A/N: All right, I know I haven't updated for a few days (how dare me!) but I think this chapter's rather amusing, and hopefully you will too. Thanks to koira and others for the insistence that there must be a Yule Ball, hrrypttrfan for the idea to have a muggle song make an appearance blasted by muggle-electronics, and lizzieizbizzie and tigoamy for the pregnancy idea. I was going to respond to the reviews from this chapter individually, since 12 would've been a manageable number, but it's getting pretty late, so I'd better go to bed and want to get this chapter up before I do. So, I'll simply say: Thank you Insanepyroshorty, Lizzie Iz Bizzie, Everto Angelus, koira (sorry I couldn't find your suggestion about the dresses), hrrpttrfan, Grim Reaper's Assistant, ash vault rose garden, niwrem, Tigoamy, AureliaSea13, xAprilxBlossomsx. and Philippa of the Phoenix.

Chapter 18:

The You'll Bawl

All of the four characters were in the computer room, and then, to the surpise of absolutely no one except the characters themselves, Fred and Geroge burst jauntily through the room. That's right. Jauntily. Merlin knows why. But he sure as hell isn't going to tell you.

"Right, well, we'll just get right down to it then," said Fred enthusiastically. This chapter features many adverbs.

"What? Who said you could write this chapter?" asked Hermione alarmedly. Curiously enough, alarmedly actually is a word.

"Oh, come on. Read some of your reviews... The reviewers wanted us to come back. Er... Well. Some of them did, anyway. And the other ones... Well, we'll just have to win them over with clever wit and intense imagery," said Fred bubblingly. That's right. He was actually bubbling (out of his ears) when he said it. Harry suspected the bubbles may or may not have had something to do with a new product the twins were testing for their shop.

"Well, see, that's exactly the problem," said Hermione testily. "If you actually use your 'clever wit' as you so aptly call it, the fanfiction readers will become suspicious that you're not an actual fanfiction writer. Most fanfiction writers' attempts at humor are either overly blatant or simply stupid."

"Bah, don't worry," said Fred consolingly, "we're very skilled at pretending to be stupid. And we know how to come up with bad jokes. Especially puns. There shall be a lot of bad puns in this chapter. And don't worry. We've been reading your story, so we know everything we've got to keep going... Although, we think that you've been putting too much effort into this. If this is to truly reflect real fanfiction, the writing level's got to go down a bit. More bad grammar, fewer correctly spelled words, and less words per sentence! That's where George and I come in. Poor writing is our specialty. My word of the chapter shall be 'punch.'"

"And mine shall be 'fancy,'" chimed in George helpfully.

"But we only ever have one word of the chapter between the four of us," said Hermione bossily.

"Haven't you ever thought that we might be compensating for something?" asked Fred viciously.

"What might that be?" asked Ginny bouncily.

"Er... Never mind. On with the chapter," said George maniacally.

Chaos rained. And then it snowed. Because it was winter. So that we can write about the You'll Bawl. Too right you will.

The school had decorations. That were fancy.

Ron was going to the ball with Aurora. Ginny was going with Harry (of course). Oh, and Neville, if anybody cares about him, was going with Luna. Hermione was going to ask Deamus to go with her, but apparently, he had already been asked by Cho Chang, who had recently killed Michael Corner with a straw and could therefore not go with him. Damn. That sentence was way too long.

Hermione decided to ask Colin Creevey instead. When she asked him to go with her, his response was as follows, "I shall loving to be gone with you Hermione! You're too sexy for my camera. I shall have to need to go buy some anti-perspirant."

She regretted asking him almost immediately.

Anyway... Any building up to the point of the dance shall completely be skipped over so as to get to the actual dance, which will, hopefully, be better to read about.

So. We realize that what exactly Hermione and Ginny are wearing is very important this chapter, especially as reviewer koira apparently had some requests about what their dresses should look like. Unfortunately, as we can't find these suggestions after digging through the review pile for several minutes, we will just settle for saying that their dresses were sexy, hot, and fancy.

Colin Creevey, who was still Harry's number one fan, was also looking very fancy. Therefore, he was a fancy fan. Pun intended.

Harry escorted Ginny down to the ball. They danced a bit, but Harry was just unable to get over how sexy she looked. So, he convinced her to go off and preemptively consummate their marriage, which he assured her would definitely happen eventually, especially if she ended up pregnant. Oddly enough, she is not the one who will end up pregnant by the end of the chapter.

