Chapter 15

Nearly a Plot

"All right, I've had a sudden inspiration for this chapter, so it turns out we won't be discussing Defense against the Dark Arts class after all," Hermione announced once the four had gathered once again in the computer room.

"But I told the reviewers-" Ron said uncertainly.

"It'll be okay, they won't mind. I assume. Anyway, we'll get to it next chapter or so. There's no rush, really, as we never seem to spend a whole lot of time in class during fanfictions anyway. Anyhow, I've realized that we really need to start at least pretending to have a plot or people are going to start thinking that we're not going to come up with one," explained Hermione.

"Er... Are we going to come up with one?" asked Harry uncertainly. Coming up with a plot sounded as if it might be hard, and he had rather hoped that writing fanfiction would not be hard. After all, he was on his summer holiday.

"Probably not," revealed Hermione, "but we can't let them know that." She gestured vaguely at the computer.

"Well, what are we going to do, then?" asked Ginny.

"We're going to use a literary device known as foreshadowing," said Hermione cryptically.

"But, er... How are we going to foreshadow if we don't know what the plot is? Don't we need to know what were foreshadowing?" asked Ginny.

"Not necessarily," said Hermione. "Foreshadowing is a rather complex literary device, and so when it is used in fanfiction, it is often obvious that most writers are unable to actually handle it. It usually comes off rather confusing and nonsensical. As does much else in fanfiction, come think. But that's not the point. The point is that as long as the foreshadowing is vague enough, whatever the plot turns out to be will seem to have been foreshadowed by it."

"Once we decide what it is?" clarified Harry.

"Of course," said Hermione. "So, I'm going to start off writing the beginning author's note, and I want you guys to be thinking of some way that we can put in some foreshadowing. Whoever thinks of it gets to write the next bit."

A/N: Right, so if anybody was actually looking forward to reading about the Defense Against the Dark Arts class (which we can only assume will be taught by all three professors at the same time) will be vaguely disappointed by this chapter. But, anybody who's still reading this is obviously coming for some reason other than the promise of a DADA class anyway. I supsect the reason is the chocolate and butterbeer, but that's just my theory. Anyway... Thanks to everyone who reviewed for last chapter, especially as the reviews are getting increasingly fun to read, since several of them are actually funny themselves. Thanks to lizztigger, threatenedwriter, hrrypttrfan, insanepyroshorty, xAprilxBlossomsx, Tigoamy, Jessica L'rynn, and niwrem for the e-things/bonus points. By the way, after two people commented on the "Hoespittle" thing, I must admit that I don't think we fully realized the double-meaning until somebody pointed it out (we intentionally put in "hoe" and "spittle" but hadn't really done the math to put them together and find that they were related to what was going on...). To respond to some direct questions from the reviews: Aylah: the button had to be large because it was funnier that way. Skittles: On the grounds that I'm still a bit sour about a fight Ron and I had this morning, I will answer that he has not reached the emotional maturity level of the giant squid as of yet. AshVaultRoseGarden: No, I've actually seen a story-summary in which Ginny hooks up with Draco and he consoles her because Ron raped her... Some people are downright twisted. Assume for the moment that that doens't include any of the several authors of this story and read on!

"All right," said Hermione, after finishing up with that insanely long author's note. "Has anyone happened to come up with a foreshadowing idea yet?"

"Yes," answered Ron, "I think I've got one that'll work."

"Okay, good then," said Hermione. "Just remember to introduce another one of Ginny's discount-buttons this chapter, and keep up any other running jokes we might have. And remember the typoes and grammar issues. As it turns out, you still seem to have more fans amongst the reviewers than any of the rest of us, so you might as well write the whole chapter if you can handle it. I'll type, if you don't want to."

So, once again, Ron dictated while Hermione typed.

It was: Night. They were in: the common room. To do some: fourshadowing. Ginny, was, of course, snuggling up with Harry on a kouch, because what else would a purvurt and a prostitute be expected to do in their time together? Ron and Hermione were fighting because they're required to be fighting throughout pretty much all of the typical fanfiction, especially when a Mary Sue is present. The Mary Sue was sitting next to Ron, explaining to him in the most modest way possible that she was actually the greatest flyer since brooms had been invented.

