A/N: this fic was co-authored by RebelWriter and Icy Pheonix. It was not originally intended to be a fanfic, we were just sugar high one day and started role-playing over e-mail…with some pretty scary results. C-Icy Pheonix, T-RebelWriter
T-(to random person) C is such a good author. If she went on strike, I'd throw myself off a bridge
C- (walks over) REALLY? IT'S STRIKE TIME FOR ME!
T- How'd I know you'd say that? Ok, if you insist (sighs) Here I go! (holds nose and jumps off bridge) WHEEEE!
C-well, now she's gone…
Ghost T: Muahhaha, and you thought you had gotten rid of me!
C- Uh oh…YUSUKE!
(Yusuke appears, holding Spirit Gun position)
C- What now, O ex-friend? Die or be forced to live in a toilet!
T-(puts on puppy dog eyes and says reasonably) Yusuke, you know how I feel. You were dead once too. So out of respect for undead people like us, I'm asking you not to kill me. You know, a favor, ghost-to-ghost. Besides, C made me jump off a bridge. She has no respect for undead people like us. If you're taking sides at all, it should be mine.
(Yusuke looks back and forth uncertainly)
Y-Er...
C-Pick me!
T-But she killed me!
C-Oh c'mon, you killed yourself.
T-So did Yusuke! We're kin!
(Yusuke looks back and forth faster and faster)
C-ME!
T-MEEEE!
(Yusuke explodes into pixie dust)
T (to C)-what a loser. Explodes into pixie dust just because he's indecisive. I mean, Shippo couldn't decide if he wanted ice cream or brownies, but he didn't turn into pixie dust. And he's a toddler! (laughs loudly)
Yusuke-(rises from the pixie dust out of anger) are you saying that a toddler had more willpower than I did?
T-you said it, not me.
Y- (randomly) You know what, I thought Kuwabara was as nutty as they come, but all people friends with C are insane!
C- What was that?
T- (doesn't want to feel left out) Yeah, what was that?
Y- Don't make me spontaneously combust again.
C- How I quake.
T- Yusuke, that would be greatly appreciated. And you used a BIG word, congratulations. Spontaneous is a lot better than combust.
C- IT IS NOT! COMBUST RULES! Don't you agree, Yusuke? (draws dagger)
T- SPONTANEOUS RULES, YOU IDIOT! Right, Yusuke? (puppy eyes)
Creepy Announcer Voice: So here is Yusuke, faced with the prospect of death or ...puppy eyes! Stay tuned!
T-that's what you think (pulls out magnum)
Y-uh oh. I forgot how to spontaneously combust.
(Kuwabaka randomly appears)
Kuwabaka: Don't be stupid. Spontaneously Combusting is like riding a bike! You never forget! (lights self on fire with a lighter)
T-you do know that if you use a lighter, it isn't spontaneous, right?
C-you do know what you just doomed yourself to suffer a horrible, gruesome death, right?
K-oops. AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
C- Die, die DIE! (stabs Kuwabara)
T- (mutters about how underrated spontaneous combustion is these days)
(blackened corpse of Kuwabara falls to the ground)
C- MWAHAHAHAHAHA! Now for the other...
(Yusuke backs away)
T- (whispers) Yusuke, you're dead.
Y- GEE, THANKS!
T- Thanks for what?
C- Yeah, for what?
(Inside Yusuke's head) SYSTEM OVERLOAD. CONFIRM. SYSTEM OVERLOAD. PREPARE FOR DESTRUCTIVE IMPACT.
(Yusuke explodes)
C- AWWWW, I didn't even get to kill him!
T- (shakes head)
T-serial killers are so overrated.
C-(draws knife) what was that?
T-SERIAL KILLERS ARE OVERRATED!
C-(stabs T and is very pissed off when the knife goes through her without making a scratch and she realizes that T is still a ghost)
Botan-T, sorry I'm late. You're dead, so I have to go drag you to the next world now.
T-NOOOOOO! I WANT TO ANNOY C! Give me another chance, pleeeeeeaaasse! I promise not to make anymore people spontaneously combust!
