A/n: LosOjoDeLaVida: Thank you. This update hopefully wasn't too late.
Natsuyori: Thanks. I hope you like this, too.
Silver Butterfly 04: Thanks.
Vickie211: I really hoped my version of Hermione's parents turned out well, so that's really nice to hear. Yes, I too hope Severus does, but we'll just have to wait and see ;)
PinkMonkeyPirate: Thanks.I'm really curious, what made you guess that?
IvyLilac: Thanks.
A/n2: I forgot to say in the last chapter, but the letter Severus received and the 'conversations' he has with Larisa is supposed to be Russian. Please correct me if you see any mistakes.
Reviews are really great, so if you have constructive criticism, questions or just a comment, I would very much like to hear from you. It really makes me happy.
Thank you to all of my faithful readers and/or reviewers. Just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your support.
Additional a/n at the bottom.
Disclaimer: Plot's mine, everything else isn't. Credit goes to J.K. Rowling, and also a little to Pink Floyd.
Unexpected feelings -12
It took Severus a couple of minutes to realize where he was. Squinting through the dim light of dawn, he groaned slightly and closed his eyes, savoring the silence of daybreak. Feeling comfortably warm, he snuggled closer to the source of the warmth.
His eyes snapped open.
Lying next to him, encircled by his arms and pressed against his chest, was Hermione Granger. The shock of this realization froze him for several seconds before the panic overrode, and he very nearly jumped to his feet. Staring at the young woman, sleeping in his arms, his thoughts whirled around in his head.
What the hell happened last night?
Forcing himself to calm down, he gently extricated himself from Hermione and climbed to his feet. Frowning down at her, he took of his cloak and wrapped it around her. Walking to the edge of the protected clearing, Severus stared into the dark trees, his mind a chaos of questions.
How did it come so far? How could I tell her those things?
Severus speculated those questions. He could barely remember what he had said, only that the sight of Larisa, the white gyrfalcon, and the accompanying letter had shocked him so thoroughly that he had not been able to keep his head clear of the many repressed memories. He had always associated the falcon with security and peace, had thought the sight of her sheer beauty and those feelings long lost to him.
When the crushing weight of so many years filled with one atrocity after the other had overwhelmed his mind, normally kept so controlled that such an incident would have been unthinkable, when his world was drowning in darkness and despair, Hermione had been there. A single ray of hope in the pitch-black interior of his soul.
Why do I trust her, when I cannot even trust myself?
Another puzzling question to which he didn't know the answer. The ability to trust had never come easy to him, and he had always been very careful about who he trusted. But now, it seemed, this girl had worked her way into his small list of people he would ensure his life with.
He was not able to hold back a snort. "Since when has a muggle-born Gryffindor ever been worthy of the trust of a Slytherin?", he sneered, but his voice was without conviction. He knew very well that he did trust, no matter how much he wanted to deny it. His subconscious had clearly showed him when he had broken down in front of her.
Suddenly angry with himself, Severus jumped to his feet.
How dare she do this to me? How dare she worm her way into my brain like that, to fool me into believing her to be sincere? How dare I let this happen? How dare I let her put herself in danger like that??
A patch of white suddenly appeared over the trees. Warily keeping an eye on the steadily growing spot, Severus breathed a sigh of relief when the outlines of a white falcon became visible. Landing on his outstretched arm, the falcon gave a soft screech. "Privet, Larisa. Horoshij videt' Vas snova."
Frowning, Severus suddenly remembered something. "Kto ispravl'al vashe krylo? ZHdat'.. Hermione.".
Whipping around, Severus stared at the sleeping form of Hermione. He had not mended Larisa's broken wing the previous night, and now the falcon was flying around. Only she could have done. He turned his confused stare to the falcon.
How could she..? Larisa has never allowed anyone from outside the family to touch her…
Hermione suddenly stirred in her sleep and Severus turned back, not wanting to have her catch him staring at her. Deciding to let her sleep a little longer, Severus sent Larisa off to Hogwarts and began making breakfast.
The lovely smell of bacon reached Hermione's nose. Far too comfortable to get up, she didn't move, but the delicious smell was hard to resist. Finally deciding to at least open her eyes, she let her sleepy gaze fall on the figure in front of her.
