I'm pregnant.
The two words lingered in the air, so potent they could almost be seen. Daniel hadn't spoken to Sarah since their night together, so it had been in the back of his mind that she had something pretty important to say, but this had never occurred to him.
I'm pregnant.
Samantha had certainly not expected such a bombshell. " I'll give you guys some time alone, " she said, jumping up and leaving Daniel's quarters.
Daniel watched her go, a slightly amused expression on his face. " Do you think she was eager to get out of here? " he asked wryly.
Sarah gave a pained smile. She could understand Samantha perfectly – she wouldn't want to be in her position. Hell, she didn't like being in her own position. " Maybe I should have found a better way of telling you. "
" I don't think there is a better way to say something like that, " he remarked. His throat was dry and he thought he sounded hoarse. " Sit down. " He sat on his bed and patted the space next to him. " I think we need to talk. " Now, there was an understatement.
Sarah sat down, cross-legged, facing Daniel. Daniel's eyes automatically wandered to her torso, searching for a subtle baby bulge.
Sarah blushed when she realised what Daniel was doing – the action made the situation seem so much more real. " I've spent hours in front of the mirror already, I'm not showing, " she said confidently.
Daniel blushed when he realised he'd been caught out. He felt like a nervous schoolboy. " I know I sound like a cad, but – "
" It's yours, Daniel, " Sarah said, not offended. She was sure she would ask the same thing if she were in his position. " There hasn't been anyone else since… before. " The less she had to directly refer to Osiris, the better.
It was the reply Daniel had been expecting – Sarah had never been the type to sleep around – but he was still a little disappointed. It would be so much easier to be a supportive friend then a father, as caddish as that seemed. Well, he was going to be a father so he might as well face up to it. " What do you want me to do? " he asked quietly.
Sarah was surprised at how quickly Daniel got hold of himself. She herself had been anxious, panicky and borderline hysterical for over a week before she had decided what she wanted to do. " You don't have to do anything, Daniel, " she told him. " Not if you don't want to. I just thought you'd want to know so you can decide what you want to do. "
" I take it you've decided what you want to do, then? " Daniel asked. Sarah nodded. " How long have you known? "
" Two weeks, " she admitted. " I didn't see any reason for putting you through my indecision so I put off telling you until I decided. "
She paused maddeningly. " And? " Daniel prompted.
" And… I've decided I want to keep it, " she said. " I thought about all the options and I know in my heart this is the right thing to do. You don't have to do anything, Daniel. I'll understand if you don't want to jeopardise this thing you have with Samantha. She doesn't seem to like me much. "
" We kinda got together under strained circumstances, " Daniel admitted, remembering the words they'd had about Sarah, followed by some less-then-dignified behaviour on the changeroom floor… Daniel blinked to the present situation, thought about it for all of three seconds, and had made up his mind. There was no real alternative for someone like Daniel Jackson. " Of course I wanna do something, Sarah. I don't want to be just a sperm doner. "
Sarah smiled. " You're taking this rather calmly, Doctor Jackson, " she commented. She had always called him 'Doctor Jackson' when she was particularly impressed with him.
Daniel shrugged nonchalantly. " Being hysterical is not going to change things, " he said.
Sarah leaned over to touch him gently on the cheek. " You've changed, " she commented.
Daniel smiled wryly. " So people keep telling me. Ascension, I guess. Back to this… what do you want from me? Financially, I mean? " Being an intergalactic defender of the planet was hardly a poor-paying job, and as he'd never had much use for money – the army paid for most of his expenses – he'd squirreled it away into a nice little nest egg thanks to some careful investing. His kid would never go wanting.
" You would be much preferable to your money, Daniel, " Sarah chided him gently.
Daniel took Sarah's hands in his. They were so small and helpless, so beguiling of who she really was. " That's a given, " he said softly. " Anything you want from me - my time, my support – it's yours. I only meant that I don't want you to go without something because you can't afford it. I'm very comfortable in that regard. "
Impulsively, Sarah reached over to hug Daniel. While money wasn't going to be a huge issue for her, it was still something of a relief to know she had Daniel's support in that regard – and his emotional support, too. " Thankyou, " she said.
Daniel was surprised. As far as he was concerned, he was just going to right thing – although it was hardly an obligation. " For what? " he asked.
