A/n: Armor: Thanks. I just couldn't help myself, I really love Remus. And I hope the end wasn't too much of a cliché :) I've also checked the settings and made sure anonymous reviews are accepted.
Mary Q: Yes, there will be more chapters. I'm not too happy about promising a certain number of chapters, but I think I can guarantee at least three more. I'm glad you like the private lab.
bluepearldrops: Thanks, and thanks for telling me as well. I'll try to make sure I spell it right from now on.
blackdragonofdeath13, mysticdarkraven, jess, sweetytweety013, sesshyluver03: Thank you very much, and I'll try to write as fast as possible.
A/n2: Constructive criticism is very much appreciated, so please review!
Disclaimer: Everything except the plot still belongs to the one and only J.K. Rowling.
Unexpected feelings – 6
Severus awoke with a splitting headache and his head full of confused images of half-remembered dreams, all involving himself and Hermione in more or less odd situations.
Grumbling to himself, he forcefully pushed away the images and memories of the previous night that these dreams conjured, and staggered to the bathroom. Splashing ice-cold water on his face he pointedly ignored his own reflection. He did not want to see the guilt and repulsion in his own eyes.
What the hell happened to me? How could I loose control like that?? First I force myself upon a student who is very fragile, if not suicidal, and then I act as though she is the one who started it all!
He inadvertently looked up and shuddered. The look in his eyes was as he had expected; every bitter, angry, self-repulsive and guilty emotion that swarmed his mind was practically glowering out at him, tauntingly reminding him of his lack of self-control.
What am I going to do now?
He sighed exasperatedly and once again tried to force the thoughts away. It was no good, and his bad mood amplified many times, the scowl on his face deepening even further than usual. Hurriedly he conducted his morning toilette and stalked through his rooms with resounding steps and angrily wrenching the door to the hallway open.
On the threshold lay a black envelope and Severus froze in the doorway. A eerie feeling of dejà-vu crept over him, as he picked it up and sharply closed the door behind him. He tore the envelope open and searched his mind for a reason for this feeling, and the thought of another letter like this appeared.
Frowning he read the piece of paper inside:
"Are you a spy, professor? Rumor has it you are. Rumor that, as you know, has already reached the ears of the Dark Lord. One wouldn't know whether it is true or not, but no doubt the Dark Lord would appreciate knowledge about your recent behavior. Especially in regards to a certain Mudblood. A certain assistant. Your actions around her. And we wouldn't want that to happen, would we?
X".
The blood drained completely from his face, leaving it even more sallow.
"How can this be?", he muttered to himself. He placed the letter in his pocket, suddenly paralyzed when a thought made his heart stop.
If the He knows about Hermione, she is in great peril, he will no doubt use her against me. Such a wonderful weapon.. A weakness of both the Potions Master and the Boy-Who-Lived! I must warn her.
Rushing out of the room and through the hallways, he failed to notice the many curious glances and whispers that followed in his wake.
When Hermione woke up that morning her tears had been replaced with cold rage.
How dare he?! One minute he's all over me, the next he's pushing me away as though I'm infected with some deadly disease!
Her bad mood did not falter as she got ready for her classes, and her face was twisted into a scowl uncannily resembling the one of a certain professor. Every time she caught sight of herself in a mirror, the scowl deepened and the angry thoughts swirled even more furiously through her mind.
She grabbed her bag and stomped out of her room, slamming the door behind her and hurrying down the stairs. As she entered the common room she was met with a flurry of whispers, and stopped dead in her tracks.
Everyone had turned to stare at her when she had appeared, and was now rapidly whispering with each other while glancing at her. The rage intensified and, holding her head high, she strode through the room while ignoring the pointed looks.
What the hell is the matter with them?? As if my day wasn't horrible enough already!
She crawled out of the portrait hole and then stopped, seeing Harry and Ron standing a few feet down the corridor.
They'll probably know what the commotion is about.
