A/n: Read300300, Cow as White as Milk, sweetytweety013: Thank you for you reviews! I thought it was nice twist too, even if it is a bit cliché.
DRUNKEN LANDLORD: Thanks, and no, I don't know that song. Could you tell me who sings it, I might be able to track down the lyrics?
Flaming Pen: Thanks for the review. The answer to both your questions are: you'll see in time. I'd spoil the story if I tell you now.
Constructive criticism is very much appreciated, so please review!
Disclaimer: Everything except the plot still belongs to the one and only J.K. Rowling.
Unexpected feelings – 4
During the next fortnight Hermione spend as much time as possible with her Potions professor.
He was still the same stern and harsh man, but it, surprisingly enough, no longer bothered her. His silence while working was no longer menacing to her, and he would light up while in discussion with her. His behaviour in class was also the same as always, but she simply ignored it, knowing that it was only a facade.
Quite astounding how passionate he can be once you really start talking with him..
She was quite amazed and fascinated with just how comfortable it felt to be in his company, and she often found herself lost in thought about their latest appointment. She was careful not to succumb to those reveries when around her friends, she still didn't feel completely relaxed around Harry and Ron. They hadn't really talked much lately, and especially not about the night in Astronomy Tower. She tried not to think too much about that night, it still gave her an uncomfortable constricted feeling in her heart.
Ginny seemed really glad to be talking with Hermione again, and Hermione felt equally as happy to have her friend back. They were often studying and chatting peacefully together, and Hermione confided many of her thoughts with Ginny, especially the ones concerning her awkward friendships with Harry and Ron.
However, she didn't confide the confusing thoughts about Snape.
It was something she didn't want to tell anyone, at least not until she had got a bit more hold of her emotions. One minute she was thinking about how she enjoyed his company and their discussions, the next she was appalled at herself for thinking about a teacher in an inapropiate way, the next again she was remembering what he had told her in the Hospital Wing a month and a half earlier: that he loved her.
When she reached this point in her line of thoughts she would usually force herself to think about something else.
It's amazing how much that man can irritate me!
Severus was bent over his cauldron, fuming at the thought of his last meeting with the Headmaster. Albus had, once again, managed to make an astonishingly insinuating comment as Severus left, a comment that still reverberated in his mind:
"By the way, Severus, I'm glad to hear from the other faculty members that Ms. Granger seems much happier after starting her position as you assistant, although she also seems quite tired.. So don't exhaust the young lady."
To anyone else the comment would sound quite normal and innocent, but to Severus, who had witnessed Albus' meddling and comments for nearly twenty years, the comment was infuriating. And the fact that the ever-twinkling eyes of the Headmaster had an extra sparkle as he spoke these words, didn't exactly help matters.
A sharp knock at the door invaded his thoughts and he strode over to it, angrily wrenching it open.
Nobody was there.
Severus nearly slammed the door shut, furious at being interrupted without reason, but spotted something out of the corner of his eye.
A black envelope was lying on the threshold and Severus bent down and picked it up. A feeling of consternation spread through him. He couldn't tell why this nondescript envelope would worry him so, but he trusted his instincts well enough not to disregard them.
After making sure the hallway was empty he ripped the envelope open. A small piece of parchment fell out from it. Frowning, Severus pulled it out and read it:
"Be careful around a certain student. The consequences of not being cautious might be dire.
X".
"X? How ridiculous!", Severus snorted. Despite his earlier feeling of alarm he could not think that this message was serious. He had received many odd, and sometimes threatening, messages over the years that later on proved to be from disgruntled students of his, and this was no doubt the case again.
After closing the door behind him he walked over to the cauldron, crumbling the letter as he went and soon forgetting about it, his mind returning to more pressing matters of finishing the potion and clean out his private laboratory.
"Hermione, do you have a moment? I'd like to have a talk with you."
Hermione looked up from her book in surprise and put it aside on her bed. In front of her stood Harry Potter, peering nervously at her.
"Sure, Harry. Want to sit down, or..?".
"No, could we go for a walk? To the lake, or something?".
Hermione nodded and they left her room, Harry pointedly keeping his eyes on his feet.
They walked through the empty common room and crawled out of the portrait hole, and soon after reached the front doors. Hermione frowned slightly at Harry's weird behaviour, but kept her tongue.
Wonder what's the matter? He usually never acts this way..
They walked out onto the grounds of Hogwarts and toward the lake. Stopping at the bank they looked over the calm water for a while before Harry cleared his throat and said: "Look, Hermione.. I wanted to talk to about.. about that night, when.. that night you.. well, tried to commit suicide?".
Well, I knew I'd have to do this some time..
