A/n: sweetytweety013, Drunken Landlord: Thanks, and I'll update as soon as I can :)
Vickie211: I'm really glad to hear that you like it. Thanks.
Minerva7: Thanks.. It really is terrible for her.
I'd just like to say thanks to my friend, Kristina, who helped me over my writer's block at the end of the chapter.
If you have constructive criticism, questions or just a comment, I would very much like to hear from you. So please, please review!
Disclaimer: Everything except the plot still belongs to the one and only J.K. Rowling.
Unexpected feelings –9
Why do bad things always happen to me?
The air in the Astronomy Tower was mild and tepid, just perfect for sitting with your back leaning against the wall, deep in thoughts. The moon was shining down upon the darkened world, beautiful in its simplicity.
For the past two hours, Hermione had been sitting there, staring into the air. After she had run out of the Hospital Wing, she had headed toward the tower without giving it much thought, simply needing to be somewhere quiet and peaceful. Barging through the door, she had been rather shocked to find herself in that place, the place that should have been connected with memories of pain and hopelessness, of loneliness and despair.
But as she stood there in the doorway, the memories that came back to her was not the ones of her nearly committing suicide, not the ones of fighting with her friends, not the ones of feeling like someone unworthy of love and happiness.
It was the memories of the days of being Severus' assistant. Of the rediscovered friendships with Harry and Ginny. Of the night Severus had told her he loved her.
And now I'm the only one who remember..
"Memory. Such an obscure and indefinable conception.", she softly mumbled to herself.
The many recollections had made tears roll down her cheeks, but no longer from despair. It had been from sadness, a sadness about losing something that had really mattered to her, something that she had so unwisely cast aside because of a simple misunderstanding. It took a long time for the tears to cease, but when they did, she no longer felt the need to cry.
I have cried too many times lately. It's about time I stop, about time I start fixing my problems instead feeling horrible about them.
It might be easier said than done to figure out what to do. Especially about Severus. The entire situation was extremely complicated as it were, and the amnesia did nothing to complicate it less. Even if he regained some of his memories, there was no guarantee he would remember anything about her, not in the way she wanted. And if he did, he might not want anything to do with her. There was nothing she could do about it. A determination that had been buried deep within her for far too long had resurfaced, and she would be damned if she let her speculations about the Potions Master depress her again.
Her quarrels with Ron were easier to understand, but no less difficult to sort out. All she could do was to attempt to speak with him, and hope he would listen. If he didn't want to, or still wouldn't forgive her, she would just accept it. His stubbornness was unbridled, and if he refused to believe her, she could say nothing to persuade him otherwise.
She did not know how things were between Harry and Ron. She had been too caught up in her own problems to think much about it, but now that she speculated about it, she really had not seen them speak to each other in the previous month. She assumed that it was most likely because of her, and suddenly felt sorry for Harry. As much as she had needed a friend, it was unfair that he had probably had to give up his own friendship with Ron to be loyal to her. Both he and Ginny really had been remarkable friends, and she was very grateful to them. They had listened to her without complaint, despite the fact that she probably hadn't always made much sense and never once thanked them. Resolving to speak to them about it later, she sighed and turned her head toward the sky, gazing at the moon.
A small dot of something was flying past the moon, and then growing as it came closer to the Tower. Frowning, she kept her eyes on what ever it was. When it was a few feet away from the Tower, she recognized it as a falcon and watched it as it landed on the railing next to her.
It was a large, beautiful bird. It was a startling white, with little black specks on its back. Hermione had seen many pictures of falcons when she was younger and new a little about the birds, but she had never seen one as beautiful as this one, and did not know exactly which kind of falcon it was.
For a few minutes it steadily regarded her. She did not move, did not dare to. She had always liked falcons, and now that she was watching one so closely, she did not want to startle it so it flew away and took its beauty with it. After another couple of minutes, she slowly stretched out a hand. Regarding her hand warily, the falcon remained where it was. Her fingertips slowly brushed the beautiful feathers. At the exact same moment the door slammed open, the falcon shrieked and took off and Hermione sprang to her feet, cursing.
"Hermione! We've been so worried, where have you been?", Harry breathed, gasping for air as he leaned against the door frame. Seeing her obvious annoyance, he straightened slightly, quietly asking: "Are you alright?".
