A/n: Important:

I would like to say thank you to HyacinthMacaw for her generous consent to use a white gyrfalcon. Larisa the Gyrfalcon is hereby dedicated to her wonderful stories As the falcon hath her bells: Taking flight and As the falcon hath her bells: On the wingI strongly encourage you to go read these stories, here on

Do you recognize this sentence: "like a drowning man to a log" ? I am certain I've read in a story somewhere, but I just can't remember where. I would like to give you credit if its your, so please contact me if you recognize it.

A/n 2:blackbird fly: Here's the new chapter –I hope it's in time to save your sanity.

Minerva7: As much as I'd like to promise you it will, I really can't. There would be no fun in that :) You just have to wait and see..

Cherdy the Molologist: I'm happy to hear that you're still sane :)

pricey-blonde: Thanks. I just can't help it, I think I've become addicted to them..

Silver Butterfly04: Thanks.

Vickie211: A bit obvious, I'll admit, but it had to be done. Thanks about Ginny –That is exactly what I want to portrait. I hope I'm able to keep that up.

Madelynn Rae: Here you go :)

Astaldiarfreak: Thank you.

Reviews are really great, you have no idea how happy and inspired they make me. So if you have constructive criticism,

questions or just a comment, I would very much like to hear from you.

Disclaimer: Do I really have to put this in here everytime? I'm sure you know it by now: The plot is mine, everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Unexpected feelings –10

Numbness spread in Hermione.

"What do you mean, kidnapped?!". The angry outburst came from Ginny, and Hermione turned to stare blindly at her, barely aware of the words she heard. The red-head was glaring at the Headmaster, and before he could say a word, Ginny had continued: "How can he have been kidnapped? Don't you keep an eye out for your students? Don't you make sure the world savior is not in any danger? Don't you-".

How.. How can this be?

"Ms. Weasley!". The sharp voice that interrupted came from Severus. In a more restrained tone he continued: "Calm yourself. While you may have a right to know the facts, it does not mean that you have any right to behave in an impudent manner.". Fixing her professor with a withering glare, Ginny said through gritted teeth: "But how could this happen? How is it possible?".

I have to save him. They don't know where he is, what to do-

The fact that Harry was gone, kidnapped, had finally registered with Hermione, and she jumped to her feet. "Where are you going, Ms. Granger?". The voice of the Headmaster cut through her frantic thoughts and she paused, surprised as she realized that she had her hand on the door handle and had lifted the wards, ready to rush out of the door, ready to rush after a group of Death Eaters to save her friend.

"Headmaster.. Do you know where they have taken him?". Hermione's voice shook slightly, and she cursed herself for the weakness. Regarding her serenely for a second, Dumbledore said: "No, Ms. Granger, we do not. We have certain ideas of where the most likely places to take him will be, but we know nothing for sure.".

Just as I thought.. Just as I suspected when Harry gave me his.. will.

"And, if you'll forgive me for asking, how are you going to find him?". Successfully keeping her voice even, Hermione stared expectantly at the old man. A sad expression spread on his face, and she had to fight back the urge to scream at him; call him a senile old man for not thinking of something as obvious as this.

It will do no good now.

Turning around to face the door, she took a deep breath and forced her voice even as she said: "I have to go after him, I can't let anything happen to him.". Ignoring the surprised gasp from Ginny and forcing back the tears forming at the corners of her eyes, Hermione pushed the door open.

A hand grabbed her arm and she turned around, staring into the eyes of Severus. "You are going nowhere, Ms. Granger.". Trying to pull her arm away, anger flared in Hermione. "And why not? I have been bereft of the opportunity to defend this school, are you going to take away my chance of defending my friend as well?".

Still not letting go, his face curled into a sneer for a second. Apparently forcing himself to calm down, Severus said in a low voice: "You cannot take on a group of Death Eaters on your own, it is far more dangerous than you can imagine. And just how, pray tell, are you going to find your.. friend faster than we can?".

Shit.. Not this...

Shifting her eyes away from his intense gaze, Hermione fought back the sudden wave of nervousness. Forcing herself to breath evenly, she lifted her eyes again. "I have my own ways, Professor, it is not that difficult to make sure you find certain people if need be. Now, if you be so kind as to let me go, I'd like to get on my way.".

