Ways to Ask Out Miss Lily Evans
By: neen
Author's note: James now prepares to do yet another tactic…bestowing large amounts of extravagant gifts upon his dear Lily…will Lily's heart finally soften up? Who knows? Well apart from me, of course!
Hope you all like this! Please review as well…(I accept anonymous reviews, so no need to login if you don't want to…and guests, you can review now too!)
Enjoy!
Chapter Eight: Boxer Shorts
James walked into the greenhouse for his Herbology lesson in a very grumpy mood.
His eyes, however, caught sight of an exotic, but beautiful flower. Lily was sure to like it. He immediately seized the plant and tapped Lily lightly on the shoulder.
"This," he said in a deeper voice, trying to sound mature around her, "is for you."
Lily gasped as she saw the pretty flower, the colors of it changing with the tilt of the light—first it was a deep, bright pink—then a coral color. It was very pretty indeed. Then an angry voice broke the silence.
"Potter! What do you think you're doing? Carrying off my most-prized plant—the exotic Bulgarian Shiafostle that only veelas can grow! It is fertilized with veela hair—a most magical piece of hair! The one out of five in the entire world—just what--? Oh yes, Potter, sorry—I knew it was yours—mine's locked away, of course," the professor immediately said after James stuffed a large amount of something into the wizard's pockets.
The professor walked away, his pockets jingling with a sound that was unmistakably golden coins.
Lily masked her delight at the plant and refused, handing it back to James.
"I can't take it, Potter," Lily snapped, forcing it into James's hands, which left James extremely frustrated.
James shrugged and then announced loudly, "A contribution to the Herbology class, Professor!" He then set the plant onto the table.
"Class, yes, your lesson for today: ah, looking at the Bulgarian Shiafostle! Thank you for the generous gift, Potter. Twenty points to Gryffindor," the professor said.
James walked to the back of the class where Remus and Sirius had been watching him.
Remus was frowning. "I think I know what it is. It's the mere thing that Lily knows you're giving the gifts to her, so she won't take them because she doesn't want to owe you."
"So, I guess I can just send them as a 'secret admirer' then?" James asked.
"That's a good idea," Remus said, looking quite surprised.
James grinned. "I'm not as thick as you think, Moony."
"I highly doubt that, Prongsie," Sirius muttered, earning him a swift kick to a very private place.
"Ouch!" Sirius cursed loudly. "I do plan on having children you know!" He bent down in pain. "I hope they're all still there," he said, a worried look on his face.
James just kept on grinning.
o.O.o.O.o
"Lily, you have an owl waiting for you upstairs," a girl said as she saw Lily come through the portrait hole.
"Thanks, Arline," Lily smiled as she saw her.
"Welcome. It was carrying something mighty heavy as well. I think the poor owl is exhausted," Arline said, yawning as she scribbled a few more lines onto her essay, pausing to check if it made sense.
Lily glided over the steps, taking two at a time, and walked in her room.
The owl was indeed carrying a bulky package, wrapped haphazardly. Lily opened the small piece of parchment, which unlike the package, had been folded neatly into fours.
"—Lily,
I hope you like these books I've picked out for you. Enjoy.
--Your very secret (or hopefully, rather) admirer"
Lily stared at the piece of parchment for a long period of time before her senses came to her.
She opened the package and found two gleaming books, one on Charms—a book she had been wanting for the longest time and another on human Transfiguration—something she needed help with.
Lily glanced at the note again. She had a secret admirer. She had no idea who liked her. Other than, of course, Potter. But he wouldn't give her these or write a polite note. Besides, it was not James's untidy handwriting, but rather an elegant one. It was someone else, she decided.
She was glad of this pleasant surprise and carried it around for the next few days as a comfort for whenever James bugged her again. She was excited that someone other than James liked her, for no one was worse than James. Then another few days later, two more secret admirers appeared. Lily felt blessed.
One had a loopy, large handwriting while another had small, faint writing. Lily stared note after note. The elegant one had begun to get flirty with her and Lily flirted back.
"Lily dearest—
It would make me most happy for you to know who I am. You're the prettiest girl I've laid eyes on. Your eyes are the shade of a freshly pickled toad and the hair—oh, your hair is the most ravishing dragon blood red! Lily dear, tomorrow I shall meet face to face with you, for I can take it no longer.
Love,
From your dearest secret (soon to be unsecret) admirer
P.S. Remember to read the Transfiguration book from cover to cover! You'll understand."
Lily laughed. She didn't really like the pickled toad or the dragon blood part, but at least the boy was trying. For some reason, she got a glimpse of James in her head when she read the note.
She wrote back:
"My dearest secret (soon to be unsecret) admirer—
I too, am very eager to see your charming face. Through our numerous correspondences, I have come to the conclusion that you are a dashing, wonderful person and I would love to meet you. Tomorrow it is.
