1st May, 1995
Kitchen Table, 12 Grimmauld Place
5:35 PM
Been so busy for the last few days. I had to do a whole lot of paperwork, both for the Order and the Ministry, plus, Molly floo'd me and told me to do some spring cleaning in this horrible house. Sirius has been in one of his moods lately, skulking around the house and hardly talking to anyone who stops by other than Buckbeak, and I guarantee that's not easy to stop him from doing.
I think I sort of dashed my chances with Remus, too. Found out tequilas are not good for my sanity. Apparently I started a -
No. Shan't tell you.
...Lap dance.
...
Cringe.
Luckily, I passed out from too much alcohol before I could do anything that could injure my pride forever, and when I apologised to the man he chuckled and said that I was drunk and it didn't really matter that much.
5:37
Yes, I think Operation F.L.I.R.T must begin.
...Actually, now it means Forge Likenesses of Intelligence for Remus, Tactfully.
Ahem.
...Anyway, I'm beginning by finding out what sort of women he likes. Asked Sirius a few days ago when I'd given him a bottle of scotch, and he was so drunk he told me Remus'd always preferred the brainy Ravenclaw type at Hogwarts, but his last girlfriend was in his sixth year, therefore his interests might've changed. I knew it.
Being a Metamorphmagus comes in handy at times like these, as well. Sirius said Remus had always gone out with brunettes; though I don't trust Sirius on that. After asking me if I liked Remus, he's been acting relatively strangely. Anyway, he knows I've brown hair naturally...
Don't think I'm ready to show anyone my real face, though. Looking a whole lot like Aunt Bellatrix isn't a good idea 'round here.
6:20
Went upstairs to Remus' room and asked if I could borrow a book. Looked pleasantly at me with those bloody beautiful amber eyes and asked what book I'd wanted.
Even though I'm used to being around the man and see him every day, I instantly melted and said something along the lines of "Bookanee. I mean, cute eyes - no, book. Sook. took? Erm. Book ee. Mmm. Cook - no, look? W-o-o-k. I mean, o-o-k. B-o-o-k! Yes! Book!"
He stared at me strangely for a moment, then said in a rather mischievious voice, "Glad you've finally learnt how to spell, Nymphadora."
I was stunned for a moment. Couldn't believe Remus had shot me an almost sarcastic reply, plus, giving the man of your dreams (never mind that he treats you like a five-year-old) the impression you can't even spell the word book is a little disturbing.
One thing I really hate about him, though, is how he always apologises after saying something actually witty and on the verge of sarcasm - I reckon he's been treaded over like a doormat so many times he thinks it's harmful to other people. I don't mind him giving comebacks like that... I might even go so far as to say it's almost endearing. Sigh.
Anyway, he apologised instantly, I told him any book would do, then he sorted through a whole pile of books sitting in a corner (honestly, I can't see how he can fit so many books into that room) and handed one to me, saying how he thought I might like it. Haven't read it yet. Maybe I'll start soon.
6:43
Who uses the word haemulidae in a book? Who even knows what the flipping hell it means?
...
I've read two pages so far, and I've never seen half of the words I've read.
...
That's it. This is not working.
Maybe I should go with the appearance thing. Come to think of it, I haven't gone on a diet for a while - what self-respecting woman would, if they could change their weight whenever they wanted? Maybe I should stay natural for a little while. You know, the whole brunette thing? Except I'd change a few minor things, you know. To make sure I don't look like a Death Eater who I seem to inherit almost all of my looks from. Right.
Maybe I ought to change the name of Operation F.L.I.R.T to Fake Likenesses of Interest for Remus' Tastes.
2nd May, 1995
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place
1:14 AM
Current Weight: 135 lb.; Times I've Berated Myself About This Accursed Diet: Lost count.
Stupid, stupid, stupid Tonks. Never drink coffee in the late evening when you've stopped yourself from having any chocolate in sight. That way, you'll actually be able to get a bit of sleep during the night!
I never realised how strange it is for the Order members to hear me say "No thanks, I'm on a diet". McGonagall's eyebrows shot up so fast I thought they'd pop off her face, Hestia raised an eyebrow skeptically, Bill smirked at me, Molly froze half-way through a forkful of chocolate cake, Moody snorted and muttered something about constant vigilance, Sirius coughed, grinning madly as his eyes flickered between Remus and me, and Remus just stared at me blankly.
Then Molly asked nonchalantly, "Are you okay, dear?" When I nodded, she continued, "Because I'm sure the Tonks we all know wouldn't turn down a chance at chocolate cake."
Immediately, the inner proud Black flared up. Honestly, if someone half-called you a pig you would be mad, too! Anyway, I very righteously told her that I had the same right to diet as any other woman on the planet, even though it'd be sort of pointless for me, and then I sort of drifted away into some random one-sided argument, ending with the words, "Blondes aren't the only ones entitled to fun, you know!" and then stormed up the stairs, but of course tripping over my own feet twice before making it to the staircase.
And don't you dare say I'm going barmy! I have every reason to argue my feminity! Just because I'm a Metamorphmagus doesn't mean I'm just a tomboy! I might be able to change my appearance whenever I want, and yeah, I love black, but pink is my favourite colour, too! It's the new black, just so you know, and don't you say I'm blue either, because electric blue really isn't me, though that nice icy blue I can make with my eyes is pretty cool and besides, fish aren't all endangered, just the endangered ones, and eggs are best fried, not poached!
Maybe I should call it Find Likenesses of Insanity for Remus' Terror.
A/N: Ah, poor Tonks. She really thinks she's going crazy.
Slightly more sanity retained in the next chapter, served with a generous portion of frustration, wine (Oh no! Will she get drunk?), rubber ducks, and some doubts on whether Remus even thinks of Tonks as a woman. Plus, Sirius seems to be sneakier and sneakier each chapter... ;-) Review, review, review, and don't forget to write plenty of stories for me to read! XD