B-Oh, alright.
C-NOO! TAKE HER AWAY!
B-(flies into the distance, pretending not to have heard)
T-hehe, I had my fingers crossed (drags Hiei over) Let's see how much of our annoying-ness he can take before he spontaneously combusts!
C- You know, your size is an embarrassment to the name of shrimp.
H- WHAT?
T- And you know what, you really need some gravitational gel, too, boy.
H- WHAT?
C- And your Jagan eye is really ugly.
H- WHATTTTT?
T- And don't you have a life other than killing ice demons?
H- (simmers silently)
C- And what's with the red eyes, Shrimpy?
H- Can it, ningen.
T- And that white streak in your hair is so not your style.
H- OH MY GOD SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! IN FACT! (draws sword)
C- (battles with knife) I've fought so many people I'm as good as you with a knife!
H- NRGGHHHHH!
T- NRGGHHHHH?
H- YES, NRGGHHHHH!
(C stabs)
H-(dodges with funky speed thing)
C-MUAH-HA-HA I HAVE FUNKY SPEED TOO!
H-(gaps wordlessly) how...?
C-I DON'T KNOW, I JUST DO!
(H and C battle until both knife and sword break)
T-(panics, needing to annoy him more) as I was saying, the streak makes you look like a skunk having a bad hair day!
H-NRGGHHHHH!
T-WHY CAN'T YOU SPEAK LIKE A LITERATE HUMAN BEING?
H-BECAUSE I HATE NINGENS!
C-Why, because Ningens work in the shirt factories?
T-good one (high fives C)
H-(smolders) I DON'T DO THAT ON PURPOSE, OK?
T and C-you don't
H-NO! It just disappears! I don't know where it goes! They just take it away!
T-who does?
H-I don't know! (cries, then turns to C) you reminded me of my trauma!
(makes new sword and lunges at C)
T-NOOO! (she and C exchange glances, and suddenly it comes to them)
T and C-HIEI, IF YOU HURT US WE'LL TELL YUKINA THAT YOU'RE HER BROTHER
H-(spontaneously combusts)
(T and C high five)
T-we did it!
Botan-Hey! You promised you wouldn't do that!
T and C-uh oh.
C- (randomly) Stop whining, Hiei! You love all of your air-headed fangirls to see you half naked! Admit it!
(realizes she's talking to a pile of smoldering ash)
T- Was that really necessary?
C- Er...
Y- I'm still here, you know.
T- (jumps) I thought you had spontaneously combusted!
Y- I did, but then I decided to get C.
T- Really?
Y- Yeah.
T- (shakes his hand) It's good to be working with you, buddy.
Y- Don't buddy me! Let's get her!
C- AHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOooooooooo...
(minutes later)
C- YOU STUPID JERKS! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST! JUST EVERYONE ELSE!
T- (cackles evilly) And none of this would've happened if you wouldn't have made me jump off a bridge.
Y- ...Yeah, exactly! I think...
Botan- I really have to take you all back to Spirit World.
C- But - But...
(takes paddle from Botan to see if it stops her ultimate death, and Botan screams and falls down dead on the floor)
C- Uh…YAY! I am triumphant!
Creepy Announcer Voice: Now that Botan is gone, what will stop C from committing heinous acts?
T-Not me! (points blowtorch at Yusuke and watches him burn) You know I was just pretending to turn on you, C. Yusuke is more fun to inflict sadistic tortures upon anyways!
C-Let's go get Kurama!
(T and C tie Kurama to a chair)
C-what should we do with him?
T-I think he needs a makeover. Then he'll really look like a girl, and we can get guys to hit on him! Muah-ha-ha!
K-I'M NOT GAY!
T-(blinks) Well duh. That's why Jak Stark and I founded the HieixKurama Flame Club, for Yaoi haters everywhere. And besides, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE THE GUYS HITTING ON YOU! IT'S ALL PART OF THE TORTURE! MUAH-HA-COUGH-COUGH (wheezes) This is why I hate doing the evil laugh. C, would you do the honors...?