His voice somewhere near a snarl, he tightened his grip slightly and sneered: "Really? Well, pardon me for saying that I really don't think any of your so-called ways will be any better than-". He cut himself off and took a deep breath, steadying himself. A surge of fear suddenly passed through her as she stared into his eyes, unable to look away even if she had wanted to.

"I am going to go after them, no matter what. You cannot stop me.", she said after an uncomfortable silence. Squaring her shoulders, she continued: "I am free to do whatever I desire, and I want to go after Harry.".

After having left Hermione and Ginny on their own, Severus had sat down in the chair at his desk and stared into the fire, completely lost in thought. He had only moved once, to stun Draco again as the young man had begun to awake. The confusion in his mind was extremely aggravating to him; one of the most frustrating things for him was to lose control, and being confused about his feelings was definitely in the top ten of things that did just that.

What has happened to me? When did I go from being myself to an infatuated fool? Have I ever been myself, or is this really me? What has that girl done to me?

The fire had given him no answers, and he had finally got himself a headache trying to figure it out.

When the Headmaster had popped into the fire Severus had visibly jumped, so deep in thought that he had not payed any attention to his surroundings. While cursing himself for the lack of vigilance, he had listened to the Headmaster tell him what had occurred during the battle, scowling as he found out that Harry Potter had managed to get himself into trouble again.

The reaction of the two girls when they heard this had been expected, even if he considered Hermione overly dramatic in thinking she could rescue the foolish boy on her own. As he had stared into her eyes and listened to her declaring that she was following Potter no matter what, he had suddenly been overwhelmed with a deep need to somehow protect her, to make sure she was alright. Opening his mouth to say something, he suddenly remembered his vow to himself: to stay away from her. Taking a deep breath, he let go of her arms and nodded sharply.

Ginny got up from her chair and walked over to Hermione. In a low voice she said: "I want to go with you.". Hermione's certain expression turned to apprehension and she opened her mouth, cut of as Dumbledore said: "I cannot allow you to do that, Ms. Weasley, you are still a minor and a student at this school-". Raising a hand to silence the angry outburst from the redhead, the Headmaster fixed Ginny with a stern look and said: "You know I am right. You cannot go, especially not now. Think of your family.".

Her nostrils flaring slightly, Ginny sat back down in the chair, her expression a frozen mask of fury. Staring at the redhead, Severus couldn't suppress a slight smirk.

She really takes after her mother..

The short silence that followed was broken as the Headmaster said: "Ms. Granger, what exactly did you have in mind as to attempting to find Harry?". Hermione hadn't taken her eyes of Severus until then , but now she turned to look at the Headmaster and said: "I cast a Tracing Charm on a chain and gave it to Harry.".

A Tracing Charm? Rather Slytherin of her...

Dumbledore frowned slightly and said: "I see. Ms. Granger, I assume you are aware that it is illegal to cast such a charm yourself?". A slight flush spread on her cheeks, but she held his gaze ad said: "Yes, I know you're not supposed to cast one without getting a permission from the Ministry, but I.. I decided that it was worth the risk.".

Unable to hold back a snort, Severus scowled as all eyes turned to him. Opening his mouth to speak, he was cut of as the door to the office suddenly burst open a middle-age couple looking quite flustered rushed in. Barely surppressing a shriek, the brown-haired woman threw her arms around a startled Hermione, while the man heaved a deep sigh of relief and smiled.

Pulling back, the woman eyed Hermione with a suddenly incensed expression. "Hermione Granger! How dare you run of like that, leaving your father and I behind to worry?!". Holding on to Hermione's upper arms, the brunette launched into a ramble, ignoring the young woman's protestations.

Her parents..

Severus unconsciously straightened his back slightly and cleared his throat, cutting through the woman's angry tirade and Hermione's half-desperate attempts to explain. Keeping his face impassive, he said in voice he hoped to be sufficiently polite: "You ought not to blame your daughter, Mrs. Granger, she had no opportunity to leave this room.".

Turning around, Hermione's mother stared blankly at him for a moment, apparently completely surprised at seeing him. Looking around, she saw the benign Headmaster's head in the fire, the somber Ginny, the unconscious and bound Draco and the stern Severus all regarding her. Taking a step forward, Hermione's father gave them all a reconciling smile.

