I……………….I

Chapter Five: Falling Into Pieces

"Moony!" Harry screamed as he fumbled onto the wooden floor at Grimmauld Place. He landed hard on his broken kneecap but it was little pain compared to his aching heart.

"Moony?" Tonks asked confused. "Where is Lupin? Didn't he come with you?"

"Lupin, he-he-he's dead!" Harry screamed once more.

Tonks ran over to the raven-haired boy. She helped him stand up and tried to lead him to the couch but Harry pushed her back.

"We-we don't have time for that crap! Tonks, we have to help! He-he-he-"

"What do you mean Harry? Lupin was with you, how could he of… what happened?" Tonks asked slowly, suspicious she wasn't hearing Harry correctly.

"We were just talking about stuff, when- when he came in and stabbed Lupin with a knife! Lupin made me come back! I tried to help him! I really did! Tonks please go find him! I need him back! I-I- he- he was the last father I had," Harry said lowly, Tonks could scarcely hear him.

Tonks wrapped her arms around the suffering boy, pulling him closer to her. "Shhhh, Harry. It's going to be alright. We have to wait for the others to get back before we can do anything."

"What do you mean? Lupin is back there and we can't do anything!?" Harry pulled away from Tonks. "No! You-you don't understand! Lupin is dying! S-Snape did it! I know he did! I heard him and saw those damn yellow teeth! It was Snape!

Tonks blinked blankly at Harry. "Nonsense! Harry, how many times do we have to tell you? Severus is with the Order!"

"No! If he was with the Order then why the bloody hell did he kill Lupin?" Harry inquired darkly.

"We don't even know if Lupin is dead or you're just making it up!" Tonks didn't know where that last sentence had come from- she just regretted that she had said it.
"H-H-Harry, I'm so sor-"

"How dare you! Leave me alone! I'm going after Lupin!" Harry turned towards the fireplace.

"No you're not Harry! You're staying here!" Tonks shouted at the young boy, grabbing his sore wrist to hold him back. "We are waiting for the rest of them to get back!"

Harry looked at her in fury. "Fine!" he shouted. "If you don't believe me, Dumbledore will!" Harry was sobbing. "Don't you get it? Lupin just died! Why don't you care? I'm just so untrustworthy, am I? You're just like everybody else! You have to wait till I give an interview to Witch Weekly or until I defeat Voldemort once more in order to believe me! Well guess what? I'm done! I'm done with it all! I just want to die! Just kill me!"

"Harry! Now you listen to me!" Tonks grabbed Harry's shoulders. "Snap out of it and start acting like an adult! People die Harry! You don't have to get all hysterical about it! Get over it!"

Harry looked at her, fear flashing in his eyes. His eyes grew wide with shock and a moment later he fell unconscious, passing out in Tonks's arms.

"Harry? Harry wake up! Harry what are you doing? Get up!" Tonks started shaking Harry violently in order to wake the boy but succeeded in only provoking his injuries.

"What is going on in here?" a stern voice asked from the doorway.

Tonks snapped her head to the right staring into the eyes of a very furious-looking Mrs. Weasley.

"Put him down!" Mrs. Weasley yelled. "What the bloody hell do you think you are doing?"

"I was just- I was just- He just fainted," Tonks said lamely.

Mrs. Weasley ran over to Harry, taking him carefully from Tonk's shaking arms and laid him down on the couch. She checked over Harry as Tonks watched the two carefully.

Once sure Harry was indeed alright, Mrs. Weasley walked over to Tonks and slapped her hard in the face.

"What the hell where you thinking?"

"Molly, listen. I don't know what came over me. I just- I just couldn't control myself any more. I mean if what Harry said is true- we've lost- another and I just can't bear it…" Tonks's voice drifted off.

"I don't care what is going on with you right now, but whatever your going through Harry's going through it one-hundred times worse."

"Oh come on Molly, he'll get over it! I mean, he's Harry! He always gets through it."