Severus Snape was sitting next to a small fire, his back half-way turned on her, a pan with bacon and a small kettle on the fire. He seemed to be deep in thought, and she didn't want to startle him. Instead she regarded him through half-closed eyes.
It is hard to believe that a man who is usually in control and rather cruel, can be so vulnerable, just because of a falcon.
She knew that it was much more than just the beautiful falcon. Judging by what she could gather from his explanation the previous night, he had been through unusually much in his childhood, and his adult life must have been just as bad. For him to tell her those things, to trust her enough, was almost unbelievable.
But he had.
He had trusted her with information he must consider a danger to him, something so deeply personal and intimate that he had probably never told anyone the entire story. She was now in possession of a deeper understanding of a man she had always defended, a man who she had always believed to hold more than met the eye.
The thought scared her. How was she supposed to react now? What was she supposed to say, to do? There was no doubt in her mind that he would refuse compassion or well-intended words. But she had to say something, her silence might be just as bad.
Severus suddenly turned around and looked at her. A small smile graced her lips as she said: "Good morning. The breakfast smells nice.". A small smile flickered past his face, and she sat up slowly. Something black slipped of her shoulders and she stared at it.
He had covered her with his cloak. Whipping her head back to stare at him, she saw that he had turned back to the fire, not noticing her gaze. A half-remembered memory, forgotten by a sleepy mind, suddenly floated into her mind. A few rays of sunlight on the horizon, a strong pair of arms around her, and then a cloak gently being wrapped around her.
A dream or a memory?
"Apparently a memory, I wouldn't have been sleeping under his cloak otherwise... We slept in each other's arms?", Hermione mumbled.
"Excuse me?". The voice came from Severus. He was looking at her, apparently thinking she had been talking to him. Shooting him a half-smile she said: "Oh, nothing.. Just hungry.". He nodded and turned back to the fire. Frowning slightly at his back, Hermione tried to gather her thoughts and figure out what she felt.
How did we end up like that? Why am I disappointed about not remembering it?
Shaking her head, Hermione got to her feet. It was far too early to think about such matters, and her stomach loudly declared that it had been too long since her last meal. Walking over to the fire, Hermione decided that she would wait a little with her questions about the previous night.
A searing pain suddenly lanced through her entire body and she fell to the ground, screaming and convulsing. All thoughts were gone from her mind, the only thing that existed was the overwhelming, overpowering pain, and her vision slowly faded.
He could barely remember a time in his life where he had been more afraid than when Hermione fell screaming to the ground. Severus rushed to her side while pulling out his wand, his heart beating wildly in his chest and panic threatening to overtake him completely.
Glancing around him to detect any signs of a breach of the wards, Severus held on tightly to her. Nothing was visible, but he held on securely to his wand still. A violent tremor ran through her body and a half-shriek escaped her lips, and then she slumped limply against him.
"Hermione?". His voice was even, but only just. Giving her a slight shake, he repeated her name. Still no response. Ignoring the voice in his mind that mercilessly screamed that she was dead, he laid her down on the ground and mumbled: "Ennervate.".
Hermione groaned slightly and slowly opened her eyes. Staring up at him, she seemed to have a little trouble focusing on him. "Severus?", she mumbled, her voice weak and insecure as she asked: "What happened?". She tried to sit up.
"Relax, do not try to get up.". Grabbing her wrist, Severus found her pulse and sighed; it was clear and strong. "How are you feeling?". She frowned slightly and again tried to sit up, held down by Severus. "I –I don't know..", she finally said.
It had all the symptoms of the Cruciatus, but how on earth is that possible? There is no one here to cast it.
Murmuring different spells to ensure that she had no injuries, Severus cast another look around him and still saw no one. Hermione seemed to become more awake with every minute that passed, and she was soon completely alert. Finally allowing her to sit up, Severus looked her in the eye, ignored the odd look that passed across her face for a moment and asked: "Do you know what happened?".
