Ways to Ask Out Miss Lily Evans

By: neen

Author's note: James now prepares to do another tactic…will he succeed? Ahh…just read!

Hope you all like this! Please review as well…(I accept anonymous reviews, so no need to login if you don't want to…and guests, you can review now too!)

Enjoy!

Chapter Seven: An Insane Knight

"Hey, Prongs, I did kiss that girl in my delightful dream. My quickest yet as well—a mere three seconds. I just said my name and she came zooming straight towards me," Sirius announced happily, having just woken up. He yawned hugely and stumbled towards the bed James was in, reading what James was writing.

"Blimey!" Sirius exclaimed, now eyes wide, "what the hell is that?" He asked, pointing to a stick drawing of a midget in glasses whose hair was drawn as rather spiky-looking and a girl with long wavy hair.

James's face burned. "Just another tactic."

"Tactic? You're starting on those again? Merlin—I was grateful for those two days of rest. Prongs, you're no stag—you're a mule. The most stubborn one I've met," Sirius said. He squinted at the drawing. "You're presenting a large porcupine to her? She likes those prickly little demons? Wacked."

"That," James pointed, annoyed, "is me. Now shut up."

"Ah, I see. Such a clear, well-drawn picture, I should say. People would know just exactly what to do," Sirius said in a very sarcastic tone.

"I said, shut up!" James glared icily at him.

"Fine. Touchy. Don't ask me, the brilliant, never-failing-to-think-of-clever–ideas person, for help then," Sirius said, sulking as he leaned against the wood.

James ignored him, craning his neck to finish his plan.

Sirius let out a growl a few minutes later before he walked away furiously to breakfast.

James rolled up the piece of parchment and followed Sirius's steps.

As he entered for breakfast, James quickly looked around for Lily. He found her working on her Charms essay again, which was now about three feet and eight inches. He sighed as he walked over to her. This tactic should work.

"Evans," James greeted in a dull tone.

"Potter," she returned evenly.

"Will you go out with me?" James asked in the same monotone voice.

"What?" Lily asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Will you go out with me?" James repeated, still ever so dry.

"Is this some joke?" Lily asked him before James was whisked away by Remus.

"Sirius told me," Remus began, "that you were going to pursue Lily again. I must say two things on that subject. One, good thinking. Two, that tactic is never going to win her heart. What kind of tactic was that?"

"Well, since she didn't really take the romantic one too well, I thought that maybe she didn't like the sappy stuff," James shrugged, casting a glance at Lily, who was still dumbfounded.

"Did Sirius give you this thick idea?" Remus asked in a low voice, in case Sirius overheard. Sirius was staring at the two of them rather apprehensively.

James's face flushed. "No."

"Then how in Merlin did you come up with the foul idea?" Remus exclaimed, clearly puzzled.

"I came up with it," James muttered, his face now bright red.

"I told you, Moony!" Sirius said as he folded his arms. "He wouldn't listen to my brilliant ideas—oh no, he had to go on with this idea that only trolls would use!" Apparently, he was still mad over how ungrateful James had been thirty minutes ago.

"Now, listen, Padfoot! I just had—I just had to make sure, all right! I knew it wouldn't work anyways," James lied, retorting furiously.

"Think what you want, Prongsie," Sirius sniffed.

Remus sighed. "You two—shut up. Okay, seeing as Lily does seem to be the more romantic type, we'll start planning tactics that might win her over."

"Fine," Sirius and James grunted and then threw each other glares.

"What's wrong with everyone?" Peter piped in after he had stuffed his mouth full of bacon. (Sorry, I forgot to mention him…not that he deserves any mentioning…the foul, bloody traitor…excuse me…)

The three Marauders groaned as Peter looked confused. "What?"

"Nothing!" they said in unison, shaking their heads madly.

Peter just shrugged before resuming eating the rest of the bacon. (I hope he snuffs it…gosh, this is kind of mean of me isn't it? Ah…oh well)

The other three bent their heads closely together, whispering the next tactic.

"I think," Sirius whispered, "that you should bestow upon her many lavish, wonderful gifts. That's bound to soften her up!"

Remus nodded. "I agree with Padfoot."

"Why do you always seem to agree with Paddy now?" James said, irritated but agreed as well.