Fondly,
Lily
P.S. Are you going to change into knickers or something? Anyways, I have read it thoroughly, I assure you.
Lily went to class the next day, wearing a pink scarf the guy with the loopy handwriting had presented her, the emerald earrings that the guy with the tiny, faint handwriting had given, and under her arm was the book on human Transfiguration that the guy with the elegant handwriting had given her. However, none of the guys went up to Lily to claim that he was her secret admirer.
That evening, Lily stayed in the Common Room, hoping that someone would come up and tell her. Finally, at eleven o' clock, Lily gloomily went upstairs.
Lily noticed that on her bed was a pair of boxer shorts with Snitches hovering all over it. At first, she was slightly bewildered and disgusted before she remembered her letter.
Immediately, she transfigured the boxer shorts back into a human. Lily gasped.
"You!" Lily said, biting down a desire to scream.
"Yeah, yeah, it's me—who else did you think it was?" the boy asked impatiently, taking Lily's hand as they walked down the stairs. However, since the boy…was a boy, the stairs turned into a slide and chucked the pair down.
"But—but—it just can't be!" Lily spluttered, her eyes wide in disbelief.
"Well, believe it. I can quote every single thing in those letters you sent me—I iron them if I accidentally wash them," the boy said lightly, pulling out a wad of very flat letters.
(Okay, fine, I'll tell you guys who it is…as if you haven't guessed it…right?)
"It can't be you, Potter, I know your handwriting," Lily snapped.
"I know, which is why Moony helped me disguise it. He was about to throw up when I told him what to write after the first notes. They're not disgusting, are they? You seem to enjoy them anyways. Oh, and Paddy and Wormtail helped fake the other so-called admirers. You know, Evans, you do think quite highly of yourself as well," James said, looking amused. "I guess I'm not the only arrogant one around here. What a match we make, eh?"
"I still don't believe you. Why go through all that nonsense and trouble?" Lily asked, angry with herself for being so gullible.
"Because I like you," James said simply and blinked.
"I can't believe I fell for—for this!" Lily cried out indignantly, and with a swish of her robes, she left the Common Room.
James called after her and seeing that she didn't hear, hurriedly ran after her. She was crying.
Lily had stopped in the middle of the hallway, her frame shivering with the cold draft.
"Here," James grunted, trying to sound manly, as he threw his cloak to Lily.
"Thanks," Lily said, not sounding as if she really wanted to thank him.
"I suppose you liked my gifts? You looked pretty today," James said quietly.
Lily didn't respond. She stood there as if she had been frozen.
"Why won't you go out with me, Evans? You could get so much!" James finally burst out heatedly.
"Like what?" Lily shot back at once.
"The honor of having me," James said stabbing his finger at his chest, looking important, "the number one most wanted bachelor at Hogwarts as your boyfriend—you could get popular since I so obviously am—you can get anything you want since I am so obviously rich—"
Lily cut him off, raging, "—I would degrade myself by going out with you—the world's most arrogant, stupidest git I have ever met—since you so obviously are!"
James stared stupidly at her after she ran back inside the Common Room while James stood outside.
It was only after Filch started nosing around James went back inside, muttering something incoherent, but sounding very much like, "Women."
Author's Note:
Yay! Anyways, I've decided to split this story into two parts because I don't really want to make this a fifty chapter story…so I'm thinking that I'll make a sequel describing just exactly how James manages to deflate his overly large head…into the loveable guy he really is! Unless you guys want me to do this some other way…suggestions? So probably a couple more chapters on this story and it will be done. Very sad, but it's okay, because a sequel will be here soon after it's done…anyways, any ideas? Thanks for being such loyal readers and new people, welcome and I hope you enjoy this story.
Reviewers:
: AimeeK : agreed. Sirius is the best…I just love him.
: IamSiriusgrl : whoa! You gave me a review, added this to your favorites list, I'm on your alert list, and C2s? (even though I'm not quite sure what that is…even though I'm greatly honored, thanks!) Thanks for all the compliments!
: dramaqueen717 : That's a good idea…I think I'll do that! Thanks.
: Hershey.xoxo.Kisses : thanks! Hope you read all the chapters!
: Jillie : Yeah, everyone loves Sirius…who can't? Thanks!
: Auramistealia : Your name's pretty! Sorry, I just had to mention it…I'm happy that IamSiriusgrl added this to the C2 group…but I'm not sure what it exactly is…) Thanks though!
: Monica : Aww…thanks for all the compliments!
Thanks to IamSiriusgrl and Moony June for adding this to her favorites and also thanks to MaronK and evilloveberry08 for adding this to the alert list!
Next chapter will be funnier…I promise!