"Grace? Can we talk?" I ask, looking down from my perch on the edge of my bed. The beanbag chair on my bedroom floor shifts as she looks up from her notebook.
"What is it, Girardi?"
"Remember what you said, about my secrets? That night at the ranger station? About my not being the easiest person to connect with?"
"Yeah … but you have to admit I'm right. Don't deny it."
"No, that's not it. I … I want to tell you my secret."
Grace leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees and her chin in the palm of her hand, as Styrofoam pebbles shuffle around her. One eyebrow quirks in the facial expression I recognize as a silent "I'm listening." As I open my mouth, the words just tumble out.
"I told Adam, way back last summer in the hospital that day before Gentle Acres. You can ask him if you don't believe me. He didn't either at first but then he did and then he believed more than I did for a while." Grace is looking even more perplexed, but she doesn't say a word.
"It started … I guess almost two years ago now. He showed up one day, this really hot guy in a brown corduroy jacket, and told me to get a job at Skylight, but I didn't believe Him. He knew about the promise I made when Kevin was in the operating room, but I still didn't believe. And then She showed up again, this time She was the cafeteria lady. And I did, and I almost got kidnapped but then they caught the guy, and Kevin found a job because of it, and it made good ripples. And then I believed it was real. And I spent the whole year doing assignments. That's what I called them anyway. He called them suggestions. Rocky was one, so was Casper, so was that time I asked Ramsey to the dance, so were all the stupid clubs and the knitting and everything else, and so was that day I found your poem … but they turned into more than just that.
"But then when they told me I had Lyme disease and it caused hallucinations and I wondered if I'd imagined the whole thing … but how could I have when I saw the ripples were good."
Grace opens her mouth; I think she's about to interrupt so I just keep talking faster.
"And then last fall He told me to keep my eyes open, the night of the party, but I didn't listen so I just let Judith drink and drink and drink … but you saved her, you saved her for me. You showed me it was real and it mattered and if I said no, bad things could happen. And then I believed again and I've been doing assignments all this year. You gave me back to …"
Finally Grace manages to stanch the flow of words from my mouth long enough to burst out with the question.
"WHO, Girardi? Who is it telling you to do all this stuff? You don't have to put up with it you know, you can talk to your dad, he'll put a watch on the guy or …"
Now it's my turn to interrupt.
"No, Grace. Not like that. It's … God. I, um, I talk to God."