Disclaimer: Ok, y'all, I don't own Naruto. You know that.
Pairings: GaaNaru, NaruGaa
Summary: Gaara is lost without his Kitsune, but is too proud to do anything about it. How will he satisfy his aching heart if he doesn't act?
Warnings: Same as before.
Chapter Two: Regret and Courage
Aw, fuck. Shit, shit, shit! Fucking Goddamn it! Argh! I'm such an ass. What the hell am I going to do now?
I was running as fast as I could across the rooftops while holding my throbbing head in my hands. There was pain etched on my face and only confusion swimming in my head. Thoughts flew by too fast for me to grasp them. The only thing I knew for certain was that I was major dumb ass.
Every once and a while, I looked back to see if he was following me. He wasn't. Good! I didn't want to be like one of those girls in a cheesy novel that runs away from her lover with tears prickling the corners of her eyes, only to have him chase her down so they can both confess to each other and make up. They live happily ever after. I don't, and I'm not crying...just sweating a little.
And I'm not a girl.
Just what was he thinking? This was only the second real conversation we'd had, if you count the time we were both bleeding and beaten. He was doing all the talking then, anyway. Is this the kind of thing he does regularly? He's definitely not the "innocent child" I remembered. Maybe he never was.
I kept running until I felt a little short of breath, which happened faster than it should have with all the excitement I'd been through. The moon and stars were still bright and I was bitterly cold. I hugged myself to try and stay warm, but every time I did my pants started slipping down. I'm going to need new pants.
I exhaled heavily and raggedly. Running wasn't going to get me anywhere. He didn't follow me anyway. I had nothing to run from except my own embarrassment. I slumped down in defeat on the edge of a rooftop and let my legs dangle off the ledge. I looked down to the street longingly. It made me wish that the earth would split open and swallow me whole.
I wanted to die.
I sighed again and could see my breath in the cold darkness of the night. I thought about just how hot it had been only a few minutes ago. It was so warm with him, even if it was strange and new and being under him felt like being trapped in a cage. I could imagine worse prisons.
In any case, I was out here alone in the cold and he was inside all warm-and also alone. Any sane person would have stayed with that deliciously appealing, foxy man, right? Well, I'm a maniac. It can't be blamed. I actually left him. I left that smoldering tempestuous man that wanted to ravish me wildly. To think, he was first person that ever gave me the time of day! I should have let him molest me.
That night I wished harder than ever before that I could sleep. I also knew that even if I was a normal person in the same circumstances, that I wouldn't get any. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend that this night was like any other night-completely in vain. I couldn't forget the way he kissed me, touched me, and murmured softly in my ear.
Where have you been all this time?
His words echoed in my mind. I didn't know he was waiting for me. The thought of him waiting for me seemed so absurd. It pained me and I scarcely held myself together. Why did it have to be such silent and romantic night? Would it even be romantic if I didn't know what I could be doing instead of being here alone?
I sneezed. The cold was annoying. Usually, the weather never bothered me no matter how hot or cold it got, but tonight I wanted to be inside under a warm blanket even if I couldn't sleep. I went back to the hotel I was staying in. The door creaked loudly when I opened it. The first thing I saw upon entering was my gourd. It was lying innocently near the small table. I didn't need to carry it around in this pathetic, safe little village. If I really needed the sand it would come to me anyway, no matter how far away I was.
I sat down at the table for a while, studying that gourd. It reminded me of my strength. It reminded me of all the power I'd developed over the years, but here, it looked so quiet and ordinary. It made me feel safe. I decided I would start wearing it again tomorrow. I rubbed my eyes. I was so tired.
I entered the modest empty bedroom and spread myself out on the bed. I crawled under the covers and just laid perfectly still. My eyes were wide-open staring at the ceiling. I felt void of everything, but my mind was still turning its little gears. What will tomorrow bring?
Hours passed silently like that. The moonlight through my window drifted across my face slowly. I was used to being still at night like this. It was so quiet. I could hear every tiny sound that was made. The way the curtains swayed softly, the ticking of the clock in the kitchen, the other insomniac soul downstairs tapping her foot, the bugs droning outside, and even the wind blowing the clouds just outside my window. It was somewhat soothing.
Suddenly there was a tap at my window.
I sat up slowly and dreamily. It was...a bird? A little messenger bird with a note tied to its foot was just outside my window. I grabbed the stupid creature and yanked the note off.
Sabaku no Gaara - Come back immediately.
I recognized the writing instantly. It was the writing of one the council members that was ruling over the village since the Kazekage-my father-was assassinated. Hmm. Just how long ago did I complete the mission I was assigned? Time flies. I didn't hesitate at all. I strapped on my gourd and was out of the door and gone like a wisp of wind.