"OK, Harry.. Well, what is it exactly that you want to know?". Hermione's voice was strangely even, not betraying a single of the emotions that had bubbled dangerously close to the surface at the mention of that fateful night.
"Was is it my fault?". Harry was now looking straight at her, his eyes concerned and his face determined.
"I don't know what to say to you Harry.. It wasn't just the fight with you and Ron, but that really hurt me, and-". Her voice cracked and a sudden surge of emotion made Hermione's eyes prickle uncomfortably.
Before she could help herself she had flung her arms around Harry. He startled slightly, but held her close, awkwardly patting her on the back.
After sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder for a while, Hermione stepped back and dried her eyes.
Stupid emotions, always getting the best of me...
"I'm sorry, Harry, it's just.. Every time I think I've got a hold of myself I start crying again, I can't help it."
"It's alright, Hermione. I'm here for you, always. I know I wasn't that night, and.. And I really am sorry. I'll never turn my back on you or hurt you again, I'm so sorry!". His expression was so genuine and nearly desperate that the tears started flowing from her eyes once more. "After wards, when I heard that it was my fault that you nearly.. nearly jumped, I felt so bad, I didn't know how to ever make it up to you, didn't know if I ever could.."
Pulling Harry into her arms she whispered: "Thank you, Harry. I'm really glad to hear that, it's really been horrible not being able to talk to you.".
"I know. I've really missed you.", he whispered back, a stray tear rolling down his cheek.
They stood there at the lake for what seemed like forever, seeking comfort in the arms of a friend and not noticing the occasional student wandering by and eying them curiously. Finally they broke apart.
"So, Hermione.. Ginny tells me you've started as a Potions assistant? I bet that's dreadful.". Harry smiled at her.
"Well, Harry," Hermione said, "It's actually not been that bad.". Hermione smiled back at him, and they resumed their slow stroll around the lake, and then toward the Quidditch pit, while Hermione told Harry as much as possible about her position as a Potions assistant. The only thing she held back was her feelings about Professor Snape, feelings that she becoming more certain about with each day that passed. Soon dinner time was nearing and the reunited friends started moving toward the castle, now walking in companionable silence.
When they reached the front doors Harry stopped in his tracks. Hermione looked at him with a questioning face, and he looked around them to ensure they were alone.
"Hermione, there's something I think you should know. Ron hasn't.. He's not been feeling that well lately. He's convinced that everything is his fault, and I don't know what to tell him... I've told him to just talk to you, but he's too scared. Could you try talking with him?".
"Harry.. I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not too sure about how to talk to him either. His words that night hurt just as deeply as yours. But I've forgiven you, and I can forgive Ron too, because it wasn't just that fight that made go to the tower. It was a combination of many things, and the fight was just the trigger. If he comes to me, I'll talk with him, of course.". Hermione looked at him determinedly.
"OK, that's all I can ask of you.. Hermione.. What other things do you mean, when you say it was a combination of things?". His voice sounded as thought he was trying not to sound pushy and obtrusive.
I don't know the exact reasons myself, so how can I answer that?
"I'm not sure, Harry. I just know that I feel better now, and I think I'm ready to move on."
"I'm glad to hear that.". He smiled at her and they embraced fiercely before walking inside the castle and joining their friends for dinner.
As usual Severus was sitting at his desk, impatiently awaiting the arrival of his assistant. His impatience was not caused by Hermione being unpunctual, in fact she was always a couple of minutes early, it was instead caused by his intense desire to be in her company and get involved in passionate discussions, or simply work peacefully side by side. It was also caused by a proposition he wanted to make her, an offer he hoped she wouldn't refuse.
Best not think about it too much, she might very well refuse.
Shaking his head he tried to clear his mind of thoughts about her, but it was to no avail.
When he had first agreed to taking her on as an assistant, reluctant and apprehensive, he could not have imagined how much he would come to enjoy her company. Despite the perplexing feelings he had tried desperately to push aside and his prejudice against her as a know-it-all-Gryffindor, she had proved to be a most competent assistant and excellent partner in interesting and intelligent discussions. He had come to perceive her as his equal in many areas. And this scared him tremendously.
I better stop thinking about her in that way, it leads to no good. Hermione is still my student, no matter how I look at this whole situation, I am still her professor and she is my student. Although she will be graduating soon-
"Damn..", he muttered, cursing that annoying little voice in the back of his mind that seemed determined to lead his thoughts in a certain direction.
He looked at his watch for what seemed like the hundreth time and saw that there was still fifteen minutes until their appointment started. Sighing at his own restlessness he got up and started pacing back and forth. He couldn't get his mind away from the thoughts of Hermione and decided to give up on trying to.
