Red Kryptonite for the Human

Summary: Martha Kent gets the same effects as Clark does when he's under the influence of red kryptonite, and things go horribly wrong. Set somewhere around mid-3rd season.

A/N: ForeverTom- actually, I never saw "Unsafe" I don't get WB, so I kinda laughed when I read your review, because I had no clue what you were talking about.

Chapter 2: Roll Out the Red Carpet for Martha Kent

Jonathan and Clark just sat there looking shocked. Martha was the first one to say something.

"What's the matter, boys?" asked Martha with a sly smile. "Haven't you ever seen a woman expressing herself with her wardrobe?" She went up to Jonathan and started making out with him.

Clark was staring at his mother blankly. "Mom, are you feeling okay?" he asked.

"I'm feeling great," she said, in the same seductive-type voice. "But I feel old. I mean, I've been married for twenty years. Who wouldn't feel old? You know what I want to do tonight?"

"What?" asked Jonathan, obviously afraid of the answer.

"I want to go to karaoke night at the Talon."

Clark and Jonathan exchanged glances. Neither of them knew what brought on this weird behavior of Martha's. Clark thought it might possibly be a mid-life crisis or something.

That night, around seven o'clock, Clark showed up at the Talon to help Lana. He warned her about his mother's plans for the evening.

"That doesn't sound like your mother," said Lana, after he explained it. Clark was thinking the same thing, and Lana could tell. "I wonder why she is doing that."

"I have no clue," said Clark. "She was acting really weird at home, I'm wondering if something weird happened last night when she was with my dad in Metropolis."

Just then guests started to arrive at the Talon. Chloe and Pete were among them.

"Hey guys," said Chloe. "What's going on?"

"Clark's mom is acting really weird," said Lana.

"Like wall-of-weird weird, or just different from how she normally acts?" asked Chloe.

"I don't know," said Clark. "But beware, she's singing karaoke tonight, and, well, let's just say it's good that you haven't heard my mom sing before."

"That bad, huh?" asked Pete, and Clark answered with a nod.

"Okay, Clark," said Lana, "we'd better get to work. People are starting to show up."

A few minutes later, the place was packed. Clark caught a glimpse at his mother in a black coat, (which she took off, to reveal the black spaghetti strap shirt she had already been wearing) black pants, and the same high-top shoes she wore earlier that day, and she was dragging her husband along, who was not excited to be there.

Mom singing, thought Clark. This could end up being the new family joke if she doesn't watch out. Little did Clark know, that this wasn't exactly your typical mid-life crisis.

Jonathan thought his wife was dying, she knew it, and she was trying to make the best out of what little time she had left or something.

Chloe thought she had meteor rock in her.

Pete thought she wanted a change.

Lana didn't know what to think. She noticed something about Mrs. Kent's wardrobe that she didn't really like.

An hour had gone by, and some pretty good singers had done karaoke, and that's when Lex showed up.

"Hey, guys," he said, between singers. "Who's up next?"

"We'll find out," said Lana. She went up on stage. "Who wants to go next?" she asked into the microphone.

Martha's hand shot up, and Lex looked confused.

"Okay, Mrs. Kent, come on up," said Lana, almost starting to laugh.

Lex still looked confused, but Clark explained it all.

Lex thought what Chloe thought. She's under the influence of meteor rock.

No one was really paying any attention until Martha started singing "Respect" by Aretha Franklin.

What you want (hooo) baby I got it
What you need (hooo) you know I got it
(Hooo) all I'm asking (hooo) is for a little respect
(Just a little bit) when you come home
(Just a little bit) hey baby (Just little bit)
When you come home (Just a Little Bit) Mister

Martha was singing well. Clark and Jonathan were shocked. Lex, Pete, and Chloe were getting a kick out of it.

I'm about to give you all my money
And all I'm asking in return honey
Is to give me my profits when you get home
(Justa Justa Justa) Yeah baby when you get home

Lana was angry. Martha had borrowed some of her clothes without asking. She was especially mad that Martha had borrowed a pair of her mother's old shoes without asking.

Hooo your kisses sweeter than honey and guess what so is my money
All I want you to do for me is give it to me when you get home

Jonathan got mad and walked out when Martha started getting all sexy with some other guy. Clark went after him.

R-E-S-

E-C-T find out what it means to me
R-E-S-

E-C-T take out the TCP ohhhh (Sock it to me, etc.)

The song ended, and the audience wanted an encore. Guess what?

She did an encore of the same song.

Things were starting to go wrong, Martha was making people angry.

Jonathan didn't think she was dying anymore. Now, he didn't know what to think.

Lana was mad because, well, you know why.

Clark was mad at her for making Jonathan mad.

But Lex, Pete, and Chloe were not mad. They were amused. "I never thought I'd see the day when Mrs. Kent wore a shirt where you could see her belly button," said Lex.

"Where do you think she got those clothes?" asked Lana, angrily.

Chloe pondered that thought for a minute, and she came up with something. "Maybe she stole them."

"I know where she got them," said Lana. "She got them from me."

"You?" said Pete. "You loaned her those clothes? That's funny."

"No," replied Lana. "She stole them from me."

"So I was right," said Chloe. "She did steal them."

"Yep," said Lana.

That's not even the worst of it. . . .

To be continued. . . . .

A/N: I hope you like it! Please, please, please, please review!