A/N: It's getting harder to look back in the reviews and figure out who gave me what idea idea for which bit, but I'll try. At any rate, I'm pretty sure that most of this chapter came from my own ideas. If I've missed anybody, just let me know, and I'll put your thanks blurb in the next chapter. Thanks to LizzieizBizzie and Dragon for insight into the fact that Mary Sue has to have a terrible past in which her father dies.

Chapter 14:

Gryffindor v. Slytherin

Because Gryffindor777 has finally gotten fed up with explaining just who arrived in the computer room first and why, this chapter starts out directly with Ron typing the beginning authors' note.

A/N: Wow... 19 reviews for last chapter. Yay for canary creams... By the way, those of you who seemed apprehensive to take them should have realized that we didn't necessarily mean for you to eat them... You could have slipped one to an unexpecting friend or something. Oh well. Just a couple of general concerns ('cause we can't respond to 19 reviews, sorry!) before we get started. To those of you who liked Mary Sue's nick-name, that was LizzieIzBizzie's idea... She also gets a shout-out for giving the most creative review yet... she's created a house-elf character of her own with which to review... We're also glad the Republican bit seemed to amuse so many people... No offense to any Republicans reading this. (We assume some have got to be literate.. (damn, sorry, that was the last bit of Republican-bashing, promise!)) Plus, at least two of you liked the "Unicorns on Cocaine Presently" which was my favorite bit. Thanks to Prinnygirl, J.N. Cecelia Vanberg, Grim Reaper's Assistant, hrrypttrfan, scaryharry, Fawkes, and Insanepyroshorty for their e-gifts/bonuspoints.

"All right, what's on the agenda for this chapter?" asked Harry.

"Er... Agenda? What about Quidditch?" asked Hermione.

"Sounds good," everybody chorused.

"Of course, this won't be an ordinary Quidditch-match, for a number of reasons. First of all, fanfiction-writers don't seem to have easy access to the rules of the game while writing about a Quidditch match. Therefore, the rules and facts about the game will be ignored, altered, or downright turned upside-down. Nothing is sacred. I doubt people are even unanimous that the game takes place on broomsticks. Also, Mary-Sue, though she will not have tried out beforehand, must somehow get onto the team and do better than everybody else. Except Harry of course. Harry, by the way, must catch the Snitch, no matter what. Nobody will like it if Harry doesn't get the Snitch, and there will be angry reviews. And there's only really been one bad review for this fic so far (someone said it was "too out there for most people...") we don't want to tarnish our record now. Also, we've got to go back to the bad grammar because reviewer Phoenix is disappointed in us for relinquishing it, and it was kind of fun. Er, other than that, we've just got to have a bit more tension develop between me and the Mary-Sue, because everybody seems to think of me as the anti-Mary-Sue. So, I'll write the first bit."

Then, time skipped forward to the day of the Quidditch Match between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Nobody cares who's on the Slytherin team, except that Minty, and Crabbe and Goyle were in the same positions as they had been during the previous year. Without any adequate explanation, Fred and George were back in their old Beater positions. Ron was still Keeper, and Ginny had been made Chaser, along with Neville Longbottom and Colin Creevey in spite of the fact that they're really clumsy because at least this way the author doesn't have to make up new names for the extra chasers.

Because all of her real friends were playing in the game, Hermione sat with Cinnamon and Aurora during the match. Aurora had now put her "Attract Ron Weasley Plan," which probably should have been introduced in the previous chapter, into full action. She was carrying a sign that said "Ron Weasley's Da Man" (her time in America seemed to have affected her brain. She was always saying really weird things like that). Also, her attempts to attract Ron had put her into a very passionate mood, which made her hair turn fiery red. Then she realized that such a color hair would make it look like she was related to Ron (who was not into incest, in spite of a really gross fanfiction summary I've seen...) which would not be good. So she adopted an "alluring" mood instead, which turned her hair a blonde color.

