A little something I conjured up. It is sort of based on Matt's Love Story, but I changed a lot of things. I would much rather imagine it this way anyway. I don't have a continuation going now, but I definitely have ideas for one. I left a few things open that I would like to explore more. So, hopefully, one day, there will be more to this story. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to give me some feedback on my work. Please, enjoy.
Gunsmoke: Sometimes Love
Part 1
Sometimes love is not the way that you thought it would be. Sometimes people get these notions in their head that everything is gonna be perfect all the time. I can't say that I expected things to be perfect. I mean…he is the Marshal of Dodge City after all. That meant broken dates, interrupted dinners, and even interrupted kisses. I could deal with that, but what I never expected to have to deal with was another woman. It wasn't really his fault I suppose, but it hurt just the same, maybe even worse. Let me start at the beginning.
It had been three years since I moved to Dodge and two years since Matt and I had been together. I was now half owner of the Long Branch and much busier than I had been as a just a saloon hostess. Matt would stop by and visit me most nights and he was even available for dinner more times than not. He was a busy man though and he would often have to leave town for days, maybe even weeks, at a time. We were having dinner at Delmonico's when he told me that he would be leaving the next day for Hayes.
"How long do you think you'll be gone?" I asked him for the umpteenth time in three years as I took a sip of my coffee. Delmonico's must have gotten a new chef because the coffee was a little thick and the steak was a lot tough, or maybe the food was fine and my mood had just changed. I understood what his job entailed, but that didn't mean I had to like it.
"Oh, probably about two weeks this time, Kitty," he told me. I think he hated going away for so long as much as I did. I tried to remember that most of the time and not take any of my frustrations out on him. "I've got some papers to deliver, plus that trial to go to." I only nodded my head and continued to eat my dinner.
Later on, Matt was walking me back to the Long Branch. It was a quiet evening and we were practically alone on the streets. It was chilly out and I pulled my cape tighter around my shoulders. Then I felt his large hand come to rest around my waist and he pulled me closer. "Are you alright?" he asked me. I looked up at him. Something in his eyes made me melt and I immediately let go of any anger that I was holding onto concerning him having to leave.
"I'm fine," I told him with a smile as I laid my head on his shoulder. "You leaving first thing?" I asked, resigning myself to that fact that this is just the way it was.
"Yeah, I need to get back to the office and make sure I have everything I need for the trip."
"Well, come on. We can go and do that now." He agreed and we crossed the street and headed for the jail. Hopefully, if he got his packing done now, he could spend the whole night with me, provided some incident didn't occur. I sat down in one of the chairs at the small table, and watched as he grabbed his saddlebags and the items he would need to take with him: jerky, coffee, a couple cans of beans, extra bullets, and some papers. I stopped paying attention after that because I couldn't get over the fact that men seemed to think jerky, beans, and coffee were the only things to take on a trip. "How come every time you go on a trip you always take jerky and beans?" I asked him. Matt looked at me like I was crazy. Probably, only a woman would ask such a question.
"What else is there to take?" he said and continued to pack.
"You need to get creative," I said. "It's bad enough to have to eat out on the trail, but it doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience all the time."
"Well, what would you suggest?" he asked, now amused. "A turkey dinner with all the fixins?"
"Don't be smart," I told him as he continued to smile. "It's too late this time, but you just let me know before you leave out on your next trip. You'll be pleasantly surprised." I smiled with a raised brow as Matt finished up his packing. We then headed back to the Long Branch for a drink.
Later on that night, we were laying in bed kissing. We couldn't do much more than that considering I was on my monthly, but still, kissing was good. Matt was such a good kisser. He took his time about it and he was never rough. He kissed first my top lip and then my bottom lip and then both. Then he would ever so slowly work his tongue into my mouth and slide it over my own. His kisses alone were enough to get me going and his lips were incredibly soft.
Surprisingly, we weren't interrupted that night, but morning came all too soon and it was time for Matt to be on his way. I stood from the bed and walked over to him as he finished buckling his gun belt. "You make sure and come back to me in one piece, Cowboy," I said as I pulled him into a tight hug. I was never terribly emotional when Matt had to go out of town. Heck, every time I turned around it seemed like he had to leave for some reason or another. I was pretty used to it, but this time…this time I really didn't want him to leave. Maybe I was being silly, but I had a funny feeling inside.