Sighing, Hermione schooled her features into apologetic expression and said: "Yes, you just scared me. Have you been looking for me?". He nodded as he walked over to her. With a sad smile, he said: "Dumbledore told us about Snape, about his amnesia. When you were nowhere to be found, we started worrying that.. that something had happened.".
Of course.. I should have thought about that, of course they would be worried.
"I'm alright, I just.. needed to be alone, I guess.". She sat back down again and gestured to a spot next to her. "Want to have a seat?".
Harry chuckled and sat next to her. For a while they simply sat there, Hermione looking at the moon and Harry studying the stone floor. Awkwardly clearing his throat, Harry broke the silence and inquired: "Hermione.. Why did you go here? I mean, the last time..". His voice trailed away.
"I didn't come here to attempt suicide, if that is what you're asking..", she said, "I just needed the calm. It really is quite a beautiful night, isn't it?". He nodded, seemingly lost in thought. Another silence. "Harry?". He looked at her. "There's something I want to ask you.. You know, before the fight..".
He looked at her expectantly.
"When you heard about my feelings for Severus.. You never said anything. Not that I mind, but I would have expected some kind of reaction from you, the only time you mentioned it was after I had that fight with him. I mean, given your past, I would have thought you would have objected or something.".
He frowned a bit before answering: "At first, I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt you, and because I honestly didn't know what to say. I was really confused, and I thought it was better if I just kept quiet instead of saying something I'd later regret.". He paused for a moment. "But later on... As I told you that night, I really don't think he would hurt you on purpose, and he is an honorable man. I want you to be happy, and even if that means that you're with the greasy-haired git-", Hermione involuntarily smiled, "-I'm not going to object to something that makes you happy. I love you, you're one of my best friends; almost like a sister to me.".
Smiling at him, Hermione pulled him into her arms and whispered: "Thank you, Harry. I'm really thankful for all the help and support you've given me lately..". He hugged her tighter, and whispered back: "I've already told you, I'll never turn my back on you again.".
Pulling out of the embrace again, Hermione cleared her throat, and said: "So, enough about my horrible love life... What's up with you and Ginny?".
Harry blushed furiously, and looked away, a slightly foolish grin on his face. "Not much, but.. I really like her, and maybe.. I hope something is going to happen. That is, if we make it through tomorrow...". The grin faltered, and he looked at her, his eyes serious. "We're really in deep shit, Hermione.".
"I know. It's going to be difficult to get everyone who's not able to fight evacuated, and we don't know how many they are.. We're not all going to make through tomorrow. Some of us are going to die.". Hermione stared ahead of her. The thought of actually dying had only just appeared in her mind, and she shook her head slightly to rid herself of it.
It's no good thinking like that..
A sad smile graced her lips as she said: "But let's not think about that right now. We will fight as best we can, and there's nothing else we can can do.". Sighing deeply, she added: "We better go find the others, they are probably really worried.".
They got to their feet and walked down the stairs. At the bottom stood Dumbledore, and before they could say anything, he looked at Hermione somberly and said: "Ms. Granger, I am glad you are alright. Now, I need to speak with you, the both of you. Would you please go to my office and wait for me? I will be there in half an hour. The password is Sugar Quills.". He turned around and walked down the hall. Harry and Hermione shot each other a slightly confused look before starting toward the Headmaster's office.
"No, Albus, I do not remember! I have already told you that three times.", Severus sneered. "And why would I want that insufferable girl as my assistant, anyway?".
Albus Dumbledore looked at him with a sad twinkle, and Severus felt even more annoyed. During the past ten minutes, the Headmaster had been asking him different questions about the prior six months, in the hopes of Severus regaining some of his memories before the impending fight. Dumbledore insisted on only telling him the general picture of the lost time, and it was extremely aggravating for Severus to have to search his mind for all the details that were hidden in his hazy and unclear mind. He also had the distinct impression that the Headmaster was trying to make him remember a particular thing, and it didn't seem like it was much of an success.
A couple of times he had flashes of memories, that lasted long enough to make him wonder what it was, but gone too quickly for him to examine exactly what it meant. This did nothing to improve his already bad mood, and the current questions didn't help either.
Why on earth did I accept to let that Know-it-all be my assistant?? I must have been insane..
The sad twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes slowly faded, and his voice was very quiet and serious when he spoke: "Severus.. I know it must be exasperating for you to remember nothing. But if you cannot remember, I am afraid that you cannot participate in a fight tomorrow, should an attack be carried out."