They both looked up as her footsteps neared, and then she froze. Upon seeing her Ron had turned completely still. He shot her an angry look, took Harry forcefully by the arm and dragged him off, Harry looking back and mouthing a quick apology before rounding the corner. His eyes was filled with an odd mixture of doubt and sympathy.
Imbecilic morons! What was THAT about??
Her expression was thunderous as she stalked after them. Every student who caught sight of her reacted as the Gryffindors, and by the time she descended the marble staircase she was met with stares and whispers from every single student.
Shaking with indignation and ice-cold fury, she marched past them and was about to enter the Great Hall, when a hand closed around her upper-arm.
Turning quickly to scold whoever had dared to come near her, she was met with Ginny's hard and severe face, and before Hermione could utter a word, she had been dragged away.
"I need to speak with you.", Ginny hissed through clenched teeth. She stopped outside a small girl's room just a few feet away from the Entrance Hall, and dragged Hermione through, closing and locking the door behind them.
"What the hell is going on??", Hermione snarled, crossing her arms defiantly across her chest and glowering at her friend with eyes so deadly, they would have made most people shrink away under her gaze.
"I could ask you the same thing.", Ginny said with a steady voice, that seemed to only barely contain her anger. She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket and shoved in to Hermione's hands, and Hermione reluctantly lowered her eyes and read:
"STOP THE DECAY OF MORALS AT HOGWARTS!
Hogwarts is rotting up from the inside! Many vile and immoral events take place at this famous school, and it is our duty as students to fight against the outrageous behavior of certain people!
We therefore urge everyone to stand up against the latest heinous and despicable development -the liaison between two of the people who should fight the hardest to uphold the morals at Hogwarts:
Head girl, Hermione Granger and Potions professor, Severus Snape.
An involvement such as theirs should not occur, and we again urge everybody to let those who decay our morale know that such behavior is not acceptable!
You may, with good reason, ask where the proof for this relationship is, and we have thus included a photograph on the backside of this manifesto.
Stand up against moral decay!
The Association against Moral Decay (AMD)".
Hermione stared at the paper. It felt like her blood had stopped in her veins, and her head began spinning. With trembling hands she slowly turned the paper, closing her eyes. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes and looked at the backside.
Her eyes met a large photograph of herself and her Potions professor kissing.
The piece of paper slipped from her hands, and she stumbled backwards, eyes wide and hands shaking. The back of her legs bumped against the wall.
How can this be? How could he do this to me?
"Hermione.. What's going on?". Ginny's voice was low and solemn, her eyes concerned. "You told me there was nothing between you, but how can you explain this, then?".
"There's nothing between us!", Hermione sputtered, taking a step toward Ginny and shaking her head vigorously. "Ginny, it was only –he didn't even mean it! I mean, I'm.. Oh God, Ginny, I don't know what is going on..". She stared at Ginny, suddenly feeling tears in her eyes again. She tried to force them away, but to no avail.
Ginny pulled her into a tight embrace, and the grieve of the previous night overpowered Hermione. Rocking back and forth as a small child, Hermione cried her heart out on the shoulder of her friend.
Finally breaking apart, Ginny handed her a handkerchief and mumbled: "Why don't you tell me everything?".
Drying her eyes, Hermione took a shuddering breath. After closing her eyes briefly, she started to speak.
"There really is nothing between us, at least not what you think there is. You know how I feel about him, but I reckon that my feelings are deeper than I thought.
Last night.. we didn't meet in the class room as usual, instead we met in his private laboratory, and then we moved to his office to talk. Nothing unusual happened until a couple hours later.. He asked me to read this book.. He never allowed me to lend any of his books before, did you know that?"
Ginny smiled briefly at her as she shook her head, her eyes intense and concerned as Hermione continued:
"I fell asleep while reading and had this nightmare.. This really horrible nightmare, and he saved me.. woke me up. My back and shoulders hurt, and he insisted that I couldn't leave until I felt better. He gave me a massage, and then he.. he pulled me close and kissed me. I kissed him back, Ginny, but he pushed me away and told me to leave.. He rejected me. And now he's done this..!". The tears were falling silently again.
