Pairings: NaruGaa

Summary: It's time for Naruto to reveal all his secrets. What will Gaara do when he finds out the rest of Naruto's secrets?

Warnings: None really...er...Don't ho yourself around 'cause it hurts Gaara's feelings! Oh! More fucking cussing! And...they call 'em "cancer sticks" for a reason. Bad Asuma-sensei! Bad!

Author's Notes: There is a lot of dialogue in this chap. I'll have more notes at the bottom. :)

Enjoy!

Chapter Seven: Secrets and Cigs

Neji? The name echoed in my ears. My eyes widened. This was a nightmare.

He was the last person I would have wanted him to name. If he had said Lee, Chouji, Shikamaru, or even Sasuke - that forgotten guy - I wouldn't have cared as much. I could have shrugged it off. It just had to be Neji. How could Naruto sleep with someone like him? He was so cold and arrogant. He wasn't good enough for Naruto. Yet he was the one that could dominate Naruto and send him writhing with pleasure? It was making me sick. I wanted to stand up and yell and brake something. I wanted to find Neji and tell him he wasn't fit to touch Naruto. Instead, I stayed perfectly still in my position under Naruto, looking dejectedly to the side.

"Neji?" I stated. It wasn't a question. It wasn't even a name. It was a nightmare.

"Umm-Hmm," he responded, lying flat on top of me again.

"Is that all?" I asked.

"All what?" He asked oblivious.

"All the p-people...that...you've...you've..." my face was burning with shame. I didn't want to spell it out for him.

"Oh," he said. He had the nerve to blush innocently. "Gaara...I'm here with you now. Isn't that good enough?"

"No."

He frowned. He ran his fingers over my lips, "You really want me to tell you every person I've been with?"

I nodded. He was making this painful. He turned onto his side.

"Well, I suppose it all started when I was about 8 years old...I noticed that some of the girls were starting to like some of the guys and some of the guys liked them back...Ino was a big hit with the guys and Sasuke - the bastard - was a lady-killer. Naturally, after a while, I noticed I had some feelings - "

He was being an asshole.

"I asked who you've fucked, not for your life story," I glared at him.

"Ok...I was just trying to lighten up the mood here. You look...not like my Gaara..." he said. He gazed at me sadly and cupped my cheek with one of his hands. I avoided looking directly at his watery pools.

"My very first time, I actually don't remember too well..." he said seriously, squinting as if he was trying dig deep into his memory. I looked at him in disbelief. He didn't remember very well?

"Don't look at me like that! It was also my first time to get totally drunk! Sheesh! My first was a woman at the bar there. Ok?"

"A woman?" I asked curiously.

"Yeah...I was sure I liked them back then. Well...I was figuring myself out, or something. I was just a kid, alright! Cut me some slack and stop looking at me like that!"

Killing two birds with one stone, huh, Naruto? Getting pissed drunk and fucked all in one night. It must be nice to be you. Nobody would ever take me out to go drinking and women were more likely to become lesbians than dare to hit on me. Temari...she was such a liar. She said girls noticed me and liked me. I guess they liked me as much as anyone can like a psychopath.

"Alright, so who's next?" I asked.

"Hinata..." he whispered her name wistfully.

"Another girl?" I asked, a little shocked. He nodded. I didn't like the way he was looking out the window. His eyes were glazed. He was remembering pleasant memories. "Hinata" was someone special...

"Why her?" I questioned with my voice full of jealousy.

He turned to me slowly and silently eased out of his daze. The light from the tv set was throwing blue shadows across his face. He got down even closer on top of me until his head was flat against my chest.

"She loved me," was his silent answer. His fingers ran softly across my ghostly pale skin. "She was shy and soft...I didn't know she was in love with me until the one day she finally had the courage to speak up. She never spoke up about anything. Ever. She would rather suffer silently than speak up. We dated after that. I could never deny anything she wanted. She was like a little angel. Really pure, you know? After a while, I thought I was in love with her. She was special. I wanted to take care of her. The way she gasped and blushed drove me insane...H-Her skin...it was a lot like yours...so pale and soft. She melted into every touch..."

