Summary: Ron is suffering after the attack at the Department of Mysteries, but is trying to protect everyone by hiding how he is feeling.
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter universe and everything and everyone in it, I am just a fan who is letting my imagination run a bit wild. All that I own is the chair that I'm sitting on and the keyboard I'm typing on.
A/N:
Thank you to everyone who is reading this story. I have enjoyed writing it and I hope that others enjoy reading it!
Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review. It really makes writing even more enjoyable when I know that other people are reading the story and that you like it! Thank you very, very much. And I want to wish you all a happy days reading for July 16th 2005! …Not long now!
Here's chapter four.
Ron stormed up the stairs, not noticing anything around him until he slammed the door of his room, and leaned against the door trying to catch his breath. He could faintly hear someone trying to quieten the portraits, which had awakened after his outburst, but the majority of his attention was focused on
calming himself. The echoes of his dreams had invaded his reality as he had vented his feelings and now he was struggling to regain some sense of control. He eventually managed to get his hands to stop trembling as he moved across the room and sat down on his bed, with his head in his hands. The sharp pain in his right arm had faded to a dull ache, which matched the headache that was building behind his eyes at that moment.
He was exhausted. The weeks of pretending that everything was okay, combined with his sleep disruption, had finally caught up with him and he was shattered. As he sat there he thought about what exactly had happened only moments previously. He realised that he had revealed everything that he had been trying so hard to hide for the past four weeks. He had revealed his worst fears and had given his family the details of the nightmares that had haunted him since that fateful day in the Department of Mysteries.
He vaguely registered that there was someone knocking on his door.
"Just…just leave me alone for a bit…okay?"
It appeared that his family realised that he might need some time to himself after his outburst, and there was a few moments of welcome solitude before the next person came to his door. Every ten minutes or so there was a tentative knock on his door, and every time he responded without even looking towards the door. It appeared though that after the third or fourth time his family had had enough, and instead of the person leaving after he asked to be left alone, the door slowly opened. In a way he was grateful for some company to distract him from the memories of the dreams, but he was not ready to talk about anything. He still couldn't believe that he had lost control and told them everything. He felt like all the effort over the past few weeks had been completely pointless, and with that realisation any energy he had left simply faded away.
Ron had his eyes closed and his head still in his hands as he listened to the footsteps move their way across the room. The soft footsteps and the silence that remained in the room betrayed the identity of the new person. The soft footsteps had ruled out his father or his brothers, and his mother would have spoken to him already. There was only one other person that it could be…Ginny. His suspicions were confirmed when he raised his head, looked towards the door and saw the only member of his family who was also at the Department of Mysteries. Ginny had not said a word since she had come into the room, and as Ron met her eyes she moved quietly towards the spare bed in the room. Without saying a word she gave him a small smile before carefully setting a small potion bottle on the nearby desk. She then opened the book that she had been holding and began to read. Ron was grateful to his little sister for being so perceptive and aware of the fact that although he did want company, he really was in no mood to talk just yet. He reached for the potion bottle and quickly drank it when he saw that it was a mild pain relief potion. Ron let out a breath, that he had been unaware he had been holding, when the pain in his arm and his head immediately began to fade.
He sat quietly composing himself and trying to think about how everything had now changed. The presence of someone who cared for him provided him with an anchor in the storm that was still raging within him.
Ron was unaware of the fact that his brothers were now sitting outside the now closed door, and that they had established a sort of vigil as they waited for any news. He did not know that his parents were discussing what they should do next as they nervously moved between the kitchen and the Weasley family gathering on the second floor. He was unaware of the fact that several hours had passed until his stomach informed him with a loud growl that it had now been several hours since breakfast, and that he had also missed lunch.
Before long there was a call around the house that dinner was ready and both Ron and Ginny silently made their way down the stairs and into the kitchen.
There were times that living in the busy headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix could be stifling and claustrophobic, but for Ron this was not one of those times. As he joined his family and the various Order members around the dinner table, he was grateful for the various conversations that were taking place. His family, although very concerned for him, observed how he visibly relaxed as he sat at the table. His parents exchanged a look across the table and confirmed what they had already decided to do. They had all decided to allow him this moment of relative anonymity (he obviously wanted at least an hour of pretending that nothing had taken place) before they talked to him about what was happening. They knew he would be reluctant for anyone outside the family to know about what had happened, the fact that he had tried to hide it for so long was evidence of that. They were going to respect his privacy, and they had decided on a plan of action that they believed would help Ron.