"I am afraid my wife let her temper run off with her. Allow me to introduce ourselves. I am John Granger, Hermione's father, and this is my wife and Hermione's mother, Catherine.". The brunette had pulled herself together as her husband spoke. Taking a calming breath, she said: "Yes, I am sorry to have been so rude. I was simply worried.".

"Quite understandable, Mrs. Granger.", the Headmaster chuckled. Smiling back warily, Catherine Granger regarded the head floating in the flames for a second, then nodded. Turning back to her daughter, she pulled her into her arms again. "I'm sorry, darling, you just had me really worried.".

Hermione looked slightly uncomfortable, her brow furrowed a bit. "I know, mum, I would have returned if I'd been able to.", she mumbled. Pulling back from her daughter again, the older woman suddenly looked rather tired and worn. Pulling out a chair for his wife, John Granger padded her on the shoulder. His expression growing serious, he said: "How did it go?".

While the Headmaster began to relay the events of the battle, Severus watched Hermione. She was staring straight ahead of her, her brow furrowed and a sad look in her eyes. Suddenly her eyes snapped up to his and she stared straight at him. His breath hitching for a second as he saw the intensity in her eyes, and he was startled as he suddenly heard the Headmaster call his name: "Severus? Is that not right?".

"Pardon me, Albus? I am afraid I was not listening.", he said, ignoring the twinkle in the Headmaster's eyes. "Is it true that Ms. Granger was injured by young Mr. Malfoy, and was therefore unable to leave these rooms?", Dumbledore said. Nodding, he ignored the feeling of Hermione still staring at him.

What will she do now? Will she still wish to search for Potter?

The answer to that question came right away. The Headmaster turned his twinkling eyes from Severus to Hermione and asked: "Ms. Granger, do you still wish to go after Harry?". Shifting her gaze from Severus to her parents she nodded. Jumping to her feet, Catherine Granger stared at her daughter. "Wait a minute –didn't you just say that those followers of that.. Lord has taken him?". Still looking at them Hermione nodded again, flinching slightly as her mother started on another tirade, this time begging her daughter to stay.

She looks so.. desperate.

Realization suddenly hit him. Hermione was caught between going after her friend to save him and staying with her parents, and no matter what she did she would end up hurting someone. Before he had a chance to stop himself, before he had a chance to even realize what he was doing, Severus took a step forward and looked straight at Hermione as her mother ceased her outburst.

"If you are determined to follow through on this plan, I have no choice but to accompany you.".

Hermione couldn't get Severus out of her mind as she bend over her trunk.

He wants to go with me.. But why?

The only possible explanation she could find was that he wanted to protect her, it could not be anything else. Pulling out several school robes, Hermione began shifting through her neatly folded clothes to see what she could bring with her. After Severus had offered to go with her, they had been able to convince her mum and dad to let her go, helped immensely by the Headmaster who, despite a sad look in his eyes, had urged them greatly to attempt the rescue.

After having left the Potions Master's office, Hermione and Ginny had run to the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall, who were helping the medi-witch with the minor injuries, had reluctantly allowed them to see Ron and Remus. Both were unconscious, Ron having deep slashes across his cheeks and arms, and Lupin looking so pale he almost seemed translucent. Forcing down a lump in her throat, Hermione had given both of them a kiss on their cheeks and left, leaving Ginny to sit with her brother. Arriving at her room, she had immediately begun looking through her trunk.

Severus had told her to dress in the warmest of clothes she had. Assuming that he knew what he was talking about, she did as he had told her. He had, after all, been a spy for about twenty years and ought to know how to track down the Death Eaters. That fact had also made it easier to convince her parents that she would be relatively safe with Severus, if one didn't count in the obvious dangers of following some of the world's most fanatic people.

And if she had to chose anybody to come with her, who better than a former Death Eater who knew their habits and was able to defend himself rather well?

An image of Severus suddenly floated into her mind, an image of him in the Great Hall.

He remembered something before the attack.. But what? It was probably that night in the Hospital Wing, after he found me on the Astronomy Tower.. Merlin, that seems like ages ago. Was that the reason he wants to protect me? Is he afraid that I'm too weak, that I'll crack under the pressure?

Scowling at herself, Hermione straightened her back, muttering to herself: "But I am weak, otherwise I wouldn't have broken down in Severus' rooms.".

