Summary: Ron is suffering after the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but is trying to protect everyone by hiding how he is feeling.
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe and everything and everyone in it, I am just a fan who is letting my imagination run a bit wild. All that I own is the chair that I'm sitting on and the keyboard I'm typing on.
A/N:
Thank you to everyone who is reading this story, I hope that you like this chapter.
Thank you to The Penniless Poet, WeasleyGirl-ca, Sprite Sweetheart, Magnolia Lane and Greenpluff for their wonderful reviews for chapter two, I hope you like chapter three. It's wonderful to know that people are reading this story and that you like it!
And thank you to the readers who have put me on their favs and alert list, once again it's great to know that people like the story.
Here is Chapter three.
Within seconds there was a thumping on the door and Ron heard Charlie's voice. He had obviously been the quickest person up the stairs and had reached the door first.
"Ron, what's wrong? Are you okay? What happened?"
Ron quickly jumped to his feet and roughly rubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, but before he had a chance to respond he heard other voices speaking on the other side of the door.
"What happened Charlie? Is he okay? Ron?"
Molly Weasley's concerned voice could be heard clearly though the wooden door, and Ron's heart ached that he was causing her so much worry.
He heard his father's voice join the conversation,
"Ron", he knocked the door, "Ron, we heard you shouting, are you okay?"
Ron began to panic, they had heard him shouting. How could he ever hope to cover that up? How could he hide now? His mind was still reeling from the images and sounds that haunted his dreams, and his family were waiting for him on the other side of the door. He took a deep breath and replied to his family's questions, realising that his voice sounded a bit shaky.
"I'm…I'm fine, everything's okay"
Ron knew at the back of his mind that his answer would be nowhere near enough for his family, but he had to try.
There was silence on the other side of the door for a moment. Ron stared at the door, hoping against hope that his family would leave him alone. He needed time before he could face people. But his father's voice sounded again through the door,
"Ron, we're not going anywhere until you open this door and tell us what's happened"
The tone of Arthur Weasley's voice was enough for Ron to know that he was not going to be able to get rid of them that easily. He had only heard his father speak like that on a few other occasions. While Arthur was normally quite easygoing and calm, that would change if his family was in danger.
When someone or something was threatening his family he became a force to be reckoned with. And now, after hearing Charlie confirm the fears and concerns that he and Molly had held, he was both terrified and determined.
He was determined that they were going to confront Ron, to get him the help that he needed. When they had heard him shouting only moments ago, he had been frightened that Ron had maybe hurt himself. Ron needed help and he was going to help his youngest son. But he was terrified that Ron would not let them help him. He had been trying so hard to hide how he was feeling. His youngest children had gone through a terrible ordeal, and he was scared for them. They shouldn't have had to experience what they did, none of them should. But, what's done is done and now they were going to help Ron.
Inside the room Ron was pacing, trying to stop his hands from shaking and trying to figure out what to do.
His frustration at the entire situation was heightened as he realised that he would have trouble hiding things now. His emotions, already running riot after his nightmare, threatened to spiral out of control as he continued to pace and his right hand refused to stop trembling. He clenched his hand into a fist in an attempt to stop the shaking and to remove the last echoes of his dream. And then, just as he was establishing a sense of self-control, he heard a voice through the door. Whether it was Fred's voice or George's, he wasn't completely sure, but he did clearly hear what was being said.
"Why are we all standing out here? Did you even try the door Charlie? Is it locked?"
Ron quickly realised that he had never thought to lock the door, and that he was going to have to face his family. He tried quickly to mask his feelings and pretend that he was okay.
He stood straight and tall with his shoulders back, taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself.
"I can do this", he muttered under his breath, "I can keep up the act", but as he sought to reassure himself he realised that there was one thing that was going to betray the truth. There was one part of his preparation and his act that was not falling into place. His right hand was still clenched tightly into a fist, and was still noticeably shaking.
In desperation at both the situation and his inability to control what was happening, he swiftly swung his arm and his fist connected with the nearest wall. The pain that erupted in his knuckles, travelled quickly to his hand and moved immediately to the wounds on his arms. The sharp pain almost forced him to shout aloud again, but he carefully held the injured arm with his left arm and bit his lip in an attempt to control the pain.
As the pain radiated up his arm, he noticed that the door handle was turning slightly and the door was edging slowly open. His mind raced as he saw the concerned faces of his family.
