Chapter 6: Simulacrum of Affection

Hermione arrived in the great hall more or less on time. Upon spotting Harry and Ron she smiled. They would probably have some fantastic adventure planned for today, but she would find it easy to skip it. She sat next to them in her robes all proper and smiles and reached for some toast.

"Morning Hermione," said Ron, who by this time ad already been out doing warm ups for the Quidditch practice this afternoon.

"Morming Rom," Hermione replied through a mouth full of toast. "Morming 'Arry."

"Umpm," Harry replied his head in his hand and his eyes closed.

Ron leaned over sniggering. "Harry didn't sleep well last night," he was hard pressed to keep the laughter in. "Had a bad dream… he kept yelling for someone to get off someone else. My bet is he was dreaming of Cho again…" Hermione's cheeks reddened but she didn't say a word. After all that wasn't possible, was it?

"What are you two up to today?" Hermione said having washed the toast down with some juice.

"Well Harry and I have practice until lunch, and then we were planning on going to Hogsmead. Isn't it great? Now that we're 7th years we an go whenever we like."

"Yeah, bully," Hermione said trying to look dejected. "I'm sorry I won't be seeing you two today, I have loads of homework and then detentions with Snape." That was all it took to wake Harry up, and Ron was choking on his bacon.

"WHAT!" Harry was livid, but Ron, well he was still coughing up bacon. "He's making you serve detentions on a Saturday? Why the nerve of that greasy…" But Hermione had stopped listening.

She looked to the staff table with searching eyes, finding him sitting there looking as he always did. The man of the night before was gone and Hermione found herself wondering if she had made a mistake. She ducked her head when she realized he'd caught her staring, but didn't miss the way his lips curled ever so slightly.

She stood in the middle of Harry's rant, Ron having finally joined in and bid them a good day. "I have loads of work to do," she sighed. "I'll catch you tonight." And with that she went off.

Snape had lost his taste for the food this morning. His dream last night had seen to that. He was filled with an emptiness that food could not fill. He left early, Miss Granger had gone some time ago and he had little reason to stay, but she had been watching him… he threw the thoughts from his mind as he stormed towards his empty classroom.

"Filthily little know-it-all, creping into my every dream. Not even safe in my own bed…" he giggled silently at the last thought and entertained it for a moment… oh to find Hermione in his bed. As his eyes glazed over and he opened the door he failed to notice the bushy-haired girl sitting in the front row.

He was at his desk when he saw her, but even then it didn't register. "There are no classes today, I advise you leave at once."

Hermione was angry now; he hadn't even looked at her before dismissing her. "Fine, if that is what you wish."

Snape spun around so quickly he could have conjured a whirlwind and looked at her gathering her things. "Miss Granger what are you doing here?"

Hermione huffed and looked him in the eye. "Well, Professor I had just come to see if you fancied some company, but if I'm so unwelcome I suppose I could find other things to do until our arranged time."

"I… I didn't mean… I was distracted you see and…" Hermione smiled and took her seat again. She pulled out a book and began to read.

Severus smiled at the simple action as he too sat and began to grade papers.

Some time passed before Hermione looked up. Snape had been grading for quite sometime now with a smile that said he was enjoying purposely marking others down. At last she stood and walked over slowly. "Professor?" She asked quietly now standing next to him.

"Yes Miss Granger, what is it, do you wish to know your score? Well I'm sorry but you'll just have to wait like everyone else." She felt angry for a moment and then decided to take a page out of dream-Hermione's book.

She sat on the edge of his desk and moved so she was blocking the papers with her body. "Miss Granger what are you doing?" She didn't reply but simply lifted her hand to brush a stray hair back from his face. He looked at her with bewilderment and then smiled. "I've fallen asleep haven't I?" In that moment he was the man she'd seen last night and she couldn't help but lean forward to brush her lips against his. He hesitated at first and then gave in wrapping his arms about her in a tender embrace. Slowly he pulled back and she smiled at him.

"You're not dreaming, Professor." She whispered gently, taking his hand as she stood. "Let's go to your rooms."

He was so astounded that he didn't really think about it until he'd arrived in his rooms. He let go of her suddenly and backed away. "This isn't real," he said scathingly. "If I'm indeed not dreaming as you have said, then this is just a cruel joke and you are not Hermione Ganger." Hermione felt like shouting, like telling him how stupid he was, but she didn't she simply walked towards him. For every step she took closer he took one away until, at last, he hit a wall and she had him cornered.

She didn't say anything, simply lifted her lips to his once again, briefly, and then pulled away taking his hand and leading him to the couch. She sat him there and then lay down beside him, her head in his lap. He looked at her with bewilderment until she spoke. "Dream or reality, Severus, why fight it?" His eyes widened, and then a calm came over him as she began to sing. He closed his eyes and let the words envelop him, his hand began running through her hair, and he was at peace.

"Every long-lost dream lead me to where you are," Hermione's continued singing had finally formed audible words, not just the indistinct murmurs that Severus had been so enveloped in, and they hit him like a hammer.

"The others who broke me heart,

they were like northern stars,

Leading me on my way,

Into your loving arms.

This much I know is true,

God blessed the broken road…" She turned her head and looked up into his eyes, so surprised to find tears there that her voice caught in her throat as her own eyes swelled and she had to make an effort to choke out the last line.

"That led me straight to you."

They just sat there for a moment looking at each other, tears daring to fall but never quite making it. Hermione smiled lightly and lifted his hand, so rough and scarred such a contrast to her own delicate hands calloused only by using a quill so much, and lifted it to her lips. She peppered it with light kisses as she finally took her eyes from his.