Why can't I ever control my emotions?
"Hermione.. I am so sorry, I really thought..". Ginny's voice trailed off. Hermione quietly said: "That I'd lied to you?".
"Yeah.. I'm sorry.".
"I know, it's OK.. But what am I going to do? The entire school is going to think that worst of me.. They'll believe that that I've been having an affair with him. And Harry and Ron.. I saw them in the hallway, and..". The image of Ron stalking away angrily and the doubt in Harry's eyes suddenly appeared in her mind, and she closed her eyes forcefully to push it away.
"They were angry at you?", Ginny asked.
"Ron certainly was! The way he looked at me.. He believes the rumors. I don't know about Harry, it seemed like he didn't know what to think.". Hermione sighed and turned away, furrowing her brow.
It's bad enough to have to deal with Severus, if I have to deal with Harry and Ron as well..
"Hermione, no matter what, I'm with you. I believe you.", Ginny said, her voice somber, yet imploring.
Hermione turned around again. "Thank you, Ginny, I really appreciate it.".
"What else are friends for, if not to lend support?. Ginny smiled brightly before her face became somber again. "What are you going to do? Maybe you should go to Dumbledore and explain everything?".
"I don't know. I mean, the rumor will spread to the teachers before the end of the day, I guess I might as well talk to him now. I don't know what to say about this picture, though..". She gestured toward the paper on the floor. "I can't really deny it, can I?".
Silence stretched out as they looked at the picture, both not knowing what to say.
How am I ever going to get through this?
Finally Hermione broke the silence by saying: "I had better get out there, I'll have to face them all sooner or later.".
"And I'll be by your side every time I can. I won't let you down.". Ginny smiled and opened the door. "Let's go face them.".
With a deep breath Hermione took a step forward.
"Professor!".
Severus halted as a familiar voice sounded behind him, and turned to dismiss the owner quickly.
Draco Malfoy walked casually up to him, an uncomfortably smug look on his face. "I though you might like to see this, professor.", he said, a gleam in his eyes that thoroughly unnerved Severus.
This cannot be good..
Taking the folded paper from the outstretched hands of his student, and unfolded it quickly. His heart stopped for a second as he saw the picture of himself and the Head Girl kissing.
"Shit.". He whirled around without a second glance at Draco, and half-ran toward the Entrance Hall.
I have to talk her now, and then Dumbledore. How could this happen??
Just as he rounded the corner the voice of Draco Malfoy drifted to his ears.
"I hope that Mudblood whore was good in bed.".
As Hermione walked out of the bathroom she slammed directly into the tall form of the person she least desired to meet; Severus Snape.
"Her- Ms. Granger, I must speak with you immediately!", he said in a low voice, grabbing her arm and attempting to drag her away, ignoring Ginny completely.
"Hell, no! Let go of me!", she hissed, wrenching her arm away from him. The anger returned to her full-force, and she fixed him with a withering glare.
A moment of confusion flashed upon his face before his eyes darkened, his eyebrows knitting together. "I understand your feelings, but it is of utmost importance that we speak this instant.". His visage was stern, but his voice betrayed an underlying current of –fear?
Slimy bastard! He thinks he can play on my emotions to get me to forgive him!
"I have no wish to discuss anything with you, professor, and you obviously have no respect for my feelings whatsoever.", she spat, successfully making each word sound like a malevolent insult. A matching anger flashed in his eyes as he took a sharp breath.
Grabbing hold of her arm again he hissed: "I have no time for this, or for any of your immature behavior, so if you-".
"But you have time to spread nasty rumors about me! It must have been such fun, bragging about how you got the filthy Gryffindor Mudblood to succumb to you, humiliate me in front of your precious Slytherins!", she shouted, disregarding the many people around them in the hallway, tears starting to spill from her eyes.
Ginny suddenly stepped between them, taking Hermione by the arm and leading her away. Before she could take more than two steps, Severus was standing in front of them and grabbed Hermione's other arm.