I stormed into the estate my siblings and I had inherited from my father. It was a little past dawn and the first morning rays were shining weakly behind me. Temari and Kankuro were still asleep. I paced inside our large kitchen nervously. I came back immediately as the note ordered, but I knew whatever they wanted me for was going to wait until people not possessed by vengeful demons were awake.
Finally, that hour came. Temari stumbled groggily into the kitchen, where I was still pacing and yawned. She looked up and jumped.
"Gaara! W-when did you come back?" she squawked. Her loud voice startled me a little bit and brought me out of my anxious daze.
"An hour or two ago," I answered. I was jittery and I decided I needed caffeine. "I'll make you some tea, Tem."
"Thanks, Gaa-chan," she smiled and sat down in her robes. She rubbed her scruffy hair that was out of her typical hair ties and continued to yawn as I set the kettle. I sighed and turned to her slowly. I hoped I wouldn't have to tell her about anything that happened. She never asked what I did after missions, but I still felt worried about it anyway. She stared at me for a while and eyed me curiously. I was a little unsettled. Can she read my mind?
"Gaa-chan...what happened to your pants?"
Fuck! Stupid pants! I never get torn up at all on missions, and she knew that. She and Kankuro were the two people I was usually on missions with. I had to come up with something quick. I was never good at lying! I never had to. I was panicking and my trembling increased. My mouth opened and closed slightly as I thought of what to say.
"I was almost molested by someone," I said flatly. That was smooth. Her eyes immediately flung open and she was wide awake with a vengeance.
"WHAT?" she practically screamed, slapping her hands on the table with a bang. Her face was steaming and she looked ready to kill. With near perfect timing, Kankuro walked in as my pants slithered down to my knees.
"OH GOD! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" he did yell.
The two of them panicked together as Temari told him what my tongue had let slip. I'd never seen them so unnerved. As soon as she started going into all the possible things that could have led up to my pants ripping and chastising me on not having killed my assaulter, I had to sit the both of them down and tell them the truth.
I told them about Neji and Lee. I told them how I met up with Naruto again and how we went out together. They didn't seem as surprised as I thought they would about Naruto, even though they both had these bizarre looks on their faces. Temari yelled something about a perverted brat when I first mentioned his name. I blushed furiously when I told them how he took me to his apartment. I didn't tell them how I felt so perfectly at peace sitting with him in that ramen bar, or how his vulpine beauty completely captivated me.
"I see..." Temari said with contemplation engraved deeply on her face. There was a moment of thoughtful silence.
"So...Ya want us to off him?" Kankuro broke the silence tactlessly. I sighed. That was the most I'd ever spoken to them at one time and now I had to answer stupid questions.
"Wait...W-why, did you let him? You d-did l-let him...didn't you, Gaa-chan?" Temari asked cautiously. I felt my face flush and looked away sheepishly.
"I..." I really didn't want to answer, but I continued ambiguously, "...he looked lonely. He cried when he told me...things."
They both looked at me with interest. Kankuro was the first to get up. He snatched a couple of pieces of toast and got ready to leave for his mission in the Water Country.
"Gaara," he started but I could tell he didn't know quite what to say, "Take care of yourself."
I was left alone with Temari. The kettle had boiled over. I made a new one and after I had my caffeine fix I felt a little better. We ate breakfast in a heavy silence. I felt so awkward and dirty. I made some coffee and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. As I got out, I saw my reflection in the mirror. My long shaggy red hair dripped over my green eyes. I lifted the sopping wet mess up to look at myself more closely. I sighed. Everything was just as I left it-dark-rimmed piercing eyes, pale skin, blood red "ai" tattoo. Yes, everything was perfectly normal, except for the numerous bright red love bites on my neck. I laughed cynically to myself. All my shirts are low-cut. That explains the bizarre looks I was getting.
After I finished dressing, I went out to the hallway where Temari was already waiting for me. She noticed the red scarf I had tied around my neck and tugged at it playfully while snickering it that little way of hers that secretly made me smile inside. I glared at her and asked her if she new what my mission was. She pulled out a scroll and said that we were working together, as I expected, and with a third Jounin I didn't know or really care about. This mission was going to be cake. I wasn't in a merciful mood.
A gang of punks that thought they were hot shots stole a few forbidden scrolls and we had to bring them back dead or alive. I guess today wasn't a lucky day for them. Overkill would be a severe understatement. Temari had to rush frantically to retrieve the scrolls before my tidal wave of sand completely crushed them and the surrounding area. I didn't even see if our other teammate did anything other than gape at me in horror. I can't believe they called me all the way back for a mission like this. I think they just do this to keep an eye on me. It's not like the Sand gets many job offers now, anyway.
