"Will everyone please be seated?" Mme. Giles called out. We all scrambled to get to our seats and Mr. DeVazier, who I thought of in my mind as Erik, took a seat at the piano.

"Before starting today, I would like to introduce our new accompanist, Monsieur Erik DeVazier." She paused, as there was a smattering of applause and then continued. "Mrs. Vandeveer has been given the rest of the semester off to stay home and help with her daughter, who just had a baby, so Monsieur DeVazier will be with us for the rest of the year."

Erik nodded and turned back to the piano.

"Now that we are acquainted, here is your piece for today. I would like you to solfege it, then sight read it. We will work on dynamics and such after we get through the general run through. Take a moment to look over it please, and Monsieur DeVazier will accompany us on our second attempt at sight-reading. Begin."

I took the booklet off of the pile that was being passed around and looked at the title. A red, red rose. I ran over the words in my head, and then pieced it with the melody.

My love is like a red, red rose, that's newly sprung in June,

My love is like a melody, that's sweetly sung in tune,

Fair as you are, so deep in love am I,

And I will love you, My Dear, until the seas run dry

My love is like a red, red rose…

My love is like a melody…

Fair as you are, so deep in love am I,

And I will love you, My Dear, until the seas run dry

Until the seas have run dry, and rocks melt with the sun

Still, I will love you, My Dear, and the sands of time will run

Still, I will love you, My Dear, and the sands of time will run…

I liked it. It was really nice from what I could tell, and I couldn't wait to hear Mr. DeVazier play it on the piano.

"Okay, solfege!"

The room was filled with a chorus of "do"s "ti"s and "la"s as we figured it out. We ran through it twice and then Mme. Giles decided that we were ready to sight-read.

"Okay, girls, a cupella the first time, 4:4 key signature, in the Key of F. Ready…1…2…3…4…"

We all started on the right notes, and Mme. seemed to relax a bit. We got through the first verse without a problem and then we got to the second. The altos and soprano 2's sang, "My love is like a red, red rose, that's newly sprung in June", While us Soprano 1's sang, "My love is like a red, red rose…" and held that note until they finished. We then did it again for "My love is like a melody…". Mme. Giles seemed pleased, and I looked toward Mr. DeVazier. He nodded with approval, and I couldn't help feeling a little proud. The song ended, finally, and Mme. Giles clapped her hands a few times.

"Well done, girls. Now, again, with piano. Mr. DeVazier?"

Mr. DeVazier placed his hands on the piano and began to play. He was an excellent pianist, and the music coming from the piano seemed almost inhuman. I was so bust listening to the intro I almost missed the cue.

The girls and I got through it a second time with minor problems, and it sounded even more beautiful with the piano.

Mme. Giles walked in front of the risers back and forth, surveying us. I wondered what she was doing when she called out names.

"Miss Taylor Edwards, would you please step down here?" Mme. asked. "Also, Miss Kalissa Gutierrez, and Miss Christine Dekker." I looked at her in bewilderment as I walked down to stand next to my fellow classmates.

"These three students are going to sing 'A red, red rose' for you so you can listen to perfect yourselves. I was listening to see who was singing the best out of each group, and as you can see I picked an alto, a Soprano 2, and a Soprano 1. Ladies, please stand in front of your section."

I moved in front of my section, which was coincidentally right in front of the piano and Mr. DeVazier. Great, I thought. He gets to hear my voice loudest of all.

The piano started and I took a deep breath to calm myself. Kalissa, Taylor and I all started. I soon lost myself in the music, and then came the high notes where I had to hold 'rose' and 'melody'. Thankfully, I did it without a problem, and my high, clear voice echoed beautifully around the room. Too soon, the song was over. The three of us bowed, and the class applauded. Behind me, I heard Mr. DeVazier applauding, too. As I was heading back to my seat I could swear I heard him say, under his breath, "Her voice is almost as beautiful as she is." I blushed and sat down, eager to find out what we would be doing for the rest of the period.

o.O

At 3:45 the bell rang, signifying the end of the day. I collected my things and walked to the door with Meg, only to stop when I got there.

