Disclaimer: Lookie! I'm Rumiko Takahashi! [dances in a Rumiko
Takahashi costume] I own numerous successful manga series. Buah! Fear my
artistic wrath. I- what? There's something on my back? [pulls off a
sign] Hmm...'I am not Rumiko Takahashi nor do I own InuYasha. I am a loser
writer with a future in pet grooming.' Curse you lawyers! How did you
find out? [lawyer slinks into the shadows, chuckling]
Author's notes: Yo, fellow spiffy InuYasha fans. How's life? As you can see, I gave up on the whole review demand thing. I have far better things to do than to log in and see that no one's reviewed in weeks. So, here's the update. It felt unfair to make my LOYAL REVIEWERS waiting. Oh, and just so you know 94=13, not fifteen. Summer break, y'know? I'm glad those of you WHO REVIEWED enjoyed the last chapter. This chapter promises to be even insane-er. And there's even a special guest, but you have to read the entire chapter to find him/her/it! Oh, and for reference purposes, the Sengoku Jidai is Feudal Japan. Have fun, children.
ALL YOUR POCKY ARE BELONG TO ME!
-----
Chapter V: Mental Breakdown, part 1: The Birthday.
Another gorgeous day dawned in the Sengoku Jidai. The sky was cloudless and the brightest blue you could imagine. Trees swayed brilliantly green in the spring breeze. Yup, it was one of those days that made you want to skip through endless fields of flowers and bunnies and bishounen...okay, I added that one for flavor. Anyway, it was no surprise that the Inu gang skipped cheerfully down the path arm-in-arm, with deer and rabbits and squirrels and bears in fezzes, who had escaped from a circus somewhere, running alongside them. The whole world was rejoicing. Even Naraku, who was arranging flowers in various vases around his lair of doom and sharing his brownies with all the local yokai while in a pink apron which proclaimed 'Kiss me, studmuffin!'
One person, however, was not happy.
InuYasha trudged along behind the skipping line of cheerful people and furry animals. His head was hung low and his face filled with a strong mixture of sorrow and hatred. He even had his own little black rain cloud ("I'm just a little black rain cloud..." Sorry...). Kagome had given him an umbrella to ease his suffering, but all it succeeded in doing was acting as a lightning rod and getting poor Inu-kun electrocuted. So, damp and unhappy, the poor hanyou plodded along the path until sunset.
The gang was gathered by a bright, crackling fire enjoying huge bowls of ramen when InuYasha arrived, still depressed and still with the rain cloud pouring down buckets of icy water. Kagome, being the special person that she is, was able to come down from her elation enough to notice how down the poor guy was.
"InuYasha, what's wrong?" she asked, looking deeply concerned.
He merely glared, seized a bowl of ramen, and bounded away to enjoy his food high up in a tree, away from the others. Kagome was just about to go look for him when Myoga appeared on Miroku's shoulder.
"Ah, so Master InuYasha is sulking again," he said knowingly, nodding his head.
"Oh, so there you are, Myoga. I haven't seen you since the last battle," said Kagome sharply, glaring daggers at Myoga.
"Look, do you want to know why he's sulking or not? I'm tired of being the information ferry. I should be the star. The show should be called 'Myoga.' And there would be numerous damsels in distress for the saving, all of which will fall for the dashing agent 007 ½, Myoga! I wond-"
"Shut up and tell me!"
Myoga glared at Kagome, but thought better of inciting the wrath of a woman (smart little flea, considering what happened to Miroku...). He sighed.
"Well, it's Master InuYasha's birthday," replied Myoga, tucking his hands into his robes.
"What?!" shrieked Sango. "Why didn't he tell us? We would have thrown him a party!"
"Shh!" whispered Myoga nervously. "Don't ever mention his birthday in front of him!"
"Why not?" Miroku queried, slightly puzzled.
"He's very sensitive about his age," he said coolly, bowing his head.
"What do you mean? He doesn't look a day older than seventeen!" said Shippo, astounded.
Myoga looked at him incredulously and plunged recklessly on.
"Idiot! He was seventeen when he was pinned to the tree fifty years ago! So, he's sixty-seven, not seventeen!"
It was at about that point that a large amount of throat-clearing and gentle inclinations of the head toward the spot behind Miroku began. Miroku turned around, gasped lightly and began trying to shut Myoga up.
"Master InuYasha probably never talks about his age because he doesn't want to lose the heart of young Kagome."
I just want to cut in at this point and add a bit of personal insight. Mostly to take up space and to make this chapter appear longer. In my humble opinion, a sixty-seven-year-old hooking up with a fifteen-year-old is pretty creepy on normal human terms. But, look at the alternative. He could be with Kikyo, who, though she's about the same age, is pretty dead. That's even creepier. And it's not like he looks sixty-seven anyway. Well, back to Myoga digging himself into an inescapable hole.
