Chloe tapped her fingers impatiently on the wooden arm of Clark's desk chair while Clark slouched on the couch. Neither wanted to be the first to break the silence. Finally Chloe surrendered and said the words they'd both been thinking.
"Now what?"
"I…don't know." Clark conceded.
"Didn't really think this through, did you?"
Clark fidgeted, running a hand through his hair. "No. I just wanted this to stop."
Chloe sighed with relief. "I do too."
Clark nodded. "Well, I guess we could start with why you were at the Torch so late."
"I had to get out of the house. Dad keeps asking me what's wrong. It's driving me crazy."
Clark raised an eyebrow. Chloe continued with her explanation.
"Ever since dad was fired, we've been hard pressed for money, and he's been talking about moving back to Metropolis where there's more employment. In fact, he wants to leave next week."
Clark's previous facial expression turned to surprise, but quickly returned to its calm state.
"Can't he just let you stay here and finish school?"
Chloe's eyes met Clark's with a very serious expression, the kind she had whenever Clark was being oblivious.
"Where would I stay, Clark? How would I get the money?"
She sighed, then started to twirl her hair. Chloe looked up at the ceiling, not wanting to meet Clark's eyes.
"For awhile, I tried to convince myself that it would be good for me to get away from everything, that I would be better off back in my old niche."
Clark tilted his head. "Somehow I'm sensing a but."
Chloe slumped back in her chair with an 'oof' and slowly met Clark's questioning baby blues.
He looked at her intently, familiar with the expression on her face. It was the one she used when she believed keeping things to herself was best.
"I've made friends here, and it's hard to start over again." she said simply.
"Chloe, you know I can see right through you." he said, aware of the unintentional double meaning.
"My feelings matter to you, even after everything that's happened?" she asked, disbelief lacing her tone.
"We're still friends, Chloe, even if we've been on the outs lately."
Chloe stood up and wandered casually to the loft window.
"Truth is, Clark, I don't know where to start."
Chloe sighed, idly deciding she had better begin somewhere.
"I don't know what to expect from you anymore. I don't even know how to react to you without fighting. In fact, there's only one thing constant about us, and that's the hurt we keep causing each other. If I were to move away, I'd miss you, but I wouldn't miss this parasitic friendship we've had lately."
Clark began to speak but Chloe cut him off.
"I need to tell you something, Clark, and I need you to understand it, even though you don't feel the same."
There was a pause, and a deep breath.
"I've cared about you a lot since I met you, but lately it started to go outside the realm of friendship. I had hoped the two of us could make it as a couple, but we didn't work out."
Clark sat quietly, contemplating her words.
"I know you don't harbor those feelings. I've accepted that, I respect it, and I will never cross those boundaries. That being said, I still depend on you a lot."
Chloe inhaled sharply. "You were my rock before all this happened, even though you didn't know it, and you brought out the best qualities in me. I thought that one day we might go back to that. Leaving Smallville behind, leaving you behind, I wouldn't get the chance, and it would feel like I was missing a part of myself."
Both teens remained still as the significance of that confession rested heavily on their shoulders. Chloe half laughed, half sighed with relief that she'd managed to get out her words without tears.
"Chloe, why didn't you say something before?"
"Because I've seen the spark between you and Lana, Clark, and I don't want to get in the way of that. I want you to be happy. But in your pursuit of a relationship, you've pushed us apart. These past months I've felt more like a search engine than a friend. The distance between us was large enough. I didn't want to add fuel to the fire."
"You could have told me that I was hurting you."
Chloe snorted. "Would you have listened? Pete and I understood you and Lana were getting serious and we gave you room to discover what you could have together. You repaid us with neglect. Furthermore, you let Lana get away with needling you about your secret while you scolded the rest of us. You may not know this, but I accept that you have secrets; it's a part of what makes you who you are. But Lana, can't you see that she itches to know? She wants to find you out at all costs: to have all of you or none. Yet you direct your hostility at me." Chloe exclaimed, letting her temper get the best of her.
"If you really accepted me, Chloe, you wouldn't have been working overtime to get the details on my life, just so you could feed them to the sharks." Clark said, as he, too, let his temper rise.
Chloe's eyes went wide. "That's below the belt, Clark."
"And attacking Lana isn't? She's not here to defend herself, Chloe."
"Well maybe if you weren't so caught up with catering to her every whim you would have noticed that others have feelings too; you would have realized that you were hurting me."
Clark thought for a moment.
"This is about homecoming, isn't it?"
"Nice try, but no. Rather egotistical of you to think that." Chloe shot.