Mrs. Weasley looked at Tonks sternly, "He's not superman- he's human! He's a wizard like you and me-"

Molly was cut off with dozens of loud popping noises as the remaining Order apparated in.

"We'll finish this later," she said quietly to the younger woman as she quickly walked over to Harry.

Confusion was everywhere. People where shouting, "Where's Harry?" While others were trying to get glimpses of the famous, passed-out boy on the couch.

Molly did her best to cover Harry up, trying to keep prying eyes off the young boy.

A loud bang came from the tip of Dumbledore's wand. "Everyone will proceed to the dining room where we will discuss a new strategic plan. Please avoid lingering and watching young Harry. He needs his privacy."

Everyone turned around disappointedly and slowly started walking toward the dining room as Albus made his way toward Mrs. Weasley.

"Come on Molly, we need to go-"

"NO! I'm not leaving Harry's side!" Molly interrupted. Going and sitting on the couch next to Harry, she moved his head and laid it on her lap. "No, I'm staying with him."

Dumbledore looked at Mrs. Weasley, a glint in his eye. "I knew you would."

Mrs. Weasley rubbed the young boy's forehead lightly, careful to miss all the sore spots. Why does this always have to happen to Harry? He's too kind and gentle and young to have to deal with all this.

Harry's eyes fluttered lightly open. "Mrs. Weasley?"

"Harry? Harry are you awake?"

"Mrs. Weasley, where am I?"

"Harry sweetie, you're at Grimmauld place. Harry, what can you remember?"

"Hmm, I remember being happy. I remember being with Ron and Hermione and being happy."

Mrs. Weasley looked stunned, confusion written across her face, "Harry, you need your sleep."

"Umm…okay. But can-can you…"

"Yes dear?"

"Can you keep rubbing my head like that? And- and maybe you could stay until I fall asleep?" asked Harry semi-embarrassed.

A tear rolled down Mrs. Weasley's face.

"Mrs. Weasley? Are you there?"

"Yes Harry, I'll stay with you. I'll stay with you forever and always."

I……………………………….................I

The kitchen at Grimmauld Place had been enlarged sequentially to fit the massive number of Order members who had emerged from the battle.

McGonagall stood at the head of the kitchen table. "First order of business- our goal was achieved! We brought Harry back from the hospital slightly bruised and broken but nonetheless in one piece."

A look of triumph crossed everyone's faces as this news was announced and the room exploded with applause and cheers.

'Yes, yes that's all good and fine but it did not come without a cost," Minerva continued. "Kingsley should be arriving soon with the final death tally."

Many in the room immediately became uncomfortable. A wind of silence swept through the room as every Order member looked down at his hands in respect for the dead.

"But on a lighter note," McGonagall recovered from the silence, "We captured a total of 31 Death Eaters, including three of the most wanted- Celeste Warwick, MacNair and Nott. They have all been handed over to the Ministry and await trial."

There was once more uproar of applause, only to be silenced by the kitchen door opening and closed.

"And it looks like Kingsley is here to give us his own report of the deceased," McGonagall said quietly. She slowly took her seat, barely anticipating the news that was about to befall her.

Kingsley walked to the front of the table. He looked extremely distressed and anxious.

"So, umm, we were not able to get the exact number of muggles that, umm, died because we believe that some bodies may still be hidden under beds and desks and such, but we do know that the amount will be, uh, no less than three-," Kingsley paused, hardly able to speak. "Will be no less than three hundred."

Some of the members of the Order exchanged sad looks down the table, others had their heads buried in their hands and others had burst into tears.

"Umm and the total number of Death Eaters dead was-was seven."

The Order members didn't know how to react to this information- should they mourn over even more deaths or rejoice in victory?

"And, umm, finally the number of our own-" A hush came over the room.

"Well the number is- the number is," Kingsley dropped the paper he was holding, turned around and vomited on the floor.

"I'm sorry. I can't- I can't do this," Kingsley panted, wiping his mouth with his robe sleeve.

