Disclaimer: Magic 8-ball, do I own InuYasha? shakes magic 8-ball. "The psychic hotline is busy. Please try again later." What kind of answer is that?! I guess that I don't have any rights to InuYasha. Until I can get a definitive answer from my magic 8-ball, that is.

Author's notes: Okay, okay, I know. But, I've seriously been swamped with work, plus my internet-bound computer crashed (the second one in six months!). So, aside from the universe screwing me over, I just haven't felt like writing. So there.

This fic is dedicated to my lovely reviewers, Saturday morning cartoons, and Dave Barry (and flame mage, who loaned me his books). It is not, however, dedicated to the inventor of homework, asshole hackers, and bad dubs.

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It was well after 9:27AM when the Inu gang finally recovered from the shock of finding a half-bald hanyou hanging around the campsite. Unfortunately, it would be well after 2:54PM before Miroku would regain use of his legs after his most recent attempt to grope the seething and now mentally unstable InuYasha. The gang managed to stop staring, dumbfounded, with their mouths hanging open. This, of course, necessitated the use of vast quantities of peanut butter and rubber bands. They set off on their daily hike through the demon-infested forest, constantly vigilant.

"Ooh, pretty butterfly!" exclaimed Shippo, following the fluttering menace into a random clearing. Kilala, who was now bearing the mortally wounded monk, followed the skipping little fox.

Little Shippo-chan dashed about the clearing with the now-detransformed Kilala, trying to catch the butterfly by slapping his hands together. Of course, had this method of capture succeeded, the fluttering menace would be no more.

And Miroku lay forgotten in the grass, bleeding from random body parts and mumbling something about demons inhabiting his hand...

Three hours later, Shippo and Kilala lay in the grass, tired and defeated, while the fluttering menace taunted them from above. Inu-kun, Kagome, and Sango were picnicking underneath a nearby tree (and Kagome realized that InuYasha had mysteriously acquired a golden cap for one of his canine teeth). Miroku twitched a couple of times.

Afterwards, they decided to go to Nearby Town and find an inn so that they could sleep on a hard wooden floor instead of on hard packed dirt. The gang didn't know, however, that Nearby Town was just a name. It was really over 20 km away.

Ha ha, irony!

The harassed-looking group continued their journey down the mysterious path that somehow appeared in the forest. It was even nicely edged. About 1/132 of the way there, they had to stop and put Miroku in a full-body cast that came out of Kagome's GIGANTIC BACKPACK OF DOOM, which I'll just call the doompack from now on. Why she was carrying plaster with her, I'll never know. Personally, I just keep my stock of strange-looking doomsday devices in mine. Anyway, Sango managed to hook up a highly sophisticated rig with which to drag the temporarily paralyzed Miroku. By sophisticated, of course, I mean a long string that attached Miroku's right leg to Kilala's neck. And so they continued on their epic quest, Miroku in tow. Due to the extremely rocky path, they were serenaded by Miroku's surprisingly wide vocabulary of cusswords.

About 1/133 of the way there (for they had accidentally gone backwards. If Shippo hadn't noticed the aforementioned butterfly of doom, my plot would never move forward again), the gang unwittingly walked into a trap. How they walked right into said trap is beyond me. I mean, there were signs on the side of the road proclaiming "Kagura was here," "Naraku's brownies, 5 for $3," and "Please donate some Gas-X. –Flatulence." Plus, two of Naraku's henchmen were stealthily camouflaged in the bushes. Meaning, of course, they were sitting in front of the bush trading Pokemon cards with sticks stuffed down their shirts as a means of disguise.

In sum, the Inu gang is composed of idiots.

Suddenly, as the signs had proclaimed, Naraku, Kagura, and Kanna fell out of the sky. I should note that Naraku was more than a little tipsy this chapter. Another dead priestess probably dumped him. Of course, he didn't see the ad that prohibits trying to get revenge while drunk. As such, he is doomed to fail.

Never ignore the ads.

"Imu-Yashwa," mumbled Naraku thickly, swaying slightly, "you bastward."

Gee, that sums up just about everyone's sentiments toward InuYasha. At least, those who hate him.

InuYasha went to draw his sword when Kagome suddenly shrieked, "Stop!"

"What?"

"You're too mentally unstable to take on Naraku!"

"I'm too unstable, I've got a hole in my stomach, I have a strange growth... Don't you ever stop nagging?"

Before Kagome could counter (probably by calling him a big poopie head and dropping the doompack on him), Naraku suddenly began sobbing. Kagura, disgusted, wandered off to trade Pokemon cards with the "stealthy" henchmen. Kanna proceeded to steal the souls of all those readers that didn't review last chapter.

"What the-?" exclaimed Sango. "This is the badass demon that killed my people?"

"Emo-Natasha," hiccuped Naraku, "I neber wreally had a fing fer Ki...Ki...Kiwi." He started sobbing again. "I alwrays lubbed you, Emu-Washer."

As the gang tried to figure out how many was too many for Naraku (and precisely how he got a hold of a strawberry daiquiri), he continued to ramble drunkenly about things that he'll probably regret saying in the morning while he throws up 95 of his body mass.

"But, you dimint lubb me bwack. Damn you and yer straightweshhnessh. Bastward!" cried Naraku, who kicked a rock toward Inu-kun, but missed by a yard and hit Kagome square in the forehead.

Sobbing evilly, Naraku and his concu...uh...children sliver-things retreated, vowing to get revenge on the Inu gang and steal Christmas. Damn grinches.

Kagome lay sprawled on the ground with a highly noticeable bloody bump in the middle of her forehead.

Now, I'm about to commit the biggest fanfiction sin (aside from plotless fluff): cliché. In case anyone was curious, yes, I do know that the 'Hey let's make Kagome into Kikyo (or vice versa)' plot device. I know. But, I assure you that this will be far funnier. On purpose.

Kagome awoke a few hours later in a dark roadside hut. She held her head gingerly as she sat up. What happened?

Inu-kun, having heard Kagome stirring, slid the bamboo curtain over the door back and peeked into the hut. In the dying light, Kagome could just make out a highly conspicuous combover.

"Are you okay, Kagome?" he mumbled lightly into the hut.

Kagome looked around, slightly confused. Who was he talking to?

"Look, I'm sorry you got hurt, okay?"

Kagome looked down at her hands, examining them in the darkness. 'Strange...' she thought.

"Are you even listening?"

InuYasha meandered into the hut and sat next to Kagome. He reached out one clawed hand and inclined her head upward. He drew close, as if examining the wound.

"For the last time, I'm sorry. I should have paid more attention."

Kagome leaned closer, so that Inu-kun blushed lightly.

"InuYasha."

"W-what?!" stammered he, blushing furiously and obviously flustered.

"I'll forgive you," she said quietly, "IF YOU'LL ACCOMPANY ME TO HELL!"

"WHAT?!" yelled Inu-kun, jumping back.

"Come on! One little stab and it'll all be over! You do want to be forgiven, don't you?" exclaimed 'Kagome,' brandishing a highly dangerous spork.

"W-wait a minute! What's going on?" shrieked InuYasha, dodging spork attacks.

Maniacal laughter and ruthless spork attacks clued him in...

"Kikyo?!"

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Another instance of my obsession with sporks. I hope everyone liked that chapter. I especially liked making up alternate names for InuYasha. My favorite was Emo-Natasha.

Anyway, please review. I haven't had many good things happen to me lately (loooong-ass string of bad luck, as a matter of fact), so a little appreciation might just pick me up enough to write the next chapter. 'kay?