A soft knock on the door made her jump slightly, and she walked over to it and opened it to reveal Ginny on her doorstep. "We need to talk.", Ginny mumbled and strode into the room. "Sure..", Hermione said, frowning at the frigid expression on the face of her friend. Turning around to face her, Ginny got straight to the point:

"I know how all of you feel about me going, and I know that I'm not going to be able to. But if you're not back in a week, Hermione, I'm going looking for you. I've already lost Charlie, I'm close to losing Ron as well and Harry had been kidnapped and could be dead by now, for all that we know. If I lose you too.. You are my best friend, Hermione, and I just couldn't do that.".

Staring speechlessly at Ginny, Hermione didn't know what to say. Instead she pulled Ginny into a hug, whispering in a shaking voice: "I promise you, I'll be careful and do whatever I can to get Harry back. I promise.". Squeezing her slightly, Ginny let go and said, her voice determinedly cheerful: "Why don't I help you pack a few things?".

Standing in the Great Hall, Severus impatiently waited for Hermione to return from her chambers, ignoring the Headmaster's obvious attempts to catch his eye and the nervous expressions on the faces of Hermione's parents. Barely 15 minutes had passed, but Severus' patience was quickly waning.

If she wants to go after them that badly, she ought to hurry up. Every second counts.

Crossing his arms, he tried not to think about what he would do once they were alone together. All of his plans were gone, no longer did he have the opportunity to just stay away from her, just ignore her, and pretend that anything had ever happened. No longer did he have the opportunity to pretend that he hadn't hurt her.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to look at John Granger. "Yes?", Severus said, not allowing his annoyance to reach his voice. "I just wanted to say-", Hermione's father began, "-that I know you'll do what you can to keep Hermione safe. But as her father, I have to say this: Take care of her.". Without another word, he turned and walked back to his wife, leaving Severus to stare frowning after him.

At last, Hermione appeared at the top of the marble staircase and hurried toward them, followed by Ginny Weasley. "Finally..", he mumbled, thankfully overheard by the others. Pulling on the heavy cloak he had been holding in his hands, Severus stepped toward the door, ready to leave as soon as Hermione had said her farewells.

"Ms. Granger.. Hermione. Be careful, and do your best, my dear.", the Headmaster said, the twinkle in his eyes gone. Leaning down to her ear, he whispered something to which she nodded, and he turned to Severus. Allowing Hermione some privacy to say her farewells to her parents and he friend, he said: "Be careful as well, Severus. She is an adult, but she's still somewhat unstable emotionally. If I had any other choice, I would do what ever it took to keep her here. Just take care of her, and remember that she's not your student anymore.".

Severus' sharp retort was interrupted as Hermione walked over to them and said: "I'm ready to leave.". Sending Dumbledore a last annoyed glance, he nodded sharply and walked out of the door. Hermione followed after him. Walking down the long lane to the castle gates, neither of them said a word until they were of Hogwarts' grounds and he turned to look at her.

"So, Ms. Granger. Cast your Tracing Charm, and let us see where it takes us.".

The Tracing Charm worked in such a way, that it created a link to a place close to the charmed object, allowing the caster to apparate to this place and thereafter search the area. After Hermione had cast the charm, they had both apparated to where the charm had led them, and ended up on the edge of a moderately sized forest. Looking around them, Hermione frowned. She had no idea where they had landed. The only thing she could see was the deep dark of the trees in front of them, and a field behind them.

Where on earth is this?

"Do you know where we are?", she asked, glancing at Severus. He stared straight ahead of them, the pale light of the moon above giving his dark eyes an eerie flicker. Slowly shaking his head, he frowned a bit before turning to look at her. "I can only assume.. I know nothing for certain. It does not matter, anyway, the important thing is that we are here.".

Hermione nodded and turned her eyes toward the forest. It looked foreboding, and an unexplainable feeling of anxiety crept up on her. Determinedly squaring her shoulders, she put on a brave front and said: "We should get going.". He nodded. "Yes. I doubt it matters what direction we take in the forest, the wards they are certain to have cast will cover such a large area, that we will inevitably come across them.".

Hermione nodded and briskly walked forward, holding her wand up high, and was swiftly followed by Severus.

