Chapter 5: Identity

Derek woke up early the next morning. "Early", of course, being a relative term. In this case, relative to noon. It was a little after ten when Derek rose. He got out of the bed and dressed in muggle clothing. He had a plan. A plan that used his genius from the previous day to his advantage. There were many things he had to get done that day, and he didn't want to waste any time being held up by his mother. Not that he thought they'd stop him if he was going. He could just say that he was off to do research in Knockturn Alley, and they would most likely leave him alone.

He went downstairs to eat something, asking Ula to get him whatever his parents had had this morning. Of course, they hadn't had breakfast, so Derek rolled his eyes and asked for toast. After eating it quickly, Derek asked Ula to tell his parents that he would be doing research today in Knockturn Alley. Ula nodded and said that she would, and that she was happy that Derek had decided to follow his parent's wishes for once. Derek was disgusted that she gave him so little credit, but what could he do?

He went back up to his room to load his pockets with some gold, and a slip of paper, folded carefully, went into another pocket. Then his wand, but that went without saying, really. He would need it to call the Knight Bus. He was pretty sure that he wouldn't need it for any other purpose, as he was still underage, and all he could really do in regard to the list that his father had prepared for him was research unless he was at school until he reached his majority. He was sixteen already, and it would not be long until he came of age in November.

Until then, he had to content himself with the Knight Bus as a decent mode of transportation. He really wanted to ride his broom instead, but that could take hours longer than the Bus would, though he had no idea how the Bus was able to pull that off. He never was really sure what the Bus was, or even if his parents minded him traveling it. At this point, he didn't really care about the latter point, but he might make inquiries about the former. There were many things that he meant to do in the year and three months that he had until it began. Including finding out what "it" was.

His owl cage was sitting emptily on the table across the room from the bed. It sat directly below the large list that Derek had put up the night before. One reminded him of the fact that he sent a letter to his brother directly under the nose of his parents. He didn't know whether he regretted the decision or not, only that he hoped that it wasn't in vain that he tried to contact him. He could deal with his parents if they found out, but he really wanted to know whether Theo would help him or not. And if he wouldn't… where else could he turn?

Hence, the trip that day. He bounded down the stairs, aware that his parents were both most likely out. He wanted to get to his day as quickly as possible. After all, he had a lot to do, if he included all of the things he was supposed to do as well as what he wanted to do. He wanted… no, he needed… to talk to Sarah. He wasn't sure what her home life was like, but she had survived to the age of sixteen just like he had. She had to have some sort of insight on what he could do for himself. Even if she didn't, he imagined that the past hours had not been that easy for her. It was a new feeling, this concern for a… friend. But it was Sarah; things like that with Sarah didn't seem so odd anymore.

He stepped outside, and then walked further away from the house. He had interesting stories about traveling by the Knight Bus, but he wasn't sure which ones were true and which ones were not. He wanted to be as safe as possible. If the Manor got smashed by the Bus, he wouldn't be able to talk his way out of that one. His left hand, holding his wand, flew out horizontally, as he had been told. Immediately, there was a bus coming at him… though not quite right at him.

It had to be the ugliest thing that Derek had ever seen.

It was a triple-decker abomination on wheels, and it acted like it too. The purple colouring didn't help either. Derek was not familiar with muggle busses, but had he been, he still would have been quite disgusted. In any case, the bus stopped directly in front of him, and a man… well, he was on the edge, and Derek was assuming… stepped out of the bus. He said, formally, "Welcome to the Knight Bus, a service for stranded witches and wizards. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board, and we can take you anywhere you want to go." He stuck out his hand. "I am Fred Telsie. You can just call me Fred, if you wish. I will be your conductor today."

"Uh… thank you?" Derek managed to get out.

"Well? Come aboard!" Fred said with far too much enthusiasm, and he hauled Derek up onto the bus. "Where do you wish to go?"

Derek pulled out the slip of paper and read the first thing listed there. "39 Sun's Way, Freeland, North Wales."

"Ah! Got it then," Fred replied. "You got that, Ern?" Derek blinked, and then took a look at the driver that Fred had turned around to address. It was an elderly man, he couldn't be any younger than sixty, but he seemed to have a head on his shoulders. He didn't give Fred an audible answer, just a nod. This seemed to suit Fred just fine. "The fee's 16 sickles, unless you want extras, like a meal."

Derek shook his head. "That won't be necessary." He handed the correct money from his pocket over to the conductor who thanked him.

"Make yourself at home," Fred told him, before leaving to go to another level. A second later, without warning, there was a lurch, and a loud BANG! Derek was thrown into an armchair that had been sitting nearby the doorway. Looking around, he realized that the whole level was full of armchairs like that, and he was really glad that this one seemed to have decided to catch him for the moment. He also realized that they weren't anywhere near Fugue Manor. They were traveling down a different street, and there was something very odd about the street.

