Ways to Ask Out Miss Lily Evans

By: neen

Author's note: What will James find in the book Hogwarts, A History? Hmm…let's see, shall we?

Hope you all like this! Please review as well…(I accept anonymous reviews, so no need to login if you don't want to…and guests, you can review now too!)

Enjoy!

Chapter Five: Evans's Bladder Problem

James had tried to track down Lily the whole day, but to no avail. During the thirteen times he had consulted the Marauder's Map to see where she was, she was always located in the girls' bathroom. There was just no way that he could possibly give the book to her when she was in there. Besides, James concluded, Lily had a very bad bladder problem.

"Yes, that'd be doing her a favor—not letting anyone else know that she had a bladder problem. I'm becoming more aware of people's feelings," James thought, a small smile at his lips.

"What are you thinking about, Prongsie?" Sirius asked, almost bouncing in with energy.

"Nothing. As if I would ever tell you that Evans has problems with her bladder," James snapped quickly.

"She what?" Sirius asked, completely astounded.

James looked confused before he replayed his words in his head. "Damn!" he cursed loudly.

"Blimey! Evans! Wait—how would you know? Haven't been sneaking to see her in girls' bathrooms, have you?" Sirius narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "That's called stalking, Prongsie! Well?"

"No, no! It's just that each time I look at the Marauder's Map, she's in Myrtle's bathroom. Now, you tell me—does she have a bladder problem or not?" James asked.

"Actually, the 'well' I said was meant for you to ask me to give you some help on how to stalk people. But—well, erm—maybe she's fixing a regurgitating toilet!" Sirius offered.

"Yes, that's where Evans becomes a carekeeper, getting Filch out of business, eh?" James said coolly.

Sirius shrugged, not a trace of embarrassment. "Just an idea."

James coughed something that sounded very much like 'stupid idea'.

Sirius glared at him, since he heard due to his canine sense of keen hearing.

James looked thoughtful as he just remembered something. "You know, Evans was muttering about this book some in the library today. I just can't seem to remember what she said about it."

"Well, open it up and start reading it. Evans might like you somewhat once you put some of these facts into your empty brain," Sirius said quite simply and rather discreetly, took out some Dungbombs. Sirius beamed at them, then said, his eyes bright, "Blimey, can't believe Zonko's just came out with these! Now we can help Snivelly stay smelly without him not taking baths. He can actually take a once-a-year-bath and still smell! Delightful things! Think of it…I've actually become a helping person!" Sirius said, wiping away an imaginary tear, staring at the brown beauties in his hand.

"Seriously?" James asked, feeling delighted.

"Yes, of course! I've always been Sirius and will be. But my last name's Black. I thought you knew that. What's this rubbish about Sirius Lee? What an awful non-color last name!" Sirius frowned.

"Ah, shut up, Padfoot," James said, grinning all the same.

"But—yes, he'll stay smelly, until—" Sirius quickly pulled out the instructions guide, "—he takes exactly twenty-two baths. That should be a while, eh? Possibly another twenty years at least."

"No," James said annoyed, "I meant the part where you said that Evans might like me if I read the stupid book."

Sirius blinked a couple of times. "Erm—well, I s'ppose so, yes. It's worth a try, right? I mean, she is the only girl that's ever refused you, right? And you like her, right? Am I right? Hmm? Right?"

"RIGHT! Padfoot, SHUT UP!" James shouted, completely ticked off now.

Sirius just returned a glare and muttered to himself, "Prick."

James was still glowering when he slammed himself into his favorite squishy armchair by the now-extinct fire and flicked the book cover open.

James was barely keeping his eyes opened when he flipped to the 214th page. The students had all gone to bed now, but Lily was still in the bathroom.

"—Grimmulus MacIntyre was the highly acclaimed wizarde (who was also a Hogwarts Headmaster) who thought of putting an ancient spelle, which didn't allow wizardes or witches to Apparate or Disapparte inside the Hogwarts School of Magick and Witchcraft in 1429, twenty-six years before his noble death, during which he was the thirty-ninth Headmaster of Hogwarts.—" James read sleepily, wondering how in the world Lily thought this book was exciting. He absently flipped the pages, pausing only to glance at the old, wrinkled yellow pictures which was moving around magically. (Yes, I do know how to spell, it's just that old thing added 'e' and 'k's…for example, magick…I think it was supposed to be an old book…anyways, forgive me if it's not)

His hand stopped on a page. Page 737. The color of the object was brightly contrast to the surrounding moldy, aged pages. There was a folded piece of lavender-colored paper.

His fingers lingered only slightly before he tore the parchment open to see what it was inside.

His heart nearly stopped. It was Lily's Charms essay on the history on the Summoning and Banishing charms that was going to be due tomorrow. Lily had already finished it and exceeded the fourteen inches needed to two feet and six inches. However, at the very bottom corner of the otherwise innocent looking parchment were the letters JP. James acted like he was stupid, but in fact, his mind worked fairly fast. There were precisely three people in the whole school that had those initials. One was a rather dull Hufflepuff named Jennifer Portsmouth in her second year. James highly doubted that Lily would put her initials on her essay. The other belonged to an ugly, wart-covered, aging Muggle Studies professor—Professor John Pickleseimer. James also couldn't see Lily tracing the at least 90 years old teacher's initials. The third, obviously, was his. His heart leapt. Perhaps, Lily didn't hate him as much as she put on? James smiled smugly as he scribbled something else onto the corner, folding it back and sticking it back onto page 737. He silently blessed the page and closed the book, tucking it under his arm, his head oddly lighter since days.

He floated onto the stairs of the boys' dormitory happily, not noticing that Lily had managed to sneak back into the Gryffindor Tower.

Her face was burning bright red when she saw James depart with the book into the door of the boys' dormitory.

She stealthily climbed up the stairs behind him after a few minutes, praying he went to sleep. Luck was not on her side. She accidentally tripped over someone.

"Stupefy!" the voice roared, causing all hell to break loose.

Lily Evans was, as it seemed like, stuck in the boys' dormitory.

Author's note:

Ohh, poor Lils! The dear…ah, well, let's hope she gets out of the thing all right…hmm.

Ah, yes, any suggestions if you will? Comments, criticism? Review please! Thanks so much.

Reviewers:

:Remmy ish mine : thanks, I totally agree with you. Eh…as for the year, let's say it's—it's ah--5th year. Hehe, sorry about that!

: AimeeK : Wow! Four reviews from you! I'm excited! Thank you very, very much! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!

: Owl and Crow : I'm glad you like this story! I try to update within a few days…usually two to three…thanks for returning to this!

Ah yes, My Taste of Ink has added me to her list of favorite authors, and I'm honored…greatly honored. Thank you.

And many, many hugs to AimeeK for putting this on her favorite stories list! Thanks!