Ways to Ask Out Miss Lily Evans

By: neen

Author's note: Poor James…he faints yet again…and is (at first) in the Hospital Wing. Sirius is now James's tutor on how to be more romantic and then by chance (not really) finds Lily. Ahh…we'll see how it goes.

Hope you all like this! Please review as well…(I accept anonymous reviews, so no need to login if you don't want to…and guests, you can review now too!)

Enjoy!

Chapter Four: A Love Lesson

"BLOODY CONCRETE FLOOR! PUT SOME STUPID CUSHIONS OR SOME DAMN CARPET AT LEAST!" James roared angrily, stuck yet again in the Hospital Wing. He had sat up and had begun punching a pillow.

"Quiet down some, Potter! Language!" Madam Pomfrey came into view, shaking a finger at him dangerously.

"Yes, Poppy," James said sulkily, placing the pillow back.

"Ahh, Prongsie snookums! How are you today? I'm sure you got the news," Sirius grinned widely.

"Sod off, Paddy. I'm not in the mood to see you bask in your great-oh-merlin-I'm-the-tutor-of-the-oh-so-great-James-Potter-on-how-to-be-romantic," James said, slightly irritated.

Sirius looked bewildered. "I am? Since when? Merlin! This is exciting!"

James blinked. "What? Then what news?"

"Well, you were going to be paired up with your dear Evans today during Potions, but due to your woeful absence, I had the honor of pairing off with her," Sirius grinned.

James's jaw dropped. "You're joking!"

"Nope, I am most definitely not. What can I say? It was a Friday and the Potions master had, I daresay, a bit too much Firewhisky last night. To add to that, we got top marks. Now. Are you joking about the whole me being your love tutor thing?" Sirius asked, a small smirk dancing at the corners.

James was flushed with embarrassment. "It was all Moony's idea. He said that you were going to be my mentor on how to be more romantic to win over Evans…since you know girls all that well." James said the last part with pure venom, glaring at Sirius.

"Oh, I don't doubt that, Prongs. I have charm! Girls worship the shoes I walk in. In fact that Jacqueline girl stole one of the shoes I have, and I've heard that she sleeps with it under her pillow," Sirius said cheerfully, unaware to James's glare.

"Fine. As soon as I get out of this bloody place, you're going to tutor me. And you better teach me well," James growled.

"Relax, Prongs. I'm a natural and I'm a great teacher," Sirius flexed his muscles and checked his behind in the mirror hanging on the wall, to the very disgust of James. "Yes, my arse is still very nice looking. Marvelous, might I add. I was dreading that I sat on that bloody broomstick too long."

"Stop that Padfoot. I'm a heterosexual, thank you very much. No need to practice your charisma on me," James said, revolted.

"I was just checking, Prongs! No need to get your knickers up in a knot!" Sirius whined, still peeking at his behind in the mirror. James was only glad that the mirror didn't say anything for once.

Too bad for him.

"Ooh, you have a very nice behind, darling. It's a delightful thing," the mirror said in a flirty voice, letting out a shrill giggle.

Sirius beamed and went on the say, "Yes, yes, I do believe so myself!"

James groaned loudly as Sirius launched into a deep conversation about Sirius's arse with the mirror.

He slammed his head under the pillow and muffled his hearing, not even bothering to take off his glasses. James finally went slept after the noises and giggles faded away.

"Morning, Prongs! It's ever so delightful to have you back in the room again. First things first. Eat up," Sirius beamed as he poured a tremendously large bucket of muddy and icy water he had nicked from the lake. A huge chunk of ice hit James in the eye, breaking the glasses he didn't take off. For once, he was glad he did that, for he was saved from a black eye.

"Blergh! What is this?" James asked, appalled, as he held up a chewed out…thing.

"Actually, I have no idea. I think that you might enjoy eating it. Looks tasty, doesn't it? It might be the breakfast of the Giant Squid I stole from the lake," Sirius said brightly.

James looked like he was about to throw up.

Remus sighed as he magicked away the mess. "You lot—get real. Start the lessons already."

"Yes, yes…now how do you address your betters?" Sirius prompted, twirling his wand expertly.

"Betters! Betters! Why—you!" James glowered as he dived for Sirius.

"Nutters! I'm your teacher now, Prongs! Of course I'm your better!" Sirius said as he hid from James behind Remus.

"STOP! STOP! You—Prongs, just call him Professor Black and you—Padfoot, you are not his better. Happy?"

