A/n: If you have constructive criticism, questions or just a comment, I would very much like to hear from you. So please, please, please review!
Disclaimer: Everything except the plot still belongs to the one and only J.K. Rowling.
Unexpected feelings –8
"I'll be there in a moment, Ginny.". Hermione smiled at the redhead, as she closed the door behind her. It was the night before her final day at Hogwarts, the day before graduation. A Graduation Ball had been arranged for the 7th years, and Hermione was getting ready for the dance. She would be going alone. Harry had invited Ginny, and Ron hadn't spoken to her since the day the supposed affair had been revealed, but it didn't really matter to her.
The rumors had quickly disappeared. Everybody knew that there had been an official inquiry, and that no one had been punished, and Harry and Ginny had been very helpful in convincing their fellow Gryffindors of the fact that it had a one-time-thing. Since Hermione had no blame in the first place, and no one dared to taunt the Potions Master, the Gryffindors quickly began to ignore the matter. As the Gryffindors apparently lost interest, so did the rest of the school.
The only remaining thing was the few odd glances every now and then, the tense atmosphere in potions class and Ron's stubborn denial of the truth. Harry seemed to think that Ron had some idea of the kiss being a betrayal of trust from Hermione's side, and refused to listen to sense from neither Harry or Ginny. A few months earlier it would have broken Hermione's heart, but now it only left her with an odd sense of indifference.
It's his own fault if he wants to ignore me. If he wont believe me, I'm better off without him.
Harry and Ginny often tried to get her to talk about her feelings about Professor Snape, but she had stubbornly refused to. She had told herself that the myriad of confused feelings about him were better left alone, and it was easier to just ignore him and everything that reminded her of him. The worried glances behind her back and the recurrent dreams about the Potions Master were also easier to ignore than to deal with, and whenever she caught a professor looking at her in a concerned matter, she forced a smile on her lips and laughed with her friends.
However, in the last couple of days she had begun to doubt her own anger and denial. In the beginning she had been so certain she had been righteous in her fury, but now she suddenly remembered all the things that had attracted her to Severus Snape in the first place. His dark eyes, his velvety voice, his sharp wit and intelligence. The memories of the many nights as his assistant, the way he had comforted her after her suicide attempt, the way he had actually been grateful for her help after he had been injured at the Death Eater meeting, all of their encounters were suddenly swarming her mind. The more she thought, the more she started to regret her rash reactions, and she had decided that before she left she would apologize properly to him. His reaction remained to be seen, and she could only hope that neither of them would loose their temper. The Ball seemed an opportune moment to go through with this, and she had awaited the day impatiently.
The results of their exams had been revealed the day prior to the Ball, and Hermione had, of course, done well in all of them. She hadn't expected the results to be otherwise, but it was still a relief. Also her friends had done well, with a few exceptions, but none had failed completely. Just about every one was looking forward to the ball and graduation, yet at the same time feeling very sad about leaving. Crying 7th years had not been an uncommon sight in the last couple of days before the ball.
Hermione put on her shoes and took a last look in the mirror. Her dress was a deep red color, her normally bushy hair had been straightened out and her make-up was discreet, yet accentuating her features. Smiling slightly to herself, Hermione closed the door behind her to join Harry and Ginny at the marble staircase.
Scowling at every one around him, Severus was standing in a corner of the Great Hall.
Why do I have to be here every year?
As usual, he had tried to convince the Headmaster that it was not necessary for him to attend the Graduation Ball, and, as usual, the Headmaster had insisted that it was. The reason for his dislike was obviously the moronic behavior of the students, but this year he also had a different reason.
Hermione Granger.
Ever since the inquiry it seemed like she had been avoiding she had avoided him. He had several times tried to catch her eye, tried to say something, but every time they were in close proximity of each other, she would refuse to look at him and get away as quickly as possible. And even if he had succeeded in getting her attention, he wasn't too sure he knew what he would have said to her.
What am I supposed to say, when I can't even figure out why it affects me so much that she is angry at me? Why the solitude I used to prefer now seems empty, lonely? Why I am plagued by nightmares even more disturbing than the ones I usually have, the ones related to my past?
Looking at the students roaming the hall, Severus told himself that he was not looking for Hermione. Despite that, he felt disappointed when she was nowhere to be seen. Scowling even more deeply, he turned his gaze to High Table, where many of the other professors sat, talking amicably to each other. Others were already on the dance floor, either dancing with colleagues or students.
Thankfully, no one has been foolish enough to think I would be interested in such a thing. Why would I want to dance with these dunderheads? They have no talent for potions, why should they have any for dancing?.
The loud music and talk in the hall was beginning to give him a head ache, and he was contemplating how soon he would be able to excuse himself, when his breath suddenly caught in his throat. Standing next to the double doors, talking to Potter and that Weasley girl, stood Hermione.