McGonagall slowly stood up, bent down and picked up the fallen piece of paper. She swiftly cleaned up the throw up mess with a swish of her wand.

"It's alright, just take a seat Kingsley. It'll be fine," she said comfortingly.
McGonagall quickly read over the results with an austere face. She began blinking furiously but hid any emotion in her voice.

"The number is two. Arabella Figg is presumed to have been dead before the battle even started by being struck with the killing curse. And-and the second is-" Minerva's bottom lip started to quiver. "Remus Lupin," she finished in a whisper.

She could have heard a needle drop. Most of the members were staring blankly up at her and other were slowly turning their heads as if just realizing that their comrade and friend was not among them.

Dumbledore slowly rose to his feet. "How?"

According to this he was put under the Cruciatus for some time and then stabbed in the heart."

"There's more," a small voice said from the corner of the room.

Everyone shifted to see Tonks leaning against the wall for support.

"When Harry came back to Grimmauld Place he told me of Remus's death. I-I didn't believe him. It's just that there's always that ounce of hope, right? But-but that's not the point. He-he told me who did it. But this surely can't be true! He said it was one of the Order members- someone who we know to-"

"Just get on with it!" Kingsley yelled through his tears. "Who is the damn murderer?"

Tonks looked at him weakly. "Severus."

Another uproar followed this announcement. There seemed to be two separate views on the matter- those who thought Snape as innocent and those you thought Snape as guilty.

A loud bang erupted from the end of Dumbledore's wand.

He looked sternly down the table at his companions. "I want every one of you to listen carefully. If any of you see Severus, bring him to me immediately. Do not ask him questions or speak to him, except to say that he shall come before us and be examined for the murder of Remus Lupin."

I……………………………….........................I

"Where is he? Where the bloody hell is he?" Harry heard a familiar voice say, followed by a door slamming shut. Ron and Hermione had just arrived at Grimmauld Place, early the next morning.

"Ron, Hun, please calm down! Harry needs his rest," Mrs. Weasley said quietly.

Harry's eyes fluttered open. "Ron? What's Ron doing here?" he muttered under his breath.

"Please Mrs. Weasley!" Hermione said from the parlor entrance. "We need to see Harry! What is going on? Is he alright?"

Harry slowly turned over onto his pain-filled back. He had spent the night on the living room couch. Red curtains had been drawn around him for privacy; to Harry, the curtains made it seem too much like a hospital bed.

"Harry will be fine dears. If Harry wants to tell you he can, it's his business. And right now he's sleeping."

"Please Mrs. Weasley! Please tell us! We've been so worried!" Hermione argued.

"Please Mrs. Weasley, don't tell them! They can't know. They'll think I'm weak," Harry muttered as he eavesdropped.

Mrs. Weasley looked into the tearful eyes of Hermione. "Oh, all right. But I'm not telling you some of the more intimate details."

"Crap!" Harry retorted under his breath.

"The only reason I'm telling you this is because you might be able to get through to him. What do you know so far?"

"Umm, not that much. I heard some very vague stuff- a few names thrown around, like

Mrs. Figg and Professor Lupin. Are the fighting a custody battle or something?"

Mrs. Weasley looked at Hermione sadly. "No, dear, they're dead."

Harry heard Hermione and Ron gasp; accompanied by a loud thud.

Sneaking a peak through the curtains, into the hallway, Harry saw that Hermione had collapsed to the ground in shock. Ron was running his large hands across his face, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"And-and Harry? Is-is Harry also-?" Hermione couldn't finish her sentence, tears streamed down her rosy-colored cheeks, clearly not thinking logically.

"No dear. Harry was in a car accident caused by you-know-who. Dementors made their car veer off to the other side of the rode. He survived, though his aunt and cousin did not."

"Good," Ron muttered under his breath.

"No! You idiot! It's horrible."