"This has nothing to do with you, Ms. Weasley, so stay out of it!", he snapped in his best class room tone.
"On the contrary, Professor, she's my friend so it has everything to with me. And don't you think you've done enough already?", Ginny said in the coldest of voices. A collective gasp resounded from the crowd –no one had ever dared to speak to the Potions Master in such a way.
Feeling extremely grateful toward Ginny for rescuing her, Hermione let herself be dragged through the Entrance Hall and up the marble staircase, away from the prying eyes and whispers from the other students.
The Potions Master stared after them, looking completely astounded.
Severus was pacing in front of the fireplace in the Headmaster's office.
How the hell could this happen? Who took that picture? What will the Dark Lord do now?
His mind was overflowing with these thoughts and many more as he paced, waiting for the arrival of the Headmaster.
He had finally got himself pulled together after the unexpected departure of Hermione and Ginny Weasley, and had, rather forcefully, told the gaping students to be on with their business before he had barged of to the Headmasters office.
The office was empty upon his arrival, but, knowing Albus Dumbledore, Severus was certain that the Headmaster would soon appear.
In the meantime he paced in front of the blazing flames, his scowl even more prominent than usual, and his emotions twirling inside of him. Anger, guilt, fear, despair, all making him feel more confused by the minute.
What the hell made Malfoy say that??
After having heard the comment made by Draco Malfoy back in the hallway, Severus had spun around with his wand at the ready and would most certainly have hexed the life out of him if the young man been in the hallway. Luckily, or unluckily, depending on one's viewpoint, the young man had no longer been there.
And just who does that pestering Weasley think she is??
The door to the office opened and the Headmaster stepped through, an unusually serious expression on his face. Without a word he sat down and gestured for Severus to sit down as well.
Reluctantly Severus sat and looked expectantly at the Headmaster, but the somber man would not look at him. Instead he contemplatively examined his own hands for a while, only looking up when Severus cleared his throat.
"Albus, you probably know why I am here.". He only just managed to make his voice void of the turmoil he felt inside.
"Yes, Severus, I believe I do.". The Headmaster finally looked at him. "I must ask you, my boy, are the allegations correct?". His eyes had lost the characteristic twinkle.
Feeling an overwhelming desire to scream with hysterical laughter, Severus couldn't hold a derisive snort back. "You mean, am I having an affair with the Head Girl?".
Closing his eyes and cursing his own impertinence, Severus answered: "No, Albus, I am not involved with Ms. Granger in such a way.".
Nodding slowly, the Headmaster spoke again: "I see. Could you then explain this photograph to me?". He pulled out a copy of the manifesto, and placed it in his desk. The sight of the photograph made Severus close his eyes again.
"It was a lapse of judgment from my part. Ms. Granger had nothing to do with it, and I assume the entire blame.". It was very difficult to maintain the detached quality of his voice. "I do not know how it was possible for anyone to take this photograph, but I fear that the consequences of its existence might be even more grave than just a deterioration of the honors of myself and Ms. Granger.".
With these words Severus pulled the message from the unknown person from his pocket and threw it on the desk. Frowning, the Headmaster picked it up and read it. Slowly putting it down on the desk, Albus Dumbledore suddenly looked every bit as old as his extended age.
"If this reaches Voldemort's ears, she is in great danger.". He sighed wearily.
"I know.". Severus said. To his horror he felt himself shaking, and he stubbornly stared at the desk to force himself to be calm.
I cannot think of what he would do to her, I must not...
"We must speak to her immediately, it would be impossible to keep this from her. But, Severus.. If we are to have any chance of protecting her, the two of you must come to some sort of.. truce.".
Severus' head snapped up and his eyes found the Headmaster's piercing ones.
What the hell is he on about?
"A truce?".
"The rumor of the supposed 'lover's quarrel' in the hallway travels fast.".
A shadow fell over Severus' face. "I have no idea what is going through the head of that girl.", he muttered.