"What??". Severus nearly jumped out of the bed.
NO, I will not sit by and watch as the Dark Lord attacks Hogwarts!
"Albus, the Dark Lord already knows that I am a spy, and he will attempt to kill me whether I participate in this fight or not, why-"
The Headmaster held up his hand and gave Severus a piercing look. "You are still very weak, too weak to fight; and your participation may have not-so-desirable effects on some persons, especially if you are injured or killed.".
"What are you talking-", Severus spat, again interrupted by the Headmaster: "I cannot explain this to you, you must retrieve certain memories on your own. And you will not participate, Severus. It would be suicide!", Dumbledore exclaimed, a sudden anger appearing in his eyes before he continued, quietly: "I will not allow you to commit suicide.".
Raising from his chair, Albus Dumbledore gave Severus a last powerful look before striding out of the Hospital Wing.
What the hell..?
At the same moment, Madam Pomfrey bustled into the room. Forcing several potions down his throat, she began to fuzz about. The annoyance of his amnesia, the odd conversation he had just had with the Headmaster, the memory flashes that confusingly popped into his head every now and again and the ban from fighting, all made him feel a small headache beginning to develop. With the medi-witch's bothersome attention on top of it, Severus soon felt an incredible urge to run screaming from the room.
Stifling the urge, he successfully pushed his emotions away, and accepted the goblet of Dreamless Sleep Potion handed to him by Madam Pomfrey, gulped it down and settled back against his pillows.
If I am stuck here feeling completely insufficient, I might as well sleep through the worst of it.
As he closed his eyes, an image of Hermione Granger suddenly appeared in front of his mind's eye, and along with that, the encounter earlier that had ended in her running crying from the room. It had left him completely confused, he simply couldn't figure out what was the matter with the girl.
Typical Gryffindor..
But as the deep slumber started pulling at him, another image appeared; an image of that particular Gryffindor standing in a glorious light and smiling at him. His mind, half asleep, tried to hold on to it, but to no avail.
"Ms. Granger, I am afraid I have neglected to speak with you about several very important issues. Some are better left alone until after tomorrow, others need deciding as soon as possible.", the Headmaster said, his face serious. Hermione simply nodded, uncertain of where the conversation was headed.
What is he on about?
"As you know, you and Harry are in perhaps the greatest danger tomorrow at the attack. I will not tell either of you not to fight; Harry needs a chance to fulfill the prophecy. But, Ms. Granger, I fear very much for your life if you go into direct combat.".
A sound of protest escaped Hermione's lips, but the Headmaster held up his hand to silence her, and continued: "I have no doubt that you will say that you are in as much danger as anyone else, but please consider the offer I am about to make. We need someone to defend your parents, Ms. Granger. –".
"My parents?", Hermione interrupted, confused.
"Yes, your parents and everyone else who is unable, or not sufficiently accomplished, to defend themselves magically. We cannot ask anyone to stay at home, we need to pretend nothing is amiss. But we cannot let those without any means of defense stand unprotected. I would like to ask you to be a part of a group who will defend those who are evacuated. You will still be able to defend Hogwarts, but it is my hope that you will not be in direct danger.".
Staring at the Headmaster, a sudden thought appeared in Hermione's mind, and a feeling of anger rose with it.
He thinks I am too weak.. He thinks that I am emotionally unstable, that I cannot defend myself!
Opening her mouth to make a sharp reply, Hermione was again cut off. Her anger had apparently been evident on her face, because the Headmaster had a knowing glint in his eyes. Leaning forward slightly, he sighed and said: "Ms. Granger, I will be honest with you. I do not believe that you are strong enough to face the Death Eaters, your reaction in the Hospital Wing speaks for itself. I would like to make sure that you are kept as far from the fight as possible.". His tone had an air of finality, and Hermione wearily sighed, forcing the anger away.
It seems I have no say in this matter.. Might as well give in.
"I see. If you will excuse me, I would like to get some rest. Good night.".
Rigidly answering the smile on the Headmaster's face, Hermione walked out of the office. Harry was waiting outside, at the Headmaster's request, and gave her a small smile before he entered the office. It took no more than five minutes for them to finish, and soon Harry and Hermione were heading for their dormitories. Hermione was still angry about the Headmaster's interference with her opportunity to fight, and furiously told Harry about it.