His hands were still softly tracing my white flesh. A chill briefly moved across my body. I was getting very uncomfortable. I heard him sniffle a little. My skin? I reminded him of her. He gripped my shirt and buried his head further into me. Why was he telling me all of this?

"I'm sorry..." he whispered. I wasn't sure if he aimed that apology to me.

"W-What happened?" I asked timidly. I should probably know better than to ask these things, but I asked anyway. I really wanted to know everything about him. Even if he loved her back. Even if when he touched me, it brought back sad memories. I had to know everything about him.

"We almost got married, that what happened!" he exclaimed.

"Married!" I would have leapt off the couch if he wasn't holding me down so tightly.

"Yeah. Wouldn't that have been a bitch for you?" he laughed, but it was mirthless.

"Why didn't you?" I pried more.

"I wasn't good enough for her family. That's not what they told other people, though. They liked me enough to let me go with some dignity. They said we were too young. I guess that's a good thing. It was probably true too, and I probably would have ended up hurting her if they didn't break us up," he sighed, "I couldn't look at anyone with romantic interest for a long time after that."

"But someone changed that...?" I asked and he nodded.

"Neji, and then Kiba, and that's all, ok?" He sat up abruptly.

"H-Hey! Wait!...B-But why?"

"Gaara! I've never seen you ask so many questions before! Jeez! Do you want me to give you all the dirty details?"

"No. I just want to know why you would sleep with him." I hissed. He laughed a little and tackled me back down.

"You sure like weird bed time stories. It's kinda kinky really," he smirked. I punched him in the arm.

"Alright! Neji! So! Right...he was my team's captain. You've actually met all of it's members. Shikamaru was the old captain. He's still the brains in the group. Chouji's our powerhouse. He kicks ass. Kiba tracks the bad guys and is just generally nice to be around," he laughed.

I pouted. I didn't feel as bad as I did before about him being with other people, but still...

"Neji confessed that he had feelings for me...It was really awkward at first. I thought I was straight, damn it! It was crazy! That kind of stuff fucks with your head! I had to resort myself and everything. I did find myself attracted to him before, but I always thought it was because he looked so much like a girl...yeah. So he kinda slowly got to me. I didn't like dating him or touching him because he was Hinata's cousin - "

Naruto...You are such a whore! You were in love with her, and you starting dating her cousin after you broke up! I was screaming in my head. It all seemed so wrong! How could he do that? I tried to keep my face straight, but my head was reeling.

" - Yeah...it felt kinda wrong. I-I know it was a dirty thing to do. Hinata had her hair long when we were together, and they looked so much alike... But they couldn't be any more different in personality if they tried. He overwhelmed me. It was like...like looking into his eyes was hypnotic - "

He cringed.

" - but he did things to me...I shouldn't tell you..." he stopped.

Ok. That I did NOT want to know. Bastard Neji. I was going to kill him. Taking advantage of poor Naruto.

"So, you broke up with him because you realized he was a bastard?" I broke in.

"It was a selfish relationship."

"Hn," I grunted.

"Then it was Kiba! That was just a fling, really. We always teased each other. It drove Neji crazy! Ha ha! It was so funny...but we were just friends. He was straight. He'd always come and talk to me about girls. We got really close, though, after a while. We really trusted each other and one day our teasing went too far, I guess. Heeheehee...Kiba was fun...He didn't like it so much as I did. He said it made him feel awkward and too much like a girl. His exact words were, 'We should limit our relationship to friends that touch inappropriately' - "

He giggled. I guess Kiba was pretty harmless, then.

"Yeah. Kiba still likes to tease sometimes and act like he's my protector and all, but if I bring up certain things, he turns red as a tomato and won't talk at all for hours."