She slowly shook her head, but then froze and looked up at him with surprise in eyes. "The Charm! That must have been it, I must somehow have felt when –oh no..". Her eyes suddenly filled with tears as she whispered: "Harry..".
A curious feeling spread in Severus. He had an odd feeling that he ought to know what it was, but for some reason he did not want to. There were certain aspects of himself he didn't want to know to about, and this seemed to belong in that category. Forcing his face into a neutral expression, he asked: "What are you talking about?".
Horror had filled her eyes and she took a deep breath before saying: "It must have been the Charm. I remember reading it somewhere..".
She stared into space for little while and then continued, apparently quoting from a book: "…'A less common side-effect of this particular charm is a virtual bond between the caster and the person bearing the charmed object. In cases where the caster and aforementioned person have a strong emotional bond, such as being in relationship or a close friendship with each other, the caster will often know if the aforementioned person is suffering great pain, fear or anger. It will either manifest itself as a vision or by inflicting the same emotion on the caster.' That must be it..".
She turned to face him and said, her voice eager: "I must have felt Harry being tortured, Severus. Oh, no.. They used Cruciatus on him, didn't they?". Nodding curtly, Severus said: "Yes. That would be most logical to assume.". Getting to his feet, Severus turned back to the fire with the forgotten breakfast next to it.
He could feel Hermione's eyes on his back but stayed silent, only looking at her when he handed her a plate of food and ignoring the feeling that he ought to say something to her. Quickly finishing his breakfast, he waited for her to finish hers and then turned to face her.
"We ought to get going. Do you have any ideas as to how we first find, and then gain access, to where ever your friend is being held?". Something in his tone of voice made her look questioningly at him for a second before saying: "Well, actually, I've been thinking about something. I don't suppose it's possible for us to sneak onto the ground, so we will have to enter openly.".
Enter an area with Death Eaters openly
Severus snorted derisively. "And how do you propose we do that?". She furrowed her brow and opened her mouth to speak, stopping as she seemed to remember something. Instead she gave him another odd look, and then continued: "If either one of us is seen alone, we would be killed. But if we arrive together, we will be able to fool them. We just have to say that you have taken me as a prisoner to prove your loyalty.".
This time it was Severus who stopped with his mouth half-way open. His first instinct was to sneer at her again, but the plan was actually not that bad. It was certainly risky, foolhardy and extremely dangerous, a typical plan coming from a Gryffindor, but she was right in assuming that there was virtually no way to sneak onto the grounds.
But am I able to protect her from the danger? What will happen if one of them catches her alone?
"No.". The word was out of his mouth before he could stop it, but it was none the less true. The promise he had made to her father, and subsequently to him himself, about keeping her safe was making it impossible for him to accept such a daring plan. Unflinching, he watched as the anger quickly took her over.
"Why not?", she asked, her voice unnaturally low. Looking her straight in the eye, he kept his façade clear and said: "It is far too dangerous. I cannot allow you to put yourself in such a situation.".
She jumped to her feet, her hands curled into fists by her side. Anger seemed to make it difficult for her to breath. With a scourging expression she said: "You have no right to decide over me! What would you do once we found the place? That we would wait and hope that they'd just give him to us? As soon as we find him, I'm going in. With or without you, I don't need you to get in –it will only make things a bit easier for me!".
Her words hit him as if she had slapped him. Slowly rising to his feet, Severus took a step closer to her. His face was still passive, but he could see that her expression faltered a little as a result of the smoldering flames in his eyes and the close proximity. Taking full advantage of his height, he straightened up slightly and sneered: "And what would you do when the Death Eaters got a hold of you? When they tortured, raped and then murdered you, presumably in front of your precious friend? When there was no one to protect you, and Potter broke down at the sight of his mauled friend?".
A pained expression crossed her features briefly and he continued: "There is no doubt, Ms. Granger, that is what they will do to you if you arrive alone. They will not wait to hear what you have to say, your pleas would only make them more ruthless. Believe me, I know. I was, after all, one of them, and being kind to prisoners is not a common practice in those circles.". His voice faltered slightly at the last words, and he took a deep breath.
Dear Merlin, what have I done?