"It is not good Ronald Weasley! The only reason they were in the car was that Harry's aunt was saving him from that awful man! Ron, Harry's uncle tried to kill him," Mrs. Weasley said darkly, while glaring at Ron.

Ron stood there in shock as Hermione started to hyperventilate.

"What-what do you mean 'tried to kill him?'" Ron asked quietly.

Mrs. Weasley thought about it for a second. "That is something Harry will have to tell you for himself when he is ready, Ron. All you can do for now is be there and support him until he is ready to talk. Anyways, Harry has sustained some injuries- most of which I will take care of later on today. Harry was sent to a muggle hospital where unfortunately- OH! Harry! I didn't realize you were up!"

Harry had chosen that moment to make his presence clear by getting up and slowly moving towards the hallway. He wasn't quite ready to let Ron and Hermione in on the dark secrets of last night.

"Yeah, I-uh- thought I heard voices. Hello Ron, Hermione," Harry said in more of a business-like tone than a friendly one.

Ron and Hermione plastered sad smiles on their faces. "Hey Harry!"

"Well I'll just leave the three of you alone while I go make breakfast," Mrs. Weasley said cheerfully as she bustled out of the room.

"So, um, Harry, how are you?" Ron asked lamely.

"Well if I look as bad as I feel, I must look like hell."

Hermione and Ron shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say to their best friend.

"Oh, Harry. Merlin, maybe you should be lying down," Hermione stated with a smile, as she saw Harry start to sway where he was standing.

"Yeah, well, maybe. But could you do something with those stupid curtains?"

Ron and Hermione both grinned. Hermione ran to help Harry hobble to the couch while Ron shifted the curtains back so the would be able to see Harry.

"There we go," Hermione said after getting Harry comfortable, glad she could assist her best friend in some way.

Ron pulled up two chairs to the couch and Hermione took her seat next to Ron.

"So, what have you two been up to this summer?" Harry asked only half-interested, trying to keep conversation going.

Ron and Hermione gave each other smug smiles.

"Well, Harry. I guess now's as good a time as ever to tell you," Ron began slowly, not sure of Harry's reaction.

"Ron and I are now an official couple," Hermione finished with a proud smile.

Harry looked at the stunned. Now's as good a time as ever? I can think of a bloody thousand times better then this to go flaunting yourselves in front of me! Harry thought to himself.

"Wow guys! That's really great! Congratulations! I've been waiting for the day when the two of you would get together," and make me a bloody third wheel! Harry added in his thoughts.

Ron beamed, "Really Harry? Wow! Your not mad about it or anything? You're such a great friend!"

"No! Of course I'm not mad at you!" No, not at all. Why would I be mad that you went behind my back and started snogging my other best friend without telling me first?

Hermione let out a sigh, "Phew! I was so scared to tell you that! But don't worry; we'll all still be best friends!"

"Sure," Harry said skeptically.

Ron sensed that doubtfulness in Harry's voice and knew it was time to change the subject.

"So, umm, listen Harry. My mum was telling me about some of the stuff that's going on, and I was just wondering if you wanted to maybe talk about it?"

Harry was taken aback. "Why would I want to talk about it?"

"Well Harry, I think Ron was just trying to-"

"Trying to what? Trying to get me to give an eyewitness account of what happened when the only person I had left in the world died?"

"Harry, you still have us-"

Harry cut Hermione off. "Or maybe you want to know what it's like almost being murdered by your uncle?"

"No Harry. That's not what I was-"

"Or maybe you want to know just how weak I am so you can turn around and laugh at me. Well go ahead! Laugh at me! You probably think I'm a freak anyways!"

"Harry, we nev-"

"Well guess what? I don't care what you think! Just- just leave me the bloody hell alone!"

"Harry, we-we're not leaving!" Ron stated firmly.

Harry looked at the red-head in fury. "FINE!"

With one swipe of his hand, Harry closed the red drapes around him.

Hermione looked at Ron in shock. His face had paled tremendously.