"L-lord Myoga," whispered Miroku.
Myoga ignored him and kept talking.
"I mean, in human terms, he'd be ancient! Older than Lady Kaede!"
"Lord Myoga," whispered Miroku, a bit louder this time.
"That dog's been around the block a few times."
"Lord Myoga!"
"He's one old fart!"
"An old fart am I?"
Myoga froze, still as anything. He turned blue and started to shiver, slowly turning around to meet the gaze of one very angry hanyou. In an instant, Inu-kun squashed the pitiful and irreparably stupid flea on Miroku's shoulder. This, in turn, caused Miroku to blush lightly and frantically sweep the fattened flea off his clothes.
"I-inuYasha," stammered Kagome quietly, "why didn't you tell us it's your birthday? We wanted to celebrate!"
"Shut up!" he growled in return.
"You're not that old."
"I told you to shut up!"
"But-!"
"Leave me alone, dammit!"
With that, the fuming hanyou bounded away, leaving a very nervous and slightly tearful Kagome. Myoga reinflated himself and smiled, oblivious to the tension Inu-kun had left in his wake.
"So, how about that ramen?"
--
InuYasha sighed and leaned against the tree-trunk. From his high-up perch, he could see the stars perfectly, glimmering and sparkling with their ageless beauty. In such a setting the hanyou began to ponder. No, nothing as deep as the meaning of life, but thoughts more along the lines of 'What is ramen made of? How could it be so cheap? Why are there so many different flavors if they all end up tasting the same? Why is shrimp flavor always in pink packaging, no matter the brand?'
Yes, more like the stuff I ponder.
His musings were interrupted, however, by a soft whisper coming from the campsite that sounded oddly like 'InuYasha's birthday.'
"That dog's been around the block a few times."
He winced slightly as he remembered what Myoga said.
"I'm not old," he growled at the stars.
They replied by winking and glimmering with ageless beauty. He sighed. What pained him the most was Kagome's reply.
"You're not that old!"
'That? That? So, she does think I'm old!' he mused, disturbed by these findings.
Inu-kun pondered, more and more upset, about what Myoga said. After twenty minutes of groans, frowns, and an overall look that passer-by would confuse with constipation, he leaned back again, sighing.
"I am old."
Faced with this startling revelation, InuYasha began wondering what to do. After casting about ideas in his head (including one involving a giant chicken suit and a few beatniks), he settled on the most logical one.
"I have to live it up. I have to live like I did when I was younger."
Now inspired, Inu-kun dashed off into the night.
Can anyone guess what's going to happen next? No? Then, I suppose ending this chapter with vague references to old fables and proverbs is out of the question then. Because some are relevant, especially that one with the dog and the bone. Ah, one of my favorites.
--
Kagome shivered slightly under her blanket. It was almost dawn and she was cold, so she decided to get up and start breakfast. Shuffling her feet and rubbing her eyes, the black-haired girl made her way to the dead fire they'd used the night before. Kagome stopped rubbing her eyes and looked up. She blinked a few times and screamed. Sango, Shippo, and Miroku awoke with a start and prepared to battle, half-awake and tousle-haired. They woke up fully, however, when they looked at the man across from Kagome.
InuYasha stood there, missing large chunks of his hair and covered from head to toe in everything and anything that sparkled. I believe the common term is 'bling-bling.' See? I'm educational.
"W-what happened to you, InuYasha?!" screamed Kagome, rushing over to check him for wounds because it appeared as if he'd fought some sort of bling- bling monster.
"What do you mean?" he replied with an air of one who seemed very pleased with himself. "I just pulled out all the gray hairs!"
"Gray hairs?!" Sango sputtered. "Your hair is silver! All of it!"
Inu-kun shook his head, looking at her with an annoyingly superior look on his face, as if he knew better than she did. Shippo bounced over and landed on Kagome's shoulder. While InuYasha was distracted by Miroku grabbing his butt, Shippo whispered in Kagome's ear.
"What's wrong with InuYasha?"
Kagome looked at the fuming and glittery hanyou, sighing.
"He's going through a mid-life crisis."
--
Meanwhile, in the modern era, Mr. T awoke to find his jewelry missing. His eyes widened and he screamed into the morning air.
"I PITY DA FOOL WHO TOOK MY BLING-BLING!"
-----
Hehe, that's my favorite line. Anyway, REVIEW! Or I shall send my minion of doom to steal your underwear in the middle of the night so you will not have any to wear in the morning! Buahahahahaha! What? Yes, InuYasha, you have to. I don't care about your fear of tightie whities- you shall do it! Ahem. So, the next chapter is another chapter on mental breakdowns, this time it'll be Kagome heading for the loony bin. Yay, insanity, my mistress and my muse! [cough]
I PITY DA FOOL WHO DON'T REVIEW!
