It All Comes From Being A Chronic Chocoholic

9th May, 1995
Bedroom, 12 Grimmauld Place

11:51 AM

This morning, I expected to wake up rejuvenated and gloriously feminine, with golden sunlight streaming through the window.

Unfortunately, I woke up crabby and swore at the pouring rain outside. I was in an unfamiliar (but comfy) bed. As I untangled my clothed self from the sheets, I finally noticed the spreading red stain under me.

I shrieked, jumped up, and ran to the bathroom, the concept of scourgify forgotten.

Second disaster of the day: no pads left in the cupboard. No emergency tampons either.

Then I heard Sirius outside the door, cackling madly, and it turns out he stole all of my pads, tampons, and the toilet paper (Merlin knows what for) and decorated Kreacher's corner with them.

Let's see: Aunt Bella, a Death Eater; Aunt Cissa, married to a Death Eater; my mother, crazy as a Death Eater; Sirius, convicted as a Death Eater.

Normal relatives, I have none.

Kitchen, 12 Grimmauld Place
12:13 PM

I just floo'ed Moody to tell him I want a day off work. He obliged, but not without an odd little look that I think he meant to mean "tell me later".

Sigh.

AUGH BLOODY HELL WHAT THE -

Stupid rubber duck.

It just bounced evilly out of nowhere, and is now sitting menacingly on the table in front of me with this demented grin on its face.

I hate it.

More than that, I despise it.

I wish it would wither up and dieeeeeee.

12:37 PM

New revelations into my life.

Remus thinks the bloody thing is cute. Cute!

I am not letting him get away with this.

Sirius is a nosy git.

Do I have any of that gender potion anywhere?

12:52 PM

I suppose you want an in-depth description?

Fine.

I was sitting here, glaring at the duck, when Remus comes downstairs, concern written all over that face of his. "Are you alright?" he asks. I scowl at him.

So, he comes to the table and sits down, looks at the duck, and bursts out in hysterical fits of laughter.

I asked him what was so funny, and he answered that it looked so silly, me being so angry at the duck, which was - get this - cute.

Then, Remus launched into a scarring-for-life conversation with the stupid bath toy, starting with, "Hello, ducky, my name's Remus. I vaguely remember you from when Tonks here threw you at me," and ending with, "Say, what's your name?"

Then he turned to me and asked whether I've named the duck.

Bloody duck.

Remus then rattled off a series of names, most of which were completely unrelated to ducks ("King Henry VIII"? Please. He killed half of his wives.)

Then he changed the subject.

"Nymphadora, what do you really want me to call you?" he said with that look with the eyes and the mouth and the augghhh. I finally managed to squeak out, "Tonks."

He shook his head. "What about Dora?"

"My best friend at Hogwarts called me that. She's a Witch Weekly cover-witch now. No thanks."

"Then... what about Nymph? It's a beautiful nickname."

"My father calls me that. It would make me feel like you were my father."

Remus frowned; I knew what he was thinking.

"You're not that old." I said, my tone a little on the harsh side. Sometimes, that man needs to have better self-esteem, I swear.

Remus opened his mouth to spout a hasty retort. I stopped him by clamping my mouth firmly over his.

Tactful, I am not.

Anyway. To Sirius.

We were getting quite intimate when Sirius barged in and asked where his flea collar went. "It's not here," I hissed, trying to look intimidating but that's not very easy when you were just spotted snogging by your mother's cousin.

Sirius beamed and sat down next to Remus, who was looking jolly uncomfortable. "So you two have finally owned up, eh?" Sirius said, not able to keep the inevitable grin off his face.

I know that I went red, which was not what I was aiming at. I was trying to be poised, calm, and collected.

Which I am not. At all.

"Sirius," Remus warned him. A smile played around his mouth. Damn men.

"So. I wonder, Tonks, why you didn't turn up in your bedroom last night..." Sirius teased, the same evil smirk on his face.

I scowled. What I really wanted to do, just then, was grab his neck and plunge him into that murky pond at the back of the house. I would delight in it, as I swear I saw a Grindylow in there. Muahaha. Muahaha!

Anyway. Back to the point.

"Sod off, Sirius," I growled. I thought it was a great display of toughness; the only problem is, it was promptly ruined as I had been balancing myself on two legs of the chair, and the forces above chose that moment to make me fall off.

They snickered. Sirius gave Remus one of those women-don't-understand bear hugs and the two went off upstairs together.

Evil buggers.

1:26 PM

I just realised that this is the last page of you, Diary. Not that you're a Diary-with-a-capital-D diary. Because you're not.

Whoops, a little off-track there.

Anyway, what shall I do without you? I won't have you to write in at all, ever. Or I could persuade Molly to get me another one for Christmas.

When I'm old, I'll look back in you and laugh because that's the sort of thing people in clichéd stories do. Either that or I'll throw you down the toilet.

Oh, or maybe I'll publish you and the whole Wizarding World will be able to read the trials and tribulations of a Metamorphmagus falling (literally) in love with a werewolf. Because it's not easy to do this, y'know. They have the worst self-esteem.

Or maybe, ten years from now, I'll show all my girlfriends this book and we'll laugh about it. Because there's no way to predict the future, unless you employ an actual Seer.

I don't know. I'll never know. The only thing I know is that I'll finally get to snuggle with my favourite werewolf.

And maybe that nightgown will come in handy soon.

A/N: So there it is. My pride and joy. My baby. Chocoholics is finished.

I plan on writing a few more R/T fics (that is, if there isn't any indication in HBP that R/T is a sunken ship, which I hope not) and then I might retire from the R/T fandom for real. I want to write some R/Hr before the books end.

So, now, I'm officially on HIATUS. I'll be back in a few weeks; I just need to sort out my evil plotbunnies, provide the clearance I need to bring you more fluff.

So, now that's over with, thanks to ALL my reviewers:

TonksIsMyHero, Nicky, LupinLover99, wouldn't you like to know, JediMasterKellie, Sibby, lupinslightnings, Letishia, lupinsmoon12391, Silvar, Phillipa of the Phoenix, Sirael, Carnivalgirl, Trekgirl01, Lone Stranger, So Obviously Desperate, madam wolf, crazy turtle, A League of Their Own Fan, Unforgettable, cyancrystaldolphins, starnat, Auramistealia, Pickledishkiller, mercutio-rane, Katie Mae, nebulia, Rose, ms.understood, Valainia Surion, LupinLovesTonks, So Desperately Obvious, charmingsponge, looking for lupin, iamari, MAEday, siriuslover25, LilypEoVtAtNeSr, flightless wren, SilverStar24, Gred, A Panda From CTY, MeganLeigh, captianjack, Rae Roberts, Miz Granger, TrinityDD, Lavender Tears, o SugarLily o, LuluCebu, winklynn88, and last but not least, Alice L Longbottom! Thanks so much!