Side by side, they slowly made their way through the trees. The feeling of anxiety had left Hermione, but both of them kept as quiet as possible. The only thought in Hermione's mind was to get to Harry as soon as possible, and it was this thought that kept her moving.

And it is, in some way, nice to have someone else with me..

Several times Hermione nearly tripped over roots and fallen branches, and every time Severus would caught her before she fell, easily keeping her on her feet. Though feeling rather grateful about him preventing her from falling, Hermione couldn't help but being slightly embarrassed every time it happened.

This must be one of the oddest things happening in a long time.. I'm in the middle of a forest with Severus Snape, my former Potions Professor, searching for one of my best friends. And I don't know what to think about that.

When they had been walking for about two hours, they reached a small clearing surrounded by thick oak trees, and stopped on the edge of it. The thick canopy of leaves above them had until then hid the moon from them. Now, the moonlight poured down onto the ground, the pale light beautiful in the still air of the night.

"Perhaps we should get some rest before we continue on?", Severus suggested, and Hermione gratefully nodded. Not wanting to complain, she had bit back the pain in her back and feet. As she lowered herself to the ground with a grateful little sigh, Severus began to laugh, a rich, baritone laughter. Her head snapped up.

"What on earth are you laughing at?", she said, a slight irritation apparent in her voice. Severus regarded her with an amused glint in his eyes and said: "You are such a typical Gryffindor. It is at least half an hour since you began wincing at every other step you took, but instead suggesting we rest, you simply continued bravely.".

Hermione suddenly couldn't hold back a laugh of her own. Despite the rather snide comment, his laughter was catching and she could not deny that there was some truth in what he had said. Giving her a surprised glance, Severus flicked his wand twice and a small fire appeared in front of them, cackling merrily.

A thought occurring to her, Hermione frowned as she looked into the fire. "Is it safe to light a fire in here? I mean, we can't really know how close to the Death Eaters we are, can we?".

"We do not know how far away from us they are, but it will be safe enough. We would have discovered some of their wards if we were close enough to be caught, and I have just put a strong ward on this clearing. We will be alerted immediately if anyone comes within ten feet of the ward.", he said and sat down next to her.

I wonder how Harry is doing.. Is he alright? Is he even alive?

Pushing the thought away from her, Hermione turned her face slightly toward Severus, watching him out of the corners of her eyes. He was gazing into the fire, looking pensive.

Does he really remember everything? Everything about.. us? Even the details, every one of them?

Still contemplating the dark man beside her, Hermione visibly jumped as his silky voice sounded next to her. "Are you going to ask whatever it is that is on your mind, or simply continue your discreet gazing?". Opening her mouth to speak, she cut herself off and turned her head to stare into the flames.

I cannot ask him..

"Apparently not.", he sighed. The next couple of minutes slowly passed, both of them gazing into the fire. Then, suddenly, Severus jumped to his feet, pointing his wand toward the darkness of the trees in front of him. "What is it?", Hermione asked, jumping to her feet as well. Without a word, Severus began moving toward the tree, his eyes fixed on something. Hermione followed behind him.

As they inched closer, she held her breath and squinted through the darkness. It took her a few seconds to adjust her eyes from the brightness of the flames to the darkness of the trees, and another couple of seconds passed before she saw what had caught Severus' attention. A small patch of something white was visible on the ground.

"What is that?", Hermione mumbled, looking at Severus. He was still staring at it and didn't respond. "Severus?", she asked, frowning at his continued silence. Opening her mouth to speak again, she was cut off as Severus took a step closer and said: "Larisa?". His voice was oddly doubtful, and Hermione frowned at him.

Still keeping his eyes on the patch of white, Severus said: "Larisa? Eto Vy? ". A weak screech answered him, and he hurried forward so abruptly that it made Hermione jump. He bend down to the white spot and took it in his arms, bringing it to the fire while he mumbled under his breath: "CHto Vy delayete zdes'? Vy holodny, uzhasno holodny. Ogon' budet teplyj Vy. Kak dolgo Vy puteshestvovali?". He seemed oblivious to Hermione and sat down at the fire.

What on earth is going on?

Sitting down next to him, Hermione stared at the bundle of white in his arms. It was a falcon; a beautiful, white falcon, and Hermione suddenly remembered the previous night on the Astronomy Tower. This looked exactly like the falcon she had seen just twenty-four hours earlier, and she gaped open-mouthed at it as Severus began examining its wings. "Vashe krylo slomano.", he muttered, then stilled his movements.