To his surprise the Headmaster shot him a sly smile before saying: "I daresay you don't, Severus. But I believe that you have.. well, broken her heart.".
Severus stared at the Headmaster, utterly flabbergasted. "'Broken her heart'? What on earth do you mean, Albus?".
"In case you have not deduced it yet, she has, most likely, fallen in love with you.".
"That's preposterous! How dare you make such insinuations?!". Without noticing Severus had jumped to his feet, glaring at the man before him. His blood was thundering in his ears, and he was desperately ignoring the little voice in the back of his mind.
She cannot, she must not, I will not believe it..
"How long are you going to deny your own feelings, Severus? You must acknowledge how you feel about her.".
The voice of the Headmaster did nothing but infuriate him, and Severus shook his head forcefully, turned around and stalked to the door.
"That is absurd, Albus, and I will not tolerate it!".
The door slammed shut behind him, and he stormed of toward the dungeons.
Shaking with tears and fury, Hermione buried her head in her pillow. Ginny was sitting beside her on the bed, silently mumbling sooting words. She had brought Hermione to her room after their confrontation with the Potions Master, and was now letting her cry the tears she needed.
A knock on the door startled both of them, and after casting Hermione a glance, Ginny walked over and opened it ajar.
Pushing herself into a sitting position, Hermione wiped away the tears. Ginny was mumbling to someone outside the room, and Hermione furrowed her brow.
Who could that be?
"Oh, alright, I'll ask her! But you not getting in if she won't talk to you!".
Ginny turned around and shot Hermione an apologetic look. "It's Harry, he insist on talking with you. Do you want me to let him in?".
Why not, I'll have to confront him sooner or later..
"Sure.", she mumbled.
Harry pushed the door open and shuffled in, looking extremely nervous. "Um.. Hi Hermione.".
Annoyance flared in Hermione. "What do you want, Harry?".
"I.. I came to say that I don't believe the rumors, and that I'm going to stand by you.". His face was determined, and the annoyance in Hermione extinguished immediately, being replaced with guilt. She jumped of the bed and embraced him tightly, mumbling: "Thank you.".
Harry breathed a deep sigh of relief and all three of them sat down on Hermione's bed.
"So.. I guess you'd like to know about the photograph?". Hermione's voice was resigned, and Harry simply nodded: "Only if you want to tell me.".
A feeling of deep gratitude spread throughout her, and after smiling slightly, she told Harry everything she had been holding back from him. He just sat there and listened, and Ginny had placed a comforting hand on Hermione's. When she had finished her story, Harry pulled her into his arms again.
Oh God, I've really missed being this close with them.. But what about Ron?
"Harry.. What does Ron say?".
Please answer me, I need to hear this..
A shadow fell over Harry's face, and his voice was grim when he said: "He refuses to listen to reason. But you don't have to worry about him, if he can't realize his own stupidity he's not –". A sharp knock on the door interrupted him, and Ginny got up to open it again. This time she instantly stepped aside.
Professor McGonagall walked briskly into the room and stopped in front of Hermione.
Oh, no, what is wrong..?
"Ms. Granger, I must ask you to come with me.", she said, her voice somewhat strained.
Hermione got to her feet and nodded, trying to suppress the fear that rose in her at the unusual tone of her Professor's voice, and followed her out of the room. To her intense gratitude, Ginny and Harry followed them, and Professor McGonall, despite a stern look, said nothing.
Reaching the entrance to Dumbledore's office, the stone gargoyle, McGonagall said: "I must ask you to go to your classes now, Mr. Potter and Ms Weasley.". They opened their mouths to protest, but Hermione shook her head. "No, I'll be alright.". After a glance at each other, Harry shrugged and Ginny nodded.
"Pepper Imps!", McGonagall announced, and the stone gargoyle jumped aside, letting them step onto the spiral staircase. Neither of them said a word.
They soon reached the doors of he office, and McGonagall knocked sharply before opening the door. Hermione walked inside, and McGonagall nodded curtly at the Headmaster before stepping back onto the staircase.