His father entered the room first with his mother close behind him, the faces of his brothers and sister all edged around the open door. Molly immediately rushed to his side as she saw him cradling his right arm.
"Ron, did you hurt yourself? Are you okay?"
Ron tried to hide his frustration at being crowded like this, with everyone watching him. But as he spoke a spark of anger could be heard in his tone of voice.
"I'm fine, really"
At the look on his father's face, Ron knew he was about to disagree with him, so he spoke first.
"I wasn't really paying attention and I hurt my arm" He tried to lighten the mood and deflect some attention with a faint smile that was merely a ghost of the trademark Ron Weasley smile.
"I just got a bit too close to Buckbeak when I was feeding him and he must have thought my arm was his breakfast or something". He nodded his head towards the hippogriff that was watching the proceedings with detached interest. " Bloody hippogriff, next time some-one else can feed him"
Ron began to move out of the room but was stopped before he had taken three steps by his father's hand on his shoulder.
"Ron, please talk to us. We know the attack must have affected you; you all went through a lot. Don't try to handle it all yourself, let us help. You haven't been okay for a while now and we're all worried about you"
Ron glanced towards the doorway and saw that although his siblings seemed content to let their parents handle things, they also were worried about him.
He looked back to his father,
"I'm fine Dad, really, you don't have to worry about me"
He moved past his parents, pushed his way past his siblings and made his way down the stairs. He needed a bit of space, some peace and quiet without an audience watching his every move.
But the Weasley family did not give up that easily and they resolutely followed their son and brother as he reached the ground floor of the old house.
Arthur quickly reached for his son, and placed his hand on his shoulder again,
"Ron"
The young man turned to face his family, and did not even try to mask the frustration and anger in his voice,
"What ! What do you all want now?"
While the other members of the Weasley family may have automatically taken a step back at the sight of the anger and pain in Ron's eyes, they did not leave him. They would not leave him.
"Ron, please", his mother moved towards him, "You have to talk about these things, we know that you're hurting. Let us help you, you'll feel better if you talk about these things"
Ron quickly moved away from his family and paced around the room. He moved across the kitchen like a caged tiger anxiously looking for any escape route. His newly discovered claustrophobia was setting in and he felt like he was suffocating.
His family watched him for a moment, taking in the radically different Ron. Ron was not trying to hide anything now and his emotions were clear for all to see. Eventually Arthur felt that he had to break the silence,
"Ron, please…"
Ron whirled around to face his family, his hands once again shaking as his emotions and his fear raged and spiralled out of control.
"You all want me to talk about how I'm feeling? You really want to know?" he resumed his pacing, "You want to know about the nightmares, about the faces that haunt me!"
As Ron shouted, he was no longer raging at his family, he was raging and shouting at the situation that he, his family and his friends had found themselves in. He was finally allowing himself to vent all the emotions that had been threatening to overpower him.
"You want to know about the fact that these scars will never leave me? Do you want to know that every time I have a nightmare the scars hurt so much it's like it's happening all over again? Do you want to know that the scars will be a constant reminder of the fact that I was stupid enough to summon that bloody brain to me…that I couldn't avoid that confusion curse or fight it off…that I knew what was happening and couldn't stop myself…that I couldn't help Ginny or Hermione or Harry or Neville or Luna…that I couldn't stand beside them in the battle…"
He stopped speaking for just a moment to catch his breath but never stopped his frantic pacing around the room.
"Every time I close my eyes I see images and people that I have never seen before…I hear them screaming…that bloody brain affects me whether I am awake or asleep … so I try not to sleep…when I am awake I have some control. I see Hermione, Harry and Ginny asking me where I was, blaming me for not helping them, for not being there. I can feel the pressure of the brain around the scars on my arms…I remember struggling to breathe and the sense of being suffocated. Do you want to know that every room in this house makes me feel like the walls are closing in on me, and that there's no escape? Most of all I feel so unbelievably guilty that I am feeling like this when Hermione was so badly hurt…I shouldn't feel like this when Harry has been through so much and suffered so much more, when Harry had to face Voldermort again and when he lost Sirius like that?"
Ron grew quiet as he continued to pace, he was so lost in his own thoughts that he did not see the shocked and concerned faces of his family as they thought about what he had just said. They were all momentarily stunned as Ron pushed his way past them and took refuge in his room.
Coming up…Chapter Four.
The Weasley family takes action in order to help Ron.
Chapter four will be the last chapter of this story and I hope to have it posted either Thursday night or Friday morning.
Thank you for reading and please review.