Ron listened to the various conversations around him as he filled his plate, but looked up when he heard the kitchen door open and heard his mother speak,
"Remus dear, you look exhausted, sit down, you are just in time for dinner"
Ron observed his former Professor as he gave a small smile and sat down opposite him. Everyone had been concerned about Lupin following Sirius' death. He had been devastated initially but seemed to be coping with it by focusing on Harry. Ron realised quickly that that was where Lupin had been all day.
He startled everyone by speaking when he had previously been silent and content to listen,
"Did you see Harry today Professor? How is he? Did you tell him about how we can't use any owls to send letters any more?"
As he looked into Ron's concerned and shadowed eyes, Lupin sighed,
"Yes I saw him today Ron, we spent the day together, he was glad to get out of the house for a while, even though we couldn't go far with the various security concerns. He seems to be coping with things now, he was of course very angry and upset for a while but I think he is going to be okay. He knows why you and Hermione cannot contact him, he said to tell you that he'll see you soon"
"Good, that's good", Ron nodded as he reassured himself that his best friend was going to be okay, "Next time you see him will you tell him that we'll see him soon?"
"Of course Ron", Lupin replied and the conversation around the dinner table resumed.
Once again, the activity in the house had made it possible for Ron to avoid being alone with any members of his family all evening, as many members of the Order checked in and various missions were undertaken. He knew that his family were watching him but he was grateful that they allowed him to say,
"Good-night"
and then allowed him to make his way to his room without any confrontations.
4.22am.
Ron quietly made his way down the creaky stairs trying to forget the nightmare images that had woken him up. Given the events of the previous evening, he had fallen asleep not long after retreating to his room. And the nightmares had woken him suddenly not long ago. As he pushed the kitchen door open, he was frantically trying to block out the echoes of the voices from his dreams. This nightmare had focused on his friends and he had wakened abruptly after hearing his friends accuse him of not being there for them. A part of him knew that they would never blame him or accuse him in that way, but sometimes the fear overwhelmed the rational thought.
If he had been more awake or more aware he perhaps would have remembered the events of the previous morning when an unexpected person waiting in the kitchen had surprised him. But, as he was preoccupied at that moment he was startled by the voice that he heard from the kitchen table,
"Morning Ron"
Ron was momentarily speechless at the sight of his father sitting calmly at the kitchen table. But found his voice as he moved further into the kitchen,
"Dad, what are you doing up at this time?"
he didn't bother trying to hide how tired he was, as he was sure Charlie had informed them of his morning routine. His father gave him a look that confirmed his suspicions as he nodded at the chair beside him,
"Sit down Ron, I'm looking for someone to play a game of chess with me"
It was only as he sat down that Ron noticed the chessboard that had been set up on the table, and allowed a faint smile to grace his face. It had been a long time since he and his father had played chess.
Father and son sat in comfortable silence for a while, wordlessly moving the chess pieces as the game progressed. A large pot of tea and a plate of toast had been made at one stage, and it was only when Arthur had seen Ron eat some toast, that he began to speak,
"I was terrified you know, still am actually"
Ron looked up at his father in surprise. He found that he didn't
know what to say but gratefully realised that no words from him were necessary. Arthur continued to speak,
"When I found out about the attack I was more scared than I ever thought I could possibly be. I always thought that I would be able to protect my children. And when the war started and your brothers joined the Order, both your mother and I knew there were some risks. But we never thought that you and Ginny would be in a battle, that our youngest would have to face so much"
Arthur took a sip of tea and a deep breath before he continued; he knew that saying all this would help both Ron and himself.
