Chapter 8: Always

He pressed himself against her gently, but with an urgency he was trying to fight. This couldn't be easy for her epically since… earlier. While his body enjoyed the attentions of the young woman before him his mind wandered to her.

She was amazing so strong and fresh. She saw him as he was, inside, although he tried so hard to hide it. She looked at him as if he were new and interesting. She always had, now that he thought of it. Had she always known? Should he be doing this? He was her teacher.

He hesitated, pulling away from her slightly. Initially she whimpered at the loss but soon, after her haggard breathing had slowed, she opened her eyes and looked into his. "Severus," her voice was inquisitive, "are you okay?" He bowed his head and started to move away. She let him, not wishing to force him to stay, and sat up next to him. He was breathing heavily.

"I… I just don't know if I should… I mean if we should…" he paused and took a long breath. "I'm your teacher, Hermione."

"For how much longer, Severus? Less than two months. Then I'll be here, teaching DADA." He looked at her in mild shock.

"But… but how?"

She laughed gently. "You aren't the only one with a time turner." He nodded. Yes, yes of course. How could he be so daft?

"Well that… that's not the point really." Quite abruptly Snape realized how naked he was. He grabbed at sheet and pulled it over his lap, following suit Hermione grabbed a pillow hugging it to herself.

"What are you so afraid of?" Her voice was hardly above a whisper, but it sounded as if someone had struck a gong.

Where to start. He was afraid of being discovered as a spy. Afraid his past would come out. Afraid that he would never again know what he really looked like. But mostly he realized he was afraid of,

"You," he whispered. Shock overwhelmed the brunette as she leaned forward to put a hand on his shoulder.

"What could I possibly do to you?" Her voice almost held amusement.

"Love me," he replied.

"Well what is so horrible about that?" She asked hurt making her words cut.

"You don't understand. It's not the action, Hermione, it's the effect. All my life I have existed solely in a word without love. My parents only had me out of obligation. My teachers thought I was a loner. The students… my peers always thought I was strange. Women were always a matter of pleasure or order. They were never interested in the real me. I was teased, and beaten, and starved. Eventually I came to the only conclusion I could. I could not be loved. So you see… the idea would turn my world upside down."

Hermione moved to her knees on the floor. Her hands took his as she looked up into his eyes, the pillow and shame forgotten although he was still covered. "And how would that be bad, Severus? Personally I think you could use a little variety." He flinched.

"Don't tease."

"Severus, I…I wasn't… I'm not." Her eyes filled with tears as she pressed her lips to his hand. "I have always respected you." He looked away although he didn't move.

"You hated me. You were right to do so. And recently, if you recall, you were yelling at me."

"Just because I respect myself doesn't mean I don't respect you. Respect is earned, Severus. You earned that." Hermione was clutching at him now. She couldn't tell him, could she? He wouldn't believe her.

"I cannot give you anything, Hermione. I have money, but I want to give you a life of safety. I can't do that, not with my place in the order. I just want you to have a normal life."

Angrily Hermione stood, grabbing the nearest blanket and wrapping it about her. "I don't give a damn about a normal life," she shouted. "If I did I wouldn't be here with a man I know to be twenty years younger than the whole world thinks. I wouldn't have come to you after you tried to rape me. I wouldn't be a friend to Harry Potter. If I were smart I'd turn and leave. I'm not wanted here, I can see that, but I want to be here. Love doesn't care about normal Severus." She turned her back unaware of what she'd said.

"Take it back," he growled. She turned abruptly, fear filling her blood.

"What?"

"Take it back!" He screamed.

"Take what back?" she was backing away even though he wasn't moving.

"You're not in love. Don't say it. Don't think it. Take it back!"

"I can't!" She shouted the tears flowing freely now as a long pause filled the time. "I can not think it, and I can not say it, but I can't not feel it. I can't make it go away. I can't take it back!"

"How long?" His voice had done a complete 360 now soft and timid.

"At first it was simply admiration," she said gently, "for your gifts, your mind. Then it was appreciation when you pushed me. Then it was… Awkward. I began to notice you as a person. And then as a man. You crept into my dreams… but I couldn't bring myself to admit it if you hated me. I wouldn't hurt myself like that."

"How long?"

"Since I was old enough to have these feelings," she whispered. "Since 5th year."

He looked at her in awe. He'd never known… how could he miss it. "Hermione," was all he could say.

"How long, Severus?" His eyes opened wide at the question.

"What?"

"The headmaster said he'd seen signs, I want to know how long you'd been looking at me… with those eyes." She smiled ever so slightly, hardly a quirk of her lips.

"Since you were old enough to notice," he whispered as she moved forward. "It went much the same for me. I watched you grow. When you were a first year I was merely sixteen. As I became a man, you became a woman."

"How long?" She asked now looking down at him from above.

"Always," he whispered before bringing his lips up to hers.

They kissed deeply, drawing ever closer to each other. Soon they had melted into the arms of one another. Slowly, gently he pressed her against the bed once more, and once more she welcomed him… but it was different now, somehow. It was sweeter, and slower, and more about each other than the feeling. His lips wandered her neck as she arched against him.

He pulled back looking deeply into her eyes. "Are you sure?" He whispered. She nodded gently biting her bottom lip. She gasped, her nails digging into his skin gently. Soon he felt the resistance and stopped moving. He kissed her gently covering her lips as he tore her innocence away, wishing to keep the pain as short as possible. She cried out against his lips, her nails gouging at his flesh. He sat still within her for a moment, as much to allow her time as to absorbing the rapture. Her grip lessened as the pain faded and he stroked her hair from her face. "It will hurt less now."

She held him tightly in her arms stroking his hair. "I love you," so soft it could only be called a whisper in the loosest use of the word.

Tears pushed at the back of his eyes and fell freely. His body raked with sobs and she held him still. No questions, no demands, she didn't even ask him to say it back. She simply… held him.

When the tears had stopped they fell asleep in each other's arms; loved, and safe.

Somewhere in the castle Sybil and Dumbledore enjoyed a moment of pride.

"Well Sybil," the headmaster said, "what do you think?"

She smiled and in her misty far-off voice said, "You were right to send them to me, Albus. Their child will be a great influence in our world."

Dumbledore's eyes danced. "It is so then? She is with child?" Sybil nodded. "They will be up at the end of the week."

Draco Malfoy held a small beetle up to his ear, listening intently as it clicked at him. "No, no, we can't make this public Rita. This isn't gossip, this is the Dark Lord's after dinner mint."

A/N and Disclaimer:

Well I hope you liked it. Many more twists and turns are on the way.

I do not own Harry Potter and I don't take credit for him. I am also making absolutely no profit on this whatsoever.