A/n: This is a sequel to "Something to live for", which I recommend you read before this story. I apologize if it's terribly cliché and OOC. I don't want it to be too fluffy either, at least not until the end. I don't have a beta-reader and English is not my native language, so there might be some grammatical errors and such. If so, I'm sorry. Rating because of suicide themes, swearing and such. It might change later, I don't know yet. Italics means thoughts. Constructive criticism very much appreciated, so please review!
Disclaimer: No matter how much I want everything from Harry Potter to belong to me, it unfortunately does not (yet -I'm allowed to dream, right?). It belongs to wonderful J.K. Rowling.
Unexpected feelings –2
"I must have been insane to even consider offering her that position..". Severus murmured to himself as he hurried to ward the dungeons.
"Well, Albus certainly is. Damn that meddlesome old fool!"
Despite the immense respect Severus had for the Headmaster, he often found that he hated the way Dumbledore would drop extremely annoying little comments. The staff meeting he had just attended was no exception. As if it wasn't enough that the Headmaster had forced Severus to ask Ms. Granger to become his assistant, he had also announced it at the staff meeting. It made no difference that Severus had protested and said that Ms. Granger actually hadn't accepted yet, everyone of his colleagues had congratulated him on his new assistant. Furthermore, every single one had looked at him in a way that clearly said that they did not think him capable of even considering asking someone who weren't a Slytherin.
They even had the nerve to make 'subtle' threats!
In fact, all of his colleagues had in one way or the other made it clear to him that he had better behave around his assistant. Even Remus Lupin, who had been reinstated as Defense against the Dark Arts professor and usually wouldn't utter a single word of threat to anyone, had told him quite clearly what to expect if he did not treat Ms. Granger well.
As if I did not know that! She bloody well nearly attempted suicide a month ago, I'm not too daft to know she might be vulnerable. Although it's not like they are helping her much by their over-protectiveness.
He sometimes thought that he could see it in her eyes –that little gleam of annoyance everytime someone cast her a worried look. It seemed like everyone had forgotten that she had changed her mind before actually trying to jump.
A couple of third-year Hufflepuffs hurried out of his way as he crossed the Entrance Hall and he shot them a malevolent sneer before heading down into the dungeons, still lost in his thoughts about his potential assistant.
Wednesday evening Hermione still had not made up her mind, and it kept her from falling asleep. Everytime she came to a conclusion, a new question or concern came to mind and left her just as confused as she had been before. She was sitting in her private bedroom, on of the perks of being Head Girl, staring into the fire when a soft knock on the door brought her out of her reverie.
Wonder who that could be –it's almost midnight.
She walked to the door and opened it. Outside stood Ginny Weasley.
"Hi Ginny! What are you doing her at this time? Is something wrong?".
"No, no.. I just wanted to talk with you, that's all.. May I come in?".
"Of course.". Hermione smiled at her, stepping aside so she could enter. They sat down on the large bed and Hermione looked expectantly at Ginny.
Why doesn't she look me in the eye?
After a little while of silence Hermione cleared her throat and asked: "Are you sure you're all right?".
"Yeah, I am, but.. Are you?".
It dawned on Hermione what Ginny wanted to talk about. They hadn't had a chance to really talk about what had happened on that night a month ago, and of course Ginny would be worried about her.
"Yes, I'm fine. I guess you wonder what exactly happened in the Astronomy Tower?"
"Well.. No one's really said anything. McGonagall told us all to give you a bit of peace for a while, and everytime I try asking Harry or Ron about it, they both refuse to look me in the eye and mumble something incomprehensible. Yesterday I even asked professor Lupin after class, and he just said to give you time to heal, let you decide when you're ready to talk about it. I'm really sorry if I upset you, but I want to know what happened, I'm worried about you. Are the rumors true?".
For a moment Hermione felt taken aback. She had thought that everyone knew what had happened, and that they had stayed away from her because of that. Apparently that wasn't the reason after all, and she could only imagine how worried Ginny must have been.
"Well, if the rumors say that I tried to jump off the Astronomy Tower, then they're not too far off.".
Ginny seemed to be quite shocked at her words, and Hermione sighed before beginning her explanation. Ginny kept quiet as Hermione spoke. Even though it still was painful for her, it was a great relief to finally be able to talk to a friend about her feelings and concerns, someone who would just listen to her.
When Hermione told Ginny about the row with Harry and Ron, though, Ginny couldn't hold herself back from exclaiming:
"They didn't say that, did they!? That was really mean –I know my brother's an ass sometimes, and Harry too, but that was just plain mean!".
Hermione smiled bitterly and then said: "I guess that's why they feel so guilty. I haven't really talked with them since, everytime I do they wont look me in the eye. I guess we'll never be able to get our old friendship back.". A single tear rolled down her cheek and Ginny pulled her in to a tight embrace. For a long time they just sat there.
It's nice to have one of my friends back.
Ginny pulled away and handed her a handkerchief before saying: "Don't worry about that, Hermione, I'm sure everything will be alright. You just need to talk about it with them, that's all.".
"Thanks, Ginny, I really appreciate it.".
"So, what have you been up to lately? I haven't really seen you around."
"Well, besides thinking about Harry and Ron, I... I've been thinking about Snape.".
"Snape? Why on earth have you been thinking about him?".
"He was the one who found me on the Tower and brought me to the Hospital Wing. And he.. he told me some really nice things when I was there. That I shouldn't think so badly about myself, and that he-". She cut her self off, blushing madly.