"Don't worry, Kitty," Matt told me as hugged me even tighter. "I'll be back before you know it." He smiled and I pulled his head down and gave him a deep kiss. Anytime he left I always gave him a kiss like it would be the last. I never wanted to openly think about it, but in the back of my mind, I knew that it very well could be. It was just one of the burdens I had to deal with being a lawman's woman.
MkM
It had been an agonizing four weeks and there was still no word from Matt. I was practically crazy with worry and everyone knew it. I could tell Doc and Chester were just as worried. I could barely sleep at night and Doc had tried giving me something for it, but I refused. Even, Chester, bless his heart, tried to keep me preoccupied. He would always come and see if I wanted to have my meals with him and Doc and he even offered to take me fishing a couple times. I accepted the invitation the first time, hoping that it would help to pass time, but it just wasn't any fun anymore and it only served to remind me of all the times Matt had taken me. There had been plenty of times before when Matt's trips had taken longer than planned, but he always managed to get word to us. This time there was no word at all and that had to mean that something was wrong. A telegram was sent after the middle of the third week, and the Sheriff in Hayes said that Matt had come and gone without incident.
I was standing at the end of the bar staring into the glass of whiskey that I had barely even touched when Chester came in. "Evenin', Miss Kitty," he said softly with a tip of his hat. I gave him a small unenthusiastic smile in return and continued staring at my drink. "Miss Kitty, I think it's time I went lookin' for Mister Dillon. It's been over two weeks now since he's been due back. He could be alive out there and just needin' some help," Chester said with determination in his voice.
"I think you're right, Chester." We both looked over at the sound of Doc's voice. He was standing behind Chester and neither of us had heard him come up. "I think we've waited long enough to see if Matt would get in touch with us. Now, it's time we look for him," Doc said. Chester nodded in agreement.
"Well," he said with a sigh, "I'm gon' head back to the office and turn in early. I wanna be well rested for tomorra'," he said and turned to leave.
"Chester," I called to him. "You be careful. I don't want anything happening to you either."
KmK
Chester had left and come back with nothing. My heart broke. What could I think other than Matt was dead? I spent many nights alone in my room crying and thinking. I didn't just want to run away from things, but I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to stay in Dodge. Matt was my reason for being here. Sure, I had the Long Branch, but I wasn't nearly as attached to it. I thought long and hard about whether I wanted to sell my half back to Bill.
MkM
It had been two and a half months since I last saw Matt and I had somehow managed to continue on with my life. I put all of my energy into the Long Branch and business was booming. I had become a much harder person as well. I kept to myself mostly and I stopped attending any of the town events. Chester and Doc always tried to get me to go, but I always declined. Even though I was sad, I wasn't oblivious to Doc and Chester's pain. I knew they missed him, too.
Chester had been in charge of the law ever since Matt had been gone, but a new Marshal was coming soon. People were starting to take advantage of the fact that Dodge was short a lawman and even though Chester did his best, he couldn't be expected to keep the peace alone. Me owning a saloon, of course, meant that I was especially witness to some of the rough housing that wouldn't have went on had Matt been here. It was funny because him not being here made me realize, much more, how important his role as the lawman was.
I remember laying in bed one night thinking about my future. I knew for certain that I wouldn't be staying in Dodge much longer. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I think that the only reason I had stayed this long was because a part of me hung on to the hope that maybe one day, when no expected it, he would just appear out of the blue. I would soon find out that I wasn't too far off in my wishing.
The hard part about it all was not knowing what had happened to him. It was as if he had vanished into thin air.
KmK
Two more weeks had passed and I was starting to feel like the walls were closing in. It was time to leave Dodge City. I quietly went about planning my departure. I bought a ticket at the train station a week in advance. I did a little bit of packing everyday. I even had a few silent offers for my share of the Long Branch. I would eventually have to tell Bill of my plans since they directly concerned him. The hardest part of all would be leaving Doc and Chester. They had really been there for me and I would miss them terribly.
It was a day like any other in Dodge. It was hot and muggy and the town seemed to be moving in slow motion. I was just coming from Delmonico's with Chester when the stage came in.
"That sure is a pretty sight," he said softly as he watched mesmerized. I smiled a little at the look on his face. We continued watching as it pulled to a stop. The drivers jumped down and one began retrieving the luggage from the top while the other opened the door for the passengers. I didn't see the man's face at first when he stepped from the stage because he immediately turned around to assist a woman. She was very attractive with dark hair and she wore a wine colored dress with a hat and parasol to match. She smiled up at the man who was dressed in black slacks and a gray suit jacket. He immediately reminded me of Matt.