"As if I can't defend myself..", she mumbled as they walked down a staircase. Harry said nothing, seemingly lost in thought. Still muttering to herself, Hermione barely noticed that they had reached the Fat Lady's portrait. As they stepped through the hole into the virtually empty common room, Harry suddenly stopped and stared ahead of him, making Hermione whisper: "What is it?".
He gestured toward the chairs in front of the fire and mumbled: "I don't know if you want to talk with him or not, but.. Here's your chance.". Looking toward the chairs, Hermione realized that Ron was fast asleep in one of them. Harry sent her an encouraging smile before he sneaked past the sleeping figure and dashed up the stairs.
Hermione strode over to the chairs and sat down silently in one of them, softly saying: "Hello, Ron.". Ron jerked awake and looked around wildly for a couple of seconds before seeing her. At the sight of her he froze, and taking advantage of the moment, Hermione said: "Have you been told about the attack?".
Frowning at her in confusion, he said: "Yes. I-". He cut himself off, apparently remembering that he didn't want to talk to her. Sighing, Hermione said: "Look, Ron, I know you have no desire to speak with me right now, but do me the favor of at least hearing me out. Tomorrow at this time we might all be dead.".
He said nothing, simply remained in the same position. Taking it as assent, Hermione continued: "I don't know exactly why you are so angry at me, and frankly, I don't really care right now. With everything that has happened tonight I don't want to concern myself with until all of this is over, and I don't expect you to do so either. But I wanted you to know this, I want to sort this out. We have been friends for nearly seven years, and I will not allow our friendship to be ruined if I don't even know why. Think about it. Goodnight.". Without waiting for a reply, Hermione rose from the chair and walked back to her room.
I feel like I'm sentenced to die and straightening everything in my life out.
Closing the door behind her and starting to get ready for a couple of probably sleepless hours in bed, a mental image of Severus scowling at her in the Hospital Wing appeared in her mind.
Well, maybe not everything..
Pacing his room, Severus angrily mumbled to himself. It had been exactly two and a half hour since Madam Pomfrey had released him from the Hospital Wing, after making him promise that he would go straight to bed the instant he got to his room and get a bit of sleep. She had told him that he was still terribly weak, and that despite his remarkable progress since he had woken up, he would still need plenty of rest.
To his defense, Severus had actually attempted to get some sleep as he returned to his room. He had flung himself on the bed and firmly closed his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep. After doing this for half an hour, not even feeling the slightest bit drowsy, he had been very tempted to just scream with frustration. Forcing himself to be calm, he instead pulled his pillow over his head, thinking a sort of mantra:
I need as much strength as possible for fighting against Him tomorrow.. As much strength as possible.. As much strength as possible..
After having repeated it half a dozen times, he suddenly remembered that he had been forbidden to fight.
It had been decided that he could take part in the Graduation the following day, after much scowling and pleading from his side, but Dumbledore still insisted that he stay of the actual fight. Severus was in charge of the evacuation instead. He had been ordered to lead all those moronic brats and dunderheads that were too young to fight to safety, and there was nothing he wanted more than to ignore his orders. The fact that they would probably be killed if he did just that seemed unimportant to him; his own anger was a much more satisfying thought to deal with.
In charge of evacuation, that is certainly going to make me fee useful!
The complete confusion that had invaded his mind since he had woken up had worn his patience completely thin, and his frustration was palpable in the air of the room. So many things were aggravating or confusing to him, not least his exposure as a spy. His dangerous game of fooling one of the most powerful dark wizards in the world had been all he had had, and he had no idea how he had been able to cope without. It may be a somewhat morbid thought, but it was none the less the thought that went through Severus' mind. The little everyday details that seemed trivial and insignificant upon experiencing them, were now making his frustration even deeper in their absence from his memory.
Also the mystery of Hermione Granger was, mildly speaking, making him crazy with puzzlement. The Headmaster had told him some things about what had happened to her in the past six months, and the same questions kept turning over in his mind:
Why did she nearly attempt suicide? Was it only been out of pity I accepted her as my assistant, or did Albus somehow trick me into it? What on earth happened to make her that upset, when she came to the Hospital Wing? However did I put up with her?
At the last thought, a sudden glimpse of Hermione Granger sitting next to him, laughing at something he had said and himself smiling at her, popped into his head.