Shit! Please don't let her have heard that, I really don't want anyone to know.. I don't even know if he meant it..
Ginny looked at her with a curious expression, obviously having heard her slip, but before she could ask about it Hermione hurriedly added: "And he's offered me a position as an assistant. I don't know whether I should take it or not. I mean, it's a fabulous opportunity for me to be able to work with a Potions Master, but I'm just not sure..".
Still looking at her with the same curious expression, Ginny asked: "Well, why not take it? If you change your mind you could always say it was a mistake, and that you'd like to resign.".
Sighing Hermione mumbled: "I'm just afraid it would be awkward, because he.. he was the one who found me that night.".
"Still, you can always resign if it's too horrible.". Ginny still hadn't changed her expression, and Hermione knew she would be wondering if that really was the only reason for Hermione's apprehension.
"I guess you're right. I'm sure-"She was cut off as she yawned. A look at the clock told her it was nearly one in the morning.
"It's really late, I should get to bed –and you too!". Ginny smiled and walked to the door.
"Yeah, you're right. I'll see you tomorrow. And just so you know, you can always come to me if you want to talk, alright?"
"I know, Ginny, thanks. Goodnight.".
"Goodnight, Hermione. And sweet dreams..". Ginny closed the door behind her.
Sighing contentedly Hermione crawled under her covers. She had finally decided what she would answer Snape the next day after Potions class, and the knowledge made her fall asleep almost instantly.
Severus couldn't wait for the Potions class to end. It was always an insufferable experience to teach the seventh year Gryffindors and Slytherins, but today it was even worse for him. Everytime he could risk it he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, trying to find some indication of what her answer would be.
Could she not give me at least the smallest sign? I wish she could just.. What do I wish? Do I want her to say yes? It would certainly be easier and less awkward if she said no, but if she accepted I could-
With an annoyed shake of his head he cut of his train of thought. Speculating would do no good, and especially not in direction he was headed in his mind.
Finally the bell rang and the students hurriedly picked up their things and left the dungeons. Trying to act as if he hadn't waited impatiently for this moment, Severus stayed seated at his desk grading papers, while Hermione told her friends to go on to lunch without her. He heard her footsteps coming toward the desk, but kept his eyes on the papers until she had seated herself in front of him.
"Ms. Granger, I believe you have an answer for me?".
It took her a moment to respond, and Severus couldn't fight of a small feeling of disappointment.
She is going to say no. Damn!
"I have given this much thought professor, and I have come to the conclusion that I.. I accept your kind offer, though I would like to discuss a couple of details with you, sir.".
She accepted.. I really wasn't expecting that..
"Well, I must say that I am glad to hear that, Ms. Granger. But I do not know what kind of details you are referring to?", Severus asked, carefully keeping his voice even.
She hesitated slightly before saying: "My main concern is that this position could interfere with my schoolwork and with my duties as Head Girl. I know you said it would not, but I'd just like to make sure that it would be alright if I resign in case it should do so.".
"Of course, Ms. Granger, you should not let anything disrupt your school work. Though I am certain we will be able to work out an agreement that will work for the both of us.".
He couldn't help but smirk somewhat, and she seemed to visibly relax as he slackened on his usual scowl. It was odd how easy it was for him to put aside his professorial facade around her, but he couldn't allow himself to let his thoughts wander in that direction, so he pushed his them aside.
They proceeded to talk about the details of the agreement. It was arranged that Hermione would assist Severus every Tuesday evening and on Sunday afternoons, as well as occasionally on Saturdays if Hermione's homework and duties allowed it. They concluded their conversation and Hermione left the dungeons to go to lunch.
The following Sunday was the first time Hermione headed toward the dungeon to meet professor Snape. Besides a slight bit of nervousness, she was looking quite forward to getting a chance to work with the Potions Master. Soon she was standing outside the classroom door, taking a deep breath before knocking.
I really hope this isn't going to be too awkward..
There was no reply so she knocked again, but there was still no answer. Slowly she opened the door to peer inside the room, frowning slightly. The classroom was empty.
That's weird.. Snape's usually always here on time.
Hermione walked to the desk and sat down in front of it. Although she tried not to dwell on it, she couldn't help feeling worried. It was no secret to her that Snape was a spy and could be summoned to Death Eater meetings at any time, and that possibility was the first to come to mind.
He probably just late. No need to worry. Just because he's not here it doesn't necessarily mean that he's been summoned... But what if he has? Will he be alright? Oh, God, I hope he's alright..
Unable to sit still any longer, Hermione got up and started pacing in front of the blackboard, calming herself somewhat. Nearly fifteen minutes had passed since the time they had agreed on meeting, and it didn't seem like he was going to show up just yet. Deciding she couldn't stay in the classroom forever, Hermione pulled a piece of parchment and a quill from her bag, and wrote a short message to her professor, saying that she had been in there on time and left after waiting for a while.
After having put the message on the desk she picked up her bag and and walked over to the door. Just as she had put her hand on the handle she froze. For a moment she thought she had heard a noise behind her. Slowly she turned around. There was nothing there, and she turned back to open the door when she heard the same sound again.
Shit! What the hell was that?
She stood completely still, straining her ears to listen. After a little while she heard it again. It sounded like someone was moaning and whimpering weakly, and the sound appeared to be coming from the door behind the desk, the one she knew lead to professor Snape's office. Gathering her Gryffindor courage she walked over to the door , hesitating in front of it.
What if it's Snape and he's hurt?
A sudden shout from behind the door startled her and she wrenched it open, not at all prepared for the sight that met her.