But Clark knew that her defensiveness meant he had hit a sore spot.
"I apologized for that."
Chloe's fists clenched in anger, and her face contorted with rage. The feeling of wanting to tear down Clark's righteous indignation rose until finally it would be repressed no more.
"You still left me halfway through homecoming and didn't even come back to tell me whether you were ok or not." Chloe spat.
"You didn't let me explain."
"I knew where you were, Clark. But you could have let me know that you were okay."
"If I hadn't been there..."
"I know, you never would have found Lana. But once you knew she was safe, you should have at least called me. You would have if you cared at all."
Chloe sighed. She really hadn't meant for all this to be drudged up again, but now that it was, she had the opportunity to ask something she'd been wanting an answer to for awhile.
"Just answer me something." she said cooly, "Did you ever really have any feelings for me, or did you just take me to homecoming to humor me?"
"You...you think I took you to homecoming as a favor? To let you down easy?" Clark said, taken aback. He shook his head in disbelief. "And you call us friends..."
The offended teen paused for a second, deep in thought, before continuing.
"It seems that your unwavering faith in me crumbles whenever it's put to the test, Chloe. Where was that faith when you teamed up with Lionel to investigate my life? And how can I believe you accepted me, secrets and all, with that fact towering over us? Did you want to know my secret so badly you'd betray a friendship instead of waiting for me to be ready to tell you?"
Chloe glared at Clark. "That just goes to show how little you know about me, Clark. Lionel tricked me. He offered me computers for the Torch. He gave me a column at the Daily Planet. His intentions seemed genuine. I thought he cared when no one else did."
"And if you got the dirt on your friend then was an added bonus." Clark continued, cutting her off.
Chloe let out a sigh of exasperation before answering honestly.
"He never asked me to dig up dirt on you until after the deal was sealed. This wasn't part of the retirement package. I didn't know there were strings."
Clark practically laughed at the absurdity of Chloe's statement.
"Chloe, this is Lionel Luthor we're talking about. I find it hard to believe that someone as perceptive as you wouldn't be suspicious of his intentions." Clark's face darkened. "I find it easier to believe that you stopped caring about the consequences."
"So what if I did? This is life, Clark. The only person who takes care of me is me. And for once, my life was going great. Maybe I didn't care, the world be damned, because it meant that something would go right for me for a change."
Clark was rendered speechless. It was as if the caring, empathetic Chloe he'd come to know and love had been replaced with a mean, selfish void of a human being.
Chloe sighed and began to rub at her soon to be watering eyes.
"I know I was wrong, Clark. He caught me at my breaking point, and anything looked better than the rut I was in. Now I can't get out of his grip, and I don't know what to do."
"What did you tell him?" Clark demanded.
"Nothing."
Clark cocked his eyebrow.
"Nothing that he didn't already know." Chloe added.
Clark turned away, clearly conflicted. Chloe closed the gap between them, placed her hand gently on his shoulder and moving him to face her. Eyes glistened with tears waiting to fall and Chloe composed herself before attempting her apology.
"Clark I know I made a mistake, but I can't change what I've done. I can only say I'm sorry so many times."
Clark's eyes betrayed hurt and regret at that statement. He looked away, not wanting to see the pain in her eyes as he said his thoughts aloud.
"I know you're sorry, Chloe, but I'm not sure I can accept your apology yet. I'm trying, I really am, but it's too hard to forgive you right now."
Chloe looked up with reddening eyes. The hand previously grasping Clark's shoulder dropped limply to her side and she steeled herself up to say her piece.
"Well, thanks Clark, for proving me right once again. That the world revolves around you and that will never change. I don't want your forgiveness, oh mighty one. But it wouldn't hurt you to show some compassion once in a while."
A stunned expression forced its way across Clark's face as he registered Chloe's outburst.
Chloe looked up. "Anyway, I'm leaving. I've had more than enough guilt trips for one day. At least now I know I can leave without regrets."
She began to walk down the stairs with tears she'd denied for so long forcing their way down her face. A pang of regret and a sharp throb of guilt shot through Clark, and he realized he may have been a little too harsh. After all, he had initiated their tense conversation.
"Chloe, wait!" Clark exclaimed.
Chloe turned her head. Her mascara had run, leaving black circles around her eyes.
"No! I'm not playing this game with you anymore Clark! I've had enough!" She yelled, quickening her pace.
Clark could hear the second hand on the clock ticking as time counted down. His world appeared to revert to slow motion as an epiphany struck. This was the pivotal moment, after which, there would be no turning back. It was his last chance to salvage their friendship or leave Chloe alone for good. As angry as he was, Clark could find no gratification in letting a petty argument tear them apart.