I stared at my Naruto. He was lucky. He had so many people in his life. They were all so different. They would probably all die for him. He had to be around eighteen, like me, but he had already slept with four people. I felt so young and naive lying next to him. I blushed deeply.

He wormed his way up to me so that we were face to face. He hugged me tightly.

"Do ya feel better now?"

I nodded. I couldn't really speak yet.

"Had your fill of kinky bed time stories?"

Nod.

"Well that was a fun stroll down memory lane, really. But now it's your turn!" he laughed and squeezed me,"I want to know all your dirty secrets!"

I stiffened.

There was a heavy silence in the air. I didn't budge an inch. He pushed himself up and propped himself on my chest. He stared at me expectantly and eagerly waited for me to talk.

"Gaara...?" he asked. I blushed heavily and looked away. He blinked at me. Finally the thick-headed idiot got the picture. "Oh...Oh...Gaara, er...Oh..."

Damn it! Why was he so surprised? I wanted to die with him looking at me like that and mumbling like an idiot. Maybe I should lie to him and make someone up? Then I could see how he would take it. Would he even care? I shivered a little. He doesn't seem to take anything seriously.

"Ah...It's ok, Gaara...I didn't know. I guess I should have guessed...but..." he tried to soothe me, but it was too late because I already felt like a complete idiot, still lying under him. He smoothed my hair back. He leaned down carefully and placed a chaste kiss on my lips as an apology. I stayed motionless like a stone. He was my first in everything. How would it feel for him to know that? Would he relish that fact? I love him and he's the only person who has gained my total trust. He owns me completely and that makes me weak and vulnerable. I'm a slave to him. If he said he hated me, if he said he was in love with someone else, that would be the end of my life.

What am I to him?

My heart ached in that way I knew all too well. It burned and expanded in a way that made me want to rip it out to cease it's pounding. Every beat was torment. Here was a beautiful blonde man that could make or break me, and he probably didn't even know it. I don't even know why I'm still here with him. Hasn't he gotten tired of me yet? I finally shifted a little bit under him and stared into those ocean blue eyes of his. I slipped out from under him and sat up, facing straight ahead of me. The credits of the movie were rolling silently across the screen. I couldn't look it his eyes. They held too much.

"I-I'm going for a walk."

"But, Gaara-sama...it's still raining," he exclaimed, his voice laced with worry.

"Don't worry. I won't get a cold. I...like the rain," I said tonelessly.

"No! Stay with me," He cried with a weak pleading voice and latched on to me tightly. I looked down at him and the way he clung to my arm. He buried his head into my shoulder and I couldn't help but give into his request. I'd do anything to make him happy. If he was a woman, I'd buy him the brightest and most expensive jewelry in the world to see his eyes sparkle like the jems they were. But he's not, so I suppose I'll have to buy him ramen instead and readily oblige to his every desire. I lied back down and pulled him on top of me. He covered all of the right side of my body and stayed there silently tracing circles on my chest. I was mesmerized by his lovely blonde locks that glimmered even in this dim light, his tan skin that was so full of life, and those half-lidded cerulean eyes that were stirring calmly. It was like he was just content being with me. I was glad to have stayed in his favor. His soothing motions and soft steady breathing were so comforting. I felt like a king with the most beautiful courtesan in the world. There was only one problem with that sublime dream. Courtesans have more than one king.

I thought of him lying on top of Neji like this.

I turned my head away from him. I didn't want to touch him and yet my hands were drawn to him. I hugged him and rubbed his back gently. He was so seductive and charming. His personality shone out so bright, so why does it surprise me that other people would be dazzled by it too? He couldn't help but give into them, with his kind and generous nature, right? But it still hurt. It was a kunai to the heart. I felt betrayed and I knew it was probably a feeling that was baseless.