A small scroll of paper was tied to the falcon's leg, and Severus took it off, opened it and read it. Sitting still as a statue, he didn't move for several minutes. Hermione looked at him, her concern growing for each passing moment. His motionless face looked eerie in the flickering light of the flames and a small shudder ran though her body.

"Severus? What's going on?", she finally asked. Giving a small start, Severus turned around and looked at her, a confused glance in his eyes for a second. His face still frozen, he reached out his hand and dropped the scroll of paper into Hermione's hand, tapped it with his wand and mumbled: "Reddo epistula".

Looking at the paper, Hermione saw a neat handwriting in Cyrillic letters shimmer and then change. Frowning, she skimmed over the letter.

"Samyj dorogoj Miša.

Eto bylo takoye dolgoye vrem'a, tak kak my govorili, chto ya ne znayu, navern'aka chto napisat' Vam bol'she. YA nadeyus', chto Vy prostite mne za moyu dlinnuyu tishinu, no ya prosto ne mog perenesti, chtoby dumat' o dorozhke, kotoruyu Vy vybrali tak mnogo let nazad, i ya dumal eto luchshe, yesli ya otvorachivals'a ot Vas.

YA teper' znayu, chto Vy s teh por vozvratilis', i nichto ne ponravilos' mne bol'she, moyemu mal'chiku. Poskol'ku Vy mozhete predpolozhit' ot etogo, ya bol'she ne izhdivenec na vashem otce dl'a informacii. Vash otec mertv, Miša. YA znayu, chto eto budet pomosch''u dl'a Vas, i ya poetomu ne vizhu nikakoj prichiny dl'a savana soobscheniye. Eto - pomosch' dl'a men'a, takzhe. Byt' svobodnym ot yego vliyaniya.

YA znayu to, chto Vy skazali by, stoyali li Vy peredo mnoj teper', slysha men'a skazat' te slova vmesto seing ih zapisannyj. No on byl moim bratom, i ya ne mog povernut' moyu spinu na obeschanii, kotoroye ya dal nashej dorogoj materi, À nna, vashej babushke. YA ne mog ostavit' yego samostoyatel'no, i ya znayu, chto Vy ne ponimayete. No eto - staroye obsuzhdeniye, i net nikakoj prichiny nachat' eto snova.

S nadezhdoj Vy budete sposobny prostit' mne v techeniye vseh teh let slabosti, i ya nadeyus', chto Vy prostite mne za to, chto ya ne ne podderzhivayem Vas, kogda Vy nuzhdalis' v etom bol'she vsego. YEsli Vy mozhete, pisat' mne skoro. V protivnom sluchaye togda ya sdelayu popytku. Tol'ko znajte, chto ya l'ubl'u, kak byli Vy moj sobstvennyj syn.

YA nadeyus', chto Vy vedete schastlivuyu zhizn', Miša. Vy zasluzhivayete etogo.

Tet'a Sìma.".

"Severus.. I don't understand..", Hermione whispered, her voice faltering when she looked up at him. The expression in his eyes was still as unreadable as ever, but a silent tear was running down his cheeks. Struck by this sight, Hermione was overwhelmed with an intense feeling she couldn't quite decipher. A lump rising in her throat, she stared at him, not knowing what to say. Finally, Severus broke the silence: "It is a letter from my aunt.".

"Your aunt?". He nodded, took a deep breath and said: "She wrote to tell me my father is dead.". Feeling immensely sorry for him and she hurriedly said: "I'm sorry, it must be difficult to hear such a thing-".

"Spare your pity.". Snapping back into his usual façade, he sneered: "I do not need your pity, a despicable man such as he does not deserve it.".

Despicable? What-

Jumping to his feet, Severus voice rose as he spat: "He was a bloody bastard who should have died many years ago! Destroying the lives of everyone around him, always causing damage to others. He never cared about anyone but himself!". Stopping in his tracks, he glared down at her.

"But you probably know all of that, do you not? Potter has already told you what he saw, of course he has. Did he also tell how my father killed my mother? Did he also tell you how he manipulated my aunt, how he made me turn to Darkness? Did your precious friend tell you that?!".