In truth, he knew he should let her go, to free her from the danger and deception that had become his life, but he also knew he wasn't strong enough. Chloe was his best friend and confidante after Pete, and he couldn't let her leave without feeling a great deal of regret, especially with such horrible parting words.
"Wait!" he yelled, but she wouldn't slow down. He heard her reach her vehicle and fiddle with her keys.
Clark ran down the stairs and out the door frantically, desperate to catch her before she left for good. He stopped at her side, a soft 'whoosh' hanging in the air, and placed his arm on her shoulder. "Chloe, I'm sorry."
Chloe looked at Clark and then burst into large sobs. Clark clearly hadn't registered that he'd revealed some of his secret, only serving to remind her of how one-sided their friendship was.
Speaking was difficult, but she managed it long enough to spit out the words, "Save it, Clark."
"At least let me say one thing before you leave."
She stopped. "What," she said sharply.
Clark swallowed and prepared himself for what he had to say. "I know I haven't always done the right thing when it comes to us, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, again."
He paused momentarily to compose his thoughts before continuing.
"But I can't let you leave, especially since I've only now realized..."
Chloe looked up sadly at his vibrant blue-green eyes, a woeful smile adorning her face. She placed her index finger to his lips, shushing him, and shook her head slightly. "Don't." she whispered, eyes pleading. "Don't."
Clark brushed Chloe's hand away in a frustration before throwing caution to the wind and drawing her into him, hugging her tightly but gently. "I'm sorry." he said softly. "You mean to much to me to let our friendship end like this, and for what it's worth, I think you were right."
Before she had the chance to ask what he meant, Clark pulled away, looking her directly in the eyes. "I think I did grow into you."
Chloe's eyes quivered with shock and embarrassment as feelings overwhelmed her self-control. Confused, but also determined, she quelled the wave of hope that had overcome her, and blinked away impending tears.
"Stop toying with me."
Clark's eyes reflected his hurt at that statement. "When you said..." he tried, eyes narrowing in frustration at words that wouldn't come. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes before breathing out again and attempting to form words. "It wasn't a favor, Chloe. I didn't humor you. I wanted to take you to homecoming."
The hope Chloe had struggled with suddenly burst to the forefront, making itself known in Chloe's sparkling eyes. She looked at Clark with apprehension but her face could not help but betray the happiness that lurked beneath.
"You agreed that we'd be better as friends." She stated simply, challenging his words.
Clark glanced at the ground before meeting her gaze. His eyes spoke volumes across the silence.
"That was a mistake." he said. "I wish I could take it back."
She could see the sincerity in his face, and in his body language, but she wasn't sure she had the strength to try again. The obstacles were numerous now, and she wondered how they'd ever overcome them.
"Can we go back?" she asked, at first unaware she had even voiced her concerns aloud.
Clark looked at her quizzically.
"Back to that moment, and make a different choice."
Clark's expression turned somber. "We can't change the past, Chloe."
Her expression reverted to one of indifference before she turned back to her car. "It's like I expected." She said coldly. Clark's hand gently grasped her upper arm, turning her around.
"But we can still shape the future," he said, eyes blazing with resolve. His expression darkened slightly before he turned away with a sigh. "I just think we have a lot to work through before that can happen."
Chloe nodded, finally understanding. "I know." she agreed, grasping his hands tenderly. "And I hope, that one day you'll find it in yourself to forgive me."
The two friends stood in silence, bathed by the pale moonlight, as the implications of their choices hung heavily in the air. Chloe shivered, and their trance was broken as she rubbed her hands gingerly over her arms, attempting to generate some heat. She figured now was as good a time as any to ask a question on her mind since Clark had appeared next to her.
"So, um, how did you get in front of me so fast?"
"I...uh...what?" Clark asked.
"You didn't think did you? You just ran out." Chloe said with a sigh. "It's okay, Clark. I don't expect an explanation, especially not after everything that's happened."
"It's not that simple." He admitted.
"I know." Chloe acknowledged reluctantly. "But you need to have more faith in me. I'm your friend, remember?"
"You said you trusted me to tell you when I was ready." Clark challenged. "So trust me."
Chloe couldn't help but smile slightly as she took Clark's arm and led him into the loft.
"Come on, Clark. Let's see if we can have a decent discussion without tearing each other's faces off this time."
Clark laughed. "First, let's get you a wet cloth for those eyes."
She grinned. "Amen to that."