A/N: Okay, I might as well tell you why I didn't like last chapter as much as the other ones. First of all, writing the twins' bit made me uncomfortable for at least two reasons. 1) they had promised clever remarks and I wasn't sure whether I could deliver (most of the other funny things in this story were not so much clever as funny because they were nonsensical) and 2) I thought their bit was a little risque. Oh well... they may or may not make an appearance in some later chapter. Anyway, thanks to Megan, Rubberduckiesofdoom and rockisrocken for suggestions about Malfoy which I used and abused to come up with this chapter.

Chapter 12

The Potions Accident

"Wow! We certainly got a lot of reviews for that chapter!" said Hermione. Although she had been cured of her review addiction several chapters ago, she still got somewhat more excited than was purely logical about them.

"Or Fred and George did at any rate," said Ron, somewhat sourly.

"Oh, just because we got more reviews than usual on a chapter that you didn't help write doesn't mean that people don't appreciate you," said Hermione.

"Yeah, GrimReapers'Assistant even said you were her favorite," said Ginny.

"So what's your problem?" asked Harry curiously.

"Well, dammit, we mentioned that we were going for bonus points in two previous chapters, and nobody's actually sent us any. Although these waffles are nice. And the spam," said Ron, taking a bite of a spam-covered waffle.

"Yes, well, we'll just have to keep trying then, won't we?" asked Hermione patiently.

"I suppose," said Ron.

"All right, now just let me write the author's note, and then we'll talk strategy," said Hermione. She began to type.

A/N: Right, well... 18 might be over the limit for individual responses, but we'll respond to some overarching concerns, and also thank our e-gift-givers.

First of all, we've notified Fred and George that there's apparently a market for miniature flying alpacas, so they are now beginning to produce them on purpose. Also, a special thanks to those who comment specifically on a joke they particularly liked, that always makes us feel special.

Thanks to hrrypttrfan for the cookies, ashvaultrosegarden for the trail-mix and spam (and yeah, Harry's sent an owl to Dobby to calm him down...), thanks to grimreaper'sassistant for the video-games, and Megan for the Muffin.

"All right, good deal," said Ginny. "Now what's going on this chapter?"

"Well, as we still haven't actually come up with a plot yet, we're going to try to distract the readers from figuring that out by adding more ridiculous cliches. Now, at this point, there's a decent amount of clamor on the review page for each a transformation of Malfoy and the addition of a Mary-Sue. Which do you guys want to do first?" asked Hermione.

"Wait, if we transform Malfoy and make him friendly to us, who are we going to have witty verbal battles with?" asked Harry.

"Actually, I think I figured out a way to work around that," said Ron, who had been reading fanfictions again to come up with new ideas. He was really intent on getting some bonus points for the story.

"Okay, fine, we might as well do that one first then," said Hermione. "We can introduce the Mary-Sue in the next chapter."

"Wait, haven't we already missed the boat on that one?" asked Ginny. "We've already been through the sorting and everything."

"Yeah, but if everybody else can introduce a Mary-Sue into the beginning of sixth year out of the blue, there's really no reason we can't introduce her into the middle of the sixth year. So, Ron, you dictate, Harry will type. There's just a couple of things I need to let you know. The reviewer 'Dragon' seems to think we're using better grammar than is realistic for a fanfiction. And now that I think about it, we've been using too many compound-complex sentences as well. So try to simplify the sentences and turn some of them into fragments. Other than that, we're good to go, I suppose," said Hermione.

Ron began to dictate as Harry began to type.

The first potions class of the term came much too quickly for the lyking of Herman, Rahn, and Hairy. They were nervous because of the insane number of potions accidents that always happened in there with plot-altering consequences. Oh, wait. That had never happened before. But the fanfiction community as a whole still seems to think that a potions accident is the most convenient way to explain anything weird that happens, so the characters felt that there was a good chance that something important was about to happen during this lesson.

They were making an engorgement potion. Malfoy, as usual, was the only one who was not getting yelled at for making mistakes. However, today was going to be the day when he was going to make a major screw-up.

Hermione cleared her throat to gain Harry and Ron's attention. "Guys, you must not have been paying attention because your sentences are still way too correct! Use less adjectives and adverbs, and stop using proper sentences as much!"

You see, although it had never been mentioned in the books. Draco had unusually frequent urges. To urinate. It, may, have, had, something, to, do, with, his, missing, bludgers. But maybe not. At any rate, he really had to go? And clearly, he couldn't ask Snape to be excused, because it was really urgent. But, he couldn't be expected to just pee in his robes, could he? Of course not.