C-With pleasure. MUAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
T-(shakes head in wonder) how does she do it?
Kurama Fangirls-NO, NO, NOT OUR DEAR KURAMA!
C-it's too late now. We're making him look even girlier, and there's nothing you can do about it!
(Kurama fangirls cry)
T-Cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it. If you think that's bad, you should see what we did to Hiei. (gestures)
Hiei Fangirls- (possessed zombie voices) must...kill (draw weapons)
T-uh-oh.
(Hiei fangirls swarm)
T-um, C, any ideas?
C- (pulls out lasso and viciously beats up all fangirls) TAKE THAT YOU STUPID FREAKS!
T- Um… C, I think you got them...;
C- Oh...right. (stops strangling a particularly violent fangirl) Now for the fun part!
K- No...pweeze...
C and T- MWAHAH---
C- (covers T's mouth) Lemme do it so that you don't get asthma. MWHAHAHAHAHA!
T- Lip gloss, C!
C- Right away!
(lala)
T- Eye-shadow, C!
C- Of course!
(lala)
T- Eyeliner, C!
K- Now I draw the line at that!
C- (ignores) Here you are!
K- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo...
(lala)
T- (gives mirror)
C- Oh god, he looks like that lady in Drew Carey.
K- (screams and faints)
C- BWAHAHAHAHAH!
T-(to C) we might like to kill each other, but when it comes to torturing people, we are such a good team.
(T and C high five)
C- Let's go get that crybaby Keiko!
T- YEAH!
C- Let's frame her!
T- Uh…right…
C- It'd be easy! Here's what we'll do (pstpstpst)
(C grabs T and magically turns her into Keiko lookalike)
T-what the f is going on? …and why am I so ugly?
C- OOOOOOOHHHHH, point for T! And here you are! (gives T a pie)
T-why am I being awarded a pastry for being ugly?
C- OOOOOHHHHH, and another point for T!
T-Will you stop doing that?
C-(considers for a moment using her advantage to make T spontaneously combust but thinks better of it) Do what you will with it! Just make Keiko look really evil, like her STUPID BOYFRIEND!
(Whisks T off to school)
T-uh… (sees random teacher walk by) HI MR. TEACHER DUDE HAVE A PASTRY! (smashes pie in teacher's face and runs like hell. C magically teleports Keiko into exact spot where T was standing)
(teacher is momentarily stunned) Oh Ms. Yukimura…
Keiko-What?
Teacher dude-YOU ARE EXPELLED YOUNG LADY!
Keiko- (Starts breathing heavily) But…but…
TD- OUT!
K- BUT I'LL NEVER GET MY MASTER'S DEGREE! (sobs and spontaneously combusts, leaving teacher dude highly confused)
C-let's go get Koenma now!
T-(mutters) you're enjoying this a little too much… can I at least stop being ugly now?
C- OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH and yet a third point for T!
T-(groans) what type of Fed up game show is this?
C- Technically it's a fanfic, but okay…
Creepy Announcer Voice: What will happen when they take a half-baby, half-fully-grown-adult, and take him in teenage form to T's middle school dance?
Koenma: (laughs nervously) how bad could it be? I've heard that at dances, all that happens is boys stand on one side of the room and girls stand on the other!
T-(cackles) that's a more common lie than the existence of Santa Clause
Koenma- (decides randomly to start acting like a real baby and starts pounding T) NOOOO! SANTA CLAUSE DOES EXIST!
T-GET IT OFF ME!
C-(gags Koenma)
T-anyways, at our school, a dance is like a cross between a strip club and a mosh pit.
Koenma?
T-C, will you do me the honors so I won't get bronchitis?
C-(ahem) MUAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!
T-(admiringly) How does she do it?
Creepy Announcer voice: Will Koenma be able to adjust to spending an hour in a room where it's about a hundred degrees, the lighting is horrible, rap music is playing deafeningly, and a whole bunch of slutty girls are trying to grind with any guy (or, frighteningly enough, girl) they can get their hands on? Stay tuned
K- Is it realllllly that bad?