"Come on, Chester. I'll buy you a beer," I said as I began to walk away. I stopped when I heard him gasp.
"Forevermore, Miss Kitty," he said, his eyes still focused on the stage. "It's Mr. Dillon!" My head whipped over in the direction of the stage and sure enough Chester was right. My first instinct was to run over to him, but something kept me glued to the spot. My heart was pounding and I thought I might pass out. The dark haired woman had her arm hooked through his and he was smiling down at her as they walked toward me and Chester. By now, more and more people were starting to recognize him, but no one had confronted him yet. His hair was worn a little longer than usual and he had a goatee. It was strange to see him that way.
They continued to come closer and closer and finally he was passing us. He didn't even look at me, say two words to me. Chester hadn't said anything either, so I assumed he was just as stunned as I was. I watched rather stupidly as they made their way into the Dodge House.
MkM
"Well, Doc, I think one of needs to go find him and talk to him. We need to find out what happened to him and why he's been gone all this time. You shoulda seen the way he walked right passed us with that woman on his arm." Chester was obviously upset. I was too, but it was obvious that Matt was suffering from some memory problems to have totally ignored us like that. Earlier, after Chester and I had stood there dumbfounded we ran into Doc on our way back to the Long Branch and Chester explained what happened. I had yet to say anything. But one thing was for sure, Matt Dillon was alive and that alone lifted a weight from my heart.
"Chester, in my medical opinion, the last thing we need to do is bog him down with a bunch of memories that he doesn't even know are his." I watched Doc as he wiped his mouth. "I do agree though, that something needs to be done. Somebody needs to talk to him."
"Well, I'll talk to him, Doc. It's not a matter of findin' someone to talk to him…"
"Chester, you have a tendency to run your mouth. It can't be you that talks to him." Chester began to argue, but I cut him off.
"You go, Doc," I said making the decision. "We need to find out for sure what's wrong with him and neither Chester nor I can do that." Doc nodded his head in agreement.
KmK
Chester and I stood at the end of the bar anxiously waiting for Doc to get back. He had been gone for more than an hour. We heard someone pushing open the batwing doors and we both looked up to find Doc shuffling in. My heart was beating so hard.
"Well, Doc?" said Chester as he reached us.
"Well…It's definitely Matt…but he doesn't remember a thing about Dodge City. He doesn't remember me or anyone." I just stared, waiting for him to continue. "The young lady with him says she found him out on the trail with a bad head wound and he couldn't seem to remember anything."
"Doc…do you think he'll ever remember us?" I finally asked.
"It's hard to say for sure, Kitty. Cases dealing with memory loss are hard to pinpoint. The brain is a very delicate thing."
"So, Doc, what is Mr. Dillon doing here now? And who is that woman with him?" I'm glad Chester asked. I wanted to, but I was afraid of the answer I would hear.
"How about a beer first?" I offered. I knew I was just putting off the inevitable. I drew us all a beer and we carried them over to a table. After a few moments, Doc spoke again.
"The woman's name is Michaela Yardner. Matt…or maybe I should say Dan…has been staying with her all this time." I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I stared at Doc intently knowing there was more. "They came to Dodge to settle down…" He looked over at me. "And to eventually get married." So, that was it. After three months of worrying my head off, it turns out that Matt…Dan…is more than alive. He has completely forgotten me and is marrying another woman. This is beyond a nightmare.
MkM
Now what? A day had passed since he came strolling into town with that woman. I knew logically that I shouldn't dislike her, but I couldn't help it. She had taken my guy from me. Now, I was faced with the question of whether I should still leave Dodge or not. Should I once again wait for Matt and see if he would get his memory back. I knew that this wasn't Matt's fault, but now I was starting to get pissed. It seemed like I was always waiting for him whether it be waiting for him to pick me up for dinner, waiting for him to get back from a trip, or waiting for him to decide that marriage is something to consider with me. It just always seemed to be something.
