Hermione.

"Hey, look, it's Malfoy," said Ginny, pointing at someone outside of the compartment.

"Oooh, what a diss," said Ron.

At that moment, Malfoy came into the compartment, flunked by Crabbe and Goyle. This is not surprising, as Crabbe and Goyle are always flunking something.

"Why if it isn't Potty, the Mudblood, and the Weasels," Malfoy drawed. No, wait. Perhaps that should be drew. Yes, that's it. As Malfoy talked, he drew an alpaca and a maroon toothbrush, on the grounds that each of these characters seem to have a fan-base (of as many as two reviewers each...).

"Why if it isn't the phairit," responded Harry cooly.

"You and Ms. Weasel are sitting awfully close there, aren't you?" asked Malfoy. "You two are dating now, aren't you?"

"Yes we are," said Harry, who was vaguely confused as to why Malfoy wasn't insulting him. "Er... aren't you going to insult me or something?"

"If you were any uglier, you'd be playing with matches," Malfoy announced. Although this didn't make any sense to Harry, Ginny, Ron, or Hermione, Crabbe and Goyle seemed to understand it. At any rate, they looked less confused than usual.

"Your second cousin once removed (on your left side) is a mongoose's concubine!" shouted Harry.

"You've had sex with Ginny Weasley," countered Malfoy.

"Why does everybody always assume that we've had sex?" asked Harry, baffled.

Ron, being the cool-headed clever bloke that everybody has always known him to be, was able to come up with a much more satisfactory comeback, "Well you've shagged Pansy Parkinson."

Malfoy could think of nothing to say to this, on the grounds that it was a true statement. "Damn," he muttered, and turned on his heel and left the room, quickly followed by Crabbe and Goyle.

"Right then, that should do it for our bit," said Harry, getting out of the computer-chair to let Ginny sit down. She began to type.

Immediately afterwards, Neville and Luna walked in. They were, of course, holding hands, as it seems that this is the easiest way in fanfictiondom to establish that a pair of people have become a couple.

"So the two of you are dating now?" asked Harry.

"Yes, isn't it wonderful?" asked Luna bouncily.

"Isn't it weird that everybody who went to the Department of Mysteries last term is now dating somebody else who went?" asked Hermione skeptically.

"Yes, but that's not nearly as weird as some of the stuff I saw on this summer while I was traveling with my father," countered Luna.

Hermione simply smiled and nodded because she thought this would be the best way to avoid an actual conversation about Loona's travels.

At that moment, Dean walked in the compartment as well. He was clutching hands with Cho Chang on the grounds that this would just be hilarious. Once the pair saw who else was in the compartment, they apparently decided that now would not be the best time to chat with their exes and simply left the comparchment as quickly as they had come in.

"That was rather awkward," stated Ginny, with a smile.

"Not nearly as awkward as it was to try to give directions to the half-hag, half-werewolf creature that I encountered at a bar I went to with my father," said Luna. Hermione groaned as Luna went into a less than enthralling explanation of how precisely it was possible for a creature to be half-hag and half werewolf, and also why such creatures are rubbish when it comes to direction.

Neville was used to such conversations, and by this time had simply zoned out. He didn't mind that his girlfriend often rambled senselessly because she was still rather pretty in spite of it all, and she let him kiss her. Not too many girls had previously shown an interest in letting him do that.

At that point, the lady with the food cart came into the compartment. In the spirit of the recent coupling trend that had apparently struck the train and the Hogwarts population in general, she was hand-in-hand with the train's cunduckterr.

At that point, the chapter ended abruptly on the grounds that the author cannot come up with any more amusing couples to introduce.

"All right, that should do it," said Hermione approvingly. "And we've definitely met our typo quota this chapter."

"Dean and Cho, eh?" asked Harry. "That would be rather amusing. Although wasn't she dating Michael Corner?"

"Yes, but that was obviously only because he was the last boy I had finished dating. Now that I'm finished with Dean, I'm sure she'll take him on. After all, it seems that she's got to date every boy who I have dated," said Ginny.

"Oh, I see. I hadn't realized that was her strategy," said Harry.

"Anyway, why don't we type up the author's note?" asked Hermione.

"You feel free," responded Harry.

So, she did.

A/N: All right, so that's it for this chapter. It's a little bit shorter than certain other chapters, but at least it's up, and hopefully amusing. Well... that's all for now.

A/N from Gryffindor777: All right, there that is then... Review if you liked it, or if you have any suggestions, or if anything's confusing (hopefully things are getting better now, with the italics and all...). As always, thanks for reading to this point.