Harry is out of the school, meeting with some "Half-Blood Prince". So no DA meeting today, and no boyfriend to hang out with.
It still feels weird thinking of him as my "boyfriend" after all these years of thinking of him as an impossible. Hm...
Our relationship is so much different than mine and Michael's. Or mine and Draco's. Or "Malfoy" - I still need some work on calling him by his surname. I've said "Draco" a lot more times than "Malfoy" in my lifetime, so that's what stuck.
Well, obviously my relationship with Harry is going to be different than mine with Malfoy - I never really was his girlfriend. But - I don't know. Malfoy and I were more like partners in crime, so it was a bit fun. Yeah, fun. It wasn't really as hostile as you'd think, because I never sincerely hated Malfoy. I just "hated" him because I was supposed to. I'm Arthur Weasley's daugther, after all... and he was Lucius Malfoy's son. And I'm a Gryffindor, and he's a Slytherin. Ohhh.
Well... there was that whole "Harry's archrival" thing too. But that was only in my first year; in my second, I was much more worried about Black. And then about Voldemort. So Draco Malfoy, to me, was just this random annoying Slytherin who hated Harry. What Slytherin doesn't?
Not that we were at perfect peace with each other. We still fought, but over things that weren't related to our family, our House, or even Harry. I still don't know if that's because he was being civil or because taunting me isn't as much fun as taunting Harry or Ron. Especially Ron.
But he was still fun to talk to.
He was just so brutally honest - behind people's back, anyway. It was funny. Plus, he's more knowledgeable than you'd think, about more subjects than you'd expect. And he's really loyal to the people he actually likes, who aren't many. That's always good.
I think I might just be among the lucky few...
I hope so. I kind of miss him. And there's no way I'd say this if this didn't have a Concealment Charm.
Oh, he was also competitive. Like I am. And very proud... like me. But that's not necessarily a good thing... I mean... I probably won't talk to him ever again, because my pride won't let me. It's a shame. I wonder who he thinks will win this season... that's why I want to talk to him...
Ha.
But Harry and I... I don't know... I just won't feel equal to him, in a weird way. He's still the Boy Who Lived... and he's still the hero I mooned over for five years. That's one third of my life! I'm the girlfriend of a Big Hero - it's so much pressure. I try to ignore it, but I can't. That's what I liked about him to start with, after all... He needs a good girl who can look over that fact and like him as he is, with his swinging moods and everything. I'm a little short-tempered. I thought I could understand him - who better than me, who got possessed by Voldemort? - but it isn't really like that. I'm just not an "understanding" kind of person. It's more like "Oh, suck it up" with me.
I couldn't stand Michael Corner's whiney-ness, after all. That loser.
Oh, that felt good.
"Loser."
All those positive comments on Malfoy and pessimistic ones on Harry and I were feeling weird.
But the weirdest thing of all... they actually didn't feel weird.
And while I'm at this "confessions" thing...
Well...
This is a bit embarrasing. No - it's downright "shameful".
I...
Oh, I just can't bring myself to say it... trust me, I have tried. Oh I'll do it, I'll do it...
I almost-kissed Draco... Malfoy. Or he did. It doesn't matter - the thing is, I wanted to. Sort of. But "sort of" is too much. Lord...
It happened when we were executing Plan AC025. I had written here that we had entered an empty dungeon, but that was a lie. In our excitement, we entered a cupboard that stored Potions supplies. So obviously we couldn't move, because the stuff there was dangerous. It was tough standing there without moving, but it got a lot tougher when it was time to ruffle up Draco's hair, so as to give the impression we were snogging. I had to put my arms in his shoulders to do that. His hands went automatically to my waist. And we stayed like that...
For some time...
But our heads kept moving forward.
...until they sort of bumped into each other. It was dark, after all. Thankfully.
And that was why when Ron accused us of snogging, I blushed. Because there was a little bit of truth to that.
And...
When we broke up, we hugged for a long time. Or... clung to each other. That was definitely me who started it, because Draco can show any emotion except... tenderness. And that's not really the word I mean; it sounds so... sooo...
Oh, would you look at me now? This is ridiculous.
I'll close this journal and never open it again - and the flower goes, too.
Good night.