"You go ahead, I'll be out in a sec." I told her. "I left my folder out." I ran back in as she shrugged and walked out.

I grabbed my notebook and slid it in the shelf then I walked over to Mr. DeVazier, who was putting a piece of music in his bag. I tapped him on the shoulder and her turned around. When he saw it was I, he smiled.

"Thank you for accompanying us, Mr. DeVazier." I said gratefully. "You play beautifully." He bowed slightly and returned my compliment, saying that I had a beautiful voice, which was well trained.

"Thanks, I've been taking voice lessons for a while now." I said happily. "My dad always thought I would go far in singing." He looked like he was about to ask about my father, but I cut him off. "Once again, thank you. I have to go now. See you tomorrow!" With that I waved goodbye and walked out the door.

I reached my car and slid into it, happy that the day was over. I popped in a different CD and relaxed to the sound of The Used's 'I caught fire'.

Seemed to stop my breath, my head on your chest
Waiting to cave in from the bottom of my...
Hear your voice again, Could we dim the sun
And wonder where we've been Maybe you and me
So kiss me like you did My heart stopped beating

Such a softer sin

(I'm melting, I'm melting) In your eyes
I lost my place, Could stay a while

And I'm melting In your eyes
Like my first time That I caught fire
Just stay with me Lay with me Now

Never caught my breath Every second I'm without you I'm a mess
Ever know each other Trust these words are stones
why cuts aren't healing Learning how to love

I'm melting (I'm melting) In your eyes
I lost my place Could stay a while
And I'm melting In your eyes
Like my first time That I caught fire
Just stay with me Lay with me
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall And of course I'll ask for help
Just stay with me now Take my hand
We could take our heads off stay in bed just make love that's all
Just stay with me now

I'm melting (I'm melting) In your eyes
I lost my place Could stay a while
and I'm melting In your eyes
Like my first time That I caught fire
Just stay with me Lay with me
In your eyes I lost my place
Could stay a while and I'm melting
In your eyes Like my first time
That I caught fire Just stay with me lay with me
(Stay with me, lay with me)

In your eyes Let's sleep till the sun burns out
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)
Let's sleep till the sun burns out I'm melting in your eyes

The song faded out just as I pulled into the driveway. Mom and Kenneth's cars were both there, so that meant that they were home, Sarah too. I walked in and dropped my keys and bag in my room. Sarah was playing x-box in her room, so I didn't disturb her. I couldn't see mom and Kenneth, though.

Suddenly, I heard shouting coming from the back patio. I crept quietly to the back and opened the door just a bit, to hear what they were saying. Apparently, they were arguing again. I listened in, to see if it was something stupid or serious.

"Why are you so on edge?" mom was asking, She seemed a lot angrier then usual. I stayed, knowing I had missed a lot of the earlier conversation and this was probably the end.

"You know what's wrong. I feel like everything's stopped because I can't afford it. You know, piloting. And you won't pay. After all I do, watch the kids and weed the garden and everything, you can't even pay for my goddamn piloting lessons! That's bullshit. You pay "$5, 000 for a berm and you can't pay $250 for a flying lesson? Fuck that." He was practically screaming at her.

My mother didn't yell, she just sat there for a minute. "I don't care if you yell at me, but don't you dare bring my kids into this. You act like it's a burden to watch them. You know what? You just need to shut up. You can sure as hell find a job to pay for your flying lessons."

Tears of anger were coursing down her face, but her voice was dangerously calm. "I don't give a damn about your lessons, they're not the priority right now. The world isn't going to fuckin' stop because you missed one flying lesson. Are you honestly that self centered that all you care about is getting that goddamned pilot's license? You live in my house, you eat my food, and yet you don't pay rent, you don't pay the bills, you don't do anything. I am sick of this. I'm going for a drive."

She got up and started walking toward where I was standing, so I had to run into my room quickly. I heard her car start up and I watched from my window as she back out of the drive and drove out to somewhere. I was so angry that I could barely stand up. I grabbed my cell and walked out to the living room and out the front door, where I headed down the street. I had no destination in mind, but I needed to let it all out. Desperately. Soon enough I found myself at the park. Thankfully it was deserted, which was legitimate since it was around dinnertime. I walked over to a heavily etched bench and began to cry.