" Most guys wouldn't be this nice about a kid they fathered from a one-night stand, " Sarah pointed out.
Daniel returned her hug, although his mind was already racing through how this would affect his relationship with Samantha. " I'm not most guys, " he pointed out. He'd died and been brought back to life more times then he could remember, not to mention the year he'd spent on a higher place of existence. That had a tendency to put things into perspective. Daniel wasn't about to tun away from his responsibilities – not that he considered it an obligation. Briefly he wondered if there was a way to make 'the right thing' and 'responsibility' sound like a good thing.
" You're right, " Sarah said, suddenly very reassured. " You're not like most guys. "
" I'm here for you, Sarah, " Daniel promised. " Whatever you need, I'm here. "
Later that night, Daniel was once more trying to finish what he'd started with Samantha, only every time she was close to climaxing she felt compelled to ask a question about Sarah, her pregnancy and their relationship.
" Where is she going to live? In her own place or with you? "
" How do you plan on supporting her? "
" Is it going to be a Gardner or a Jackson? "
She didn't seem able to relax enough to climax, and it was driving Daniel crazy. " For Christ sake's, Sam, " he finally yelled, his patience having come to and end. " I'm trying to make you cum and all you can think about is my ex! "
" I'm sorry, " Samantha said contritely. " I just can't stop thinking about it. " The seeds of jealousy were growing in Samantha's heart. She knew, from a thousand throwaway remarks, that Daniel was keen on having kids, as well as she knew that her own chances of motherhood were slim now – she was just getting too old, and truth be told, she didn't think she wanted kids. Oh, for sure, she'd make a great aunt and stepmother, but to actually be totally responsible for the little things? Not with her career. Daniel had kind of accepted this without them ever speaking about it, and Samantha had been secure that Daniel's love for her overrode any desire for children.
Sarah's impending pregnancy seemed to throw a rather large spanner in those works. She was beautiful, she had great chemistry with Daniel and she was carrying his child.
Daniel sensed Samantha's thoughts as if they were written on her forehead – which they practically were, the way she was unconsciously pouting. " I didn't exactly plan for this to happen, " he pointed out. He decided not to mention that he would much rather it be Samantha who was carrying his child – he knew how she felt about being a mother, and anyway, he suspected it was getting too late for her to have children.
" You were kind of irresponsible, " Samantha couldn't help but pointing out. " What were you thinking, not using a condom? "
I was thinking about how incredibly sexy she was, Daniel thought, and he was afraid his blushing was giving away his thoughts.
He was right ; Samantha knew from the red in his cheeks that he was remembering exactly what had distracted him from using protection that night. In a huff, she threw the pillow at him and stalked out of his quarters.
Daniel knew better then to go after her in this mood. He knew he had accepted Sarah's pregnancy and his fatherhood prospects with remarkable calm ; it was going to be much harder for Samantha to accept it, and he vowed to give her as much time as she needed to get used to it. Which wasn't going to be easy, given he'd promised Sarah whatever she needed to help her through. He wanted to be there through Sarah's pregnancy and his child's life, but he didn't want Samantha to get upset over it.
Oh, how much he wanted Samantha to be the one carrying his child. That would be perfect. Maybe that was why she was in such a huff – she was feeling insecure.
Daniel found her the next day, much calmer. He sat next to her, taking her hand in his. " I'm sorry, " he said simply. " I shouldn't have thought about… that. I've got no excuse for it except that that was the first time I've thought about her since you and I got together. She means nothing to me – not like that – I swear. "
It was difficult to stay mad at Daniel when he was being so sincere. Samantha leaned her head against him, resting it on his shoulder. Daniel responded by wrapping an arm around her back and kissing the top of her blond head.
" It makes me feel a little jealous, " she admitted softly, not wanting to confess to such an emotion. Airforce Majors weren't supposed to do petty emotions like jealous ; it was unbecoming.
" I got the distinct impression you don't want children, " Daniel reminded her.