T- (nods)
K- Then can someone explain to me why I am going?
C- Cause you annoy everyone with that annoying blue pacifier.
K- (sheepishly) Well, it's a khaki barrier. Not like a chew toy...(cough cough)
T- Oh can it, you baby. (uses magic to transport him to dance)
K- looks around Oh damn, what is that infernal noise?
C- (telepathically) We warned you about the rap. And you might want to switch to teen form...
K- Why?
C- Because, uh, babies are kicked out.
K- All right...Poof...
(Girls-g)
G1- Wow, look at this new hottie!
G2- (mouth falls open) Let's get him over here! He doesn't seem to have a date, so...
(G1 runs over)
G1- HEYYYYYYYYYYYY, CUTIE!
K- (revolted) WHAT?
G1- Come over here for a second!
K- WHY?
G1- Because...we're giving away free Swedish Fish.
K- No thanks, I'm not a fan of seafood.
(sweatdrops all around)
G1- (disbelieving) You have never heard of Swedish Fish?
K- Yes, I have. They are oily and disgusting---
(G1 drags K over to G2 by the ear and start all trying to rub up against him at once, almost crushing him)
T-Muah-ha-ha, now we can just leave the torture in the hands of these crazy whores.
C-(glances around) your school is crazy
T-(lightbulb appears above head) Oh my God! What about Kurama?
C-what about him?
T-we just left him there! He never spontaneously combusted!
(sweatdrops)
(T and C pull out their trusty telescopes and run outside to look back to where they left Kurama, only to see that, Kurama having been unable to withstand being tied to a chair while covered in makeup, the building just went up in flames, as did everything within a five-mile radius)
C-oh no! The world is going to blow up! (more sweatdrops)
T-quick! To Pluto!...but how will we get there?
C-(pulls out Botan's stolen paddle) we'll fly there!
T-brilliant!
Koenma-(comes up behind them) impossible! You won't be able to breathe!
T-we're dead, stupid, we don't need to breathe.
K-(more sweatdrops)
C-let's go! (T and C hop on paddle, which may or may not be intended to fly across the solar system but will be used for just that for the purposes of our story)
K-Ha! You may have gotten away this time, but no one lives on Pluto! There's no one to annoy! Your reign of torture is at it's end!
T-that's what you think. (pulls out YYH manga) this way, we can pull you YYH characters out of the book and torment you any time we want! (gestures towards C, cuing for evil laughter to begin)
C-(ahem) MUAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
(T and C fly away on paddle to Pluto)
A/N That was our first ever sugar-high fic… (sighs) ahhh, the memories. We aren't sure whether or not to put up our fic "Red Bull: It Gives You Wings" on account of it contains OCs that you guys aren't familiar with, and the humor is more inside. So we're giving you a preview of it right here, and you need to tell us if you want to see it! Here it is…
R- Rebecca, KK- Katrina, H- Hiei, G- Genkai, KL- Kevin
G- You, the walking hormone, get me a truck.
KL- Why? You're ugly.
(Dust cloud)
KK-OH, SO YOU WANT A TRUCK?
(VRROOOOOOOOM)
G and KL-O.O
R-WE HAVE A TRUCK!
(VRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOM)
G/KL-O.O
(Katrina and Rebecca laugh from behind the wheel of a ten-wheeler)
KL-(hearts appear in his eyes) wow... It's Rebecca and her twin sister in the same...truck! I think I died and went to heaven!
R-That can be arranged.
(VRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM)
G-Run, you idiot! (runs away)
KL-Why run from my love?
H-Err, ya know they're gonna kill you, right?
KL-(smirks arrogantly) They'd never do that. Rebecca loves me.
H-You can keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better.
KL-If you're so scared of the crazy trucker chicks, why don't you run?
H-Kat and I are kind of friends, she wouldn't kill me.
KK-MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! DIE EVIL CLAM MAN!
H-Uh-oh.
Tell us what you think!