Tears slowly gathered in his eyes, and Severus did not know what to do. For a long moment they only stared at each other, the anger disappearing from both of them. Then, closing her eyes briefly, Hermione took a deep breath and whispered: "That is why I want you with me. I trust you, Severus, and I really think my plan could work.".
"Even if I was with you, you could risk those things happened to you. I will do what I can to protect you, but I cannot keep you from facing the Dark Lord, or from being thrown into a cell. I am not able to keep you completely safe, Hermione.", Severus said, staring into her eyes and willing her to understand the danger of her rash plan.
"I know. I know what can happen to me, but doesn't the fact that I'm here, in this forest, prove that I am willing to take that risk for a friend? That I will do what I can to save him?". She took a step closer, making her stand close enough for him to feel the warmth of her body, and looked him in the eye.
"Hermione..". He gently traced her jaw with his thumb. "I do not agree with this plan, but I am not going to let you go alone. I will do anything within my power to keep you safe. If you are determined to go through with this, no matter how foolish it is, I have no choice but to follow you.".
"Thank you. I really want to save Harry.", she said. Nodding curtly, Severus took a step back and said: "Then we ought to get going.". Turning around, he gathered the few things they had with them, and they started their quest to find the hide-out of the Death Eaters.
Why she had come up with a plan to walk into the middle of a place filled Death Eaters, bound and wandless, Hermione would never remember. All she knew was that she had suggested it in the spur of a moment. At first she thought that it was simply because she desperately wanted to find Harry. Despite the truth in that, she also knew that there was something more in it, something else entirely. Her Gryffindor courage, her overworked emotions, or, just maybe, her trust in Severus.
They had walked for about two hours when she had suddenly felt an odd pull of some sort, a feeling deep down that made her certain they were close to Harry. Not two minutes after, Severus had stopped and said that he could feel strong wards close by. Hiding behind a shrubbery, they had spotted several Death Eater-guards and planned the details of their next actions.
When they had entered the grounds, they had quickly been spotted by several guards. Pointing his wand at them, Severus had held them at bay long enough to explain his intention, and they had been led to a small cottage. It had seemed nice enough from the outside, had it not been for the aura of something forbidden that surrounded the area.
While waiting in a small room, Hermione discreetly watched Severus without the guard noticing. His reaction when she told him about her plan had, on some points, been as she had expected. But what she had not expected was for him to have that odd look in his eyes, betraying an unidentifiable emotion. She wanted, almost desperately, to know what it had been, but she had not dared to attempt to find it out. It had also seemed like he had wanted to forget everything that had happened the previous night, and she did not want to intrude on his privacy.
The door to the room opened and a tall man entered. Silently gesturing for them to follow, he led them out of the room and down a small corridor. A rickety, wooden staircase at the end led them into a dark dungeon, and the Death Eater soon stopped in front of a heavy, wooden door.
Hermione forced herself to keep as calm as she could, but could not hold a small shudder of fear away. Holding her head up high, she ignored the vicious shoves the guard gave her as he untied the ropes and pushed her into the cell. The door slammed shut behind her, eliciting a loud bang, and she heard two pairs of footsteps move away from her.
The darkness was complete. Not able to see a single thing, Hermione stood frozen to the spot. Her eyes slowly got used to the darkness, and after a little while she could see a small cot by the rough stone wall and a bucket in the corner. Lowering herself onto the cot, she stared into the darkness.
Completely alone.
She had not expected the absence of Severus to be this horrible. Now, more than ever, did she realize that he made her feel safe, and protection was exactly the thing she needed now. Mentally scolding herself, she muttered in the darkness: "Stop thinking in that way.. This was your idea, and Severus is still around.".
But what if he gets killed as soon as Voldemort hears he's returned, or if they don't believe him?
Shaking her head to rid herself of that little voice in her head, Hermione curled up on the small cot, damp and cold. Willing herself to fall asleep, to escape the horrible reality for a little while, she repeated the same mantra over and over in her mind:
We're going to be alright.. We'll be able to fool them, we're going to be alright.. We're going to be alright…
His mind was carefully kept clear of all thoughts of his betrayal and his face was impassive. The many years of spying had taught Severus to kept his wits about him when he was faced with the Dark Lord, but he had a hard time making his heart stop its violent tattoo against his Adam's apple.