She is beautiful.
Her dress looked spectacular on her, bringing out every curve of her body and flowing gracefully to the floor. Her hair was smooth and shining, nothing like the usual bushiness, and the sight of her smiling for the first time in a long time made his heart pound loudly in his chest. The instant he realized the direction his thoughts were taking, he mentally scolded himself.
Get a grip, man! She hates you, what good will it do to obsess about her??
Deepening his scowl, he pulled himself further into the shadows and silently hoped that she wouldn't see him. At first his attempts were successful, but then she suddenly caught sight of him. Freezing in her steps, her smile slid from her face, and he expected the anger to appear, as it always did when she looked at him. Instead a sadness filled her eyes for a second, before she forced herself to look away and followed her friends to a group of Gryffindors chatting merrily in the middle of the room.
Severus frowned. Her reaction had not been what he thought it would be, and it added several new questions to his already confused mind.
What was that about? Has she.. forgiven me, for what ever it was she was angry about?
Their eyes met again and this time a tentatives smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, as Severus stared at her. His puzzlement was complete when she suddenly started to move toward him. A quick look around him assured him that no one else was standing next to him; she was really headed toward him. As she drew nearer he let a small smile slip over his lips, and Hermione's smile deepened at the sight of it.
A sudden, burning pain shot through his left forearm and he doubled over. The searing pain was unbearable, and a strangled cry escaped his lips. The noise from the happy students drowned his voice, and he fell to the floor, hidden in the shadows. The pain grew as he struggled to get to his feet, but a new shot of pain forced him to his knees again. His conscience was rapidly slipping away from him, when he dimly heard a slightly hysteric voice through his pain: "Help him! Somebody help him!". A small pair of hands grabbed his shoulders as he slipped into darkness, and he knew no more.
"Somebody help him!".
Hermione stared wildly around her as she held on to the unconscious Potions Master, holding him to her chest, trying to stabilize him as a sudden tremor racked his body. The chatter of the students had died away, and everybody was staring at the girl clutching her Professor as the tears ran down her cheeks. A second of complete silence stretched out, broken as Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall and Sprout pushed their way through the crowd.
"He needs the Hospital Wing –Minerva, hurry ahead and warn Poppy.", Dumbledore said as he looked at the unconscious man. Lowering his voice he gently whispered: "Hermione, you need to let go of him. We cannot help him if you do not let him go.". Realizing that she had been holding Snape so tightly that no one would be able to wrestle him from her grip, Hermione slowly lowered him to the floor. Dumbledore conjured a stretcher and levitated Snape out of the hall, Hermione hurrying along behind him and Professor Sprout.
He's going to die -I'll loose him forever, how could I ever be so stupid?? I'm such an idiot, and now he'll be gone forever, please don't-
Her thoughts were frantic as she hurried along behind the Headmaster. A couple of handsgrabbed her arms as she suddenly stumbled, blinded by her tears, and she realized that Harry and Ginny had followed her. They soon reached the corridor of the Infirmary, where Madam Pomfrey was standing outside the doors, rushing forward as she saw them.
"Headmaster, what happened?!", she exclaimed, holding the doors open so the stretcher could soar into the room.
"I am afraid Voldemort has decided to punish him, I believe he is somehow using the Dark Mark. Ms. Granger, did you see Professor Snape holding his arm, or otherwise indicating what was happening?", Dumbledore asked as Madam Pomfrey placed Snape on a nearby bed. Before Hermione had a chance to answer, Madam Pomfrey turned around and said: "Why are-"
Dumbledore cut her off in mid-sentence and said: "They are allowed to stay for the moment, Poppy, I will explain later. Ms. Granger, did you see him hold his arm?". Nodding slowly, she choked out through her tears: "Y-yes -he was clutching it, trying to get to his feet, but he- he couldn't-".
A sudden yell startled them all, and Hermione spun around to face the bed. Severus' eyes had flown open and he was gripping the sides of the bed so hard his knuckles turned white.
"Headmaster –it's him!". His voice was desperate, almost hysteric, and his eyes gleamed wildly in the harsh light of the Infirmary. "-He will attack tomorrow, we- the graduation –noon, too many to defend – they will kill her –". A violent spasm broke him off, and his eyes rolled back in his head as the tremor increased. Madam Pomfrey started forward, then stopped as his eyes opened again, and fell on Hermione.
"Please.. I cannot lose-". A new spasm interrupted, this time more violent, and a strangled sob escaped Hermione as Madam Pomfrey firmly took hold of his jaw and poured a potion into his mouth. A couple of breathless seconds later the tremors ceased, making Severus slump back against the pillows.
