A/N: Okay, thanks to the suggestions from lizztigger, lizzieizbizzie, ashvaultrosegarden, phillippaofthephoenix, and anybody who I may have forgotten, to help shape the Mary Sue. Any suggestions about her that I have not yet used may appear in later chapters (I can't say much for sure, I have almost no idea about where the later chapters are going, except that I think the next one may include a quidditch match).
Chapter 13:
A Mary Sue Appears
After they had read all the reviews for the previous chapter, Hermione turned to Ron.
"Well... as you seem to be most people's favorite, you may as well respond to the reviewers," said Hermione.
So, Ron did, so excited about the bonus points and the adoration from the reviewers that he completely forgot that he was a horrible typist.
A/N: Finally, some bonus points.
lizztigger: Yay! You were the first to give bonus-points!
pinkpunkkitty: Thanks for the spamburger and fries, and the penguins.
tangerine-y: Thanks for the bonus-points, and we're pleased you like the story.
PhillippaofthePhoenix: We love making people laugh out loud... yay for Deamus.
ashvaultrosegarden: you've got a terribly vivid description of a mary-sue, perhaps you should think of writing a Mary-Sue parody yourself.
hrrypttrfan: wait, are you implying that you don't like the story we're posting? ; )
lizzieizbizzie: Hermione is ecstatc that a house-elf has a master liberal enough to let them use a computer.
niwrem: Unraisenness is good. Yeah, we were disturbed about Fred and George's bit too, although we can't guarantee they won't come back and write more later.
rubberduckiesofdoom: I'm not sure something can be funny without being a bit weird.
skittles: Yay! We're glad last chapter was someone's favorite chapter so far, because it means we haven't lost our touch yet. (Gryffindor777 wants to know whether the "So Long and Thanks for all the Butterbeer" quote owes anything to Douglas Adams?)
GrimReaper'sAssistant: I'm so glad your not mature! Now I've got an extra bonus point!
Insanepyroshorty: Wow, sprite's rather good!
J.N Cecelia Venberg: Yay! More bonus points!
"All right," said Hermione. "This chapter is going to be tough. We've got an insane number of suggestions for how to characterize our Mary Sue. Obviously we can't use all of them, and if we drew too much from any one suggestion, that wouldn't be very creative of us. But I think I can do it tastefully. So, I'll do it. Also, I think Ron's been right when he's been telling me lately that I need to learn to laugh at myself, so this section's even going to include a little bit of Hermione-bashing (which is for some reason exceptionally abundant in the fanfiction world.)"
"I'm bored," said Harry, sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall at some point after the previous chapter.
"Me too," said Ron.
"What do you think we should do?" asked Ginny.
"Why don't we try to learn how to apparate illegally?" asked Harry.
"Yeah, we could practice right here," said Ron.
"How many times do I have to tell you to read Hogwarts a History?" asked Hermione eerietablely. "You can't apparate on Hogwarts grounds!"
Unfortunately, at that particular moment, someone apparated onto Hogwarts grounds. Right into the seat next to where Ron was sitting, somehow managing to place herself in between Hermione and Ron (note the symbolism!)(Fanfiction authors are nothing if not subtle)(or was it "nothing if not sarcastic"?), who had been sitting rather close together in the first place. From this moment, Hermione knew there was going to be an intense rivalry between her and this girl. And this knowledge only increased when she ohpenned her mowth.
"Hi, my name is Mary Sue Weasley-Black-Lupin-Potter-Hyphen-Dumbledore-Excellentia. But, in order not to hike up the word-count, you can call me Aurora, which is an psychopathic name to have as a nickname, but has the benefit of sounding like 'Auror.'"
"Er, what are you doing here?" asked Hermione jealously. Hermione was not sure why she was jealous. Perhaps it was because the girl had a longer name than her. She sized "Aurora" up. She was the perfect height (whatever that turns out to be) and curvier than a slithering snake (which, incidentally, doesn't sound as appealing as it looked). Her hair was currently brown, but changed according to her mood (she hadn't actually told anybody this yet, nor had it happened yet, but there was something about her that made it blatantly obvious to any bystanders that her hair would change colors if provoked). Her eyes were rainbow-colored, red-orange-yellow-green-blue-indigo-violet from the outside of the rim of her iris to the center of her aye. She didn't have any pewpulls, she was perfect enough to see without them.
Dumbledore sat up as his chair. "I see you have all noticed your new peer, Aurora. She will be joining the sixth year, as she was educated in all of the necessary magic up to that point at an American wizarding school. She had to stop attending the school because it was shut down by Republicans. So now she's here. She can be in Gryffindor, as she managed to apparate herself to that table. Which is very impressive considering that it's impossible," concluded Dumbledore.
"Okay, Harry, you can write the next bit," instructed Hermione. "In it, the Mary Sue shall reveal that she has a link to Harry. Also, we've been told that we need more repetitive jokes, so come up with some that can keep being brought up," she suggested.
"All right, here goes," said Harry.
Minty walked over to the table to survey the new girl. "Are you a pure-blood?" he asked (one of the side-effects of the potions, as it continued to make each version of Malfoy more and more opposite from the other, had been to require Minty-Malfoy to fixate on Slytherin's blood fetish to the extent that he had to say some form of the word "blood" in each sentence.
"No, I'm actually muggle-born," explained Aurora.
Minty walked away, obviously disappointed.
"Wait, if you're muggle-born, how did you get all those wizarding-surnames as part of your name?" asked Harry, confusedly.
"Coincidence?" Aurora asked. "Although, I am related to your mother. I am her second cousin once removed. Once removed from the country, that is. But I'm back now, and I want to have your children."
"Er... Wouldn't that be incestuous?" asked Harry, curiously.
"Not by wizarding's brave standards," said Cinnamon, who was required to mention a form of the word 'brave' in each sentence he said. "I will bravely reveal to you all that I am actually my own first, second, and third cousin. Incidentally, if Minty bravely sleeps with Pansy Parkinson again, he runs the risk of being his kid's father and great uncle."
"In all fairness, not all wizarding families are inbred," said Ron, who was reading over Harry's shoulder as he typed.
"True, but you'd figure the ones in Slytherin would be the most so," said Harry logically.
"Yeah, all right, but I've just had a sudden inspiration... Can I finish out the chapter?" asked Ginny.
"Yeah, all right," agreed Harry, as he got up from the chair.
Harry pondered the thought of allowing Aurora to have his children. He had, of course, noticed that she was extremely sexy, being the little pervert that he always is in fanfictions. However, he then remembered that he was Ginny's little pervert.
She had gotten a button reminding him of that for his birthday. "Ginny's little pervert," it read, in dark red letters. And like the "Support Cedric Diggory" badges that Malfoy had made during fourth year, it flashed and said something different when you pressed it.
However, what it said when pressed was, "Unicorns on Cocaine Presently." Perhaps that was why it had been on discount.
So, having remembered that he was Ginny's pervert, he knew he could not be unfaithful to her. Because being unfaithful to her would mean that he would be imperfect, and if he were imperfect, than this story would get angry reviews reminding the authors that Harry is perfect.
However, Ron is not considered to be perfect, and so there's still a chance that he may fall for Aurora. But we'll leave that as a potential source of conflict for next chapter.
A/N: All right, that's the end for this chapter. Well... Since you've all been so nice to us so far, we've decided to once again give a gift back to everyone who reviews. Tonight: canary creams!
A/N: Hmm... Okay, yeah. So, now I've got a Mary Sue. So, I think I've got the necessary characters for this story now, and so if I just let them run around and try to find a plot to get mixed up in, I can continue this for at least several more chapters.