Author's notes: Yo, fellow spiffy InuYasha fans. How's life? As you can see, I gave up on the whole review demand thing. I have far better things to do than to log in and see that no one's reviewed in weeks. So, here's the update. It felt unfair to make my LOYAL REVIEWERS waiting. Oh, and just so you know 94=13, not fifteen. Summer break, y'know? I'm glad those of you WHO REVIEWED enjoyed the last chapter. This chapter promises to be even insane-er. And there's even a special guest, but you have to read the entire chapter to find him/her/it! Oh, and for reference purposes, the Sengoku Jidai is Feudal Japan. Have fun, children.
ALL YOUR POCKY ARE BELONG TO ME!
-----
Chapter V: Mental Breakdown, part 1: The Birthday.
Another gorgeous day dawned in the Sengoku Jidai. The sky was cloudless and the brightest blue you could imagine. Trees swayed brilliantly green in the spring breeze. Yup, it was one of those days that made you want to skip through endless fields of flowers and bunnies and bishounen...okay, I added that one for flavor. Anyway, it was no surprise that the Inu gang skipped cheerfully down the path arm-in-arm, with deer and rabbits and squirrels and bears in fezzes, who had escaped from a circus somewhere, running alongside them. The whole world was rejoicing. Even Naraku, who was arranging flowers in various vases around his lair of doom and sharing his brownies with all the local yokai while in a pink apron which proclaimed 'Kiss me, studmuffin!'
One person, however, was not happy.
InuYasha trudged along behind the skipping line of cheerful people and furry animals. His head was hung low and his face filled with a strong mixture of sorrow and hatred. He even had his own little black rain cloud ("I'm just a little black rain cloud..." Sorry...). Kagome had given him an umbrella to ease his suffering, but all it succeeded in doing was acting as a lightning rod and getting poor Inu-kun electrocuted. So, damp and unhappy, the poor hanyou plodded along the path until sunset.
The gang was gathered by a bright, crackling fire enjoying huge bowls of ramen when InuYasha arrived, still depressed and still with the rain cloud pouring down buckets of icy water. Kagome, being the special person that she is, was able to come down from her elation enough to notice how down the poor guy was.
"InuYasha, what's wrong?" she asked, looking deeply concerned.
He merely glared, seized a bowl of ramen, and bounded away to enjoy his food high up in a tree, away from the others. Kagome was just about to go look for him when Myoga appeared on Miroku's shoulder.
"Ah, so Master InuYasha is sulking again," he said knowingly, nodding his head.
"Oh, so there you are, Myoga. I haven't seen you since the last battle," said Kagome sharply, glaring daggers at Myoga.
"Look, do you want to know why he's sulking or not? I'm tired of being the information ferry. I should be the star. The show should be called 'Myoga.' And there would be numerous damsels in distress for the saving, all of which will fall for the dashing agent 007 ½, Myoga! I wond-"
"Shut up and tell me!"
Myoga glared at Kagome, but thought better of inciting the wrath of a woman (smart little flea, considering what happened to Miroku...). He sighed.
"Well, it's Master InuYasha's birthday," replied Myoga, tucking his hands into his robes.
"What?!" shrieked Sango. "Why didn't he tell us? We would have thrown him a party!"
"Shh!" whispered Myoga nervously. "Don't ever mention his birthday in front of him!"
"Why not?" Miroku queried, slightly puzzled.
"He's very sensitive about his age," he said coolly, bowing his head.
"What do you mean? He doesn't look a day older than seventeen!" said Shippo, astounded.
Myoga looked at him incredulously and plunged recklessly on.
"Idiot! He was seventeen when he was pinned to the tree fifty years ago! So, he's sixty-seven, not seventeen!"
It was at about that point that a large amount of throat-clearing and gentle inclinations of the head toward the spot behind Miroku began. Miroku turned around, gasped lightly and began trying to shut Myoga up.
"Master InuYasha probably never talks about his age because he doesn't want to lose the heart of young Kagome."
I just want to cut in at this point and add a bit of personal insight. Mostly to take up space and to make this chapter appear longer. In my humble opinion, a sixty-seven-year-old hooking up with a fifteen-year-old is pretty creepy on normal human terms. But, look at the alternative. He could be with Kikyo, who, though she's about the same age, is pretty dead. That's even creepier. And it's not like he looks sixty-seven anyway. Well, back to Myoga digging himself into an inescapable hole.
"L-lord Myoga," whispered Miroku.
Myoga ignored him and kept talking.