"No..", she brokenly murmured, taking a step backwards, gasping for air. Blindly grabbing hold of a chair next to a bed, she closed her eyes, trying to make her head stop spinning.
Oh no.. Please don't.. don't die, I will never forgive myself –please..
A hesitant hand fell on her shoulder, and she looked up into the concerned face of Ginny. "Hermione.. Maybe we should go...".
"No. I will not leave.". She said, her voice surprisingly strong. Taking a deep breath to override the panic, she forced her eyes open. The Headmaster and the medi-witch were leaning over the bed, Madam Pomfrey examining the Potions Master closely. Taking a tentative step forward, she was able to hear their words.
"...right, the Mark seems to be the cause. But I cannot see how! It is almost as if it is somehow.. poisoned, spreading something. It is a slow process, but if we have not stopped it in three hours or so.. it will be too late.", the medi-witch mumbled. The Headmaster nodded, frowned and said: "We might be able to cure it.". "How?". Madam Pomfrey's voice was skeptic, and Hermione's heart gave a little twinge.
If a medi-witch doubts the possibility of a cure..
"I know the chances are not too great, but it is not completely unlikely that we could be able to find a potion or an incantation.", he said as he glanced over his shoulder, giving Hermione a concerned look. "Other than that.. There is nothing. We just have to hope..". Madam Pomfrey nodded and hurried into her office, shortly after returning with several bottles and beakers of potions, and set about the attempts to find a cure.
An awkward cough behind her startled Hermione, and she turned around to see Harry taking a deep breath before saying: "Professor Dumbledore.. What about.. What about the attack Sn- Professor Snape mentioned? Shouldn't we.. cancel graduation, or something?".
Hermione froze. She had been so concerned for Severus' well-being, that the possibility of an attack hadn't properly registered with her. As she suddenly realized the implications of his words, the panic she had fought so hard to suppress resurfaced, making her mind spin out of control with half-formed images of all the horrible things this could mean.
What if we aren't well enough prepared? How are we ever going to defend Hogwarts, we have less than twenty-four hours!
"We will prepare as best we can, Harry, but we cannot let anyone know that anything is wrong. It will give us an advantage to know in advance.", Dumbledore said, his expression more somber than ever.
Harry opened his mouth to protest, but Dumbledore held up his hand to cut him off. "Harry, our chances will be better this way. The wards on this school should hold them back long enough for us to evacuate the necessary people, and if we do anything prior to tomorrow, Voldemort will hear about it and change his plans. This is the only way we have a chance.". Sighing deeply, he continued: "Now, I think you ought to go to your dormitories. I am afraid it would be a bad idea to return to the ball, too many will have questions for you.".
"No..Please.. Let me stay, sir.", Hermione pleaded, the tears returning to her eyes.
I need to be here when.. If he wakes...
"I am sorry, Ms. Granger, but I cannot allow you to do that. You will all need as much strength as possible for tomorrow.". A flicker in Dumbledore's eyes told her that he very well knew they would not be able to rest, and he took a step closer to her. Placing his hand gently on her shoulder, he added: "I will make sure to let you know as soon as he wakes up, Hermione.".
Silently pleading with her eyes, Hermione looked up into his old face. His expression was one of sincere concern and understanding, but he obviously would not give in and let her stay. Closing her eyes briefly, she took a deep breath and turned around, walking out of the Hospital Wing with Harry and Ginny hurrying after her.
She was smiling.
The soft hair was gently swirling around her head, as if an invisible breeze was playing with it, and she was smiling beautifully. Smiling at him.
A soft light was surrounding her, soft but strong, and the resemblance to an angel was remarkable.
He suddenly realized that she was slowly fading away, and he jumped forward to catch her, hold on to her, but it was too late. She was gone.
The darkness rushed back from the place she had stood, roaring toward him to attack him, enclose and slowly suffocate him. He tried to move, but he couldn't. Closing his eyes, he fought against the panic threatening to overwhelm him.
---
"No, that didn't work. Albus, I am beginning to think that the potions we have here a too weak, they only work for about ten minutes at a time."
The voice was coming from somewhere far away, and Severus only dimly heard the answer.
"Perhaps he has something in his private stores.. I will go look."
---
Something soft was lying next to him. Small and warm, and most off all soft. Opening his eyes, he saw that it was her.
He smiled.
She slowly stirred, and opened her eyes to gaze up at him. As her eyes reached his own, the smile on his face was returned, and her delicate hands slid around his neck.
Suddenly she froze. Something behind him had caught her eye, and the fear on her face made his eyes stop.
He tried to turn around and look, but something hid him in the back before he could.
The darkness returned.
---
"Hmm.. It is slow, but maybe.. No. It did not work either. Albus, what now?".
