You know very well what is mine and what is not.

Chapter 3: Friends After All

Derek leaned out the window as the train began to head out of Hogsmeade Station. It tooted it's horn and the carriages were heading back up to the castle as if the Gameskeeper had given them a command. It gave Derek the shivers to watch it, so he stuck his head back inside the train, aware that Hogwarts, and the better part of the year was behind him until September first came around once again. It was all so depressing.

"Missing it already?" came Sarah's quiet voice from the opposite side of the compartment. Derek looked up at her, and studied her for a moment. Her infectious smile was no longer there, and her eyes showed… not concern, though that was there… it was more… pain.

"Yes. Don't you?"

Sarah nodded, though she broke the eye contact. Only Sarah and Derek were in the room. Helga was with the rest of the girls, discussing something. Derek shook his head. If it was more thoughts on who Remus was after, Derek would scream. Thankfully, he would never know to scream about it. In the past few days there hadn't been any good chance to talk to Remus about it. Even in passing, when Derek had tried to direct the conversation in that direction, Remus neatly dodged it. He wasn't entirely sure how he had done it, but he had.

Sarah continued to look out the window and Derek joined her in the silent contemplation of the scenery that was rushing past them at a grand speed. It was funny how he didn't like most of the time that he spent at Hogwarts, and yet he was this reluctant to leave. Sarah was too. She never told anyone, but Derek was sure that her life at home had to be near as bad as his own. That was the only thing that explained her crestfallen look on the train ride each year. Derek imagined that it ended up being hard for Helga, though it wasn't like Derek changed much when he got moody. He was always moody.

Strangely, Derek's thoughts returned to Remus. He had accepted Lily's "plan" on the pretext of helping him out of the bind he seemed to be in, to give him someone other than the Marauders that he could tell everything. It was his immediate thought later that who needed a girl to tell things when you've got three best friends and everybody seems to like you? Derek personally thought that Remus had it made; after all, there was a bunch of girls trying to get him a girlfriend! He had a funny feeling that it was a fairly rare occurrence, just something else that indicated just how well liked in school he was.

Which made it all the more odd that he kept to himself the details about his mother's illness. That was all they could ever get out of him. About once a month, but really just slightly less than that, he would not bee seen for a day or two, and right before and right after going off he would be very very pale. That was all the information that they had. Lily had confronted him about it once, but she said that she had gotten nothing out of the exchange. Whenever asked, he would mutter things such as "mother" and "illness" and it was obvious that he didn't want to talk about it.

The English countryside continued to rush past the window, both sixteen-year-olds staring at it as it all passed. They didn't notice when the door to the compartment opened and the two prefects of their year entered. Lily and Remus sat down, Lily next to Sarah and Remus next to Derek. Slowly the two brooders realized that there were other people in the room. Derek melded back into paying attention, while Sarah pasted on a fake smile.

Lily cut right to the chase. "What's wrong?" It was a gentle tone, inviting and sincere. It was kind of odd to hear it from a Mudblood, but only kind of, because Derek often forgot that Lily was a Mudblood with the way she was, and how he knew her through a full five years at Hogwarts.

Sarah's face fell, aware that she had no need to keep up the smile. Derek's face didn't react. "Both of you always get an compartment to yourselves on the way back to London," Lily continued. "We just want to know if we can help-"

Remus nodded. "Anything we can do, we'd like to."

Sarah looked a little surprised for a moment before she began to sob into her hands. Derek had a different response. His eyebrows went up, and he leaned back against the seat. Now, this was a surprising turn. He needed help… yes, he probably did need help, but what could they do? A Mudblood couldn't help him. Hell, she shouldn't want to help him, but there she was. She was always something of an enigma to Derek, but really, Lily Evans did not follow any of the conventions for Mudbloods.

Lily had taken to comforting Sarah as she sobbed while Remus simply continued to sit next to Derek with his head tilted so he could see him. The silence deepened for a moment, and then Derek spoke. "I-" he started, then halted, and after all three of them looked at him, he pressed on. "I… thank you for your concern… but I don't think that there is anything to be done." Sarah went back to her sobbing, redoubling the effort. Lily looked slightly confused, while Remus had no visible reaction.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Remus asked as Sarah started to get control of herself.

Derek looked down at the compartment floor. He didn't know if he wanted to tell them all the problems that he dealt with… what could be the harm? Sarah would never hurt him… Lily couldn't… and there was no one more trustworthy than Remus Lupin.

"I imagine you remember that I am one of three pureblooded boys in our year." He didn't bother to wait for their nods, but he did note that Sarah was not crying. "My family is not unused to turning out people who are unfit to be in the family. My elder brother is a Squib…" He had said it. He had admitted it. He took a breath and pushed onward.

