The Monologue Chronicles Chapter 3

Harry

Note- just to answer the reviewer's questions about Ron and Hermione's monologues 'repeating' themselves; they are supposed to. It symbolises the fact that even though they are both completely oblivious to each other's feelings, they are both thinking the same thing. Thanks for sticking with this story and here is the last chapter, Mr Harry Potter…prepare for anger.

Disclaimer- I don't own any of this, all characters, settings and mentioned storyline all belong to Jo Rowling.

As I sit, I feel nothing.

Nothing at all.

I'm numb, barely living what some people would call 'the best years of your life.'

What a joke.

The truth is, life is nothing like that. It's full of pain and loss and confusion; with nothing to look forward to but that.

I'm through with being optimistic. I've always been told to think positive, that everything will work out in the end. And where has that gotten me?

Near death experiences, loss of family and friends…and pain.

Normal people don't have to deal with things like that. They don't have to worry about the people they love dieing on a daily basis.

I sometimes think, would the world be better off if I didn't go with Hagrid when he came to take me to Hogwarts.

Sure, I would be living life at the Dursley's and have not friends, but none of this crap would of happened.

Voldermort wouldn't of come back. He needed me to become whole again. If it hadn't been for me…Sirius would still be alive.

Loads of people would still be alive. The death eaters would still be in their Azkaban prison cells, rotting away. Everything would have been simple, and easy.

But no, my life is never easy. Every bloody thing that can happen, does, and people die because of me. Nobody trusts me. Not Dumbledore, not even my best friends. They all look at me like I'm going to explode, like I'm a threat. But they don't understand what its like. They don't understand how hard it is to live in a world you created. This world, the wizarding world, is full of pain and people loosing loved ones, because of me.

I can't take it. I sit around, dwelling on these facts everyday and they make me so mad that I do explode. I yell at my friends, my family. I scream and shout and throw things, only because I need to make myself feel again. I want to feel the emotions I so clearly display. I may yell and get angry, but I don't feel it. All I feel is hollow. Like I'm in an empty room, dank and depressing. With nothing to look forward to but more pain.

Maybe I did mean what I said to Dumbledore when Sirius died. If I weren't human then I wouldn't have to put up with all this human crap. No feelings, no loss, no pain, It wouldn't hurt to get up every morning.

In the end, it's just going to be him and me. I know that. The prophecy was about me, no matter how hard somebody tries to convince me otherwise, I know it's about me. And he knows that to. One of us has got to die. The other can't live while the other survives. And deep down, I honestly wonder who it's going to be. Him? Or Me?

Note- Thanks for keeping with this guys. I really didn't think this would ever get posted but hey, I got my act together! Happy HBP weekend everyone…. Ooooooh, I'm nervous already…. ;)