I balled myself up and scrunched into a ball as tears of anger, sadness and frustration wet my t-shirt and face. I must have stayed like that for a while until I couldn't cry anymore. I un-balled myself and stared absently into nowhere, my mind wandering to my late father. I missed him so much, and I wished he was there. I missed him, oh I missed him so much, but I was angry, too. Angry that he left me there to deal with the hell I was in. The tears started again, only this time out of hurt and memories. Mom and Dad fought, everyone does, but their fights were never as bad. I felt as if my world was coming undone, as I sat and cried for all things lost.

The tears were starting to slow when the figure of a man came into view. I sat up quickly and tried to wipe my face so no one would know that I had been bawling my eyes out. As much as I tried to stop it, tears were still leaking and I gave up the attempt. Whoever it was, I would probably never see them again. Silent tears streamed down my face, and the man came into view.

"Christine!" I looked up and saw the last person I wanted to while I was this weak. It was Mr. DeVazier, or Erik. He walked over to me and sat next to me on the bench. His eyes were wide and he took my hand in his. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" His voice was so worried and friendly that I broke down again, sobbing into my hands, wrenching the one from his grasp. He watched me cry, and let me calm down a bit. He was about to say something when I spoke.

"He left me." Erik was probably about to ask who "he" was, but I continued. "My father. He died in 2001. Sarah and Mom are all I have left. God, I miss him so much. I wish he were here. I need him. More then Kenneth." I spat out his name, glaring at the faded wood of the bench. I looked up at Erik with bloodshot eyes, dry and itching from crying so much.

His eyes were sympathetic, and he reached for my hand again. "I'm so sad for you, Christine. I know what it's like to lose someone as close as a parent. This mask has caused some devastating events. It pains me that you have to go through the same thing." He stroked my hand softly, calming me down. I finally stopped crying, and eventually sniffing. He stayed with me as I shifted to turn toward him.

"Can I tell you?" I asked, searching his face. "I need to tell someone, but Meg won't listen, and Raoul is part of the problem. I've only just met you, but you help me. I don't know…you calm me down. I just need someone to listen. You don't even have to listen, you can jut hear me, you can just nod every 5 minutes or whatever, but I have to let it out." By the end I was practically begging, and Erik nodded fiercely.

"I'll listen." He said softly.

I began to tell him about my life. "My dad died in 2001 from a giant brain aneurysm on his brain stem. He had a brain surgery and lived through it, but after 8 ½ months in the hospital, he died from cardio-pulmonary failure. My mother, sister, and all my half-sibling and nieces and nephews were beyond sadness. We all loved him so much.

About a year after he died, my mom started dating again. She met different people and finally met Kenneth. At first I didn't really like him, he was a stranger, after all. But then I grew to trust him. They got along well, and he helped us. He didn't live with us, but he took care of my sister and I for my mother. Just recently they've begun to fight a lot. And it's over the stupidest things, too. The reason why I was crying is because of an argument I heard today.

Apparently, he was mad at my mom because she wouldn't pay for his flying lessons. He insulted her and her job, saying some REALLY rude things about my sister and I, also. Mom just sat there and took it, then went for a drive. I don't know how the hell she puts up with him! I was so angry at him, I still am! Who gives a damn about his flying lessons! There are more important things in life then flying a stupid airplane, yet it's taken over his meager life!

I wish my father were still here." I said bitterly. "He'd know what to do."

"Another problem is Raoul. My boyfriend." Erik stiffened a bit at the mention of Raoul, and I figured that he didn't really want to hear about my problems, so I gave him the cliff notes version.

"Basically, I don't like him like I thought I did. I don't know how to say that to him though. I don't want to be his girlfriend, I want to be his friend." I sighed. "This is all so confusing, I'm sorry to bother you. Thanks for listening." I made to stand up, but blood rushed to my head and I fell, Erik catching me right before I hit the ground.