He stayed like that for an hour and finally his caresses died down. His eyes drooped and within a few more minutes, his breathing slowed to that of a deep slumber. I very gently moved out of his hold. I stood up to take a look at my dreaming courtesan. He still looked like an angel. I smiled a soft melancholic smile.

I covered him with a blanket and moved towards the kitchen. I noticed how warm I was with him on top of me after I had left him. Half of my body was drowsy with heat. I opened the small refrigerator, but I knew I wasn't hungry. As much as I loved him, I didn't want to be around him just then. I needed to think, but I couldn't think clearly with him so close and sleeping so innocently like that.

I went on my walk. I closed the door noiselessly behind me and greeted a dark wet night. It was still raining, but it was light. I ran quickly away from the apartment and when I was far enough away, I slowed down to a mellow pace. The droplets were hitting the tiles of the roofs with plopping noises. The clouds were a sad slate gray against the midnight blue sky. I stepped in a few puddles in my sandals and the chill water splashed on my feet.

The rain rolled down my faced like tears, but I wasn't crying. It was an illusion. So what is really bothering me?

Maybe it's the fact that he could have been married while I was still in my lonely desert pining over him. That's an eye opener. I was so close to losing him and I didn't even know it. Maybe it's because when he touches me it's like he's touching someone else from a fond memory. My pale skin whispers to him about a blushing girl. Maybe it's because he's even touched anyone before me. Maybe it's because he's been seduced by the type of man I would like murder - slowly and painfully - and he let himself be seduced again and again.

Neji.

His hands on Naruto. His lips caressing him. His body on top of his.

It was driving me mad. My breathing was harsh and my heart was pounding with rage and jealously and something else...My eyes watched the rain.

Maybe it's because when he said he loved me, I know he's said the same thing before to someone else.

I was so stupid.

Why was I out here in the rain? I took in my surroundings. There was not a soul around. I wondered idly if any of these building were haunted by lonely spirits like mine. I didn't know where I was. I was deeply soaked, but I kept walking anyway. I wandered into an empty park. I sat on one of the benches there.

My thoughts were dismal and dangerous. Why did Naruto have to be so lovely? I sat with my head in my hands. I might have been crying, but I couldn't tell with all the water on my face. I heard footfalls slowly nearing my location. There were two people. I vaguely hoped the weren't sent to kill me. I didn't have my gourd - again. Naruto was the only one that could really hurt me, anyway.

There was a female laughter and a nagging male voice. A couple? I didn't care. I leaned back on the bench and stared down into the earth. They were going to pass by me. I tired to avoid looking at them, but it was inevitable.

Shikamaru?

He was walking with a voluptuous blonde woman. She's clung possessively to his arm. Ha. That's funny...I thought he had a crush on Temari. Maybe he does, but he's just passing the time like Naruto. People are all the same. Love is so bitter.

I watched them a little. They'd caught my interest. They shared an umbrella, isn't that romantic? She wore a tight purple dress and had Shikamaru's arm cradled in between her breasts. He must feel pretty lucky, huh? I narrowed my eyes at the woman. She looked vaguely familiar. She leaned up to him to whisper something in his ear. I'm surprised that he just pushed her away and mumbled with an annoyed expression on his face. More annoyed than usual. Maybe he doesn't like her after all? He looked up and his eyes caught mine. He turned to the beautiful blonde and said something. What ever it was, she left. Now he's walking over to me.

"Gaara."

I didn't answer and settled for looking dejectedly to the side. Why was he talking to me?

"You...shouldn't be out here in the rain. You'll catch something," he said. I still didn't answer. He sighed heavily and sat down next to me. His umbrella was covering me now and I wasn't getting soaked like the idiot I was.

"You ok...?" he asked cautiously. Actually, I felt kind of like drowning myself. Maybe if he left I could lie on my back with my mouth open and drown like a turkey. He sighed again. Why does he bother to stay if it's such a nuisance to him? He pulled something out of his vest. I watched curiously. It was a pack of cigarettes. He put one in his mouth and offered me the pack. I looked at it suspiciously and shook my head. He pulled it back, but I stopped him.