So, here I was, a week later…waiting. I couldn't help myself. I was head over heels in love with that man and I couldn't leave knowing that there could still be a chance for us. I knew I was risking my heart being broken…smashed to nothing, if he married Mike (I had learned she was called). I'd seen him around town a few times during the week, but he had yet to come into the Long Branch. If I knew my man though, he would be in eventually. He and Mike were still staying at the Dodge House and it killed me to think about whether they had been intimate or not. I tried to focus on the fact that he didn't know who he was and that if he did, he certainly wouldn't do that.
I was in the general store when he came in. It was only the second time that I had seen him up close since he came back. I had only been in there a few moments and I hadn't seen Mr. Jonas yet. I guess I was kind of staring at him and I couldn't look away when he turned to look at me. He gave me a handsome smile and I smiled in return. Somehow, I pulled myself away and turned back to the material I was looking at and forced myself to take a deep breath. It didn't work though because I heard his footsteps approaching me.
"Excuse me," he said and I turned to him. He was directly in front of me and all I wanted to do was fall into his arms, but somehow I restrained myself. "Do you know where the clerk went to?" he asked.
"I think he's out back with a customer," I told him. I couldn't believe I got that out so clearly. I continued to look at him and he seemed to be staring at me just as hard.
"Do I know you?" His brow creased some when he asked. I wasn't sure what to say at first. Should I simply say yes or should I say yes and give him some details? I chose to keep it simple.
"Yes, we know each other." I think my voice was shaking. Just then Mr. Jonas came from the back. He saw Matt first.
"Hello, Marshal," he said as he glanced up from a piece of paper he was reading. "I'll be with you in just a second. I just need to tally these numbers up b'fore I forget," he said only half paying attention as he pulled a pencil from behind his ear. If Matt was surprised at being called Marshal, he didn't show it. Mr. Jonas looked up and finally caught sight of me. "Oh, hello there, Miss Kitty. I'll just be a second."
"Actually, the lady was here first," Matt spoke. Mr. Jonas looked up a little confused.
"Oh, well, aren't you two here together?" the store clerk asked stupidly. Matt and I used to come in together all the time. I had to cut in before this got even more awkward.
"Mr. Jonas, Dan and I are here separately," I said as I walked up to the counter. I put some emphasis on the name. Surely, Mr. Jonas, one of the nosiest men I know, had heard about Matt losing his memory by now. Realization finally showed in his eyes.
"Oh! I'm so sorry, Miss Kitty. I'll get your packages right away." He went into the back and I stood there facing ahead and hoping that Matt wouldn't ask me anymore questions. Unfortunately, that didn't happen and I felt the warmth of him as he came up behind me.
"Miss Kitty, how do we know each other?" I slowly turned around and looked up at him.
"We're friends," I managed to say. He was looking at me so intently and I was praying that his memory was coming back to him. Very slowly, he began to reach his hand up to my face. My eyes closed when the calloused fingers touched my cheek.
"Open your eyes," he said, almost in a pleading voice. I did as he asked and watched as he leaned down toward me. "So familiar…" he whispered as his lips ever so lightly brushed mine. And of course, Mr. Jonas chose that moment to come back in with my things. I immediately pulled away from Matt and turned around to face the counter. If Mr. Jonas saw anything, he didn't comment, which I was glad of. I was sure my face was flushed and my breathing was heavy. I could still feel Matt behind me.
"Here are your things, Miss Kitty. Your total comes to eight dollars and eleven cents."
"Thank you, Mr. Jonas. Just put it on my bill." I grabbed my four packages and got out of the store just as fast as I could. I didn't even look at Matt. I don't know what was wrong with me. After all, he was my man wasn't he? I have made love with this man more times than I can remember and he knew the most personal things about me and I him. So, why was I running scared?
Later that day, I was sitting at a table in back playing a game of solitary.
"Five of clubs on the six of hearts," I heard from over my shoulder. I looked up into the face of Dan. I figured I had better get used to calling him that because my Matt was probably gone forever. "Can I sit?" he asked. I nodded my head and went back to my game. I was pretty much over my shock from earlier. "Listen, I'm sorry about what happened earlier in the general store. I don't know what got into me."
"It's alright." We sat there for a few moments and then the hostess in me came out. "Would you like a drink?"
"Sure," he said smiling. "A beer sounds good." I called over to Sam for two beers. "So, you work here?" he asked once Sam had left. I looked up at him and I didn't see any disgust on his face.
"Yeah, I work here. I own the place." He looked a little surprised. This was so strange.
"Isn't this a dangerous business for a woman?"