Harry said, "Hold up a second... can you really call a blonde a color?"

"Sure," said Hermione, "it's a hair color, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but just calling it a "color" makes it sound like it's a color on the level of, like, blue or something. All I'm saying is, try using blonde next time you want to use whitish-yellow, or something, and it won't work," challenged Harry. "And by the way, you've forgotten to screw up your grammar, and you've got too many complicated sentences!" said Harry, feeling it was nice to be able to critique Hermione's writing for a change.

Quiddtich match started. Brooms took off. So did people on the brooms. The sun was blonde.

"All right, fine, you're right. It doesn't work. But this simple-sentence thing is killing me!" complained Hermione.

"Oh, fine, it doesn't have to be every sentence," conceded Harry. Just throw some messed up grammar in every once in a while, like we do with the typoes, which you've also been forgetting. And remember, we need more repetitive humor, according to our lovely reviewers. How about you mention another button? People seemed to like the last one, we could turn it into a once a chapter event."

As the match began, Minty came over to taunt Harry, but was somewhat hindered in doing so by his standing requirement to say "blood" in each sentence.

"You fly like blood!" he teased tentatively, and then frowned when he realized that his insult didn't really work.

"Blood can't fly!" retorted Harry.

"I bloody know that," said Minty angrily. "That's the bloody point. You can't bloody fly either!"

"What a diss," said Ron, as he pointed at Malfoy again. More specifically, he was pointing at a button on Minty's robes which Ginny had surreptitiously stuck there without him noticing. It had bin another one of the buttons which had been on the discount racc at the magical butun stoar.

It read: "I Fly Like a Drunk Penguin with a Bag Over its Head and Both Flightless Wings Pinned to Its Back." That's right. The button said all that. It was a very large button.

Malfoy somehow managed to press the button inadvertantly without noticing that he was wharing it. It now read: "Baby, Stolen Tylenol Stings: It Turns Me On."

Ron then suddenly remembered that he was supposed be guarding a goal or something. Unfortunately, before he had realized this, Slytherin had scored 50 points. It was now 50 to 0 in Slytherin's favor.

"All right, that's all I want to type. How about you type some Harry? You can do the rest of the match, just make sure to get Mary-Sue in the match somehow, and preferably reveal something about her tarnished past which the reviewers are pretty insistent upon. Remember, all the rules of Quidditch are out the window, as are the rules of grammar," Hermione urged.

In the stands, Aurora knew she couldn't just sit idolee buy and watch her team lose. But she had never learned how to fly at the wizarding school in America. The Republicans had made sure of that (okay, seriously, that's the last time!). If only she could have a natural ability for flying without ever having learned.

Oh, weight! That's right! She DID know how to fly, and she had a broom as well. Here's how it had happened. When she was a young girl (we're going to say 4) her father had been sweeping with what he thought was a normal broom. However, it turned out to be a Firebolt (in spite of the fact that they would not be invented for almost another decade) and it also turned out to dislike her father. Thus, it rose up in the air and beat him around the head until he had deaded. However, the broom decided that it wanted to be Aurora's friend, and therefor let her pet it, and let her fly on it whenever she wanted. From then on, it had been her loyal broom, which she immediately knew how to use, and which was now sitting in her dormitory. This whole ordeal turned her mother into a very nasty lady and it made her turn out to be nastier than the Dursleys, especially once she found out that her daughter was Magical and thus, however remotely, connected to the type of people who had created the fatal broomstick.

However, on more happyer matterses, Mary-Sue pointed her wand back toward the dormitory, muttered "Accio Firebolt" and watched her broomstic flew toward her. She mounted it, and flew into the air, subbing in for Colin, who had just realized that he was a terrible flyer. Speaking of terrible flyers, it seems to be the general consensus of fanfiction writers that since Malfoy is a mean person, he also cannot fly. It turns out, the same applies to Minty, so just as Aurora subbed in, he fell off his broom. He lived, of course, because otherwise there would be nobody for the protagonists to have witty verbal battles with. He mounted his broom again and tried to remember what color the Snitch he was supposed to be looking for was supposed to be.