"Actually..." I croaked. My voice sounded so strained. It was like I had been crying or I hadn't spoken in years. I reached out for a cigarette. He gave me one and lighted his own slowly. I watched him carefully and mimicked his motions when he lighted mine. A puff of smoke invaded my lungs. My eyes watered and I coughed.

"Now...Naruto won't have my first in...everything," I said between coughs. It was my first cigarette. Naruto was already my first friend, he had my first kiss, my first hangover, my first blowjob, my first love...

I think I was crying now. Shikamaru jumped back slightly at the sight of my tears. It was obvious when it wasn't raining on me anymore.

"N-Naruto?" he asked. I was crying, in public, in front of someone. I wanted to kill myself. My cigarette was going unsmoked. I put it in my mouth and puffed viciously. I nodded at his question. No one else could possible do this to me.

"I-It's ok, Gaara..." he said in a shaky voice. I was surprised that he actually got closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder reassuringly.

"I d-didn't know you s-smoked," I stammered out to change the subject. He forced a laugh.

"Nobody else does either. My sensei was a bad influence on me," he continued to laugh weakly.

"Bad influence..." I said mostly to myself, remembering that time not too long ago., "N-Naruto got me d-drunk..."

He jumped and gaped at me.

"D-Did...Did Naruto take advantage of you?" he asked in a horrified voice. I stared at him in disbelief. It was my turn to laugh, but my laugh was sharp and harsh.

"No." I answered. He calmed down a bit and pulled out another cigarette. His hands shook a little. Was I making him nervous?

"You don't have to stay with me, you know. I can take care of myself. I'm Gaara," I said biting down on my cigarette. I forced a fake smile onto my face. It probably looked cruel. All my smiles do - except when I'm with Naruto. I tossed the cigarette to the floor.

"Normally, I like to stay out of other people's business, but you don't look good." I nodded. Do I ever look good? He kept talking,"Tell me what's the matter."

"He's a whore," I replied bitterly. My heart was aching. I grabbed another cigarette and jammed it into my mouth.

"N-Naruto? A whore? He's only dated two people..." he said with a confused look on his face.

"Four. He's fucked four," I spat out. He stared at me in surprise. I elaborated, "Some girl he didn't even know, Kiba, Hinata, and her own fucking cousin."

"What? Kiba? When the Hell did that happen?"

"I don't know."

Neither of us spoke for a while. Nothing could be heard but the rain on the umbrella, my ragged breathing and soft crying, and the smoke that filled the air. He was drawing conclusions in his head, I could tell. He thought carefully about everything. Finally after I long moment he turned to me.

"Are you in love with Naruto?" he asked.

"Are you in love with Temari?" I snapped back at him. I didn't want to answer him until I felt like we were both on the same level. He flinched at my question and his eyes went a little dull. I kept my gaze on him. He turned and nodded in the affirmative. He loves my sister. At least we're even now.

"Yeah, I'm in love with him."

Silence.

He didn't know what to say, but he wasn't leaving. It was really annoying - him trying to help me. I don't need help. I already know the problem.

"But he doesn't love me," I breathed the words out of my mouth without even realizing it. I had to think about what I said for a few moments. Naruto is everything to me, but I still don't know what I am to him. Really, why would he love me out of all the people he can have? I'm not innocent. I'm not sexy. I'm not nice. I'm not exciting. It's ridiculous to think that he would ever choose me.

"Don't say that!" he yelled. Why is he getting so worked up about it? It's not his business. "I'm s-sure he loves you!"

"What the fuck are you on?" I glared at him. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

"No really...just listen to me. I really think he loves you."

"Oh, really? What makes you think that?" he was starting to piss me off.

"Well...he just looks so happy with you - "

Is that the best he can come up with?