"I was so angry at the whole situation, at the people who were putting my family in danger. I felt that I should have been able to protect all of you, and I couldn't. I admit that it took a while before I could understand why you all went to the Ministry that night. Once I had calmed down and I knew that both you and Ginny were okay, I realised how proud I was of both you. I am very proud of you Ron"
Arthur suddenly looked up and made sure that Ron understood this point,
"I am very proud of the young man you have become Ron. You faced a situation that many Aurors or members of the Order have never had to face. You went into a dangerous situation because you thought it was the best thing to do for those you cared about, and that is one of the bravest things I have ever heard of. I would have been a lot happier if you, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, Neville and Luna had all been safely at Hogwarts, but you bravely faced the challenges that were placed in front of you. I am proud of you son"
Silence returned to the kitchen for a minute as both Ron and Arthur finished their tea, and as Ron sat his empty cup on the table he finally spoke,
"I am angry at myself for not being there for my friends and for Ginny, they all went through so much and I wasn't there to help them. Harry and Hermione…I…I shouldn't have been stopped so early in the battle…I should have been there at their side as they faced so much …I am so fed up of the scars and the effects of that stupid brain…. I didn't want to cause everyone so much worry when you have all been through so much…I…"
Ron stopped talking suddenly as the emotions threatened to overwhelm him, and the need to take a couple of deep breaths became vital. His father looked at him for a moment, making sure that he was okay, before he spoke,
"Ron, you did more than anyone could have expected and I know for a fact that there are many wizards twice your age who wouldn't have gotten past the trip on the thestral, never mind what you went through in the Department of Mysteries. You stood by your friends and fought bravely and I have no doubt that you were a strong ally in battle. You are allowed to be upset about all that has happened you know?"
Ron gave his father a small nod in response to his question and replied,
"I know".
The air seemed to have cleared a bit with the emotional revelations, and both Ron and Arthur turned their attention back to the chessboard. Arthur looked towards his youngest son with a small smile,
"You know what? I think that I may just have a chance at winning a game of chess against you"
His attempt to lighten the moment was rewarded as he heard a soft chuckle from Ron and saw him move his chess piece.
The following morning when Ron appeared in the kitchen at 4.55am, his mother met him with a mug of hot chocolate. She told him stories about when he was growing up. They talked about the night of the attack and she told him how worried she had been about all of them. She had asked to see the wounds on his arms and after a moments thought he had allowed her to see them. He had told her about the dreams and how the wounds that were healing and the scars that were forming would hurt as he dreamt. He found himself telling her about the elements of his dreams that scared him the most and the reasons why he had been reluctant to sleep.
The Weasley family plan became clear to Ron, as over the next week, there was always a member of the family there to meet him when he appeared in the kitchen at the crack of dawn.
Charlie and Ron spoke about dragons, school and Quidditch. They talked about the attack and how helpless Charlie had felt when he had heard that both Ron and Ginny had been attacked.
Ginny had merely sat with him for close to half an hour before they both talked for the first time about everything that had happened that night. Ron had told her how bad he felt for not being able to help her more, while she had told him that he was being an idiot. She had told him that she was terrified when the brain had attacked him and that she was very proud that he was her older brother.
Bill had arrived back from a mission for the Order and had met Ron in the kitchen on the fifth night. They had talked for hours as they caught up on everything that had happened, and Bill had told Ron that he had felt so helpless and scared when he had been told about what had happened.
Fred and George both met Ron in the kitchen on the sixth night. After being uncharacteristically serious for a while and talking about what had happened, they had caught Ron completely off guard by simultaneously turning to him with mischievous grins and asking him,
"So, Ronniekins, what's going on with you a certain Miss Hermione Granger?"
On the seventh night Molly had been sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of tea and waiting for her youngest son to appear when she glanced at the clock.
It was 5.25am.
He had never been this late before. Molly quickly rose from her chair and made her way up the stairs and through the dark hallways of the house. When she reached the door that led to Ron's room, she stopped for a moment to make a silent wish before she quietly turned the handle of the door.
Her wish was granted at the sight that met her eyes. Her youngest son was completely asleep. There was no sign of any nightmares as he breathed deeply as he slept. She noticed with a small smile that he had kicked the blanket away at some point, just as he had done when he was a baby. She quietly made her way across the room, returned the blanket to him and made sure that he would be safe and warm as he slept. She did notice that he had chosen to wear a long sleeved top as he slept and she knew that it would be a while before Ron recovered from what had happened, and even then he would have the scars to remind him of it. But she also knew that he was over the worst of it and that he would never have to deal with things alone.
The End.
Thank you for reading this story, I hope that you liked it. Please Review.
I want to wish everyone a happy day of reading for July 16th 2005!