"Well, apparently he's not ready to talk," he said quietly.

I……………………………….....................I

"Wow! So much has happened in the last few weeks," Hermione whispered to Ron in order not to wake up Harry.

Mrs. Weasley had come in after the trio's fight in order to fix up Harry a bit only to find him asleep. Instead of waking the sleeping boy, she had sat there, telling Ron and Hermione the rest of the horrific story that would haunt Harry's dreams for years to come.

"Yeah, I know! I mean Harry being in the hospital and rescued and all," Ron answered.

"And the ministry-Sirius and now Lupin I don't know how much more the Order can lose without cracking."

Ron's face went solemn, "I don't know how much more Harry can take without cracking. Sirius was like a father to him-and so was Lupin."

Harry's eyes cracked open. "Yeah Sirius, he's the only family I have. When is he going to be home?" I haven't seen him in a long time."

Hermione shot Ron a quick glance towards Harry's direction, opening the curtain around the couch so they could see Harry, "What do you mean Harry?"

"I mean that Sirius has been away for so long on that bloody mission! I miss him so much! When is he going to come back?"

"Harry," Hermione said, while looking at Ron for support taking Harry's hand in hers.
"Harry, Sirius died about a month ago. Don't you remember? He died in the Ministry."

It was as if someone had just slapped Harry across the face. He stared at Hermione for a moment, and then glanced at Ron, expecting him to start laughing at Hermione's horrible joke - but the laughter never came.

"No-No! That's not possible! He can't be-he was just here! I saw him! No! Y-You liars!
H-He can't be d-d-," Harry couldn't finish his sentence; hysterical tears began to pour down his pale face.

"Harry! Listen to me," Hermione said calmly. "Harry you were there. Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"Remember that Sirius fell through the veil," Ron chimed in.

"What veil? What are you talking about?" Harry asked, still crying.

"The veil at the Ministry! Harry remember? Harry you watched it happen!" Hermione began sobbing worried at her best friend's denial.

"SHUT UP!" Harry screamed, while trying to wipe the tears off his face.

Mrs. Weasley came in, hurrying in to see what was wrong. "What is it?"

Harry rose from his lying position on the gray couch. "These idiots think that Sirius is dead! I know he's not! He's coming home soon. Tell him Mrs. Weasley."

A saddened look crossed over Mrs. Weasley's face. "Sweetheart, Sirius is de-"

"FINE! If you people don't believe me, just wait! Just wait and see!"

Harry slowly rose from the couch and limped past Mrs. Weasley up the stairs, wiping the tears off his face as he went.

Hermione tried to follow him but Ron held her back. "He needs some time to himself. To-to figure it out."

I………………………………...................I

Harry lay on the floor next to Sirius's bed. Tears dripped from his leaky eyes.

"Harry! You have to get over this! People die all the time!" he said aloud, to himself.

"But why is it that it always has to happen to me?" he retorted.

"Harry, you should have learned by now, everything always happens to you," Harry whispered to himself.

"What do you mean by THAT?" Harry screamed out loud; but no one heard him.

His inner thoughts responded back to him. "Well just look. When you were a baby it was your parents that died-not Ron or Hermione's. In first year you were the one who had to watch Quirrel die-not Ron or Hermione. In second year you were the one who had to save Ginny from death and in fourth year you were the one who went to the graveyard-not Ron or Hermione. And now Sirius and Lupin are dead- and of course it had to happen to you."

Harry started to sob, "But why is it always me? Why can't it be someone else?" he questioned innocently back.

"Because- Harry, you're just lucky," his inner voice responded back.

"Oh shut it!" Harry yelled at himself, rolling on to his other side to get away from the voice within that kept talking to him.

He was now facing the bed. The bed was rather high, the bed had a deep red comforter and gold curtains surrounding it, supposedly supporting Gryffindor.

Curiosity tugged at Harry's heart and he slowly lifted up the blankets peeking underneath the bed to see what was underneath.