"I mean, you have the money to give her all the presents, so use it to your advantage!" Sirius beamed, happy his idea was thought of as appealing.

"And—maybe you should make it out that you're her hero. My favorite little cousin, Meda, always reads the fluffiest romance novels, and they have the guys like charming heroes saving the oh-so-lovely, gorgeous princess or whatnot," Sirius said grimly, almost as if he were to say another word, he would heave up the contents of his not quite digested breakfast. (Meda is Sirius's nickname for Andromeda, by the way…that is her name, right? His favorite cousin—the mother of Tonks?)

James considered this. "A hero?" he frowned. "I'm always a hero though—I've been helping Gryffindor win all those Quidditch games these years! What else is that called?"

"Erm—yes, but I think that the 'hero' we're bearing in mind is to save your 'princess'—Lily—from danger," Remus explained, rubbing his temples, in fear of another headache coming.

"Oh. Right," James said, picturing himself in a suit of rusty armor.

Sirius paused a minute before breaking into a large grin. "Oh! How about this?"

"Brilliant!" Remus and James declared once Sirius had finished saying his plan.

"All right, so Paddy, take my Invisibility Cloak and plant some of them where Evans might be going next," James directed as he slipped the cloak into Sirius's hands.

"Yes, my dear Prongsie! Your princess will need some saving in about—oh, ten minutes or so," Sirius gave a wink and with a flourish, disappeared under the table.

A mental image of him as a hero popped into his mind again and he whispered to Remus, "Hold on a minute."

"Hurry, Prongs," he said before leaving swiftly.

James went into the hallway and waited for Lily to come by.

As if on cue, Lily did arrive a few minutes later.

Sirius, who was hidden with the Invisibility Cloak, was in fact dangling on the stairway. He hovered a large pile of Dungbombs right in front of Lily, making her stop.

"What is this?" Lily asked, as she got a waft of the smell. She scrunched up her nose and muttered, "Evanesco!" The Dungbombs disappeared.

"Evans! Never fear milady, your dear James is here!" James proclaimed haughtily, treading over rather slowly, his eyes covered with the overly large metal helmet he was wearing. He was walking two feet to the right of Lily before Remus turned him into the right direction.

Lily took one look at James and began to laugh. James had stuffed himself in one of the tarnished knight uniforms and was carrying a heavy silver sword that he was dragging on the ground.

"Yes, I know, you are smiling in pure delight and gratefulness, for I, Sir James Henry Potter the Second, your dear, brave, audacious knight in shining—er—somewhat shining armor anyway, have arrived to help my damsel in distress, in return for a blessed kiss from the lady. I am here to get rid of the evil items of darkness—the terrible Dungbombs!" James said with great emphasis after opening the vent in the helmet to see properly and also trying to straighten up but failing to do so as the vent shut again.

"Ah. Is that what they're called? Interesting," Lily stifled her giggles and gracefully left without another word.

"Evans, wait! I haven't gotten rid of the enemy yet! You have yet to be saved! Wait—" James shouted after her.

Sirius, still hidden with invisibility, now came up from behind James and smacked his armored head.

"Has that armor gotten to your head? You thick imbecile! She's already vanished the 'terrible Dungbombs'!" Sirius snorted as he chortled loudly, causing a few of the passerby to look strangely at James, whom they thought was talking to himself. Remus had left for class already, sighing on the way, knowing this was yet another tactic gone to seed.

"Ah, the first sign to insanity is talking to oneself," a wizard with a long, graying beard in a portrait frame said sagely, casting a look over at James.

"I haven't gone insane! Now shut up!" James bellowed angrily, chucking the armor aside.

"Everything—is—going—wrong—today! ARRRGH!" James chucked the last bit of metal on him—the giant sword—at the wizard in the portrait. The wizard immediately fled, no doubt telling other portraits that an insane boy was chucking things at them.

"Rubbish! This is complete rubbish," James muttered, glowering as he went to his first class, Herbology.

Author's Note: Ahh…poor James. I hope this was a good chapter…please review! Thanks. If you have any other ideas for either this story or want me to write another story, just tell me!

Reviewers:

: Owl and Crow : Thanks for understanding…hope this chapter made up for everything! Thanks for still reviewing..