Okay … a little more than "a couple of days". I did have the next section, with Grimlock's song, written; but the stuff that came after that took a little longer. I had the ideas mapped out, but it took awhile to get them down "on paper", and then to flesh them out into story form. Well, I hope anyone who reads this enjoys it. Let me know, if you want …. (And if you did enjoy this - or, if you thought it was missing something – you might want to read (and review, if you have the time) my previous "Robots in Disguises" piece – another story with Decepticons performing in a band, and Optimus joining the original Autobot Pretenders in disguise in an attempt to defeat Megatron's plot. I'm pretty pleased with how that one turned out.) Anyway, thank you for the reviews and for reading, and here's the conclusion of "The Battle of the Bands".
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The Decepticons gloated backstage.
"Yeah! Rock and roll!" Skywarp exclaimed, slugging down a bottle of liquid Energon.
"We've really got a vibe going!" Ramjet commented.
"We will, we will rock you!" Soundwave intoned surprisingly.
"We oughta do this every week!" Rumble said.
"Yeah – keep our fans happy!" Thundercracker replied. "And we can do t-shirts - and bumper stickers –"
"Really?" Skywarp asked.
"Yeah – Swindle's already lookin' into stuff – "
"Yes, and the humans can wear their shirts, and use their … 'bumper stickers' … while they are slaving away in our energy processing plants," Megatron interjected. "Do not forget our objective, Decepticons, even in the thrill of our … considerable musicianship," he continued, a smile touching the corners of his metallic lips.
The Decepticons had been ignoring the Autobots' turn at performing … until Skywarp exclaimed "Hey! What's that glow?"
"I think you'd better lay off the juice," Thundercracker said.
"Yeah!" Rumble exclaimed. "Or at least share it…."
"No, he's right!" Starscream took time out from sulking in the corner to exclaim. "From the other side of the field! What's that light?"
"Have the humans finally grown so tired of the Autobots' performance that they're trying to burn down their stage?" Megatron asked.
"Negative," Soundwave replied. "Believe the light source is … cigarette lighters."
"And cell phones," Ramjet said. "It's a Bic lighter song. What?" he asked, in response to the surprised stares of some of his comrades. "I can't know stuff?"
The human crowd was indeed holding up their lighters and phones by the Autobots stage. There were a few musicians seated on-stage, but the spotlight was centered on Grimlock. He stood in the circle of light, singing surprisingly sincerely.
"Someday we find it/ The rainbow connection," he sang. "The lovers/The dreamers /And me Grimlock."
"What IS this?" Megatron asked.
"Unknown," Soundwave said. "But it appears to be … popular." The crowd was gathered at the Autobot end of the valley, lights aglow.
"The lovers/ The dreamers/ And me Grimlock," Grimlock continued.
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The Decepticons found themselves unprepared for an Autobot success. They responded by performing a classic song by a classic rock band, "Sympathy for the Devil" by the Rolling Stones. Megatron was agitated by the Autobot resurgence, however, and may have put off some of the audience by proclaiming "Pleased to defeat you/Hope you guess my name", and then repeatedly proclaiming "It's Megatron!", apparently fearing that the audience was too dense to figure that out on their own.
The Autobots' next musical attack was "Love Shack". Windcharger, Cliffjumper, Cosmos, and Gears were having some good success with this number ….
Until the lines "Huggin' and a kissin'/Dancin' and a-lovin'/Wearin' next to nothin' 'cause it's hot as an oven" – at which point the plug was abruptly pulled on their performance.
"Optimus!" Wheeljack exclaimed.
"Such dirtiness!" Optimus Prime lamented. "Such innuendo! Eww!" He shook his head, trying to shake out the sight and sound of his Autobots. "When they told me 'LOVE Shack,' and played me the first few lines, naturally I assumed it was a wholesome, positive song!"
"But – it's a fun song, Optimus!" Ratchet exclaimed.
"And we were winning!" Grimlock growled.
"I said that we would not win by evil means, and I meant it!" the Autobot Commander replied. The troubled Autobots muttered worriedly to each other.
"That does it," Jazz grumbled. "I'm outta here." He transformed all the way into Porche mode this time. "I'm goin' to New Orleans! … And then maybe to Utah …." The disgruntled Autobot drove off into the distance, unnoticed by Optimus Prime and some of the other would-be musicians trying to figure out how to salvage the day.
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The Decepticons were tasting victory even before Buzzsaw reported that Jazz had left the field.
"Hahahahaha!" Megatron laughed. "Mega Band – attack!"
And they did … by playing Jimi Hendrix's "Purple Haze". While Skywarp was ultimately no Jimi Hendrix, and the attempt to set a guitar on fire got a little out of hand, the Decepticons were still riding a high wave.
"This may be our darkest hour," Prime declared backstage.
"No, Prime," Prowl said. "Not the Matrix again!"
"Uh, no, of course not," he replied. "Blaster - karaoke mode! And someone bring me Hot Rod!"
"Aw no! I knew I should'a left with Jazz!" Blaster lamented.
After the Decepticons' number had ended (and the smoke had cleared and the fire was pretty much out), Optimus Prime took center stage. "Humans!" he exclaimed. "Do not succumb to the Decepticons! You must heed the desperate plea of my heartfelt romantic duet … with my daughter, Hot Rod!"