So, instead, he peaed in his cauldron.

Ten minutes later, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were explaining what had happened to a very confused Madam Pomfrey, to whose's auffice they had been asked to take Draco to. Or, that is to say, whos office they had taken the two Dracoes to. That's right, there were two of them.

"So, then he relieved himself into the incomplete potion. And apparently you're not supposed to do that. Because the potion splattered all over him, and then there were suddenly two of him standing there, neither of whom had put his... er... broomstick... away after relieving himself," explained Harry in a very confused tone.

"I had been expect that something like this would happen soon. I expect that they've got opposing personalities," responded Madame Pomfrey, offering the two Malfoys magical tic-tacs.

The tic-tac of the Malfoy to the left turned cinnamon to signify that he belonged in Gryffindor while the other Malfoy's turned mint to signify that he was still properly placed within Slytherin.

The Malfoy to the left, (whom will bee forthwith referring too as Cinnamon-Malfoy), spoke up. "Ah, well, that's a relief then. I was hoping I wouldn't have to hang out with this git any longer," he said, distancing himself from Minty-Malfoy and getting closer to the Golden Trio whom promptly accepted him without any reservation because their just nice peeple.

"But how can you call me a git?" asked Minty Malfoy. "I'm a pure-blud! If anybody's a git it's that Grainger mudblood or the Potter half-blood!"

"You see, Minty will be even more of a Slytherin than he was before, while the cinnamon Malfoy will be a complete Gryffindor. The effects of the potion will last until such a time as the authors get bored with the idea."

"Yeah, all right, that should do it for that bit," acknowledged Hermione. "There's just a little more that I need to write in this chapter though, to fulfill some reviewer requests."

"Hey, don't call her a mudblood," said Cinnamon Draco. "She's a lot smarter than I am and I'm a pureblood too. It's enough to prove that we can't judge a person just because of their blood!"

Hermione thought this was a very interesting development, a Malfoy sticking up for her. She regarded Cinnamon in a new light. However, Ron saw the weigh in which Hermione was looking at Cinnamon in. In. And, of course, he immediately went into a transport of jealousy sew complete that he lost the ability to use verbs or words of greater than! one syllable.

"So this your plan all the time git? Pee in class and love from the girl? I very mad. I not stand for this! I may not as hot as you but I more love for that brown-haired-chick than you! Her name too long!" said Ron irritably.

"You don't have to worry about any competition from me," said Cinnamon nicely. "You see, I, logically, am not attracted to women, on the grounds that I am the opposite of the other Malfoy, who is attracted to women. I am not, however, actually gay, because it seems that this author doesn't want to write slash. Therefore, the author will argue that the opposite of attraction to women is a lack of attraction to women, instead of an attraction to men."

"Oh, right, I forgot," said Ron. "I guess we can be friends then. But where are you going to sleep? There are only five beds in our dorm."

As if to! answer that question, the door to the infirmary opened again. Neville was leading a boy who looked vaguely like a cross between Seamus and Dean.

"Er..." began Neville. "Once Malfoy left, Seamus and Dean apparently decided that peeing in cauldrons was a new fad or something, so they peed in theirs too. However, apparently when two people pee in it, it has a different effect, because it splattered on both of them, and they sort of, combined into one person. I think we should call him Deamus."

"Oh, well, there you go," said Ron. "You can sleep in Dean's old bed and Deamus will sleep in Samus' bed."

And then they all lived happily until the next chapter.

"Well, that should do it for this chapter then," said Hermione. "I just hope it's not too confusing to read with all the grammatical errors. Oh well. At least I don't have to read it."

"All right, can I write the ending author's note?" asked Ginny.

"Sure," everybody agreed.

A/N: All right, next chapter you all can expect the introduction of a Mary Sue. You asked for it... And it will probably be just as twisted as this chapter. But if the general response to last chapter was any indication, twisted is good in the eyes of fanfictioners, so there you have it. Oh, and I've decided that we've been given a lot of e-gifts and really ought to start to give something back, so here's a bunch of e-butter beers. Everybody who reviews gets one! That's right. We're bribing you for reviews!

A/N: Well... this was a bit shorter than previous chapters. And I can't even use the excuse that this chapter length was necessary for the formation of the plot, because there isn't one. But this length is necessary if I want to update tonight, which I do. So, this is the length it will stay.