Samantha sighed ; it was all so confusing. " I don't… I just don't like the idea of another woman having your child. I don't like the idea of you wanting something that I don't want to give… that I might not even be able to give, even if I wanted to. "
She sounded so forlorn, and Daniel's heart went out to her. " This doesn't change my feelings for you, " he said sincerely. " I love you. I always have and I always will. But I want to be in my child's life, you can understand that, can't you? "
Samantha nodded. It wasn't in her heart to deprive Daniel of something he so obviously wanted very much. She knew she could be a very good stepmother to his child. Maybe in time she, Daniel and Sarah could even be friends – but only out of necessity, of course. There would always be that wedge between them – Sarah would have given Daniel something that Samantha wouldn't, or couldn't. And that was something Samantha would never really get over.
When Hammond heard of Sarah's pregnancy and Daniel's paternity, he began doing some changes to the mission plans. He figured the best thing for them right now was to have some time and space apart. The General knew them both well, and he knew Daniel would insist on playing a big part in his child's life. And he knew equally as well that no matter what she said to the contrary, Samantha would have a hard time dealing with that. So for the moment, Hammond considered the best thing for them was to have some time apart to work out what they wanted from each other.
Funnily enough, Samantha found herself confiding more and more in Jack these days. It had started out as something of a necessity, with Hammond sending SG-1 on so many mission lately. Samantha wasn't a fool ; she knew Hammond was keeping her and Daniel separated a lot, and since Daniel wanted to be there for Sarah during her pregnancy, it made sense that Samantha be the one to be sent off-world.
God, she missed Daniel. She hadn't realised how much she liked having him close until they'd been separated into two different teams. And now it was even worse – now they were seeing practically nothing of each other, just a few days every few weeks between missions.
And it didn't help that Daniel spent so much time with Sarah. They went to prenatal classes, read dozens and dozens of books together, sought out other expectant parents. Samantha tried not to be jealous over it, she knew she should be glad Daniel was so dutiful to his child – it was typical of him – but it was hard, when she'd come back to earth and ask where her boyfriend was, only to be informed he was off-based, with his former lover.
She had found out from Hammond that Daniel shifted a lot of his stuff between the base and Sarah's apartment every day so he could be in close proximity of Sarah. That little revelation had cut Samantha deeply, although she didn't show it.
It was hard not to be a little put out when your boyfriend was spending ten times as much time with his ex then he was with you.
She told Jack as much. Jack was sympathetic, although he saw no immediate solution to the problem. Daniel wasn't going to give up on his child anytime soon, and he hated to this what the response would be if Samantha asked him to. " You were OK with the fact Daniel and Sarah slept together, " Jack pointed out. " You believed him when he said there was nothing between them. How is it different now? "
Samantha knew Jack had a point – she knew Daniel wasn't interested in Sarah, beyond the bond they shared from their unborn child. It was that bond that irritated Samantha more then anything, she had to admit. She would never shared that with Daniel. Sarah Gardner would always have something of Daniel that Samantha wouldn't. And the idea killed her.
" Well, what can you do about it? " Jack asked, ever the practical one. " You can't ask Daniel to stop having anything to do with Sarah. You know him well enough to know how that will turn out. "
Samantha nodded sadly. If she asked Daniel to give up his claim to his child, chances were, he would give up her instead. No, she couldn't ask him that.
But her silence didn't stop her resentment and insecurity growing daily. Jealousy nagged at her like cancer, slowly spreading, until she couldn't stand to hear Daniel mention Sarah or the baby. And he mentioned them so often! The baby kicked today, yesterday Sarah had an ultrasound (it took all of Samantha's acting abilities to look like she cared about the grainy black and white photo), Sarah was starting to show so they went shopping for maternity clothes –
" Stop it! " Samantha yelled suddenly, jealous that Daniel was spending far more time and money on Sarah then he was her. Damn Hammond and his stupid roster. If she were on earth, she could give that beached whale a run for her money, easy. If Daniel was given a choice between sex and his stupid kid and its stupid mother – Samantha smile to herself gleefully. There would be no competition, although of course she didn't dare say that to Daniel.
Daniel looked at Samantha in surprise. He'd always thought she was interested in his baby's progress ; had she just been acting to keep him happy? Daniel felt the bitterness of disappointment rise in his throat and forced it back down before he said something he might regret.
" I thought you were interested in my child, " he said quietly, trying not to let a guilt-tripping tone creep into his voice.