"He was disowned. We don't really know where he is right now. At the time I didn't really understand what was happening, just that my brother was something bad. Something that I had to strive to not be. Naturally, I was elated when I made it into Hogwarts. It meant that I didn't have to go anywhere, and it meant that I had done nothing wrong. Yet. There was still one more test, and that one I failed.

"I am in Gryffindor House. That doesn't exactly fit the bill when it comes to my family. We are Pure. Pure Blood, Pure Ambition, Pure Pride. It is natural that there wasn't a single member of the family who had not been a member of Slytherin. From the day I became a Gryffindor onward I… My life changed. My family reinforced all the things they thought they had taught me in the long years in the house, but apparently had not gotten through. Though I knew it all, they continued to press me.

"They pressed me to not associate with Mudbloods," Lily didn't react audibly, but the other two gasped, "They pressed me not to associate with Halfbloods unless they didn't associate with Mudbloods either. That Blood is the best indicator of a person… many other things like that."

Derek looked up. Sarah wanted to speak to him, though Derek was not sure what she wanted to say, and Lily silenced her with a wave of her hand. Lily and Remus were watching Derek with a quiet intensity. It willed him on. "So, naturally, I've been gravitating away from it. For one thing, there's a Mudblood…" There were gasps again, but Derek pushed on "…that I don't mind." He indicated Lily, "And none of my friends are Pureblooded. And they continue to press and…"

Derek took one last breath. "I just don't like dealing with them."

Remus patted him on the shoulder once before leaning back. "And school isn't that much better for you because of all that, huh?"

Derek shook his head. "I don't place anywhere. I'm not "Pure" because I'm in Gryffindor. You've seen how the other Purebloods think of Potter, Black and I. They lump us all together, but that doesn't mean that Potter and Black think well of me. Especially the way I acted in first and second year… and I am sorry about that. You are better people than I gave you credit for."

Lily smiled at him. "Don't worry; I knew you thought better of me when you found me after being particularly bloodied by the Slytherins and you helped me to the Hospital Wing."

Remus looked mildly surprised. "When was that?"

"Third year."

"That's when I began to realize that Lily isn't what I thought Mudbloods were. At this point, I just don't know what to think at all…"

Sarah walked across the gap in the center of the seats, and without saying anything, she leant her head onto Derek's shoulder. Lily smiled at this, and Remus simply walked over to the other side of the compartment. Lily brushed her muggle clothing off (she had already changed) as she spoke. "I'm glad that you decided to tell us that. We just want you to know that we do notice, and do care about you two, even if you aren't really considered among the most "popular" of people in our House."

"Sarah…?" Remus asked gently, "would you like to tell us anything?"

Sarah shook her head mutely.

Remus nodded. Lily seemed a little put out that they weren't as successful with Sarah as they were with Derek. Derek was surprised that they had done that well… but it was something that he had kept on his chest for a very long time. So long that once he realized that there was nothing to lose by telling them, there was no way to stop himself. He didn't know how Sarah had been able to keep it in… maybe it was because it didn't permeate through her whole life.

Lily smiled at them as the two prefects got up. "Well… I'm glad we were able to talk. We can always talk again…"

"…if you ever feel the need," Remus finished.

And with that, they left.

Derek watched the door of the compartment for a while, letting Sarah remain on his shoulder. She seemed to be comforted by doing that, so Derek let her be. They stayed in companionable silence again, but there was a minor difference from the previous silence. This time they had more of an understanding of each other, even if Sarah had not told him anything about her problems at home. They shared a bond that was almost palpable in the air, and it made the ride much more comfortable. It was much less like going off to Hell than it had been earlier. Instead, it felt like a quick breath of peace before jumping into the freezing water.

Eventually, Derek spoke. "We have to get into our muggle clothing, Sarah."

He felt her nod, but she didn't move otherwise. Derek smiled. "I know you don't want to go, and you know that I don't want to go. But there's nothing we can do about it. They are still our families, and that means that we have to deal with them. For better or worse. Even when you know that there's nothing that you can do to help anything about it."

She nodded again, but this time she got up slowly. Reluctantly. She went out of the compartment, and Derek took the cue and quickly changed. They switched places, had her change, and then when they were both back in the compartment, they resumed the same position. It made Derek smile, really. He had a companion in his grief for his home life. Even if she was grieving for a completely different life… it didn't matter. And for a moment, he truly was happy.

Unfortunately, that's when the train whistle blew, and it all came back.