What –Harry? What-

Hermione stared wide-eyed at the man in front of her, shuddering at the palpable tension in the air. His eyes flashing, his face contorted in rage and his hands curled into fists, he scared her more than he had ever done; for that endless second she was terrified of him. Severus froze, staring at her with horror in his eyes. "I- I am.. sorry, I.. did not..", he stammered, stopping as his eyes fell on the large falcon sitting at his feet.

"Are you okay?", Hermione asked, still keeping her eyes on him. He sank down next to her. The falcon gave a small screech and he turned his gaze to it, stroking the white, black-specked feathers lightly. The tension slowly abated.

"Have you ever seen a falcon such as this one before, Hermione?", he suddenly asked. "Yes, yesterday. One exactly like this.", she said, unsure of where the conversation was headed. "Really?". His eyebrows rose and he looked down at the falcon while mumbling: "Do chego Vy byli?". His gaze again settling on Hermione, he said: "It probably was this one, Larisa. She belongs to my family.".

"She is very beautiful... I have always liked falcons, actually. They have always fascinated me. Sometimes I wished that I could just fly away with them, away from everything." Hermione smiled sadly at him. "You probably think that's crazy.".

"No.". Severus looked at her, his eyes narrowed, and she was suddenly acutely aware of how intense his deep, black eyes were. Losing herself in his gaze, she was slightly startled when he spoke again: "I know what you mean. When I was growing up, Larisa was one of the few good things in my life. Apart from my aunt, she was the only good thing in my life.".

Dumbfounded, Hermione didn't know what to say. Opening her mouth to speak, she stopped herself, uncertain of how to ask what she wanted to know the most. Instead Hermione looked at the large falcon, smiling as it turned its sharp eyes toward her. Slowly stretching her hand out, she let her fingers graze the white feathers slightly while silence enveloped them. "Why do you not just ask the question I know is on your mind?", Severus finally said, breaking that silence.

"Pardon me?".

"I know you want to ask about my childhood.". A sneering emphasis was placed on the last word and Hermione involuntarily smiled, surprised as a similar smile grazed Severus' lips. "Fine then, how was your childhood?", she asked, smirking slightly.

"It is not as exciting as you may think, Hermione.", he said. "I lived with my parents at our mansion in Siberia, until my mother died when I was five. My father and I moved to England to live with his sister. She is a very caring and wise woman, and I suppose she became a kind of mother to me. When I went to Hogwarts, my father brought her back to Russia, and I rarely spoke with them again.".

"I see.", Hermione mumbled, frowning at him. "Severus.. If you don't mind my asking.. What did you mean with the things you said earlier about your father?".

Keeping her eyes on him, Hermione watched as his expression went from sad to furious, and then to speculative. Frowning, he stared into the flames. "My father.. He was not a very patient man. Both myself and my mother, and later my aunt, where often on the receiving end of his wrath.". Turning to look at her, Severus frown grew. "I do not even know why I am telling you this.".

The Death Eaters.. It must have been why..

"Severus.. If you don't want to tell me, it's alright. I'm just.. I'm just curious.". Hesitating, Hermione turned her eyes away from him. "Did you become a Death Eater because of your father? As a sort of revenge?".

Silence fell. Feeling his eyes on her, Hermione eventually looked back at him. The look in his eyes were an odd mixture of calculation and surprise, and she felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny. Defiantly, she forced herself to look into his eyes. "Yes.", he whispered. "I wanted knowledge to defeat him, to avenge everything he ever did to me, to my mother and my aunt.".

Holding his gaze, she whispered: "Then what happened to make you turn back?". Severus' face remained impassive, but she could see that tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes. Drawing a steadying breath, Hermione stared at him. A unidentifiable feeling arose in her; not pity but something else.

Seemingly struggling with his voice, Severus whispered: "I found out that my father was a Death Eater as well. He had killed my mother on the command of the Dark Lord.". A single tear fought its way out of his eyes and slowly trailed down the pale skin. Hermione was overwhelmed by the sheer sight of a man who was usually completely in control, usually completely self-restrained, but whose soul was now laid open to her.

Before she could stop herself, she had pulled him into her arms. Staring up at the moon, she held him as tightly as she could, her own tears streaming freely as he clung to her like a drowning man to a log.

Why does one person have to suffer so much?