I shrugged. "No more dangerous than it is for a man really." He nodded and we sat quietly for a minute.
"Well, I guess I had better get back to Mike." I immediately tensed at the mention of her and unfortunately, Matt picked up on it. He was giving me that intense look again. I began dealing a new game of solitary, trying to calm myself. "We were more than friends weren't we?" he asked softly.
"It doesn't matter," I said tight lipped. Matt reached over and stilled my hand. I couldn't take much more of him touching me.
"It does matter."
"Why?" I said looking up at him sharply. "You don't even remember me. Besides, you have Mike now. You love her…don't you?" He just stared at me. I took that as my answer and I stood to go in my office as he sat there.
mKm
Another week had passed and things were going. I felt like I was at a standstill. I was at Delmonico's the other day when Mike and Dan came in. They looked every bit the happy couple. Unfortunately, I was just starting on my meal, so I was forced to stay and listen to them. They didn't see me, I don't think, and they ended up sitting just one table away from me. Joe came over and took their order.
"Dan, we should set a date soon," said Mike as she took a sip of her water. So, they hadn't set a date yet. I loosely wondered what they were going to use for a last name.
"I know, honey, but I'd like to find some land for us first. I've made arrangements to look at some tomorrow afternoon." The smile on Mike's face made me wanna puke. I had yet to say two words to the woman, but as far as I could tell, we didn't have one thing to say to each other.
Doc told me that Matt had been in to see him regularly, but he still wasn't showing any signs of getting his memory back. He had stopped in the Long Branch a couple more times, but I always managed to make myself scarce when he did. The townsfolk seemed to have accepted the fact that Matt was no longer the marshal and the new marshal had arrived weeks ago. He was no Matt Dillon, but I suppose he was doing a fare job. His name was Thomas Wayne. He was well over six feet tall and he had a head full of blonde hair. I had only spoken with him a handful of times, but he seemed like a gentlemen. He and Chester were becoming good friends as well. I could tell that Chester was having a hard time dealing with the situation as well. Matt was pretty much his best friend, but not anymore.
It was hard to believe how different Matt's personality was. I had no idea that amnesia could change a person's personality, but like Doc said, the brain is a delicate thing. Matt seemed much more laid back, which made sense. I guess without the burden of being a lawman, maybe this is how Matt would act. I wonder if he pursued her or if she pursued him. I don't know why I continued to torture myself with such questions.
I hurried through the rest of my baked chicken dinner, put some money on the table and stood to leave. Matt must have noticed me because he called my name.
"Hello, Kitty." I looked over and plastered on a polite smile.
"Hello, Dan. Miss Yardner."
"Oh, do call me Mike. I've heard a lot about you," she said.
"Only good things, I hope," I said with a straight face. If I knew Dodge, particularly the female citizens, I was sure that Mike had heard her share of lies and half truths. She confirmed my suspicions when she blushed a little. "Well, I don't want to take up anymore of your time. I'll see you two around." I glanced at Matt and he was giving me that look again. I wanted to bop him upside the head. Every time he gave me that look he got my hopes up just a little and they would ultimately fall when he didn't come running and tell me that he remembered everything.
mKm
"Ya know, Miss Kitty, you sure are takin' this awful well," Chester told me as he, Doc and I sat at a table in the Long Branch. "I mean…me and Doc are Mr. Dillon's friends, but you…" Chester could be really blunt sometimes.
"Well, what is she supposed to do, Chester?" Doc snapped.
"I don't know, Doc! I just know that if it were me…I don't know that I could sit by and watch it happen." Chester was right. I don't know how I was sitting here watching. And even though I still had my train ticket and most of my things were still packed, something inside of me wouldn't leave. There had been many times in the past when I had to trust my instincts. I wish I had trusted them more on the day Matt left for Hayes. I wasn't going to stop listening to them though and right now they were telling me to stay.
"Well, Kitty," said Doc looking at his watch, "I think I'm gonna call it a night."
"Alright, Doc, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Me, too, Miss Kitty, I've gotta be up early tomorrow. Mr. Wayne and I have to go out to the Smothers' farm." I said goodnight to them and sat back in my seat to finish my beer. A few minutes later, I felt a presence behind me and I looked up into the face of Dan. He never wore his hat as much as he used to, his gun belt either. I was getting used to it, but it was still strange to see the hair on his face. I felt it a little when he kissed me the other day, but that was little more than a peck. I wanted to touch it and see what it really felt like. About that kiss though…
"What were you thinking about when you kissed me?" I asked him right out. Chester's method wasn't so bad all the time. Matt looked a little embarrassed. Heck, I wasn't shy and I wasn't going to start being. Besides, I think I had a right to know.