What the hell?? Was that a memory??
He was staring around him, an eerie feeling that resembled dejá-vu crept up on him, and he shuddered involuntarily. It wasn't that the memory in itself was uncomfortable, in fact, it brought a cozy and relaxed feeling with it, but the abruptness of with it had come to his mind had startled him. He had always been very much in control of his thoughts; the few times he hadn't had resulted in chaos or misery; and he was dead scared of losing that control. Sternly telling himself that he was being foolish, he sank onto the bed, and once again tried to fall asleep. After twisting and turning for what seemed like hours, he finally fell into a restless slumber filled with disturbing dreams of half-remembered situations.
A sharp knock at her door jerked Hermione awake. Fumbling in the dark for her wand she sat up straight, staring at the door as a burst of panic making her wide-awake. She murmured a charm to light up the room.
Has it begun already??
Another knock, this time accompanied by a voice softened by the door: "It's me, Harry. Wake up, Hermione!".
Sighing in relief, Hermione slipped out of bed, shivering as the relatively cool air of the room hit her tired body and hurriedly opened the door. Harry slipped into the room, giving her a faint smile. "Sorry to wake you in the middle of the night, but I just needed to speak with you. I don't think we'll have a chance to do so tomorrow.".
Hermione mumbled: "Alright, have a seat.". They both sat on her bed, and Harry took a deep breath as if to gather courage to say something unpleasant while Hermione looked warily at him. "Hermione, as you know, we will be going into battle tomorrow. I know you will be protecting the evacuated, and are therefore most likely out of harm's way.". He paused slightly as she snorted in annoyance, and then continued in a less formal tone: "I know that you disagree with Dumbledore, but I really think it's a good idea. And there's something I'd like to ask you, something that could help me if I'm caught by Voldemort.".
Hermione frowned at him, confused at his words. "Why would you get caught, Harry? I mean, there's a risk of them killing you, but why would they capture you?".
He smiled sadly at her, saying in a soft voice: "Because Voldemort's a psychopath, Hermione. He wants to make you all worry, and have his fun of torturing me before he kills me. Dumbledore told me that he thinks they'll attempt to take me hostage, instead of just killing me. I don't know why he thinks so, but that is what he thinks. If that happens, Hermione.. I'd like you to have this, to make sure it's seen by the right people and such.". From his pocket Harry drew an envelope. Frowning, Hermione took it, her heart missing a beat when she saw what was written on the outside:
"Last Will and Testament of Harry James Potter.".
"Harry –you can't be serious!". A slight edge of hysteria to her voice, Hermione had an odd urge to burst into laughter. Harry's sad smile remained on his face as he said: "I know everybody thinks I'm going to defeat Voldemort and everything, but just in case.. In case I can't do it, in case I'm not ready. I want to make sure that everything is sorted out, and I know I can trust you to keep this safe."
Hermione stared at him in shock. Harry Potter – The-Boy-Who-Lived – was sitting in front of her, saying that he was preparing to be dead within twenty-four hours. Not only was this a completely horrific thing for the world, but it was terrible to hear it from her friend, someone she loved like the brother she'd never had.
No, Harry.. Don't.. If you give up now..
"Harry.. You can't mean this..". Her voice trembled, and it was only by sheer will-power it didn't break. Harry shook his head and took her hand. "I don't think it is going to end that bad, Hermione, I just want to be on the safe side, you know..".
Suddenly Hermione remembered the way she had felt after her talk with Ron earlier, and she realized that this was in some way the same thing fro Harry. Giving him a sad smile in return, she said: "I think I understand.".
After pulling her into a brief hug, Harry rose from the bed and walked toward the door. Just as he was about to close it, another thought occurred to Hermione, and she jumped up, calling after him: "Wait –Harry!". He turned around and Hermione jumped to her feet. "Harry –what if you really are caught? Did Dumbledore say anything about who would try and rescue you?", she asked, frowning slightly. "Did he say anything about how they'd find you?".
"Well, no, he didn't say anything. I expect someone from the order will try to find me, but I don't know..". His voice trailed away uncertainly. Her suspicion confirmed, Hermione hurried over to her dresser and pulled open a drawer to retrieve a small, silver chain. Pointing her wand at it, she mumbled a spell.
