Disclaimer: I do not own the game Tales of Symphonia, any of the characters, locations, or items therein, nor do I own the "reality" show Survivor. I am just a 17 year-old high school kid who writes silly humor fanfiction.
Presea, Genis, and Lloyd sat along the circumference of the oasis and dipped their feet into the water to relieve their hot feet. The sand of the Triet Desert had nearly completely melted the soles of their shoes over the month they spent there. The three sat quietly- things had really calmed down since Sheena, Zelos, and Colette left. They wondered what the others were doing now. It was obvious that Sheena would be extremely pissed at them all. Zelos had probably forgotten all about it and was giving some ladies a "tour of his bedroom" in the palace. Then there's poor Colette. Was she to become an angel or a devil? No one knew…and no one WANTED to know. She was gone and that was all that mattered. Yes, now the three finalists could finally relax.
The silence was broken by Lloyd.
Lloyd: If I win the prize money, I think I'll get plastic surgery.
Presea gave him a strange glance.
Presea: What for, Lloyd? Usually only women get that.
Genis: I would never be able to look at you in the same way again, Lloyd.
Lloyd: No, not for THAT. I mean so that I can be human again. I don't want to be a mole forever…
Genis and Presea both sighed heavily. Hasn't he realized yet that the term of "mole" was not to be taken literally? And even then, the name was given to Kratos, not Lloyd. When would he ever learn?
Lloyd: Oh Martel help me!
Presea: Lloyd, listen to me. You're not transforming into a mole.
Genis: Yeh. And Colette will never become an angel either.
Angry Voice : Genis Sage! I swear I'm going to get you for that.
Genis turned around and fell face first into the oasis upon seeing Colette standing before him.
Genis: Oh no, she's back! She must have killed the Show Host when he tried to take her back home!
Show Host: Don't be silly. I took her home, but she treated Phaidra so badly over the phone that she wouldn't allow her own granddaughter to live with her.
Presea gazed in astonishment at the Show Host and the rest of the former cast behind him.
Show Host: So I decided to bring her here again, along with all the others!
Lloyd stood up and walked toward the others, bumping violently into Sheena.
Sheena: Lloyd, you son of a (bleep), what did you do that for? Didn't you see me standing there!
Lloyd: Wow, you're real!
Sheena: Of course I'm real, you idiot! I'm not a stupid doll like Tabatha.
Raine: Now now. I'm sure Lloyd just thought you were a mirage.
Lloyd: A what?
Raine: Ok nevermind, you were right. He IS just an idiot.
Zelos: No, he was trying to feel on my woman!
Regal: Well it certainly isn't worse than what you did to her last night! Borrowing my handcuffs like that.
Zelos: Are you accusing me of rape!
Sheena: It was consentual!
Everyone got really quiet.
…….
Kratos: I knew it was a mistake coming back here…
Lloyd: I'll never forgive you for making me a mole and then leaving me to be raised in the wild by some random smelly dwarf and a weird green dog thing!
Kratos: Lloyd, it's time you understand this. I am NOT a mole! I am an angel of Cruxis.
Colette: Don't act like that makes you special. I'm an angel too!
Genis: No you're not!
Regal: She's more of an angel than Sheena.
Sheena: Oh yeh! Well if I recall correctly it's Raine that casts all the spells!
Raine: My magic heals people!
Zelos: Then why don't you bring back my girlfriend?
Sheena: What did you say!
Zelos: …Oops.
Presea silently approached the Show Host.
Presea: Are you proud of yourself?
Show Host: Yep, all this drama is sure to boost the ratings. Lloyd's stupidity got old, and you and Genis remained celibate. You voted off all the INTERESTING contestants. Which is why THEY will be deciding which of you goes home next.
With that comment everyone stopped their bickering. The former cast members had a grin on their face; Genis and Presea had a serious look on their face; Lloyd had a confused look on his face.
Lloyd: …I don't get it.
Sheena: Step aside! I'm gonna whack-a-(bleep)ing-MOLE!
Raine: Oh please. You fight with pieces of paper.
Zelos: Better than reading the paper all the time!
Genis: At least what she reads has words instead of PICTURES!
Lloyd: Hey…picture books are fun.
Kratos: You're an embarrassment to my organization.
Colette screamed really loudly, sprouted wings, and began to circle the group like a cross between a drugged vulture and those freakish flying monkeys on the Wizard of Oz.
No one paid her any attention. They only hoped she wouldn't land on any of them. Not even Raine could help if THAT happened.
Regal: I want my handcuffs back.
Presea: Why do you still wear those? If you love my sister why do you want to be reminded that she's dead?
Silence.
Regal: Fine! I'll admit it! I use them for OTHER reasons. Are you happy now!
Zelos: I knew it!
Sheena: Kinky (bleep)
Lloyd: I don't get it.
Genis: It's ok, Lloyd. I'll let you read one of Raine's romance novels when we get back to Iselia.
Everyone looks at Raine.
Raine: Ok fine! You got me too. Not all my novels are educational literature! Well don't just stare at me like that. Look at Kratos- he betrayed us all.
Everyone looks at Kratos.
Kratos: Umm Colette just made up this whole thing about being the Chosen for attention. It's obvious Zelos is the real Chosen.
Everyone looks at Colette.
Colette: Well Genis cheated on a test once!
Everyone looks at Genis.
Genis: Don't forget that Sheena stalked us all for months.
Everyone looks at Sheena.
Sheena: You're all (bleep)ing idiots. Zelos is gay!
Everyone looks at Zelos.
Zelos: Umm. Umm… Lloyd's a m-mole!
Everyone raises an eyebrow at Zelos's dumb reply.
Lloyd: You don't have to rub it in! Can't you see it's hard enough! Just having to live knowing that?
Sheena: If it's anything like having to live with you…
Presea: I hope the Show Host is happy now. He's succeeded in pitting us against each other in bitter rivalry.
Everyone looks at Show Host.
Show Host: Alright then! It's time for the next elimination!
No one was amused.
Raine: Come to think of it, it's this guy's fault that we're out her in the middle of nowhere.
Genis: Yeh, and we used to all be friends before this stupid show.
Zelos: It's his fault that my hair got damaged in this humidity.
Regal: It's his fault no one likes my cooking anymore.
Presea: It's his fault our secrets were exposed.
Colette: It's his fault I don't have a home any more.
Kratos: It's his fault I was voted off.
Lloyd: It's his fault I'm a mole!
Show Host: Umm I'm sure we can all work this out in an orderly fashion.
The cast members drew their weapons.
Sheena: Oh no. You're the one who said it's elimination time.
Raine: Well that's the end of the show. Everyone is busy in the background, beating up the Show Host and claiming the prize money which we will divide equally among ourselves…maybe. Of course I'm not part of the fighting because, well, I simply can't fight! I hope you have enjoyed this season of Survivor: Extreme, and all the plot twists that occurred in the finale. And just forget all that stuff you heard about us. So long!
THE END
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Author's Note: It's over, guys! Thank you so much for reading the fic. Before writing this final chapter I read all of your reviews and decided this was the best conclusion. Are you surprised, disappointed, happy? Did you have a lot of laughs? It's been a lot of fun writing this! I really hope you all enjoyed this fic. Please leave reviews and let me know how you feel about it. THANK YOU!