A/N: This is the first chapter in which I'm going to use some people's suggestions of cliches from reviews back at chapter 7. Thus, thanks to Mimbulus for the Draco and Hermione as headboy and headgirl idea, mimbulus for the Lupin as professor idea, and humblelilbookworm for the idea of Lupin being dead-sexy.

Chapter 10:

Start of Term

Without any preface whatsoever, the four friends began to write the authors' note. (For anyone wondering how the four of them wrote the authors' note all together, let it be known that they took turns typing, switching off with every word.)

A/N: All right, if we only count the reviews which were specifically addressed to chapter 9, we got fourteen reviews. But we've decided to answer them all personally anyway, we'll just make it short.

rockisrocken: We're glad we're hilarious and also undeserving of e-weapons!

eva angel: Thanks for putting us in the C2 community, and thanks for the e-plasma tv. Mr.

Weasley is going insane playing with it.

skittles: We appreciate the e-hugs (except for Harry, who is hesitant to show affection physically)

but would like you to explain where "Trainfood" comes from if you review this chapter.

ashvaultrosegarden: Yes! Magical security systems! Also, Hermione appreciated the sugar-freeness of her sweets. Oh, right... here are the socks you requested :everybody offers up the socks they are currently wearing:

Threatenedwriter: Yes! Another tv. Now we can watch two programs at the same time! Besides, we can actually use this one because Mr. Weasley hasn't noticed it and started playing with it yet.

Rubberduckies: You always make sense to a degree. Although sometimes not a large one.

GrimReaper'sAssistant: Isn't this the third penname you've had since you've started reviewing? Thanks for the non-threatening e-knife!

PhillippaofthePhoenix: We would like you to know that just because we are now responding to reviewers once again does not mean you can get what you want just by threatening us. We would have responded individually this chapter anyway. Possibly.

Insanepyroshorty: Love the penname, and the pop-corn. We're glad you like the story.

hrrypotterfan: We're glad you liked the Malfoy diss... it was Ron's favorite part.

princessangelstar: Hmm... Cho very well might. She is rather promiscuous...

andyesidodrinktea: Yay for the letter 'h'! We're glad you like the story.

lizzieizbizzie: We read your story, and it's very good. Very entertaining portrayal of our favorite

eccentric headmaster!

niwrem: Crookshanks, for one, would love an e-gnome to play with. Hopefully this update has pre-empted the raisin problem.

Wow. That was a lot of responses. Hopefully that either wasn't too tedious to read or you had sense enough to scroll through responses that you didn't want to read. Either way, read on. You're in for a bumpy ride.

"Okay, this chapter is where things get really exciting. Or, at least more exciting than before. I hope. At any rate, tonight we are writing about our arrival at Hogwarts. There are several less-than sensical things that are going to have to happen in this chapter. This is the chapter in which all hell breaks loose at Hogwarts. All school rules must be ignored in as haphazard a way as possible. We're also going to try to use some of the reviewers' suggestions. So, here goes. Harry, why don't you start?"

Harry began to type in italics owing to the fact that people seem to be less confused that way.

After all the students had entered the Great Hall, the new first years were sorted. However, they were not sorted by the sorting hat this year on the grounds that coming up with a rhyming poem is too much effort for a fanfiction. Thus, the students were sorted into houses by picking magical tic-tacs from a cauldron. The tic-tacs would magically turn mint (green) if the student belonged in Slytherin, cinnamon (red) if the student belonged in Gryffindor, or... er... blueberry, if the student belonged in Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff was no longer admitting first year students because nobody wanted to go to that House anyway (seriously, who wants to be labeled "hard-working" when the alternatives are "brave," "smart," and "successful?")

"Clever," said Hermione sarcastically. "But no more ridiculous than other attempts at this part of the story. Therefore, we shall continue on. It is now time for Dumbledore to say a few remarks to begin the feast. However, fanfictions tend not to have Dumbledore capable of speaking in coherent sentences. This may be because of the nonsensical speech he gave at the start of first year, or simply because the average fanfiction writer him or herself is incapable of forming a coherent sentence. Oh, and he's also got to spout something about house unity. At any rate, Ron, why don't you contribute the opening remarks and continue through the feast itself? No offense or anything, but you're the one of us who is most interested in food, so you might as well write about it." Ron dictated as Harry typed.

Dumbledore stood. "Few opening remarks before. Begin. Mind not to swim with too many fish. Keep your head above the ground. Until you've stopped. Beware of both purple sofas on drugs, and drugs on purple sofas, and something about house unity. Or... beware of purple drugs on sofas in united houses. Yes. That's it. They're wicked. But... don't beware of food. Food should be eaten. Presently, in fact. Yes. Let's eat."

Thus, all the students bgan to eat the fude, except for the phish, which some of the students believed to be tainted in lite of Dumbledore's advice about not swimming with fish. The beef strogonaugh was especially good, as was the steak. Food's awesome. So are feasts. And steak. But that may have already been mentioned. Right. That was it. Harry, stop typing!

"Oh, right," said Harry, who had apparently been distracted. "I'll just delete it."