Aurora was, of course, excellent at Quidditch. She immediately scored 30 points for Gryffindor by putting 3 of the 6 Quaffles through the goals at the same time. The Bludgers looked like they might hit Harery, and that just would not do, so she summoned all four bludgers toward her with a simple nod of her head (she could, of course, do wandless magic, but that wasn't what this was. The bludgers simply wanted to be her friends as well.). At her instruction, three of them pelted off toward Malfoy, and the fourth flew about the sky in a path that spelled "Gryffindor Quidditch Rules!"

Aurora scored 120 more points by putting all of the Quaffles through the goals at the same time (that's right, now there's 12 Quaffles. Don't encourage them or there'll be more!). She got an additional 17 points simply for being very pretty. Minty fell off his broom again.

Before Minty had remounted Aurora scored 76 more points.

Things were looking good for the Gryffindor team. At this rate, they'd win the game whether Harry caught the Snitch or not. But somehow, Harry sensed that it was still vital that he caught the Snitch. However, he did not see it until the score was 1,236 to 30 (that's right, the Slytherins had somehow managed to lose points since Aurora got in). When he sees it, it was beening over by Malfoy's knee. Three feet from his knee. Malfoy saw it just as Harry did. Harry 200 feet away. But still. Somehow, Harry must get that damn snitch to avoid angry reviews! Malfoy reached out toward the Snitch... But was blocked by a pair of mini-flying alpacas. He was so surprised to see them that he fell off his broom again, thus leaving the path open for Harry to grab the Snitch.

"All right," said Hermione. "That could wrap it up, except that Harry has not yet received an injury. And he's got to, because he and Ginny need to have a passionate snogging session in the hospital wing. So, Ginny, do you want to write about him getting injured and you, er... tending to it?"

"Sure," said Ginny.

Harry was able to grab the Snitch, but was then knocked off his broom by the miniature alpacas. For some reason he, unlike Minty, was injured when he hit the ground. This was okay though, because it meant that Harry got to go to his favorite place on the grounds: The Hoespittle Wing.

Since the first time he had entered the Wing, Harry had known that it would be the best room in the Castle within which to have a romantic moment. He liked the sterile atmosphere, for some reason.

When he arrived in the Hospital Wing this time, he had several broken bones. Of course, Madame Pompfree was able to mend them almost immediately, so that wasn't too much of a problem. However, she still demanded that he should stay in the Infirmary overnight, but for some reason had no objection to the idea that Ginny should stay there with him.

Thus, they were able to fulfill the requisite Hospital Wing makeout session, into which we shall not go greatly into detail because that's private. However, it should be noted that during all this, to ease the pain from his now healing bones, Ginny gave Harry some stolen tylenol. The button was absolutely right. Although it stung, Harry was very turned on. Although, he wasn't sure that that had anything to do with the tylenol.

"All right, Ron, you might as well do the ending author's note as well then," said Ginny.

"Okay," said Ron.

A/N: Right then. I've been told that next chapter will probably include a Defense Against the Dark Arst Lesson. We certainly hope that you still like all this, although it's my personal opinion that things are getting a little bit out of control. Oh well... Tonight, we present all of our reviewers with some Honeydukes chocolate, as all of our reviewers seem to be very fond of chocolate.

A/N: Yeah. Okay. Things are getting a bit insane, I guess. Ah well, I think I like this chapter. Yes, I know, it's slapstick, but I feel that I don't have the time for subtlety anyway. Oh well. Just to let you guys know I was inspired to write this chapter 'cause in my more serious fic, I have a Quidditch match in which Harry did not catch the Snitch. This made one reviewer very angry. Anyway... Thanks to everybody who's read up to this point, especially to the rather large number of you who review rather consistently.