"Thanks." I said weakly. He helped me up and held me for a minute while I steadied myself. "I have to go now. I don't know how I can repay you for this, but if you need anything done, just let me know." I started to walk in the direction of my house, as the sun began setting. I had walked about 10 feet when I heard the sound of gravel crunching behind me. I turned and saw that Erik was walking by me. I stopped and looked at him.

"Mademoiselle, please, may I walk you home?" He asked. "I would like to make sure you arrive safely." I started to ask how he would get home, but he cut me off. "I will have my driver collect me. Shall we go?" He offered me his arm, and I accepted.

o.O

About 20 minutes later, we came to the front door of my house. We had talked about music the whole way back, a subject that apparently both of us loved. I took my arm out from his and pulled my keys from my pocket. As I was about to enter my house, I turned and looked at him. He was still wearing the shirt and slacks from today, and his hair hung a little looser around his tan face. The white mask shimmered in the fading sunlight, which illuminated his eyes.

"Can I…is it okay…I mean…will you let me hug you?" I blurted out.

Erik looked amused for a minute, and then he opened his arms. I fell forward into them and hugged him tightly. We held each other for a moment, and then I pulled away.

"Thank you." I whispered. He reached for my hand and kissed my knuckles, his lips barely brushing them. I shivered in the warm evening air. He dropped my hand, but not before placing a single red rose in it.

"No, " He replied. "Thank you." And with that, he left.

o.O

Later that night I collapsed onto my bed, clutching my phone in one hand, and an aspirin in the other. I set the phone down for a minute and sat up, so I could gulp down some water and swallow the pill. Then, I dialed a number on the phone.

I nervously fiddled with a stray thread on my blanket as the phone rang. Finally, someone picked up.

"Hello?" A male voice answered.

"Raoul?" I asked. "It's Christine."

"Hey, little Lotte, how are you?" He replied cheerfully.

I exhaled deeply, not answering for a moment.

"Raoul?" I said tentatively. "I…I think we should just be friends." There. I said it. Now, all I had to do was wait for his reply.

All I heard on the other end of the phone was his breathing. Then, "Why?" His voice sounded pained. "What did I do?"

I squeezed my eyes shut, blinking back tears. I had cried enough that day. "It's nothing you said, or did. I just need to be by myself for a while. I want to be friends with you. We're better that way." My words sounded as though they weren't even spoken by me. The voice that came from my mouth sounded tired and weary. "Please, Raoul. I love you, I really do, just not that way. You're like my brother, and I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to date you either." I finished, and waited for what he would say.

When he spoke again, his voice wasn't angry, as I had expected, but sad.

"I guess it's like what they say, if you truly love someone, you should let them go." He sighed. "I love you, Christine, I always will, and not like siblings. But, if you need to be alone, then I'll let you. Okay? Just know, that if you need anything, I'm here, okay?" He paused; we both knew that we would probably never speak to each other again. "I have to go now. Bye." I started to say good-bye back, but the phone clicked and I knew he had hung up.

I placed the phone back in the cradle, and trudged back over to my bed. I flopped down onto it and rolled onto my stomach. I plugged my iPod into it's charger and scanned my playlists numbly, searching for a song, any song. I randomly selected one, and it began to play, pulsing through my body.

Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight'

o.O

I woke up later that night around 2 a.m. or so. I was restless, and thirsty. I walked to the water jug we kept and poured myself a glass of the clear liquid. My thirst quenched, I went back to my room. I drifted around for a while, scanning the books on my shelf in the eerie glow of the light from my iPod, reading random pages and putting them back.

I walked by my dresser, where my Swiss army knife was laying. I stared at it for a while, then grasped it firmly in my hand and headed back toward my bed. I sat on it and flicked open the knife, holding it over my left wrist. I brought it down slowly and carefully slashed it across the pale skin. Immediately, a thin crimson line formed on my skin. I slid the blade over my wrist again and again, as the warm liquid flowed down my skin. I was in a trance, mesmerized by the sight of the crimson bloom blossoming over my ivory skin. Small tendrils of blood snaked down my hand and just before I collapsed from shock, I whispered to myself,

" What is the worst I take, from every heart I break? This is the blade I stain…"