Only a few stray boxes covered the bottom of the bed and a trunk, which Harry took as being Sirius's from when he went to Hogwarts. Just as Harry was releasing the sheets down a piece of parchment lying by itself on the floor caught his attention.

He reached and grabbed the single piece of parchment and slowly unfolded it. His eyes filled with tears again, as he saw Sirius's untidy scrawl on the paper, with his name on it.

Dear Harry,

Well, I'm leaving this here for you incase something happens to me. Stupid, I know, I mean how is it that I, the infamous Sirius Black, could die? But still, this is a war and anything can happen to the best of us.

Harry, there is something that you should know and I know that I'm not the best with words or anything or with expressing how I feel but I guess that I'm dead so what the heck, Harry, I love you so much. You are so important and the best godson I could have ever asked for.

Thank you for giving me a reason to live. I don't know if I ever told you this but when you were a baby I used to fight over getting to hold you. I think one time I even slapped James and took you while he was busy whimpering over this tiny scratch that I had left on his face. Pathetic, huh?

Well anyways, I just needed to let you know how much I adore you and how much you matter to not only me but too many others.

I Love You-
Your Godfather-
Always,

Sirius Black

P.S. If you didn't know, you were the only person I considered as my heir you're like a son to me-Grimmauld Place and everything is yours.

Harry read the letter to himself several times. He felt tears burning down his cheeks.

"He loved me! Did you hear that? He loved me." Harry sobbed, quietly.

Harry hugged the letter to his chest, tears streaming down his cheeks. "He loved me, " He kept whispering to himself, until he fell into a deep troubled sleep, tear streaks apparent on his pale face.

I……………………………….................................I

"Here he is Ron! He's up in Sirius's bedroom!" Hermione called down to her boyfriend.

"What the hell is he doing on the floor?" Ron asked as he walked into the room and saw Harry.

"I don't know. It's kind of sad, isn't it? Wait! It looks like he fell asleep- crying."

"Yeah. Well let's get him out of here," Ron said walking over to Harry and picking that smaller boy up in his arms. " He's freezing. He'll sleep in my room tonight."

"Good idea. Your mum said he has a cold he shouldn't be sleeping on the floor," responded Hermione.

Ron turned to leave but as he did a piece of parchment fell to the ground, out of Harry's hand.

"Could you get that 'Mione?"

"Yeah, sure. No problem. I wonder what it is." Hermione picked up the piece of paper and read over it. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Ron, wait. This is a letter from Sirius. Do you think we should read it Ron?" wondered Hermione while giving Ron and inquiring look.

"Um…let's put Harry to bed first. Then will decide," decided Ron as he and Hermione walked out of Sirius's old room and downstairs to the room Ron and Harry had shared last summer.

Hermione quickly pulled back the covers on the empty bed, while Ron placed Harry on the bed.

Ron stepped back as Hermione carefully took off Harry's shoes, trying not to wake him.

"There," started Hermione as she pulled the covers up on top of Harry, "He should get warm in no time. At least he'll be more comfortable here than the old wooden floor."

"Yeah. So do you think we should read the letter? I don't want to invade Harry's privacy or anything," asked Ron as he grabbed the letter from the table Hermione had placed it on.

"We wouldn't have to tell him. I mean he's always keeping things from us. We have a right to know what's going on. Don't you think?" argued Hermione, desperately wanting to see what the letter said..

"True. Let's read it," resigned Ron.

A few minutes later Hermione had her hand over her mouth in shock, "Ron! Sirius gave him this-"she waved her hand around the room to emphasize her point, "house. What is he going to do?"

"I don't know. I just don't know."

I…………I

A/N: Thank you all for reviewing again we really appreciate it. Just to let you know we are going to do all our review responses on chapter 11 when we post it this Sunday. We want to get these chapters up sooner, so not doing responses till later won't take as long. (And we can write more chapter 11!)

Thank you all again, for sticking with us, we really appreciate it.