Derek didn't stand up, but he did look out the windshield. What he saw made him gape. The bus was not exactly the most graceful thing to move, he could easily see, and it wasn't like the ability of the driver was helping at all, so instead there was a different reason why he was still alive at the moment. The things that were getting in the way of "Ern"'s driving were jumping out of the way. A dustbin here, a postbox there, even bits of fence, even cars that were parked along the street. Derek didn't understand anything about the items that were jumping out of the way, but the effect of such jumps were not lost on him.

Derek didn't know how long he had been watching the strange things jumping out of the way of the driver's terrible driving before Fred sat down next to him. He laughed at Derek's expression. "Yes, I remember seeing it for the first time too. Old Ern's got no skill at all, and yet he has never hit anything. Anyway. You never told me your name…?"

Derek shrugged. "Derek Fugue."

Fred simply nodded; he had no other reaction, which caused Derek to look at him a little strangely. Fred took no notice. "Well then, Derek. The driver's name is Ernie Prang, and normally I'd strike up a conversation that would concern the both of you, but currently Ern is giving me the silent treatment." He raised his voice. "I hope at some point Ern comes to his senses so we can talk about Quidditch." Ernie made no response, and Derek slid down further into his chair. He wanted to get off the bus as soon as possible.

Thankfully, it was only five minutes of Fred's attempts to strike up a conversation with Ernie that Derek had to deal with. They had reached his destination, and Fred informed him of that. Rather tersely, it seemed to Derek, but he didn't care as long as they let him off. They did, and with another BANG, they were gone. Derek was suddenly not looking forward to the return trip nearly as much as he had before, and that had been an iffy prospect to begin with.

He stood at the front of a homely house on the side of a very wide path. It was the main road within the community of Freeland, but since there were no muggles in Freeland, there were no cars or need for a paved street. So the main street was simply a glorified path. This suited Derek just fine, he didn't really feel like having any conversations with muggles anyway. And besides, it proved for a fact that he wasn't consorting with the wrong kind of person in Sarah. The problem was figuring out what was wrong with her home.

Derek stood at the threshold to the property without moving for several minutes. He found that he was nervous, and could not tell exactly why. When he finally mustered the bravery to move into the yard, it was haltingly. He had to force himself to climb the steps, and rap on the front door. But just as he was about to rap, a loud voice slammed into him from inside the house, and he nearly fell backward from the force of it.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU HAD 'TROUBLE' ON YOUR DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS EXAM!" It was male, hugely powerful, and obviously drunk.

"I-" Sarah… "I am not… that good…"

"WHAT! YOUR PARENTS ARE AURORS, YOU WHELP! DID IT EVER POSSESS YOU TO ASK FOR HELP!" Derek, his ears still ringing, heard a barely concealed hiccup, and he began to creep around the house to the nearest window. For some reason the window's blinds were up, and Derek could see inside the room that Sarah and her attacker were in. Sarah was sitting on the couch, her face buried in her hands. Derek wouldn't be surprised if she were crying. He did not notice that he had balled his fists up.

Sarah had not made a response, and this made her… father?... only attack anew. "WELL! DON'T YOU HAVE SOMETHING WITTY TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?" Sarah still did not respond, and the man left the room in disgust. Derek was watching through the glass closely for… he didn't know how long. Eventually, he knocked on the window quietly. Sarah looked up, completely scared. When she saw him in the window, she gasped, then looked around frantically, then walked over to the window. She silently pointed to the front door, and then she was gone.

Derek could take a hint. He stalked quietly over to the front stoop of the house and waited for Sarah to come out. About five minutes passed before she did, apparently she had had to do something first. Derek didn't ask her anything about it. Instead, he began to apologize. "I'm sorry for overhearing that…"

Sarah, whose glum face looked as if nothing would ever lift it, actually cracked a wry smile at Derek's words. "Overhearing? You probably could've 'overheard' him at Hogwarts."

Sarah's attempt at humour was definitely good enough for Derek. He smiled. "Probably. So, do you want to talk about it? We could go for a walk in Diagon Alley, or Freeland if you wish…"

Sarah, through her obviously glum mood, had noticed something about Derek, which made Derek pause. "Am I that obvious?"

Sarah shook her head. "Something happened."

Derek nodded. "All the more reason we need to talk. Will you come?"

Sarah sat down on the stoop. "I guess. It's not like he'll get any worse just because I actually did something wrong for once." She looked mildly thoughtful for a moment, but he mood didn't seem very improved. "How will we get to Diagon Alley?"

Derek grinned, pulling out a small package from his back pocket. "Flooing. I couldn't do it from my house to yours, as my parents would have found out that I didn't just go to Knockturn Alley, as I had told them. But we can use a public Floo place… there is one here, isn't there?"