"I mean, in human terms, he'd be ancient! Older than Lady Kaede!"
"Lord Myoga," whispered Miroku, a bit louder this time.
"That dog's been around the block a few times."
"Lord Myoga!"
"He's one old fart!"
"An old fart am I?"
Myoga froze, still as anything. He turned blue and started to shiver, slowly turning around to meet the gaze of one very angry hanyou. In an instant, Inu-kun squashed the pitiful and irreparably stupid flea on Miroku's shoulder. This, in turn, caused Miroku to blush lightly and frantically sweep the fattened flea off his clothes.
"I-inuYasha," stammered Kagome quietly, "why didn't you tell us it's your birthday? We wanted to celebrate!"
"Shut up!" he growled in return.
"You're not that old."
"I told you to shut up!"
"But-!"
"Leave me alone, dammit!"
With that, the fuming hanyou bounded away, leaving a very nervous and slightly tearful Kagome. Myoga reinflated himself and smiled, oblivious to the tension Inu-kun had left in his wake.
"So, how about that ramen?"
--
InuYasha sighed and leaned against the tree-trunk. From his high-up perch, he could see the stars perfectly, glimmering and sparkling with their ageless beauty. In such a setting the hanyou began to ponder. No, nothing as deep as the meaning of life, but thoughts more along the lines of 'What is ramen made of? How could it be so cheap? Why are there so many different flavors if they all end up tasting the same? Why is shrimp flavor always in pink packaging, no matter the brand?'
Yes, more like the stuff I ponder.
His musings were interrupted, however, by a soft whisper coming from the campsite that sounded oddly like 'InuYasha's birthday.'
"That dog's been around the block a few times."
He winced slightly as he remembered what Myoga said.
"I'm not old," he growled at the stars.
They replied by winking and glimmering with ageless beauty. He sighed. What pained him the most was Kagome's reply.
"You're not that old!"
'That? That? So, she does think I'm old!' he mused, disturbed by these findings.
Inu-kun pondered, more and more upset, about what Myoga said. After twenty minutes of groans, frowns, and an overall look that passer-by would confuse with constipation, he leaned back again, sighing.
"I am old."
Faced with this startling revelation, InuYasha began wondering what to do. After casting about ideas in his head (including one involving a giant chicken suit and a few beatniks), he settled on the most logical one.
"I have to live it up. I have to live like I did when I was younger."
Now inspired, Inu-kun dashed off into the night.
Can anyone guess what's going to happen next? No? Then, I suppose ending this chapter with vague references to old fables and proverbs is out of the question then. Because some are relevant, especially that one with the dog and the bone. Ah, one of my favorites.
--
Kagome shivered slightly under her blanket. It was almost dawn and she was cold, so she decided to get up and start breakfast. Shuffling her feet and rubbing her eyes, the black-haired girl made her way to the dead fire they'd used the night before. Kagome stopped rubbing her eyes and looked up. She blinked a few times and screamed. Sango, Shippo, and Miroku awoke with a start and prepared to battle, half-awake and tousle-haired. They woke up fully, however, when they looked at the man across from Kagome.
InuYasha stood there, missing large chunks of his hair and covered from head to toe in everything and anything that sparkled. I believe the common term is 'bling-bling.' See? I'm educational.
"W-what happened to you, InuYasha?!" screamed Kagome, rushing over to check him for wounds because it appeared as if he'd fought some sort of bling- bling monster.
"What do you mean?" he replied with an air of one who seemed very pleased with himself. "I just pulled out all the gray hairs!"
"Gray hairs?!" Sango sputtered. "Your hair is silver! All of it!"
Inu-kun shook his head, looking at her with an annoyingly superior look on his face, as if he knew better than she did. Shippo bounced over and landed on Kagome's shoulder. While InuYasha was distracted by Miroku grabbing his butt, Shippo whispered in Kagome's ear.
"What's wrong with InuYasha?"
Kagome looked at the fuming and glittery hanyou, sighing.
"He's going through a mid-life crisis."
--
Meanwhile, in the modern era, Mr. T awoke to find his jewelry missing. His eyes widened and he screamed into the morning air.
"I PITY DA FOOL WHO TOOK MY BLING-BLING!"
-----
Hehe, that's my favorite line. Anyway, REVIEW! Or I shall send my minion of doom to steal your underwear in the middle of the night so you will not have any to wear in the morning! Buahahahahaha! What? Yes, InuYasha, you have to. I don't care about your fear of tightie whities- you shall do it! Ahem. So, the next chapter is another chapter on mental breakdowns, this time it'll be Kagome heading for the loony bin. Yay, insanity, my mistress and my muse! [cough]
I PITY DA FOOL WHO DON'T REVIEW!