4th May, 1995
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place
6:52 AM
I need chocolate.
I also need to get out more.
Bugger you too.
7:26 AM
I managed to stagger down the stairs, grab a bar of Honeyduke's best, and come back up without having to talk to Remus. Heard water running from the second floor bathroom; reckon he was in there. I just had enough self-control to stop from barging right in and snogging him senseless; I'm trying to keep away from him, and besides, he locks his door when he takes his morning shower, but he leaves it open when he takes the quick shower at nine in the night.
Not that I've memorised his schedule, or anything.
...I need to go find Gladys.
Cubicle, Auror Department
1:18 PM
As usual, Gladys was sitting at her desk in Documenting Offices when I found her. She was gossiping with the other girls in her department; something about Raine Stimmon's new boyfriend. Raine never could keep a man for long, even in Hogwarts - she was the pretty blonde Hufflepuff who hadn't a clue what was going on.
Anyway, I dragged Gladys out to the bakery around the corner. I bribed her with a couple of cinnamon buns, and she agreed to help me.
Gladys is a very sharp, to-the-point sort of woman. She's got a really angular sort of face, and she's basically a rack of bones. Don't let that fool you, though - she was only refused entry to the Aurors because there were too many applicants already.
Gladys is the queen of advice. Any problem, any time limit, she'll find the answer for you, 100 percent guaranteed. Not for free, though, but you can always appeal to her sweet tooth to get her help. She's a great thinker, could think herself out Azkaban - that is, with the proper sanity, of course.
Where was I?
Right then. I asked her how I could lose weight. Which is, of course, every woman's way of saying "I've got horrible problems, help me or die!". That is, I think. Heh.
She looked at me funny, then said, "Don't eat so much chocolate."
I knew it. It's the universal problem solver! If I can stop eating chocolate so much, I can take over the bloody world. Great help, Gladys. Great help.
..well, I'll try it just in case.
2:42 PM
Must... have.. chocolate...
Stranded in here without a speck of chocolate to be found. I'm dooooomed. DOOOOOMED, I say!
Maybe I'll go make Kingsley get me some.
2:45 PM
Never mind.
Drawing Room, 12 Grimmauld Place
4:24 PM
I cunned Mad-Eye and Kingsley into letting me off early. Dashed home, stopping by Diagon Alley on the way to buy three pints of Double Chocolate Chocoball Chip ice-cream. I swear, all of the Muggles have no idea what they're missing out on; Florescue's ice-cream is heavenly.
...maybe I should buy another three pints. Ever since Florescue started the takeout container thing, I've been buying so much chocolate ice-cream.
Maybe there's a charm on it.
After all, not average woman could down two and a half pints in just under a quarter of an hour.
...bugger.
4:56 PM
Remus just was in for a bit. Had a whole lot've conversation with him, avoiding anything vaguely incriminating that I might have let slip. He seemed really quite distant. I reckon he's embarrassed.
...Ahh, he loves me.
Well, probably not. Hehe.
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place
5:07 PM
Went downstairs for a second, I was thinking of magically defrosting some chicken for an early dinner or something. Instead, I found a large plate of spaghetti on the kitchen counter and a note. Here it is:
(note pasted sloppily in, but less sloppily than last time)
Nymphadora:
I already made pasta yesterday, these leftovers you can heat up. I'm going to be out for a bit. Take care of Sirius, he's still brooding about something Severus said up in Buckbeak's room. Dead rats for the hippogriff are in the pantry somewhere - don't worry about the smell, I froze them. Defrost those as well, would you?
No, I'm not going out for a drink. Actually - well, screw that, I'm going to the Frog's Livers. Don't worry about me. I'll stock up on more chocolate in Hogsmeade.
Erm - about the Veritsamo; I think it affects written word as well. Yes, I know about it. Before I write anything that'll land me in deeper trouble than I already am, I'll be going now.
Remus
(end of note)
Siiigggghhhhh. He knows about the potion. Bloody potion.
..I'd say this is a most opportune moment to get revenge.
6:01 PM
Sirius is a filthy, dirty, witch!
Literally.
...I found some gender-changing powder in the cellar. Believe me, I know what it looks like. Anyway, I pinched some and put it in Sirius' pasta. He ate the whole plate, that greedy pig!
Turned into a most unbecoming masculine version of Aunt Augusta, that old hag down in the front hall. Furthermore, as soon as he realised what had happened, I put a Freezing Charm on him and pinched his wand. The little sucker'll be completely humiliated when I show the Order the Muggle photos I took of him. Pity the gender-changing powder only lasts for an hour.
That shows you never to mess with an Auror with style! Oooh, Sirius, you're going down. Yes, cousin, DOWN! DOWN! MUAHAHAHA!
6:27 PM
Well, Remus came back. Saw what I did to Sirius and cracked up into fits of hysterical laughter. I'm not sure whether the alcohol played a part in the uncharacteristic giggles, snorts and snickers, but he seemed pretty damn appreciative.
Y'know, I reckon I won't really have to stay that far away from Remus. I mean, I'd have to be near him sooner or later. I guess I feel a bit more comfortable, what with all the truths and stuff. He's just a friend, really.
Anyway, changing the subject, Remus brought these following items of chocolatey goodness back with him: two jumbo packs of Chocoballs; forty Chocolate Frogs; six pints of Double Chocolate Chocoball Chip ice-cream (he really does know me well, that man does); two bars each of white, milk and dark chocolate, and a bag of mixed chocolate chips.
So, we sat down at the kitchen table and I started demolishing the ice-cream (an hour and a half since my last chocolate intake is pretty damn long, you know) while he started on a bar of white chocolate. White's his favourite, actually.
There we were, chatting about trivial things, when suddenly Sirius stormed down, the Freezing Charm having worn off I never was really good at those), but the gender-changing powder was still in effect. He looked pretty cheerful, though, and he sat down at the table with us and said, "Guess what?"
I, of course, being a naturally inquisitive person (that has nothing to do with being nosy.. of course not!) asked "what?"
Then Sirius replied, smirking all the while, "I'm not telling you the antidote until you get me out of this state!"
Remus leapt up and performed Finite Incantatem, but Sirius just grinned after that and said, "I'm still not going to tell you!", before hop-skipping back up the stairs, all the while humming God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs.
I. Am. So. Screwed. Foget what I said before, I can't stand being around Remus like this! Lucky I'm seeing John tomorrow.
A/N: Mmm, more Tonks torture. Coming up is one dramatically in-depth account of her date with John, as well as a horrible aftermath, ending in Remus torture. After all, we all already know he likes our dear Tonks here ;-) Review please!