The cold, red eyes of his former Master turned to him and he immediately fell to the ground. "Master.. I know I have been accused of the most horrible actions, but I assure you that the allegations toward me are not true. I am here now to prove that.".
The adrenaline was rushing through his veins as he spoke, every instinct telling him that they were going to be killed any minute now, that he would never see Hogwarts again, that he would be responsible for the death of Hermione. His mind still forced clear, Severus slowly raised his head and stared into the red eyes. A split-second of dread passed as Voldemort did nothing. Then, suddenly, he began to laugh.
The laughter made Severus' blood freeze. It was a sound he had heard many times before, but it still made him shiver if he did not keep his body under strict control. It was a high laughter without the smallest sign of the things normally associated with laughter, without any joy or happiness. It was filled only with malice and contempt, and overpowering evil.
"And you have brought Potter's little Mudblood to us.. As a token of your loyalty, I assume?", he asked, keeping his eyes on Severus as he awaited his answer. "Yes, my Lord. It will break Potter to know that his precious friend is dead. Dead because he believes himself to be above you, my Lord.", he snarled, forcing as much contempt for Potter as possible into it.
Nodding slowly, the Dark Lord said: "Yes. It will break him. Very clever of you, Severus, very clever indeed. But, despite your clever little plan, I must say that you have not convinced me completely.".
Severus' heart gave a great leap of horror, which he forcefully ignored, and he immediately began to deny his treachery. The one recurrent thought in his mind was firmly pushed back, shielded from the prying eyes of his enemy and former Master standing before him.
We are going to die. He will kill us.
Voldemort's voice suddenly cut through his rambling. "Silence!", he roared. The already still Death Eaters around them froze, and nothing was heard until the Dark Lord slowly walked forward to stand in front of Severus. "Stand up.", he hissed.
Scrambling to his feet, Severus held his head bowed, not trusting himself to keep the hatred from shining out of them. Several tense seconds passed. Then, slowly, the Dark Lord held out his hand. He grabbed Severus' arm and rolled up the sleeve, Severus biting his tongue to prevent himself from jerking his arm away from the inevitable to come.
Not this –how can I protect her if-
Severus barely heard the cry of terror coming from the doorway as Voldemort held his finger to the Dark Mark on his arm. The searing pain invaded all of him, overpowering his weak body, and he fell unconscious to the ground.
Hermione had been woken some time later, rather abruptly, and the silent guard had taken her to the same, small room they had waited in some time before. Dreading what might be to come, she kept her head up high and didn't flinch as the guard again gave her a vicious shove into the room.
Her façade nearly fell when she saw who was in the room.
Lucius Malfoy sat in a chair in the middle of the room, and the smile he sent her stopped the breath in her throat. He slowly rose from the chair and walked toward her, his wand casually held in his right hand. Stopping mere inches from her, he said: "So, we meet again, Mudblood.". His voice slithered around her like snake, leaving her numb with fear.
What the hell is he doing here? How could he have escaped Hogwarts, I stunned him –someone ought to have found him before he awoke..
She forced herself to remain impassive, and didn't even acknowledge him by looking at him. Slowly circling her as a predator, he sneered: "I'm going to make you pay. No Mudblood attacks me without consequences.". Stopping in front of her, he grabbed her chin and forced her to look into his arrogant eyes.
"I hear from Dolohov that Severus presumably spent his time with you on something else than teaching you to defend yourself, so you should be well prepared for what I have in store for you.".His hand slid around her waist, and suddenly he viciously yanked her toward him.
It was the last straw. Snarling, she pushed him away, spun around and stormed out of the door, pushing her way past the surprised guards. Stumbling down the corridor, she was quickly run down by Lucius Malfoy. With a savage snarl he jumped at her, forcefully knocking her to the ground and pinning her wrists down.
Breathing heavily, his face distorted in rage, he said through clenched teeth: "So you thought you could get away, did you?". He shook her violently and leaned closer, breathing her in the face. "I don't think so, bitch. I'll show you what happens when somehow crosses me, I'll teach you a lesson you'll never forget-".