" - I really haven't seen him like that in a long time. I know Naruto. I know when he's really happy and when something's just not right with him. The way he hangs off of you and smiles is just...he never was like that when he was with Neji. I've never seen him that happy with anyone else. He practically made an effort not to touch Neji in public..."

Really? My head perked up.

" - He was a lot more mellow back then."

"Naruto? Mellow?" I chimed in, raising a nonexistent brow.

"Yeah. You wouldn't know what that's like since whenever he's around you it's like he's on cloud nine. But you know...there's also those marks he left on you..."

I touched my neck. I blushed when I remembered how they got there and how the whole world could see them.

"He never did that to Hinata, Neji only had one or two shy marks and Kiba - well, Kiba is always covered in marks. He's probably diseased by now. But it's like he went wild with you. Naruto's a passionate type of guy, but this is the first time it's really shown on anyone else. Chou and I were both really surprised when we saw you like that and when we found out Naruto was the cause of it."

"Ok..." I said glumly. Even if that's true, it could just be because he likes to torture me and because he's a horny, sick bastard.

"You don't believe me? Well...there's one last thing. It's been a few years since you've seen each other right? Well, Naruto would bring your name up out of the blue really often. We'd be doing something like hiding out during a mission and he would say something like 'I bet Gaara would be good to have right now' or 'I wonder what he's up to'. It seemed to come at weird times, like he always had you in the back of his mind. As a matter of fact...now that I think about it, he always took a lot of missions to the Sand. He said he liked the desert. I never thought it would be because of you, but now it makes sense."

He was in the Sand and I didn't see him? My eyes widened.

"See? I really think he loves you. I'd bet on it," he smirked and patted me on the back. I looked down to the ground. Why didn't he tell me?

Where have you been all this time?

Those were his words. Was he really waiting for me?

I really am dumb.

What the Hell am I doing here in the rain? I should be with him, where it's warm. I sat up, but then I sat back down.

"What's the matter? Aren't you going back to Naruto? If you stay here you're just going to internalize your problem and you'll never know how he feels."

"I know that!" I yelled and got back up, ready to go. He stood up with me and wished me luck. Before leaving I turned to him.

"I'll put in a good word for Temari," I left before I could get a reaction.

I ran quickly back home - or I should say "Naruto's home" - because I'm still not sure if I belong there. I was going to find out. I have to stop being a coward. I've never been loved. This may be the only chance I ever get to know that feeling. If he says "yes, I love you" it will be completely worth the risk. If he says "no"...

I don't know what I'll do.

That would kill me. I stopped dead in my tracks. The legends of the tanuki and kitsune spirits came back to me. In all the stories, the tanuki was monogamous. The kitsune, on the other hand, almost made it a game to seduce as many men as possible for her own personal gain and pleasure. Maybe it was destiny for us to end up like the demons inside of us?

I shook my head. That's wrong. I don't believe in destiny. If we couldn't change our paths, I would still be an insane murder that despised all living people and Naruto would be a boy that was a failure and hated by everyone in his village. We've come a long way.

I started running again.

I leapt in front of the door and reached for the doorknob.

THANK YOU AND GOOD BYE CHAPTER SEVEN!

Did you feel the GaaShika tension there? I could have taken this fic down a totally different path! Hahaha! But no. He really loves Temari. Btw, that was Ino he was with.

I saw the thing about the tanuki spirit only having one mate and the kitsune spirit bein' a whore on a website. When I saw that I said "How convenient!" It fit right into the story there. Haahaahaa.

I have to say something else here. It might totally ruin the mood, but it must be said. While I was writing this chapter it reminded me a lot of Moulin Rouge. Don't you think Neji would make a perfect Duke? I could totally see him with one of those tiny mustaches, wearing a monocle and trying to seduce Naruto. Heeheehee! That's what I get for listening to the cd while writing. Ok, I'm done ruining the mood.

Did you just picture Naruto wearing slutty scarlet lingerie?

You are now!

AH HA HA HA HA!