"Kitty, is there somewhere we could talk alone?" he asked.
"In my office." I led the way and he followed. Once inside, I offered him a drink.
"No, thanks." I walked over to my desk and sat.
"Well, Dan, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I hated having to be so impersonal with him, but it was the only way to keep myself from hurting too badly.
"I want you to tell me about us." I was shocked.
"Ma…Dan…" I stuttered.
"No, I want you to call me Matt…it sounds right when you say it," he said, pulling up a chair in front of me. He was really starting to confuse me. One moment I would see him happy as could be with Mike and the next moment he was staring me down like he wanted to have his way with me. "Kitty please," he begged as he reached for my hand. There he went touching me again. I didn't pull away though. I guess I was still desperate to have a connection with him, even if we were just holding hands. "Dr. Adams keeps telling me to let things happen naturally, but when I do remember something, I can't tell if it's real or if it's a dream," he explained frustrated. He sighed and looked down at our hands. "Mike…she doesn't always understand. She thinks I should just focus on the future, but I can't. My mind is like a jumble. I hear the bits and pieces of conversations about myself, but that isn't enough. I need to hear the truth." I felt so bad for him. "Tell me, Kitty…please." Doc was gonna kill me.
I didn't tell him everything, but I told him a lot. I told him some things about us, but I tried to stay away from the intimate details. Matt and I had a very passionate relationship, but that was something I truly wanted him to remember on his own. If what I told him triggered any memories, he didn't tell me. My guess was that they hadn't. We had been in my office a good hour and a half before Sam came knocking on the door and Matt'd had that drink after all. "I'll be out in just a minute, Sam," I said closing the door back. I was so tired. I stretched my arms out and rolled my neck.
"I'm sorry," Matt said as he stood from the chair and sat his glass on the table. "You must be awful tired."
"It's okay," I told him. He still hadn't answered my question. "Matt, you still never told me what you were thinking about…in the store the other day." His cheeks reddened again.
"Uh…actually I had dream a while back. You and I were…you know," he said running a hand through his hair and scratching the back of his head.
"Oh," I said turning around to open the door with a small smile on my face. I actually felt some better after talking with him. I realized that as much as I was hurting, this situation was hard for Matt as well…maybe harder.
"Kitty, do you think we could talk again sometime soon? I feel comfortable talking to you…more so than anyone else I've met in Dodge." He had such a helpless look in his eyes. I couldn't say no.
"Sure, Matt."
kMk
A few more days had passed and I hadn't seen much of Matt or Mike. I needed a change of scenery anyhow, so I saddled my horse and headed out for a nice long ride on the plain. Just as I was mounting up, I saw Matt and Mike coming out of the Dodge House. They were smiling about something and then Mike leaned up to kiss him. There went my day. I immediately became angry and tears unexpectedly stung my eyes. I nudged my mare on and left town just as fast as I could. Yeah, I was definitely in need of a change in scenery.
I probably rode for a good five or six miles before I stopped. I wasn't sure how much more of Dodge and Dan and Mike I could take and I was ready to say the hell with instinct. I think what hurt the most about all of this was the fact that Matt was doing things with Mike that he would have never done with me. I didn't mean to sound selfish, but that's just how I felt. I don't think Matt ever once showed me affection in public. He asked Mike to marry him. He told me that he would never consider marriage as long as he was a marshal. Now, he was no longer a marshal and he was buying land for a home with her. I knew that none of this was Matt's fault, but I felt like a reject.
I jumped down off the horse and walked over to a tree, tying her to it. Then I plopped down at the base of it and hugged my knees and cried. I hadn't had one really good cry since Matt came back to town and it was finally starting to hit me…hard. I cried my eyes out and sobbed out loud. I think I scared the horse a few times. I felt like a fool. Chester was right. How could I sit and watch all this stuff happening? I decided right then and there that I was through with Dodge. I wasn't going to put myself through this anymore. I didn't deserve it.
When my tears slowed down, I leaned back against the tree and closed my eyes. It probably took me all of twenty seconds to fall asleep.