Samantha distinctly heard the guilt-tripping tone in his voice and was immediately on the defensive. " Not when it's all you ever talk about, " she said sullenly.
" I do not talk about it all the time, " Daniel said defensively, although now that he thought about it, Sarah had been in his thoughts a lot lately. But Goddamnit, Samantha had always acted interested – was it his fault she'd been lying to him? " It just happens that this is important to me. "
" And I'm not? " Samantha asked. It was a definite challenge.
" Of course you are, " Daniel replied, irritated that this should be happening. Of course she was important to him. But he saw so little of her and it was so easy to get swept up in all that was happening with Sarah – how could Samantha hold that against him? " But I have other things in my life too, Sam. And it doesn't help that you're hardly in my life at all these days. "
" You make it sound like that's my fault, " Samantha fired.
" Well, you're certainly not complaining to Hammond about it. "
" Neither are you, " Samantha retorted. The truth was, she liked going off world. Why should she give that up just because Daniel wanted her at home? Why should she curtail the best thing in her life because he hadn't thought to use a condom and was stuck on earth catering to Sarah's imminent pregnancy? And it was true that Daniel hadn't done much to rectify the situation either – hadn't done anything, in fact. He liked having a lot of time to spent with Sarah, knowing that he couldn't spent time with Samantha even if she wanted to – it was kind of hard to be in the same space as someone who was on a different planet. Samantha being off world meant he didn't have to choose between her and Sarah. It took the choice out of his hands.
Because he knew, deep down, that given the choice, he would want to spent time with Sarah. Samantha would always be there, but there were only a few precious months with which to share the joys of Sarah's pregnancy. He told himself he would have all the time in the world for Samantha once the baby was born.
Samantha threw her hands in the air in frustration. " You said this wouldn't change anything, " she complained. She knew she sounded like she was whining, but she didn't care. Goddamnit, it was hard, knowing Daniel was spending so much time with another woman – who was a beautiful ex to boot.
Daniel went to embrace her. Samantha stood there stiffly, refusing to return Daniel's hug. He wasn't going to get out of this one easily. " I don't want things to change, " he said softly, and the tone in his voice almost destroyed her resolve. It must be hard on him, she conceded – she knew he would rather it be here carrying his child. He was torn between two women, both of whom he wanted to be with for very different reasons. " I love you, Sam, but this is really hard. I have so many claims on my time and I don't know how to handle it all. I don't want to let anyone down. "
" Well, you're definitely letting me down, " Samantha admonished him sharply. " I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this. "
Daniel stepped away from her, a shocked, hurt look on his face. " Is that an ultimatum? " he asked.
" I don't know. I only know I can't keep doing this. I know you have your obligations – "
" They're not obligations, Sam, " Daniel cut in, quietly but decisively. He just wanted to clarify, like he clarified with anyone who asked, that he didn't consider his relationship with Sarah to be one of 'duty', but to Samantha, it was a defence of his negligence of her.
" Whatever, " she said dismissively, ignoring the hurt look on his face. He couldn't continue to play both sides without one of them getting pissed off. " I just know I can't keep going on like this. Either commit to me, or… " he voice trailled off.
Daniel looked at her sharply. " Or what? " he demanded.
" Or I might have to rethink this relationship because I can't keep doing this, " Samantha said. " Daniel, everytime I get back, I ask where you are – and you're with her. Everytime I'm with you, you talk about her. I shouldn't have to put up with it – and I won't put up with it. " She sighed. " Look, I have a mission tomorrow, I'll be a week or so. Then I'll insist that Hammond gives me some time off and we get work through it. " It was a piecemeal solution, and they both knew it – if she really wanted, she could get out of this mission, but it was an important mission, something she'd been working towards for a long time, and she didn't want someone else to get the credit for it at the last minute.
And given how jacked off she was at Daniel right now, she could do with some time away from him. And maybe with all that time on his hands, Daniel would think about what he wanted – Samantha or Sarah. Samantha was confident she would be the one he'd choose when he really got down to it. Come to think about it, maybe a few weeks apart could be a good things – give Daniel some time to get some clarity. Samantha told herself that, anyway.