The same voice, this time with a slight edge of panic.
"What about this? It is very strong, it might be able to..?".
"Well, perhaps.. Perhaps.".---
She was no longer smiling.
Her eyes were sad, melancholic. He tried to say something, something that would assure her and make her happiness return.
But no words came out of his mouth.
Again she started to fade away, and he could only watch.
Darkness.
Complete darkness.
A deep feeling of loss spread in him, but he did not know why.
Something had been there. Or someone.
Who was there before?
The darkness was everywhere.
---
"Are you certain that he will not remember?"
"Yes, there is no way he can avoid it. The memories will return, but only slowly."
"I see. Most.. unsuspected. I should inform Ms. Granger. I will return as soon as possible.".
A sound cut into his ears, sounding like a door closing. A small groan escaped his lips.
"Severus? Severus, can you hear me?".
A sharp light hit his eyes when he opened them, and he cursed at it. Someone was talking to him, but he couldn't completely distinguish the words, the sharpness of the light had taking away his focus for a moment. Straining his ears, he listened: "...nearly gone, we were quite worried, Severus. Albus has gone to.. Well, that can wait.".
The voice belonged to Madam Pomfrey, and he hesitantly cracked an eye open, confused at her words.
"Where..", he tried to say, but his voice was very hoarse, as is from misuse. Clearing his throat, he started again: "Where am I?". She smiled at him and said: "The Hospital Wing. There was an.. incident, but I think Albus should tell you exactly what. Rest now, he will return shortly.".
He nodded and closed his eyes again. His entire body felt like he had been run over by a herd of Hippogriffs, and he was thankful that the medi-witch hadn't forced him to take some potion.
He drifted off to sleep.
Harry and Ginny had taken her to her room.
She had insisted that they leave her, telling them that she really needed to be alone with her thoughts to try and straighten them out. It had taken her a good ten minutes to convince them that she wouldn't rush right back to the Hospital Wing, and she had finally had to swear to them that she would refrain from doing so.
An hour later she had regretted that promise.
She really had wanted to think through everything, but she just couldn't keep her mind away from worrying about Severus instead. There was nothing she wanted more than to see what was happening.
Instead, she had went to the place she always went when she had no idea what else to do. The library.
This way, I can at least prepare for tomorrow. Prepare for the battle.
Sitting in the library, however, she had difficulty focusing. The emotional pressure had exhausted her, and she felt drained, empty. Resting her head on the book she reading, she closed her eyes and sighed deeply.
Just a quick rest...
"Ms. Granger?". A voice suddenly sounded somewhere next to her, and Hermione jumped, accidentally knocking a book to the floor. Looking up, she saw Dumbledore standing in front of her, still looking as somber as he did earlier, but also showing relief on his face. "Yes?", she said, her voice somewhat rough from crying. Her heart rate slowly increased as she stared expectantly at him.
Smiling gently he said: "I thought you might want to know, that Severus has woken up.".
What..?
It took a second before his words got through to her, but suddenly she realized what it was he had said –Severus was awake, alive-
Jumping to her feet she breathed: "Thank you!", hurried past the Headmaster, sprinting down the hallway and only barely hearing his exclamation: "Wait, Ms. Granger-". Skidding to a halt in front of the Infirmary, Hermione took a deep breath to gather herself and then pushed the doors open, still very breathless.
In a bed at the far end of the room, the Potions Master was lying motionless, his eyes closed. Staring at him, Hermione suddenly didn't know what to do or say. After a hesitant moment, she slowly started walking toward him. As she drew nearer, he suddenly opened his eyes and looked at her.
"I- I'm sorry, Severus, I..", she started, stopping as he frowned, the usual look of indifference on his face. "Ms. Granger, what are you talking about? Why are you here?". His tone of voice was cold, filled with the coldness he usually used in his lessons. Tears started filling her eyes.
What –why..
"Ms. Granger..". Dumbledore was standing behind her, sadness apparent in his expression. "There is something you need to know. The curse, or what ever it was Voldemort did to him, has affected him in a way we did not anticipate. He.. He suffers from amnesia, and cannot recall anything from the past six months.".
"Six.. six months?". She stared incredulously at the Headmaster.
He.. he doesn't know.. He doesn't remember the fight, the kiss, everything –everything we shared, our conversations, all that time in each others company, when we actually felt comfortable! How can this be?
Slowly, Hermione turned around to look at Severus. He was staring at her, a flicker of confusion passing his features and then being replaced with a scowl. Just a month ago, she would have ignored it, knowing it was only a facade. But now.. Now it broke her heart. Taking a step backwards, she spun around and hurried from the room, tears running down her cheeks and cursing herself for believing that everything would be resolved that easily.