Hermione gave it to Harry, who simply stared at her. "What.. What did you do?", he mumbled after a couple of seconds. Smiling slightly, Hermione said: "I charmed it so that I can track you down. That way, at least I will have a chance of finding you.".
"Hermione –no, you can't, you can't try to help me on your own-", Harry protested, his eyes pleading. Hermione shook her head, determined not to be discouraged. "I wont go after you alone, of course not. But I can't just sit back and wait for them to track you down, I'd never be able to live with myself, Harry.". Taking his hand in her own, Hermione stepped closer to him. "Please, Harry. I'm not going to be able to take part in the fight tomorrow, let me at least do this.".
Though still looking apprehensive, Harry nodded. "OK..", he mumbled. After shooting her a last worried glance, Harry closed the door behind him.
The deep blue color of the night sky had faded slightly on the horizon, indicating the beginning of a new day. Slowly, the color grew lighter and soon the first rays of sunlight crept over the grounds as the students and teachers in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry awoke to a new day. For the students below their 7th year, this was a day of leisure, the last day before they would leave with the Hogwarts Express to spend the summer at home. For the 7th year students, it was the day of their graduation, probably the last time they would spend at Hogwarts. For the teachers it was a day of sending yet a new group of students into the world, sending them to the next chapter of their lives.
Few of them knew that this would also turn out to be a day written about in books. A day of battle.
Severus Snape was one of those who knew, and he was watching the slow beginning of the day from a window in the Headmaster's office. A meeting had been called for all the teachers, and Severus had been asked to come the Headmaster's office before this meeting. He did not know the reason why, and as he waited for the Headmaster, he allowed himself to relax for a moment. To just watch the world without having to calculate everything he did, or speculate the consequences of certain actions.
The quiet before the storm.
An ironic smile grazed his features as he heard the door open behind him, and he turned to watch the Headmaster sit down behind his desk; looking as though he had not had any more sleep than Severus that night.
"Severus, I just have a few things to tell you., just to make sure everything is clear.", the Headmaster said. "As the leader of the evacuation, it will also be your responsibility to set up the wards protecting the evacuees. I have arranged for a few of the older students to be present to help with the protection. You should know, Severus, that you are probably the last barricade.".
Severus nodded, already aware of these things. The Headmaster regarded him for a couple of seconds, beginning to get annoyed as the old man said nothing more, and as he opened his mouth to ask whether that was all, the Headmaster said: "Have you regained any of memories?".
Other than a few glimpses, a few confusing emotions? A few minor details of certain situations that seem completely out of context? What is the meaning of this, Albus, you know I have not regained enough to make a difference.
"Very little, Albus. Nothing in particular, just a few vague details and such. I see glimpses every now and then.".
The Headmaster nodded, and rose from his chair. "Well, we should be getting to the meeting.". Gesturing for Severus' to follow him, Albus Dumbledore left his office, Severus following him while he pondered the actual reason for the conversation he had just had with the Headmaster.
The Great Hall was filled with people. Teachers smiling at the many young people leaving the walls of the castle, students and parents hugging each other and just about every one wearing the same expressions of mixed sadness and joy.
Hermione walked into the bustle of people, followed by Harry. They had spent the morning together, first in the common room, and then in Hermione's room as the other students had started crowding the cozy sofas and chatted merrily. Ginny had been with them until they headed toward the Great Hall.
Ron was with them, too. As the first rays of morning light had started pouring through the windows and stretching across the floor of the common room, he had come down the stairs, looking as disheveled as if he had tossed and turned all night. Without a word, he had walked toward them, knelt down in front of Hermione and took her hand. Looking into his eyes, Hermione had seen the sincerity as tears started gathering in the corners of his eyes, and he had taking a deep breath before whispering: "I'm sorry, Hermione. I really am.". She had smiled and pulled him into a hug, not a single word needed.
Spotting her parents, Hermione hurried toward them and hugged them fiercely. Her mother mumbled: "I'm glad to see you, darling.. Are you alright?". Taking a deep breath, Hermione forced a brave smile on her face: "Of course, mum. Just happy to see you, that's all.".
They mustn't know, not yet.. We have to pretend like everything's alright...
Even though they didn't know for certain that the attack would come, Hermione had no doubt about it. Though she didn't understand what had happened when Severus had had the.. premonition, or what ever it had been, she couldn't help but expect the attack at any moment. After all, if the Headmaster believed it would happen, it was as good as certain As her eyes nervously scanned the room, they fell on the one person she had been trying to keep out of her mind, the very same person she had not been able to stop speculating about: Severus Snape.