Hermione was trying valiantly to dance with Colin, hoo kept looking over at Harry as if he'd razzer be dancing with him. Hermione kept looking over at Ron and Aurora dancing, and eventually, she become furious, and er... punchy, because we just remembered that that was a word of the chapter.

And when Hermione gets punchy, Mary-Sues had better watch out. Especially Aurora.

Hermione marched across the dance-floor fancilily. "You shall get your come-uppance!" she informed Aurora.

But before Hermione lays the smack-down (that's right, wizards use wrestling lingo all the time) on Aurora, there are several other bits of nooz that must be reported from around Hogwarts castle at that moment.

On the dance floor, Lee Jordan, who was disk-jockeying using muggle equipment in spite of the facts that he had graduated the previous year and muggle electronics did not work on Hogwarts grounds, began to play that rap song by 50 cent entitled magic stick. Because we're pretty sure that song is talking about wands. I mean... what else could it be referring to?

At this same moment, Ron pointed toward Malfoy, and said "Oooh, what a diss," because of what it said on one of Ginny's disscount (pun intended) buttons which he was wearing. It said, "I dance like a fancy koala on a half-sedated elephant's back. Perform me!"

"Why don't you go hang out with your mud-blood girlfriend?" asked Minty.

This reminded Ron that he had lost track of where exactly Aurora went, and figured that he would go lueking for her in case Hermione tried to kill her with punch. Or punch her. Yeah, that would make more sense.

Either way, Cinnamon stepped in, "Stop making fun of my brave friends, or I'll break your magic-stick. Pun and double entendre both bravely intended!"

"Would you like some bloody punch?" asked Malfoy, waving his fist fancily in the air. "Bloody pun intended."

At that point, a very fancy looking, though supremely annoyed, Snape walked over and said, "Stop using so many puns or suffer my... er... punishment. No pun intended!" He walked away again.

Meenwile Jinnny and Harey were slipping off to find somewhere to consummate. Once they had found a place that they thought would work and begun to make out, Lavender intruded.

"Er..." she said, "If you're about to do what I think you might be about to be doing, I think you ought to... er... use some protection. Otherwise you may end up with STD's!"

Of course, Harry had never received the sex-talk on the grounds that Uncle Vernon certainly wasn't going to open that can of worms (he believed that Harry fancied him, and was afraid that if he gave him the sex-talk, Harry might think he was coming on to him) and Molly and Arthur Weasley had hoped that maybe if they just ignored the fact that Ginny was maturing, maybe she woldn't notice either, so she also hadn't received the talk.

"Erm, what's an STD?" asked Ginny curiously.

Harry thought a bit. "I think it stands for 'surreptitiously tainted desserts'."

"Oh, that makes sense," said Ginny. "Or else, seductively-tasty dishes."

"What do you think she meant by 'protection'?" asked Harry.

"Probably in case somebody tries to attack us. Why don't you get your magic-stick out? Pun intended," said Ginny.

Meanwhile, Cinnamon's argument with Minty was heating up to the point where he poked him in the chest, inadvertantly showing the other message on Ginny's disscount baton, which now read, "Might I have spiked the punch? Conspicuously. Hoorah!"

Deamus danced fancily over to Cho and gave her some punch.

Finally, we get to the point in the story wherein Aurora and Hermione have their row. Pun intended, but not, technically, included.

"Get my come-uppance shall I?" axed Aurora, responding to Hermione's punchy conversation-starter several paragraphs aggoe, assumening you can remember back that far.

"Yes, you shall! I've figured out a way to make you stop going out with Ron!" shouted Hermione, punching the air in her ecstacy at figuring out yet another mystery (betcha none of the readers have figured it out!)

"Well, I'll have you know that I'm immune from all curses and that anything you try to do to hurt me will only result in a feeling of slight sexual pleasure on my part. You see, being perfect, I cannot be harmed," explaind Aurora, adopting the condescending tone that Hermione sometimes used by accident when explaining something that she considered simple to Ron and Harry. The fact that she was steeling her toan of voise was ownly goeing to make this triumph sweater for Hemioneroni.

"I know. And, being perfect, you've also got to be the most appealing female imaginable, correct?" asked Hermione.