He was suddenly cut off as a hand grabbed his robes and yanked him off of her. Shaking slightly, Hermione pushed herself into a sitting position. Standing above her was Rabastan Lestrange, still holding on tightly to Lucius' robes. "Not yet, Lucius,", he said, a slight amusement in his eyes as he looked at her, "-You'll have to wait until the Dark Lord has finished with her. He's requested to see her now.".
Shakily rising to her feet, Hermione leaned against the wall, trying to hide her fear.
I'll have to see Voldemort.. Oh, no… I hope Severus is there, I really hope he is..
Lestrange pushed her ahead of him and led her down another corridor, identical to the other. Turning many corners, Hermione soon lost track of where they were going. Instead she kept her eyes on the ground, ignoring the hard grip on her arm. Suddenly thrust forward, Hermione stumbled into a brightly lit room. Getting to her feet, she was unable to hold back a small scream.
Severus was lying on the ground, twisting in pain. Nearly running forward to help him, Hermione managed to hold herself back and stood in the door way, staring at the man on the floor. A cold voice suddenly cut through to her, and she looked up into a red pair of eyes. "A terrible sight, a man being tortured with Cruciatus. Would you not agree?".
Desperately fighting back the overwhelming emotions of fear, hatred, despair and shock, Hermione couldn't speak. She stood face to face with one of the most powerful wizards in the world, so paralyzed of fear that she was unable to even think a coherent thought.
Leering down at her, Voldemort lifted his wand and took off the curse on Severus. Keeping her face as neutral as possible, Hermione looked up at him. "So this is the famous Mudblood. I am, indeed, very pleased at finally meeting you, especially because I have a feeling you could be of immense value to my cause.", he said.
Concentrating hard on remaining still, Hermione focused her attention on a spot just above the Dark Lord's shoulder, not daring to let any of her control slip even the slightest. A small whimper escaped from Severus, who was still lying on the ground, and Hermione fought back the impulse to run to his side and begin sobbing uncontrollably.
Oh no.. Severus.. Please be alright, I can't stand to go through this again.. Please…
"Stand up.", snarled Voldemort, and Severus complied, shaking and barely able to stand up straight. Holding his head as high as he could, Severus stammered: "Y-yes, my Lord?". Hermione draw a shuddering breath. A man as powerful and proud as Severus should not be in such a humiliating situation, it somehow seemed to be against everything normal, against nature itself. Gathering her crumbling courage, she kept her face neutral.
"The loving couple reunited again..", mocked Voldemort. Severus' head snapped round to stare at him, and Voldemort turned to face him, an expression that could have passed for politeness on his face, had it not been for the fact that it was on the face of a man so permeated with evil. "Yes?", he said.
"We are not a couple.". Severus' voice was even.
"Really, Severus? Then how do you explain a certain picture taken a month ago, a picture that shows yourself and… this-", he gestured towards Hermione, who couldn't hold back an indignant intake of breath, "-in a most compromising situation?".
Keeping his eyes on the Dark Lord, Severus said in the same voice: "The only evidence of a supposed affair is that photograph, and that can be explained, my Lord. The rumor was spread by a student who misinterpreted the photograph.". His face betraying his annoyance, Voldemort sneered: "Well, it had better a good explanation, Severus, but please, enlighten us all.".
What is he up to?
"She forced herself on me, I would never touch her if not.". His voice was filled with deadly venom.
The words hit her heart like a dagger thrust into her chest. Fighting back the stream of tears close to pouring forth, Hermione could barely keep her emotions from showing on her face. Trying not to betray the intense hurt, she stared straight ahead of her, a single thought desperately being repeated in her mind:
He didn't mean it.. He didn't mean it..
A/n: " worm her way into my brain" is an obscure reference to "The Wall" by Pink Floyd. One does not spend two months working on the musical without certain side-effects, such as knowing just about every single song by heart and not being able to get them out of ones head.
Can anyone guess what 'curious feeling' Severus is having? I'm wondering about how obvious the answer is, and I'd appreciate it a lot if you guys would leave a suggestion when you (hopefully) review.