A sharp pang of remorse filled her heart, and she forced herself to look away. A great deal of the time she had spent with her friends earlier that morning had consisted of her mind running wild with speculation, with thoughts of the worst possible outcomes of an attack. Images of her parents lying dead had brought her to the verge of tears, and so had images of her friends being dead. But the worst of it all had been when an image of Severus, dead, floated into her view.
One thing is losing something I know I have, someone I know love me.. But to lose him, to have no idea whether we could ever have been together, had it not been for the circumstances, is too horrible.
The thought had scared her. That she feared for the lives of her friends and family was understandable, but that she feared for his life more than anything else opened up frightening possibilities and prospects. The idea of death seemed nearer than ever before, and it suddenly seemed impossible that she had actually been very close to death just few months earlier, and by her own choice.
Suddenly, Hermione noticed her mother looking at her with a concerned expression. Forcing her features to relax, she smiled and pretended not to notice. As everybody started to settle down, Hermione looked around the Great Hall again. As if drawn by a magnet, her gaze returned to Severus. He was standing just to the left of the other teachers, looking his usual, bored self. Suddenly, he lifted his eyes and looked straight at her.
There was nothing she could do to prepare herself for the tidal wave of emotions that flowed through her. Though it was no more than a second his eyes rested on her, it brought every thought and emotion back to her, everything she had attempted to push away. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and forced her hands to stop trembling, forced her breathing to remain calm.
I must not break down now, not now, not right now.. How am I going to fight Death Eaters if I can't even breathe properly? I must remain calm, must stay calm..
A flurry of swishing robes and chairs scraping across the floor brought her back to reality. Everyone was beginning to settle down, and Hermione took a seat next to her parents, thankful that no one seemed to have noticed her reaction just seconds earlier.
Headmaster Dumbledore rose from his chair in front of the High table. Smiling at the assembled people, he spread out his hands, his voice resounding through the Hall. "Welcome, dear students and parents. Welcome to the Hogwarts Graduation Ceremony! As you know, these brilliant students in front of me have spent the last seven years at this school, learning everything they need to know. I am certain it has been seven years filled with both good times and bad, with both successes and failures, both..".
As the Headmaster began his speech, Hermione felt her attention slipping away. Instead she glanced around the hall again, this time noticing the students. Most of them were looking at the Headmaster, following his speech and looking completely oblivious in Hermione's eyes. Only few seemed to know. Every one of the Weasleys were looking at Dumbledore, but they had the same far-away look in their eyes, obviously because they knew what might happen. Harry was sitting next to them, staring at his hands and frowning.
Hermione's gaze swept the rest of the students, suddenly stopping as they came to the tall, blond figure sitting at the Slytherin end of the Hall. She should have expected it, of course Lucius Malfoy would be at his son's Graduation Ceremony. It still managed to make Hermione's heart jump into her throat.
So much more convenient to have a Death Eater already on the inside..
The thought of Death Eaters made her look toward the High table again, this time consciously seeking the Potions Master. He was easy to find, his black robes and intimidating scowl making him stand out clearly against the more or less colorful robes of the other teachers.
For the first time since she had found out about his amnesia, Hermione was struck with the thought of how difficult it must be for him.
To lose every single notion of what has taken place in ones life in the past half year, it must be terrible..
As if he could sense her gaze, Severus lifted his eyes again. This time Hermione had steeled herself against the emotions. Holding his gaze, she smiled briefly at him and inclined her head in the smallest of nods. His eyes narrowed, and then he froze.
A surge of emotions, akin to the one of Hermione, passed over his face. His eyes widened, his mouth opening just slightly, and he held her gaze. With a start Hermione realized that the expression on his face was confusion, surprise and recognition, that the dam holding back one of his memories had somehow been broken, if only for a second, that he remembered something about her.
Staring into his eyes, into his very soul, Hermione failed to notice the sudden roar of noise and commotion that rose in the Hall so quickly it seemed impossible. Being pushed aside, the contact with Severus' eyes broke and she looked up in frustration and confusion. The sight that met her eyes stopped her heart.
Death Eaters were streaming through the double doors and into the Great Hall. The wards of Hogwarts had been breached, and Hogwarts was under attack.