I felt empty again.
I retreated back to myself and my silence. I know I was always silent, but this silence is different. Only a few people can tell the difference. It's the kind of silence that makes Temari tell me to stop moping. I wonder if Naruto could tell the difference? I guess it doesn't really matter now. Something between us could never work. I can't give him the affection he needs. I'm the type of guy who enjoys killing people.
It had only been about a week since I came back and my "moping" already got too much on Temari's nerves. She stormed into my room, without knocking. Three years ago, I would have killed her for that. I guess that means I need to toughen myself up by strangling a few puppies. But I know that wouldn't work because they would probably remind me of Naruto. I sighed sadly and looked up at her frustrated face. Her eyes twitched in a very menacing way.
"Are you just going to stay here?" she asked angrily.
"Well, this is my room," I retorted sharply. I had a feeling I knew where this was going. She came over to my bed and took the book I was reading from my hands. That's what I usually do in my free time-reading that is. I don't just sit and think about the many ways to torture and freak people out like many of the villagers seem to think I do. Taking away my book would have also earned her a death three years ago, but not anymore. I wasn't really reading it anyway. The protagonist was blonde.
"I can't stand to see you like this," she said. I looked down a little ashamed and upset that I couldn't hide my heartache better. She pulled out a small scroll and handed it to me.
"Listen, Gaara, I got permission for you to go on extensive training in the Fire Country for about six months. I know you're still thinking about him. I know you think you can just forget all about what happened, but you can't. This is important. You need to talk to him."
"I don't need to talk," I answered bitterly. Why did she have to butt in? It doesn't concern her. He was probably just really horny that night. Someone else probably already took his warm invitation and was having the time of their life with him. It was a sad thought that made my blood boil, but I knew it was probably true. Why the hell would I want to go back over there just to embarrass myself and to see him with someone else? I'm not that masochistic.
"Okay. Fine. Be that way. I just want you to find someone special, Gaa-chan."
"Oh. Well...it's not like you have a boyfriend..."
"HEY! What's that supposed to mean?" She yelled. She's funny when she's riled up. I snickered to myself as I pretended to not pay attention to the rest of what she was saying. "I happen to be a career woman! I wouldn't date any man I could beat up! Which is pretty much every man I know...Pay attention to me!"
I smirked at her. She messed with my hair and said something that surprised me a little.
"Oh, Gaara...You're such a cute little brother. I don't think you know that. Please go to the Leaf. You can just take the scroll and go on a vacation. I don't care. Just take it. It'll make me feel better."
I stood up and towered over her as intimidating as I could. I didn't personally like being called "cute", but her feelings toward me surprised me in a pleasant way. Did have important people all along? I wonder if Kankuro thinks I'm cute?
"Fine," I said as I gathered my meager supplies and extra pairs of pants. Temari was very persuasive. At least that's what I was going to tell Naruto if I saw him and he was with someone else. I was on a forced vacation. Temari left my room and I could hear her messing around in the kitchen as I got the rest of my stuff all packed. As I wandered into the hallway, on the way to the door she stopped me and pointed to the kitchen. The scent of my favorite recipe, Nira reba, wafted out of it and made my mouth water. Oh, wonderfully salty and delicious sauteed liver with chives! She hates liver, but there were undoubtedly two plates set on the table. Was she cooking while I was in my room reading?
"I thought we should eat together. After all, I won't be seeing you for a while." she smiled.
I guess having siblings wasn't so bad. I didn't expect her cooking to be so good either. I would have thought that all that training and beating up on men that weren't good enough to be her boyfriends would have kept her away from womanly tasks like cooking. We ate in a content silence, only sharing a few words with each other. I'll try my best to talk civilly to Naruto. I wouldn't want to come back and disappoint her. I mumbled my thanks to her and headed for the door again. This time I stopped myself.
"Temari, I don't want you calling me "cute" around other people. Kankuro would tease me about it," I said seriously and she laughed.
"Gaa-chan! Kankuro already knows you're cute!" My eyes widened in horror. "He's always complaining about you being better looking than him! He's jealous that all the girls pay attention to you when we go out. Don't tell me you haven't noticed?"
"B-b-bye, T-Temari! S-see y-you in s-six months!" I said over my shoulder as I blushed and left. Even as I closed the door behind me, I could hear her laughing. Damn.
I summoned all my courage and rushed off towards the East. In the East was the origin and solution to my heart's pains and desires. I was ready to face him again.