It was clear Daniel wasn't happy with this solution, but he could see from the look in Samantha's eyes and her body posture that she wasn't going to budge – she was determined to go on this mission. For a moment, he felt a flash of irritation. They both knew that Hammond would let her bail if she wanted, but she wanted the credit for this mission. Daniel knew he was being unreasonable, but part of him felt that Samantha had made her priorities clear – her work was more important then their relationship.
But then, she had made that clear when she had intimated in a hundred different ways that she didn't want children. She didn't have a problem with them, she just didn't want that responsibility. Clearly, her work came before everything else.
Including Daniel.
" Fine, I'll see you when you get back then, " Daniel said stiffly. He wanted her to stay, he wanted to work on their disintegrating relationship, but he was too proud to say so. She had made her choice, he wasn't going to beg.
" Fine, " Samantha echoed Daniel's sentiment. She had no right to expect him to ask her to stay, of course, but she was disappointed that he hadn't. Clearly, he was quite happy to spent the next few weeks with Sarah. " I'll see you then. "
Daniel found life without Samantha wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. This was the longest they'd been separated since they'd gotten together, and he found it was easier then he had expected – easier, and more peaceful. She wasn't around to nag him because he couldn't spent much time with her, or he was distracted.
He missed her, of course, More specifically, he missed the first two months they'd been together, before they'd found out about Sarah's pregnancy. But with her being offworld, he could concentrate on Sarah.
Things would be different once the baby was born, he told himself. He knew he was allowing himself to become too involved with Sarah. He justified that this was the time she really needed him – and Samantha had always made a great show of how she could look after herself. Daniel had never forgotten how Samantha had taken after a Mongolian-esque chieftain – and won.
No, Major Samantha Carter could take care of herself, she had made that plenty clear. And Sarah was so grateful to have him around, even if he wasn't her partner in the true sense of the word. She was grateful and sympathetic and did a lot to soothe his wounded ego over the way Samantha had treated him.
" She's so obsessed with her work, " he had complained more then once. " I thought I could change that, but – "
" People like that don't change, " Sarah told him. " I guess we all have our priorities, and she'd made hers. "
" She doesn't understand that the program will go on without us, but my child won't be the same if I'm not there for them. She knows what it was like for me, growing up without my parents. " And in Daniel's case he'd been orphaned – he had always taken some consolation in the fact his parents weren't there because they were dead, and not because they just didn't give a damn. Like hell he would be one of those parents who didn't give a damn.
" Honestly, I know that you guys love each other, but I never really saw you two as all that compatible, " Sarah admitted.
" You don't know her, " Daniel defended his girlfriend automatically, although he knew his voice sounded hollow. The more time he spent with Sarah, the more he was aware of the great camaraderie they shared – something that had been sorely missing in his relationship with Samantha since they'd found out about Sarah's pregnancy.
Lately, he'd found himself thinking about his relationship with Sarah all those years ago. They'd gotten along so well, they shared the same passions and intellect. He had loved Sha're and he loved Samantha, but he couldn't deny that he'd connected the best with Sarah, they were so alike.
Mostly he regretted that he'd let his work come between them – like Samantha was doing now. He wished he'd known her then as he was now – more mellow, more open to commitment.
" Whatcha thinking about? " Sarah asked, sensing Daniel's moodiness. When you spent as much time with a person as she did with Daniel you grew accustomed to their moods. Often Sarah had pondered how much Daniel had changed since they'd been together – he'd become a lot more mellow. The Daniel Jackson she had dated would have completely neglected her pregnancy in much the same way he had completely neglected their relationship, which had made her break it off with him.
Sarah doubted she would have to break it off with Daniel these days. She often wished she had known Daniel then as he was now. They were so compatible, everyone had said they made a perfect couple – except for the whole workaholic thing. But Daniel had proven over and over that he could be there for her – and he would. She only regretted that he was so hung up on Samantha, who seemed blind to his love for her. They were so incompatible.
He should be with someone like her.
Daniel smiled sheepishly. " I was just think about how much I've changed since you and I were together, " he admitted. " I guess I can kind of related to Sam that she feels compelled to work – that was me to the hilt. "
Sarah reached out to touch his arm reassuringly. " But you've changed, Danny, and she hasn't. That's the difference. "
Daniel looked away from Sarah, suddenly very aware of the warm pressure of her hand on his arm. " She just needs time, " he whispered hollowly.