Images of their meetings swirled in his head, making him smile as he recalled the way she would twist a strand of her hair absentmindedly between her fingers as she looked over a difficult recipe. The way she would sometimes hum subconsciously as she stirred a potion. How she would occasionally catch his eyes in Potions class and let a small smile rest on her lips a mere fraction of second, banishing it before anyone but him could take notice of it.
Then his thoughts turned to that night he had found her in the Astronomy Tower, about to jump to her death. She had looked so fragile, so vulnerable, as he had carried her to the Hospital Wing. Those images sometimes haunted him in his dreams, making him wake with a dreadful feeling of loosing something very valuable.
Inevitably his mind then reminded him that he had told her that he loved her.
He tried forcing himself to thinking about something else, but his mind refused. When he had held her as she cried and told her of his feelings, he hadn't even known about them himself. Not consciously, he had never thought about any of his students in any way beyond that which is required of a teacher. Never allowed himself to. But it seemed his mind had decided to do so anyway and had, without his knowledge, reached the conclusion that he loved Hermione Granger. His student. A Gryffindor, none the less. And he couldn't say that he completely disagreed with his mind, though he wasn't sure he still knew how to love somebody.
But he would never act on these feelings, whatever they were. He never could. It would jeopardize his career, her reputation, his role as a spy.
It does not matter whether I have been discovered or not, I can't take that risk. Dumbledore might change his decision and ask me to answer to the summons. And I cannot let her get drawn into this.
And even if he did act on his feelings, how would she react? Just because she seemed to enjoy their conversations as much as he did, it did by no means indicate that she was interested in anything more. It did not mean that she would ever consider being with him.
And why should she? I am twice her age and not exactly a knight in shining armor. She would never want someone like me.
He wasn't even certain she remembered his words from that night. She had never said anything or otherwise indicated that she recalled them.
He jumped slightly as he heard a knock at the door. Grimacing at his own reaction he said: "Enter!", in the most bored voice he could muster.
The door opened and Hermione stepped in, smiling. "Good evening, Professor.".
Without thinking about it he smiled back at her, and they set to work as usual, Hermione preparing and fetching the needed ingredients while Severus stirred the potion meticulously, in a state of complete concentration. They soon finished and set the potion aside to cool before seating themselves.
Predictably they fell into a rather heated discussion about an article Severus had shown Hermione at their last meeting, an article about a new discovery of a possible use of dragon blood, and although they disagreed they both enjoyed it immensely.
As Hermione got up and declared that she would be going he suddenly remembered the proposition he had thought about and stopped her.
"Ms. Granger, there is something I would like to discuss with you before you leave.".
She sat down again with a curious expression and he continued: "Until now we have been working here in the Potions class room, but I have been meaning to ask you for a while whether you would mind moving our appointments to my private laboratory?". His voice was carefully kept even.
She regarded him for moment with a slight frown and disappointment took hold of Severus.
Of course she minds, it was stupid to even consider it!
Hurriedly he added: "Only if you do not mind, Ms. Granger, I-".
She shook her head and said: "It's not that I mind, Professor, not at all. It's just that I wondered.. If you don't mind me asking, why haven't you propositioned this before?".
His own feeling of disappointment was now mirrored in her eyes, and he suddenly realized that she had been expecting him to ask earlier. Surprise flitted across his face before he resumed his usual expression and said: "Ms. Granger, it has nothing to do with you. I have simply been reorganizing my laboratory and have not been able to use the past two months.". His voice was somewhat stern.
She blushed slightly at his words and brought a small smile to his lips.
Amazing.. Things that would have annoyed me about her just a month ago now makes me smile!
She smiled back apprehensively and said: "Then I would be honored to join you in your private laboratory.".
She got up once again and said good night, turned around and walked toward the door. Halfway there she turned around and looked at him. He was about to ask her why she had stopped when she spoke: "I really would prefer that you called me Hermione. The formality is kind of getting on my nerves. It's OK if you don't feel comfortable with it, but I would appreciate it. Good night, Professor.".
He stared dumbfounded after her as she exited the room for a moment before jumping up and hurrying after her.
"Ms. Granger, wait! Ms. Granger –Hermione!". He stopped in the doorway as she paused with her foot on the stairs.
Smiling tentatively he said: "I don't mind, Hermione. And call me Severus.". He shut the door behind him and couldn't help but smirk at the surprised expression on her face.
It wasn't until later, when he was lying awake in bed, that he realized what he had done.
Oh, great Merlin.. What is she going to think of me now? No doubt that I'm a perverted old bastard.. And I did not even have the sense to ask her to come back into the room when telling her, what would have happened if any of my Slytherins had walked in on that? On the other hand, maybe it was a good idea not to ask her back into the room..