Suddenly he tensed and she let go of him. "Why?" His voice was cold, harsh. She sat up to move away afraid of how he was acting and seeing his eyes backed into the far corner of the couch. "Why are you doing this Miss Granger? Why are tugging my heartstrings so ruthlessly? I know I've been cruel to you in the past, but surely nothing that deserves this… this… simulacrum (A/N means Imitation) of affection!" He was roaring now as he stood his dark eyes an inferno. "Answer me Miss Granger, you always have all the answers, tell me why! Why are you cutting into me, why keep up this game!" She was huddled and shaking, her arms hugging her knees and for a moment he couldn't hold back his shame at what he'd reduced her to.

"I…it…it's no… not a ga… game." She struggled to finish and when she did she noticed she'd only fueled the volcanic man. He strode to her side, his face inches from hers, and grabbed he roughly, shaking her with his anger.

"Don't lie to me!" He roared. "Don't lie! You've hated me since your first potions lesson! I disgust you, you told me yourself! So why, why make me weak? Why reduce me to my core, why break through my shell? What's in this for you?" The room grew silent but for his breathing and her whimpering. She couldn't look into his eyes now, afraid of the pain and anger… afraid he would look at her with eyes of hate and she would know it.

"The only thing in this for me…" she labored against her sobs and tears, shut her eyes tightly and took a deep breath. Severus Snape is not the worst thing you have come up against. When she opened her eyes again she looked into his. He was still breathing as if he'd run 10 miles, and she did see all the things she feared most but she strode on. "The only thing in this for me… is you, Severus." His hands shot away from her as if on fire and he backed away quickly and delicately as he would have had he upset a Hipogriff.

"No," he whispered unable to take his eyes away from her. "No. You don't want me! No one wants me!" He was screaming again and she felt compelled to do the same.

"I want you Severus Snape! I do! Me!" She stood and walked toward him after two steps he spoke, his voice a low threatening growl.

"Stay where you are, Miss Granger." He was shaking now, unable to control what was going through him, fearful of what he may do should she come closer. She paused for a moment, and looked at him.

"Severus," she said softly as she stepped forward. "I have no ulterior motives, no tricks, no lies. I am just me, and I just want you." She came closer still and he shouted more loudly.

"I am warning you Miss Granger stay back. Stay… away." He backed up again until he found himself against the wall… once again she had him trapped. He was scared now, but more angry. He wanted to hurt her, and he wanted to take her. Wanted to live his most vile dreams… She approached him, pressing herself against his body, her lips kissing at his neck. "Leave," he said coldly, emotionlessly. She was shaking now, but gently.

"No." That was all it took. With one word from her his mouth descended on hers, roughly harshly. She was taken aback, fear filling her eyes; this was not like before, there was something more ferial about this. More animal. His hands pulled at her robes ripping buttons in his rush, she pushed him back as he drank hungrily at her mouth.

Soon her robes were on the ground and he pushed her to follow. Her shirt was ripped off and her bra pulled over her head. When finally he let the kiss break she screamed. "Severus, Severus stop! Stop! Please… don't…" she was shaking violently, but all he knew was that she was there and he could take her. Her pulled her pants roughly from her legs.

"You wanted me," he said cruelly. "Is this what you wanted? Is it!" He was screaming at her, now in the process of removing her final piece of clothing, allowing him to drink her in.

"No," she whimpered and he reveled in it. She cried out, in fear. "Please no," she whispered weakly as he repositioned himself. "Professor." He stooped, frozen, and looked deep into those dark warm eyes, now so cold, and helpless, resigned to something horrible.

If someone had torn out his still beating heart it would have been less painful than that moment. He tore away, quickly hiding his shame and turning from her. "No, no… nononononononono…." His mind had broken down and his body followed, curling into a small space, a corner. He was rocking back and forth, back and forth murmuring his mantra. Hermione lay on the cold floor, naked, and shaking, but unharmed; still torn between running and seeing to him. He was undoubtedly worse off than she.

Slowly she dressed, finding her wand to repair her clothes and walked over to him, slowly. "Severus?" He looked up at her as she fell to her knees at his side, brushing his hair from his eyes. He flinched visibly. "Severus are you ok?"

"Hurt you, hurt you. Always hurting. Voldemort… those women… how could I… to you? No… no one… can love me… not capable… of being loved…" He lowed his head to look into the darkness his folded arms made, but she caught his chin and made him look at her.

"You didn't hurt me… you just… scared me is all. You stopped, Severus. You were strong." She pulled him into her arms and rocked him back and forth. "You were strong." She had not forgotten or even forgiven what had just happened, she was in too much shock. But he needed her, and she … she couldn't help thinking that maybe she needed him too. So she helped him out of his self abuse coma, and felt her heart expand and contract in love and fear respectively.

She rocked and stroked him until at last his mind had righted itself. He pulled away and leaned against the wall.

"Miss Granger," she cut him off.

"Hermione."

"Hermione," he began again. "I understand if you feel the need to tell the Headmaster about this. I also understand if you wish to cancel out arrangement tonight. And every night for that matter."

"I dreamt of you last night," she whispered, reaching out for his cheek and caressing it softly. He looked at her and a small smile crept to his lips.

"I dreamt of you too," he replied turning his head to kiss the palm of her hand.

A/N and Disclaimer:

Don't own it, take no credit.

Do not review this telling me how her reaction was unrealistic. I happen to know first hand that sometimes the way you react and the way you should react are two different things. There will be more of Hermione and Snape's thoughts on this later. For now. Just suspended reality and enjoy.