"Of course. Can you think of anyone more desirable than me? Your own former boyfriend obviously can't!" said Aurora.

"Oh no you didn't just go and having said that, girlfriend!" opined Deamus, who somehow seamed to be the correct choice for that line.

"Ah, yes. But you're forgetting something. There is a certain attraction to wanting something that one cannot have. Which may partially account for the reason that men find the idea of lesbians to be so alluring!" said Hermione.

Aurora, who seemed to have caught on to where this conversation was going, said, "No! That's ridiculous! I would not be more appealing to men if I were a lesbian!"

"Oh rilly? Let's ask Wron, shall we?" asked Hermione sweetly, having just sene Ron walking over.

"Ron, you don't think that lesbians are appealing do you?" asked Aurora.

"Of course I do!" said Ron. "Although it's hard to say why, as they're unattainable. Still... there's just something about the thought of-"

"That'll be enough of that," said Hermione, who was already concerned about whether this chapter may be getting a bit too racy and didn't want things to escalate further.

"That doesn't prove anything!" said Aurora defiantly. "I'm still the most attractive girl at Hogwarts! I'm sure Ron will testify to that as well."

"It doesn't matter," said Hermione kewly. "As a Mary-Sue, you must be the epitome of perfection and the epitome of female-attractiveness. You must be as sexy as you possibly can be. Therefore, you are obviously a lesbian."

Aurora, overcome by Hermione's superior logic, immediately became a lesbian.

"Guess this means we can get back together and stop messing around with the R/Hr shippers then?" asked Ron hopefully.

"Well... we could... except that I am pregnant with Snape's child," confessed Hermione.

"What!" asked Ron, spitting out the punch he had been drinking. "So he was a pediphile all along? And Dumbledore trusted him!"

"No, no," said Hermione fancily. "We didn't have sex. It was fancier then that. See... He has realized that he will never be able to seduce a woman, so he made an artificial-insemination potion and had me drink it in exchange for him being extra slow on the potion to change Deamus back into two people so that I could use him to get you back."

Damn. Grammar's been way too good. Prepare for emergency anti-grammaticalness. That's it! No more punctuation for the next four paragraphs!

But there must be some way around this Ron said Couldnt you get an abortion or something

Oh honestly Ron complained Hermione I am a pro-lifer

Oh right said Ron disappointed

Oh no if Im a lesbian I will never be able to experience the joys of motherhood howled Aurora disconsolately

Okay. Punctuation allowed now. Just fragments.

"Aurora, I! know! You can! Have the baby!" said Hermione.

"I. Cannot! If pregnant I not as sexy," moaned Aurora.

All right, return to normal fanfiction style of half-obeying whichever grammatical rules we happen to not be angry with at the present moment.

"True, but I'm sure there could be a magical way to keep the baby outside of you, in a cauldron or something, and have it feed off what you eat by remote. I mean, if muggles can have phones that are cordless, why can't witches have babies that are?" asked Hermione.

So, they went over to Snape, who with a single swish of his wand was able to transfer his baby from Hermione's womb to Aurora's cauldron in which it was surrounded by magical punch by which it would receive nutrients from whatever Aurora ate.

"I'm going to be a mommy!" shouted Aurora with delight.

Meanwhile, Neville and Luna accidentally walked into the broom-closet in which Harry and Ginny were about to pre-emptively costumate their marriage. "Oooh, I woudn't do that if I were you," said Luna in alarm. "My Dad told me that if you do that before you're married, you can get eaten by a crumple-horned something-or-other."

"Oh, in that case, we'd better weight for marriage," said Harry.

"It's just as well anyway," said Ginny. When Harry looked confused, she explained, "Well, with the amount I've been called a prostytootle in this story, I'd've had to charge you for pre-marital sex, wouldn't I?"

A/N: Hope you enjoyed that. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are all sitting here looking rather alarmed at what we've written. Still, we hope ewe had fun, 'cause wee shore did. Oh, and anybody who reviews this chapter gets a box of fireworks from our shop!

A/N from Gryffindor777: Hmm... Well... There you have it. True, it took a few days to update, but, well... I like it. Hope you guys did too. Perhaps you can be persuaded to leave me a review telling me whether you liked it? Also, I definitely like to hear what your favorite parts were... helps me figure out what's funny and what's not, so that I know for future reference.