Cutting of his train of thought he forced his mind away from the subject, afraid to even finish his own thought.
What on earth possessed me to say that to him? I must be raving mad..
Hermione couldn't shake of the thought of the request she had made last night. She had told her Potions professor to call her by her given name. Something suddenly connected in her mind as she realized that he actually already had.
Oh, my.. I'd forgotten all about that.. What am I going to do? Why are these.. emotions or whatever taking such a hold of me?
Ginny's voice cut through Hermione's reverie and she looked up at her friend. They were sitting in the Gryffindor common room, studying together, and Ginny had apparently just asked her a question.
"I'm, sorry, Ginny I was a bit lost in thought, what was it you asked me?".
"Lost in thought indeed.. I asked you: what is between you and Snape?".
Hermione simply stared at her, unable to say anything, when Ginny continued: "I mean, you're positively glowing when you come back from your appointments with him, and it's always late when you return."
"I –not, I mean-", Hermione sputtered, "How –how do you know that I return late?".
"I've waited up for you after the last two appointments, and you don't even notice me when you walked through the common room. And you were humming.".
Hermione blushed a deep crimson
Oh, no.. Why did she have to find out? I don't even know what it is, exactly, that I feel, and now she's going to think that I'm some.. freak or something..
"Hermione, you don't have to be nervous, you can tell me anything.. Is something going on between you?". Ginny looked at her with a mixture of concern and compassion, a sly smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.
"No! I-", Hermione blushed even deeper, and muttered: "Nothing's going on.. It's just.. I don't.. I don't know what to think, I'm so confused.:"
"Please tell me, Hermione.".
"I'm.. Oh, OK.. There really is nothing between us, but.. But I think I'm falling for him, and..". Hermione swallowed nervously, and then continued: "And he has told me that.. That he loves me.".
Complete silence followed her words, and Hermione's heart jumped a little.
I was right, she thinks I'm a freak-
"Wow, Hermione, that's.. wow. Has he really told he loves you?", Ginny said, looking at her with a puzzled expression and something akin to amazement.
"Yes, that night when.. when he found me in the Astronomy Tower. You know I told you that he told me some really nice things, and..". Hermione stopped and looked at her nervously fidgeting fingers, recalling his words that night..
"That is not true, Hermione. You are an incredibly beautiful and intelligent young woman, one of the most talented witches in decades. Anyone who cannot see that is a fool and not worthy of your time. And you can be loved.. I know, because I do.."
"He told me that he thinks I'm beautiful and intelligent.. And that I shouldn't think that I can't be loved, because he does.". Hermione suddenly realized that she was smiling at the memory, and looked at Ginny.
Her expression was unreadable for a little while before she said: "Don't get me wrong, Hermione, I'm not trying to talk you out of anything.. But have you considered that maybe, just maybe, he only said those things to you because he thought you needed to hear them?".
Hermione was dumbfounded. She had considered many different reasons that could have led him to speak those words to her, but oddly enough, she had never considered that possibility. She suddenly felt very stupid.
Of course. He's probably only doing this out of pity! The Headmaster has ordered him to be nice to me or something, and just fool enough to fall for it!
Her face darkened and Ginny must have noticed, because she hurriedly added: "I don't really think that Hermione! It's just very odd to think about him in that way.. I mean, it's Snape where talking about.
A sudden urge to burst out laughing filled Hermione and she couldn't help but laugh. Something in the way Ginny had said his name suddenly seemed very amusing to her, and she nearly couldn't stop laughing at the thought.
Ginny was staring at her with amusement and Hermione said: "I can't help it, it just sounded so funny when you said his name..". Taking a deep breath she willed herself to stop laughing.
Ginny smiled a somewhat sly smile and asked in a casual voice: "Hermione.. when you say that you think you're falling for him.. Why is that?".
Blushing once again Hermione stared ahead of her.
What is it that.. attracts me to him?
"I don't know if I can explain it..".
"Just try.". Ginny was still smiling slyly.
"Well.. I haven't really given it that much thought.. But he's quite different when we're alone. He is polite and never mean.. And quite passionate in discussions. And I do have a.. thing about his voice..".
"What 'thing' about his voice?", Ginny asked.
"You really are quite pushy, you know!", Hermione exclaimed, laughing. "But I guess I think that it's.. sexy."
Ginny just smiled at her as she blushed, and Hermione got a familiar feeling of Ginny having known all along. Determined not to make herself even more embarrassed, Hermione said: "Why don't we return to studying?".
As they did so a subconscious smile rested on Hermione's lips as her thoughts remained on the Potions Master.
A/n2: This chapter is, in my own opinion, somewhat tedious and a bit boring. But it is necessary to include it, and I PROMISE you'll see more action in the next chapter.