"Yes," Sirius and James chorused in unison.

"Professor B. So, where do we start?" James asked smartly.

"Why, Prongsie dear, I think that we shall start with an example, and you'll follow. Come, let's go to the Common Room," Sirius said, gesturing towards the door.

"You're making me learn my lessons in front of people?" James asked, horrified.

Sirius nodded. "Yes. The people are going to be props."

James gulped.

"Now, watch carefully," Sirius directed as he walked up to a pretty blonde girl sitting on the couch in the Common Room. She was talking to her friend and immediately let out a nervous laugh as she saw Sirius.

"How are you today, my pretty thing?" Sirius asked seductively.

"F-fine, how're you?" the girl stuttered as she blushed furiously, her hands twisting her robes fretfully.

"Well, I wasn't feeling that great, but ever since I met you, my sicknesses and worry's gone. You're my cure, darling," Sirius flashed her his famous killer smile.

"Oh dear, you were sick?" the girl asked in a worried tone, placing her head on his forehead.

Sirius took this chance and snogged her. The girl eagerly returned it and it turned to be a heated snog session on the couch. The girl's friend stormed off, apparently angry and had burst into tears.

James had stopped watching long ago after the "Oh dear, you were sick?" He shook his head. Girls were that easy to get? Maybe he should try that with Evans. James went off to find Lily using the ever so handy Marauder's Map.

"Aha."

"Oy, Evans!" he called after Lily's figure in the corridor.

Lily paused and turned back. Then, noticing that it was James, went on and resumed walking.

"Wait—Evans! Where are you going?" James asked as he caught up to her with ease.

"Library," Lily said curtly.

"Oh, yes, I'm going there too," James said quickly, still striding with her.

Lily stopped walking. "Why?"

"Erm—why what?" James had just noticed that Lily stopped.

"Why are you going to the library? You're a Marauder. You never go," Lily said, glancing at James suspiciously.

"Er—er—yes I do!" James said furiously. "I'm—I'm going to check out some stuff there."

"Oh really?" Lily asked, amused, her face etched in skepticism.

James nodded rapidly and followed Lily to the library.

"So, this is where it is," James muttered under his breath as soon as he saw the library.

Lily had heard and smirked.

Lily was wandering everywhere, looking at different subjects and had piled her books on top of James outstretched arms.

"So, erm, Evans, how are you?" James asked, catching a book Lily had thrown at him to pile up.

"Just dandy. You?" Lily said absently, running her fingers over the spine of Hogwarts, A History.

"Er—actually, I was feeling quite ill until I met you. You're my ah—cure," James said, smirking. This was going to be easy.

"Thank goodness it's still here," Lily muttered after checking inside Hogwarts, A History as she piled Hogwarts, A History on top of the ever growing pile.

"You're glad about a book being available?" James asked, astonished.

"Cure? Really. That's something new," Lily said, not looking at James. She rested her hand on another book.

James frowned and forgot about the book. "Wait, that's not right, you're supposed to put your hand on my forehead and say something like, 'Oh Merlin! You poor thing! Sick?'"

"Potter. Honestly," Lily rolled her eyes.

"How am I supposed to snog you then?" James demanded, annoyed.

"I thought you were going to check out some stuff. Why aren't you?" Lily asked, ignoring James's question.

"I did already. I was checking you out," James said, smirking broadly. (thanks to phantom radio for the idea! More bad pick-up lines in the next chapters!)

Lily flushed with anger. "Potter. That's enough. Give me my books back—I'm leaving."

"Hey—Evans—but wait, where's my kiss?" James called after her as she grabbed her books and almost ran up to Madam Pince to check out.

"Damn," James muttered.

Lily then left in a hurry, leaving behind a book.

Madam Pince barked after her, but she had already left.

"You, boy—I've never seen you in here before—who are you?" Madam Pince asked shrewdly, pushing up her glasses.

"James Potter. I'm erm—that girl's boyfriend. She's in denial," James said confidently.

"Ah, I see. Be a good boy and give this to her. She left it in her hurry," Madam Pince handed James the book. It was Hogwarts, A History.

Author's Note:

Hmm…wonder what's inside the book? Vanishing Galleons to whoever gets it right!

Ahh…what a lovely love lesson from Sirius. shakes head

Read and review please!

Thanks.

Much love,

Neen

Reviewers:

: frilge : Thanks for the compliments! Here's your update! I hope you liked it.