It was a dreary Saturday evening, and Remus was sat alone in the drawing room of Grimmauld Place, a half-empty scotch glass in one hand and a piece of parchment in the other.
Harry had entered quietly, observing the man. It had become the boy's routine to visit at the weekends. Dumbledore had not mentioned it to Lupin, and so the man had come to expect it.
The boy shuffled into the room, knowing that Remus knew he was there. To see a man who was once so strong, a role model in the boy's own life, become haunted and disheartened; it was hard for Harry to bear.
"Do you want a drink?" the man's voice came across the room. Harry shook his head, unseen. The man crossed to the dresser nonetheless and retrieved another glass. He poured the amber liquid with relative care, and held it out towards the boy. Harry crossed and accepted it, looking down at the contents as it sloshed in the grimy glass.
"Cheers," Remus mumbled, clinking the rim of his glass against Harry's before downing the beverage and refilling his glass. Harry took a tentative sip; the stuff was strong, he could tell that from the smell. He only hoped Remus hadn't had too much. The man gave a little cough and sat down. Harry copied him, noticing the piece of parchment clasped in his hand.
"Have you seen the twins today?" Harry ventured. Remus shook his head.
"Molly's taken them to the Burrow. It'll do them good to get outside…away from this place," he murmured and emptied his glass once more. Lupin went to rise, and Harry stopped him quickly.
"What's that?" he asked, indicating to the piece of parchment. Remus looked at him for a moment and the boy could see the anguish and sorrow in the man's bloodshot eyes.
"It's a letter…from Dora," he said hoarsely. Harry blinked at him. "She must have written it a while ago, it's only just arrived." He stood, leaving the letter beside Harry. "I wish it hadn't," he croaked and crossed back over to where he had placed the decanter. It was almost empty and he gave a growl of frustration. "Read it," he called simply as he emptied the liquid into his glass. The boy reached for the letter tentatively. He read it, once and then again, chuckling slightly at the woman's light-hearted words. He could hear her voice in his head as he read it. Harry finished his drink and lowered the letter onto his lap as Remus took his seat again.
"Really could have done without that," he told the boy. Harry looked at him sympathetically.
"She really loved you Remus," he said quietly. Lupin lowered his head and closed his eyes, almost as if he were in pain. A tear fell, and he wiped it away angrily.
"Did you love her?" Harry asked softly. Remus gave a little sob and nodded. He took a deep breath and looked into Harry's green eyes.
"Do you think she knew?" he whispered and the boy nodded this time.
"She knew before you did,"Harry answered with a sad smile.
The wizards sat in silence. Remus brought his glass half way to his lips and then lowered it. He passed it to Harry instead, who finished it for him. The boy scanned through the letter once more. Remus was watching him from the other side of the couch. The boy looked puzzled and Remus frowned.
"What?"
"Erm, nothing," he said, giving a swallow. When Remus continued to stare, Harry sighed. "It's just…what do you think she meant… 'Don't tell anyone I've written, least of all my mother,'" he quoted, and then looked to his friend. "That doesn't make any sense," he mused. "Why would she say that if her mother was in Canada with her at the time?" the boy asked, clearly confused. Remus shrugged; he hadn't really given it much thought. Harry fell silent again, re-reading the letter. It was almost as if he was studying it, word for word. Remus had done the same, but for a completely different reason.
"Remus… I … I don't think she's dead," Harry spoke up, causing Remus' head to rise quickly. Harry cowered immediately, but his eyes shone with confidence.
"Don't Harry, please," Remus begged. Of course, when he had received the letter, he had hoped for a brief moment that Tonks was still alive. He wanted nothing more. But to convince himself of it would be foolish. It would only lead to further turmoil and Remus knew he couldn't cope with that.
"But–"
"Harry stop it!" he shouted, silencing the boy. "One over-due letter does not change the fact that she has gone. You have no idea how much I want what you're saying to be true. Really I do! But I'd be setting myself up for another fall, Harry. And I don't think I'd manage. So please…don't," he finished quietly and took the letter from him. Harry winced in guilt and discomfort.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, and Remus too felt guilty. He laid a hand on the boy's shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.
"I'm sorry, Harry. You miss her too…but she's gone. I need to accept that and…well, become a father."
Remus knew it was about time. He'd neglected his newborn children for too long now. Their mother was dead, and he was all they had. He would love them as much as Dora had, and they would know that he had loved their mother too.