" It's been two months already, " Sarah pointed out. Four months since they'd slept together and two months since Samantha and Daniel had found out about the pregnancy – you'd think she could have gotten used to it by now, or at least be trying harder. Sarah was suddenly very irritated at Samantha for not being more supportive of Daniel. He deserved more then what she was giving him. After all, it was hardly his fault he was in this position.
" I should have made you use a condom, " she said absently.
Daniel turned his head sharply to look her in the eyes at this. " Sorry? " he asked incredulously.
" I should have made you use a condom, " she repeated. " I wasn't thinking… and look where we are because of it. "
Now it was Daniel's turn to touch Sarah reassuringly. " It's not your fault, " he told her. " If anything, it's mine… you were hardly in the best state of mind that night. I shouldn't even have… " he trailled off, embarrassed.
" You think you took advantage of me? " Sarah asked, and Daniel turned his head away, blushing. " Danny, believe me, you didn't take advantage of me… you made me feel… alive again. You were so… after I tried to kill you – "
" That was Osiris, " Daniel cut in.
Sarah smiled. " That's exactly my point. You never blamed me for what Osiris did. I always loved you for it, even when it was controlling me. I wanted to be with you that night because of that. "
Impulsively, Daniel leaned over to kiss Sarah on the cheek. " Thanks, " he said.
Sarah looked surprised. " For what? " she asked.
" For being you. "
Sarah chuckled intimately. " Yeah, I don't know who else I'd rather be in this position with, " she said ruefully. Suddenly she was very aware of her condition, and she felt bloated and unfeminine.
Daniel sensed Sarah's thoughts, like he had grown adept at in the last two months. He was suddenly very aware of how sexy she was – even pregnant, maybe because she was pregnant. She had that pregnant glow about her, and besides that, there was something sensual about being with a woman who was carrying your child – a turn-on. " You're gorgeous, " he said out loud, then blushed when he realised he'd said it out loud.
" I am not, you're just trying to make me feel better, " Sarah scoffed. " I'm fat and my ankles are swollen and – "
Sarah's words were cut off by Daniel's mouth on hers. It started as a closed-mouth kiss but it didn't lack for passion. Instinctively, Sarah groaned and opened her mouth, fusing her tongue with Daniel's. Reaching for her, Daniel drew Sarah close to him with one hand around her back and pressed his free hand on her swollen stomach. Oh, God this felt so right. Daniel knew what he was doing was wrong, he knew he'd regret it in the morning, but right now he didn't care. right now he wanted to be with Sarah.
Tentatively, Sarah pushed away. " What are you doing? " she asked Daniel.
" I don't know, " Daniel admitted. " It felt right. "
" What about Samantha? "
" I don't know, " Daniel said again, his head dropping in shame. " I'm sorry Sarah, I shouldn't have – "
" It's OK, I wanted you to, " Sarah admitted.
" I'm so confused, " Daniel said.
Sarah kissed him. Daniel kissed her back. God it felt so good. " Does that help? " Sarah asked when she broke off the kiss.
" Uh-huh, " Daniel said, moving in for a third kiss. Soon they were making out. Daniel's hands moved to the top of Sarah's maternity shirt, undoing the buttons, exposing her skin. " So beautiful, " he murmured as he kissed her bare skin.
Sarah groaned as Daniel's mouth made contact with her skin. She had always desired Daniel, and had kept her desires in check because of Samantha. But her urges had been getting stronger and stronger lately, and right now she didn't care what the consequences were – she wanted Daniel to make love to her. And he didn't exactly seem adverse to that.
Soon they were naked on the couch with Sarah sitting on Daniel's lap, her back against his chest, his hands on her stomach. " You are such a fucking turn-on, " he said gutturally, the most turned on he had been in two months. He slipped a finger inside her and was instantly further turned on by how wet she was. " You want this, baby, don't you? " he whispered in her ear.
Sarah groaned at the sensation of his fingers. " Get inside me, baby, " she begged. Daniel was only too happy to oblige. Reluctantly abandoning her stomach to hold onto her hips, Daniel pulled her down to penetrate her, groaning in bliss as he entered her, forgetting that anything else existed…