"Hello, Ms Granger. Have a seat, please.". Dumbledore smiled reassuringly at Hermione as she sat down, but she couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive.
"I am certain that you know the reason for my summoning you here, Ms Granger.". Dumbledore's blue eyes locked on hers.
"Yes, Professor.". Her voice quavered slightly.
Why the hell am I feeling this nervous all of a sudden??
"And I believe you will be relieved to hear, that I am convinced of your innocence.".
What?
Her mouth nearly dropped open, and she couldn't keep her eyes from becoming round with surprise. "Really?".
"Yes, Ms. Granger. I have spoken with Professor Snape earlier today, and he assured me that you have no blame. But I am afraid that despite my own conviction, it is necessary to ask you a couple of questions.".
At the mention of her Potions Master, Hermione couldn't help but feel a sting of tears behind her eyes. Biting down hard on her lip, she took a deep breath and forced herself to nod.
"Ms. Granger.. Has Professor Snape ever done anything to you against your will, or said anything improper to you? I know of.. your kiss, of course, but has he ever done anything other than that?". Dumbledore's face was very somber, and despite a small urge to incriminate the man who had made her cry her heart out, Hermione was unable to lie to him.
It wouldn't do any good either.. It would just ruin our lives even more that it already had been.
"No, he has never done anything like that. And about the.. kiss, I don't want it to have consequences. I was just as much a part of it.". She looked into Dumbledore's eyes. "I don't want him to get fired, if that's what it might mean."
"I am afraid that not just I have a say in that, but I will promise you that I will do what I can.". A concerned look spread across his face, and he his voice was very gentle. "How are you feeling?".
Taken aback, Hermione opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again.
How does he know.. I guess he really is all-knowing. How do I feel? Well, hurt of course.. But otherwise? I don't know.. I guess I wish he hadn't pushed me away like that.
"I'm not really sure, Professor..", she started, uncertain as to how she should continue.
"Ms Granger, I hope you will forgive me for asking this. Are you in love with Professor Snape?".
Silence ensued.
What should I say to him? I don't even know if I really am in love with him, but how else could I describe these feelings? How do I explain what I feel?
"I.. I'm not sure what to tell you.", Hermione finally said.
"I know it must be difficult for you, but please know that you can trust me. I simply want to know because it will be easier to take your feelings into account, if I actually know what you feel.".
What on earth does he mean? Oh God, I'm confused.. I guess I might as well admit it, though..
"Well.. I guess I am in love him.".
Once again silence ensued as the Headmaster nodded absentmindedly, apparently lost in thought. Hermione did not know what to say, and instead examined her fingers idly. She wasn't completely sure of what it was that had made her admit her feelings, but it somehow felt like it would help if the Headmaster knew. The confusion in her mind was deepening.
Eventually the Headmaster cleared his throat and said: "Well, I hope you would not mind having a day off, because I strongly advice you to go back to your room and then take a long walk to clear your mind. I am certain you could use some time away from the furor you are certain to meet from the other students. And do tell your friends that they must attend their classes tomorrow, if they should feel.. unable to do so today.". He smiled at Hermione's astounded expression.
"Thank you, Professor.". Hermione smiled at him and rose from her chair.
At that moment the door burst open and McGonagall hurried into the office.
"Albus," she exclaimed, "Representatives from the Ministry will arrive within hours. I just got a message from Arthur, they plan on taking us by surprise.". She sat down in front of the desk and took a deep breath.
"Did he know why, Minerva?". Dumbledore's voice had a small edge to it.
"They have heard the rumors. It is an official inquiry. Albus, you know what consequences it could have if it became official, even if everyone inside these walls already believe the rumors.". She looked like she was extremely worried.
"Yes, I do know. Ms Granger, I am afraid I will have to ask you to go to your room and stay there, until further notice.".
Hermione was slightly startled, her mind had been swarming with questions and half-formed thoughts about the conversation she had just overheard. Nodding quickly, she walked out of the office and hurried toward her room.
What is going to happen now?