"No!" shouted Hermione. "Fanfiction writers never use the delete key. It's not allowed."

"Oh, I see," said Harry.

"Anyway, this next bit is where the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is introduced," said Hermione.

"Oooh, I've had a good idea for that, after reading several fanfictions as well as the reviews that had suggestions in them. Let me do this bit, will you?" asked Ginny.

"Sure," said Hermione as Harry and Ron nodded.

Dumbledore stude upp at the end of dinner to make another speakch. "Right, so obviously, this year we've got to have a new defense against the dark arts teacher. However, as times are very dark right now, I've decided that it would be best to have several new defense against the dark arts professors. The first isn't actually new, as his name is Professor Lupin. Yes, I do realize that he is still a werewolf, but I don't think any of the parents will remember this, because they found out three years ago and have very short memories. He will be a great asset to our staff because he is good-looking enough to vanquish death-eaters with only his sexy middle-aged looks. It helps slightly if the death-eaters he is vanquishing are female, but this is not absolutely necessary as his sexiness apparently has a fan-base among each gender. Incidentally, if you're wondering why I have started to speak in coherent sentences, the reason is that the authors are going for the 'self-contradiction bonus points.' Ron was very upset not to get any bonus points last chapter after he specifically mentioned that he had 'always wanted bonus points.' At any rate, the two other Defense Against the Dark-Arts professors are female and shall each be identical twins for the sake of saving time on describing what they look like. Thus, each are 20 year old brunettes whose great looks are matched only by their excellent occlumency skills. Yes, that's right, they're sexy too. Perhaps this is simply because the word "sexy" is fun to type. Really, the law of averages would imply that these new DADA professors would have to be very hot to make up for the complete lack of any other remotely desirable professors. One may wonder why these professors aren't slightly older than 20, but anyone who is aware of the number of times Krum (or even a 16 year old Harry) have turned up as DADA professors in fanfictions will not be remotely surprised. Anyway, it's lucky for Lupin that the twins are hot because the one (the younger one, named... Scarlet, because that sounds hot...) declared her undying love for him almost immediately upon seeing him. The other twin (named Ebony, just to keep with the color-theme), immediately realized that she was in love with another professor. But not Snape, because the pairing of Snape/OC DADA professor is entirely overdone. Therefore, Ebony has a serious crush on none other than Professor Flitwick, who cannot believe his luck. Oh, and if you're wondering how I, Dumbledore, happen to know the romantic interests of all the members of my staff, it's just because I'm omniscient."

"You certainly do like messing around with pairings, don't you Ginny?" asked Harry with a grin.

"Sure do," Ginny conceded.

"All right, well... Only one more thing we've got to do this chapter, and that's to make Malfoy and I head boy and head girl. I guess I'll do this since I'm the only one who hasn't written anything this chapter. By the way, I'm going to put in a whole bunch more typoes. Maybe if we have more than seven, that'll be another way to get bonus points. So, here goes," introduced Hermione.

"Well, theirs just won moor thing I knead too tell you all befour wee awe go two bed. And that is that Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy have become Head Boy and Head Girl. There are, of course, several things that I need to explane about this knew arrangement. The first is why they were not informed, as would be normal, over thee summer. The reason for this is that I have grown lazy in my old age. One may also wonder why seventh year students were not picked for this task. The reason for that is that the only seventh year student mentioned in the books (and thus the only one to show up in fanfiction) is Cho Chang, and she certainly wasn't going to be head-girl. And really, Hermione does make some sense as head-girl, once one puts aside the fact that she's underage. But the real question is why Mr. Malfoy was chosen as head boy. He has no great skill as a wizard, and is not particularly well-behaved. Furthermore, as his father is now imprisoned, there is no one with the ability to pull strings for him within the school governor's bored, so he would have to get in to the office entirely on his own merit, which is, as previously mentioned, completely nonexistent. However, it would make for some interesting and potentially plot-thickening developments if Malfoy was head-boy and in the end, this was the single qualification upon which I based my decision. That's really all I can think of to say, so I'm going to go to bed and I would like to invite you all to join me. By which I mean go to your own beds. I wasn't proposing a massive magical orgy. Although I really haven't gotten any action in a really long time... Er... Flitwick, do you think I could perhaps borrow Ebony sometime?"

"Wow, Hermione, that was rather obscene. A bit surprising coming from you," said Ron, clearly impressed.

"Yeah, well, what can I say, inspiration struck," said Hermione, fighting to hide a grin. "Anyway, lets put our heads together to come up with the ending authors' note.

A/N: Er, well... Things are developing quite... interestingly at least. That's what happens when you put four teenagers together to come up with a fanfiction. But at any rate, we hope that those people whose review-ideas helped to create this chapter found that we did their ideas justice. And anyone who's got any more cliches we could throw in is encouraged to let us know.

A/N: Hmm... well... the characters' fic is getting slightly out of control, perhaps... But I'm not one to interfere. Thanks to anyone who's read to this point, because you're really the only reason I can justify spending so much time writing this thing. And let me just say, it's a blast to write it!