Hot Rod emerged from backstage, wearing a blonde wig.
"I'll get you for this, Prime," he muttered. "I'll get you."
The pair of Autobots proceeded to perform the Gwyneth Paltrow/Huey Lewis version of the song "Cruisin'". They were able to add something to the song by transforming into car mode when hitting the line"I love it when we're cruisn' together." However, the audience seemed a little creeped out by the "father/daughter" love song … and wig or no wig, Hot Rod was no Gwyneth.
"Decepticons!" Megatron cried backstage. "Move in for the kill!"
"Oh no," Blaster said, upon hearing the opening notes of the Mega Band's latest number. "They've brought out …"
"The Beatles," Ironhide said.
And the Decepticons had indeed turned to the catalog of the biggest rock band of all time. It was an accurate performance of one of their innumerable classics – well, except that Megatron changed the line to "While my guitar MIGHTILY weeps". Still, the human audience was enthralled, and the Decepticons could taste their triumph … except for one.
"Arrgh! I can't take this anymore!" Starscream exclaimed to himself backstage. "Starscream the Spectacular MUST perform! Argh! … And this is my opportunity! That Prince human proved his prowess with the guitar solo from this number at that Rock and Roll Hall of Fame performance, and so shall Starscream! Ha ha ha ha!"
Megatron left the stage as the instrumental section of "My Guitar (Mightily) Weeps" began, to consult with Soundwave about the audience response meters. He did not notice Skywarp take a null ray blast, nor the gray and red Transformer who caught the stunned robot and took his place onstage. However, when other backstage Decepticons were staring in surprise at the stage, Megatron saw – and heard – what had grabbed their attention.
"Starscream!" he exclaimed. "He …
"He …." Long Haul seconded.
Starscream commanded center stage, playing lead guitar. He …
… was good.
VERY good.
"Ravage: eject!" Soundwave cried. "Operation: drop your jaw in stunned amazement for me because I do not have a jawww!"
Ravage complied, easily.
By the time Megatron returned to the stage for the end of the song, it was clear: the crowd was theirs. After the song ended, their cries filled the air.
"Megatron! Megatron!"
"Mega Band! Woooo!"
"Drummers! Drummers!"
"Tambourine Guy!"
"No, humans!" Optimus Prime called desperately from the deserted side of the valley. "You must listen to us!" The audience continued cheering the Mega Band. "Don't you recognize me? I'm Optimus Prime!" He began to dance. "I've got the touch!" he accapellaed. "Huff huff huff huff huff! I've got the pow-er! Yeah …?"
"It's over, Prime," Prowl said.
"I know," Prime replied mournfully.
"Hu-hu-hahahaha! We have TRIUMPHED, my Decepticons!" Megatron proclaimed backstage to his enthused, celebrating forces. "You have done well … even you, Starscream," he added confusedly. "You may engage … in a celebratory round of 'Free Bird'!"
"Yay! Guitar parts for everybody!" the Decepticons cried.
"Stupid, foolish puny humans," Prime gripped as the Autobots packed up their equipment.
"Optimus!" Bumblebee exclaimed. "You can't mean that!"
"No," Optimus replied. "I suppose not …. Grumble…."
"Prime, I've got a web address you might want," Gears said.
"The actions of the humans are puzzling," Prowl remarked. "We studied their charts …"
"Yeah, well, a lot of stuff that makes the charts sucks," Blaster remarked. "Well, it does! And, ya know … music doesn't have to be all whitebread to be good."
"Yeah," Ironhide agreed.
"Music is bread?" Prime and Prowl quieried confusedly.
"It's an expression," Ironhide explained. "Leakin' lubricants!"
"Oh," Prime replied. "Perhaps …. At any rate – Autobots, prepare to roll out … perhaps for the last time."
"What? Are we banished from Earth or something?" Hot Rod asked concernedly.
"No," Bumblebee replied. "He just gets melodramatic when we lose."
"Oh."
And the Autobots did roll out, to the sound of the Decepticons playing into the night … and a successful tour, and endorsement deals. But, don't feel too badly for the Autobots. Their leaders learned a valuable lesson, and they began to get better cassettes and CDs for Happy Primus Day.
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Songs used (not necessarily my favorite songs – some may be, and some just seemed to make sense for the side performing them):
"Backstreet's Back" (?) - Backstreet Boys
"Instruments of Destruction" -NRG (The Transformers: the Movie soundtrack)
"Don't Drink the Water" – Dave Matthews Band
"The Greatest Love of All" – Whitney Houston (or, in this case, more like Cordelia Chase …)
"Enter Sandman" - Metallica
"Hip to Be Square" – Huey Lewis and the News
"Second Home By the Sea", "Domino – Pt. II: The Last Domino", "Firth of Fifth", "Abacab", "Turn It On Again" – Genesis
"The Rainbow Connection" – Paul Williams (The Muppet Movie soundtrack)
"Sympathy for the Devil" – The Rolling Stones
"Love Shack" – The B-52's
"Purple Haze" – Jimi Hendrix
"Cruisn'" – Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis (that karaoke movie with Paltrow, Lewis, and Andre Braugher soundtrack)
"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" – the Beatles
"The Touch" – Stan Bush (The Transformers: the Movie soundtrack)
"Free Bird" – Lynyrd Skynrd