Cinnamon Malfoy was bragging to Neville Longbottom about just how brave he was, but did not seem to realize that he was wearing one of Ginny's discount-buttons. It read, "Nifflers are NOT Aphrodisiacs." At some point, Ginny tore herself away from Harry for long enough to press the button so that it read, "I'm High as a Skrewt with a Hernia!" in cheerful pink letters.

Now that all of the necessary running jokes have been mentioned it is now time to get down to some more plot related matters. To anyone who is surprised to hear that there is a plot, I must express my disappointment at your apparent lack of concentration during the last several chapters in which I am quite sure that a plot has been plainly visible in at least seven unrelated sentences. Anyway.

Neverville Longbottom, who had been listening quite intently to Cinnamon, suddenly went into a trance like state which Harry immediately recognized to be symptomatic of one who was about to make a prophecy. Not one to disappoint expectations, Neville immediately started to speak in an unnaturally deep and raspy, prophetic sounding voice.

He prophesied, "Along came a spider, and sat down beside her."

Ron, fearful of the mention of spiders, looked to his left and saw a spider sitting down on the chair. Mary Sue immediately placed it outside of the window because she ain't not been being afraid o' no spiders.

Neverill continued, "And the dish ran away with the spoon."

"Hey, isn't that a line from a muggle nursery-rhyme? In fact, weren't both the lines he's said muggle rhymes?" asked Ron suspiciously.

"Maybe, but I don't think that's the point," answered Hermione, as she watched the dish which had contained her piece of chocolate-ice-cream-cake run away with the spoon which she had been using to eat the cake. "He seems to know what he's talking about. Perhaps we should listen to him."

However, beefor Nerveill could continue, Collllin Creeeeevey also adopted a prophetic trance and spoke out in a voice which made it quite clear that he was prophesying.

He said, "The dog will chase its tail."

Neville opined, "The cheese will soon be found."

Colin uttered, "The thing you are dreading will very nearly come to pass."

Neville said, "Wait, what?" although it was clear that he was still prophesying.

"It will nearly come to pass. The thing they're dreading," repeated Colin slowly.

"Er. Are you sure?" asked Neville prophetically.

"Perhaps we should have a conference?" prophesied Colin.

After conferring in prophetic whispers for several moments, Nevisle and Colin returned with a conclusive prophesy which they spoke together in unison. "We have agreed that: Enemies are not friends. Friends are not tulips. Death is rather unlike sausage. The cheese may never be found after all. Colin was right about the thing about the dog, though, so watch for it. Oh, and one more bit: The lion will step on the rat but will then be bitten by the snake. But everything will be all right though, because Ron Weasley will save the day once Hermione works the Mary-Sue problem out."

At this, the two seers woke from their trances. The other inhabitants of the common-room, who had been politely attentive while the prophesying had been going on, burst into exited whispers, trying to figure out just what the prophecies might mean.

"What did you think?" asked Ron, once he was finished.

"Not bad. Although you certainly used the word 'prophecy' and relatd forms a lot," said Hermione.

"True, but that's what fanfiction writers do. If they find a word they like, they stick to it to the end," said Ron.

"Too true," agreed Hermione.

With that, Hermione got up and offered the seat to Ginny so she could write the ending author's note.

A/N: Right then. So, almost certainly next chapter will include a DADA class. I can also exclusively reveal that it will include appearances from: The number 76, another button, several trout, and possibly a grapefruit if you all behave yourselves well. The chocolate seemed to go over well last time, so we'll give chocolate frogs to anyone who reviews this chatper.

A/N from Gryffindor777: All right, admittedly this chapter is shorter than... certain other chapters. But, once again, I'm about to lose concentration as I also updated my sixth year fic tonight, and keeping the chapter this length is the only way it's going to get uploaded tonight. Oh, by the way, I'm very excited by the fact that the hit counters are now free-services, 'cause I've always wondered how many people are actually reading my stuff, but I never could convince myself to actually pay to find out. So, yay to fanfiction dot net!