Sarah nodded, rising. "Yes, it's about, say, a quarter-mile up the street. I don't think you even need the powder, but it's always nice to be certain." She sighed. "I didn't want you to see that."

Derek motioned for her to lead the way to the public Floo. "I didn't want to intrude either, but it only confirmed something I thought I already knew."

"What is that?"

"That you know a little bit about disappointing your parents. You've already given an example of that."

Sarah looked blank.

Derek leaned in. "You're coming with me, not telling your father. Surely that means that this is a method that works for you."

Sarah shook her head. "I left a note. I lied to him, yes, but I'll get what I said on the note done while I'm out."

Derek blinked for a moment as they walked. "Sounds a lot like what I did."

The silence was companionable all the way to the public Floo. It was a small pub with many fireplaces lining all of the walls. Three were for entry, and there were a few wizards standing in front of one brushing each other off. The other three were for leaving. Sarah had been right; there was no need for powder, as the fires were constantly ready to take wizards and witches to other places. Both teens called out "Diagon Alley!" before stepping into their respective fires.

They came out in The Leaky Cauldron. No one paid too much attention to them except the barkeeper, who asked them if they wanted anything. They both gave false cheery "No"s, but the barkeep didn't press. Sarah and Derek walked out of the back of the pub to the brick wall that separated the place from Diagon Alley. Derek quickly did the necessary tap, and the way opened. They both walked through to find a very sparse alley. Of course, both of them had only really been there right before each school year to pick up supplies, and it was much more crowded then.

They went to Fortiscue's out of a silent consensus for ice cream. Once seated with their ice cream, they did not eat, nor did they talk. They watched the alley, not discussing the people or things that they saw, but taking them in nonetheless. There was a new broom that was going to come out once August rolled around, apparently it was designed with first learners in mind, so instead of the normal boys gathering around the display, it was a few new mothers who stopped for a moment to look at it. This amused Derek a little.

Derek finally broke the silence. "I assume you've heard of this… Lord…"

But Sarah cut him off. "Yes! Yes, I've heard of him. Please don't say his name…"

Derek was slightly confused by the request, but he complied anyway. "Alright. Anyway… my parents have, well, thrown their lot in with his." Sarah gasped. "That's not all." Sarah was looking at him wide-eyed, not seeming to be taking it well. Derek fumbled for a moment as to whether to go on, when he was prompted by Sarah.

"…Go on…?"

Derek sighed. "They wanted me to throw my lot in as well." Sarah gasped again, this time, she seemed a little frantic. Derek reached across the table and clasped her hand. In an instant, she was unmoving, if not calm. "I delayed it… I told them that I wasn't ready, that they should tell me what I should do to be worthy of such an 'honor'."

Sarah was still wide-eyed. "So… what does that mean, exactly?"

Derek finally took a bit of his ice cream. When he had swallowed, he said, "The ice cream is good as ever, you should start eating." To his satisfaction, she did. "It means that I have time to figure out who I am… and whether I can afford to say no to my parents."

Sarah was shaking from across the table, and Derek had a feeling that his right hand holding her left was the only thing that kept her at the table. His voice lowered. "I am afraid of him. Lord-… You-Know-Who. I don't know if I could ever kill anyone… I don't think I am cut out to be pureblooded."

Sarah looked down at her ice cream. "Does blood really matter?"

"What?" Derek asked, skeptical. Of course blood mattered! It determined what kind of person you were. It determined your station in life. Your brother is pureblooded. Where did that get him? Derek silenced the second voice.

"You've always asked," Sarah said, "why you were put in Gryffindor. After what you said on the train yesterday, with what you told me today…" she faltered, but forced herself to press on. Her look took on determination. "Maybe you are in Gryffindor because of the choice that you are about to make. Maybe you are in Gryffindor because you need Gryffindors around you as you make this choice."

"If I wasn't in Gryffindor, I probably wouldn't have had this problem at all…" Derek pointed out, but he left part of it out. We would be enemies. I would be as ruthless as Snape, or Malfoy, or any of the other Slytherins that were arrayed against the Marauders… But where did he stand then?

Sarah looked like she wanted to say something, but Derek stopped her but holding up his free hand. "Not that… you, Helga and I have had some good times, Sarah, I won't deny that. And I am not complaining about my predicament, I am fixing it. But I think we can leave that question until I figure out more things about myself…

"I have to know who I am. Sure, I am Derek Fugue, now the only son of Gerard and Helena Fugue, member of Gryffindor House, and I have been offered a place among a group that… kills… people for what they believe… what I think I believe… is a noble cause. This is all complicated, and all well and good, but what does that all mean? What does that all add up to? I have to know that, and that will be something that changes my life."

Sarah took a few deep breaths, then she squeezed his hand. "I'll help you find out."