"Why Fear?"
Three long awkward days had gone by... Three horrible sleepless nights. He was so close. She was so close, and yet they were so far apart...
It seemed so cliched, so bloody irritating, and yet it was the truth, lingering over their heads the way an executers blade lingered over a victim.
Cagalli rolled over in bed again, twisting in the covers, her face pressed against the pillow in an effort to keep her tears from getting louder than the walls could withold.
It seemed so childish to be crying... she wanted it to to stop, right there and then, to simply stop. If she could go numb and forget him, forget it all she would.
But that didn't seem to be happening any time soon.
Sighing heavily she lay on her back, looking up at the ceiling through her tears. Why did she have to sacrifise things for Orb...? Father didn't control her did he?
The thought was quickly crushed by her fears. Don't... don't think that way, you'll think it's okay, but it's not...
Sniffing softly, she wiped the tears from her face and sat up, shoving her wild hair out of the way clumsily.
She wished he would leave... she wished he would just leave her alone. Then she wouldn't have to see him each morning and see how sad he was... how little sleep he'd had...
"Oh God..." the small whimper escaped her before she could catch it and she curled up, hugging her knees.
Why did it hurt so much anyway? They had never even been...together really. He had said something that other guys had said to her, why was it then that it ached like this...?
Whimpering, she shoved the covers off and stood, kicking clothes out of the way, searching for something to wear.
Rubbing more tears away she grabbed random things off the floor and began to change, feeling claustrophobic.
the room was completely dark... She had thrown heavy black curtains over the windows in an attempt to block out the moonlight pouring in through the balcony doors.
Sniffing, she pulled the shirt over her head and walked towards the curtains, pulling them off roughly, allowing the light to explode into her room.
She winced gently, blinking in the brightness. It flooded the entire room, shedding light on all the chaos.
She turned her back to it, and looked at her mess.
For the last four days she had been crying herelf to sleep, angry with herself for doing so, and yet the markings of used tissue paper and random cd's used to numb her thoughts were still there.
Swallowing the wad of tears forming at her throat, she sat down, settling over all the clothes. For a long moment, she just sat there, looking at her clothes, her tears steadily flowing. She whimpered again, and rubbed her face, attempting to calm herself, but it was no use.
Letting them fall, she began to fold the nearest shirt neatly, her hands moving slowly over the cotton cloth...
She stared at the very neat pile of black, the buttons glittering lightly by the moonlight behind her.
Before she knew it, she was folding everything within her rach, piling it up in neat little rows.
Jeans, pants, skirts, shirts, sweaters...
She was crying without holding back now, her clothes getting rather wet with her tears every once in a while, but she didn't care. Steadily, the white marble of her floor began to appear.
About half an hour later, she found herself looking around, six rather large piles of clothing sitting on her bed. All the cloth had been lifted from the ground...
Without thinking, she began to grab the books, piling them up too. she grabbed all the pens and paper, sorting them and putitng them into the empty drawers of her desk.
The once empty shelves by her closet soon began to fill with books as she made trip after trip, carrying heavy stacks of them.
Sniffing slightly, the Princess shoved the last of her novels onto her shelf and stopped, looking down at her empty hands. Blinking steadily she turned around to look at her room and froze.
It was spotless, her floor completely clear of anything, her bed was made, her clothes were put away. She didn't remember taking down all her posters, but they were no longer on the walls, allowing the designs created by the marble to show, reflecting the image of the moon.
Rubbing her neck thoughtfully, now feeling a lot more calm than before, she walked over to the balcony and pushed the white sheets to the side, tying them back to let more of the light into her room. She then opened the door, feeling the harsh blow of the cool though moist night air flood the room.
It was a gentle wind, smoothing gently over her skin. Sighing gently, Cagalli walked over to the railing and leaned against it, arms crossed over it slightly.
The endless bounding hills of the dunes seemed to stretch out, a dark color rather than the light brown during day.
She sighed, feeling peaceful for the first time all week. The sweet scent of the trees down on the grounds rolled up, riding the breeze, brushing through her hair and drying her tear stained cheeks.
She heard something suddenly, catching her off guard. She looked down sharply, seeing a dark shadow walking back from somewhere out on the sand dunes.
She blinked and squinted slightly at the figure, surprised.
Whoever it was vanished behind the large wall surrounding the grounds as they walked closer. She lifted a hand and put it over her eyes in an attempt to see better, cocking her head.
THe shadow climbed over the fence and landed heavily on the grass, falling down to the ground in silence.
They didn't bother to get back up.
Cagalli frowned and turned around, walking briskly towards the door, she stopped and looked around for a sweater... However they were all in drawers and she couldn't remember which one...
Grumbling, she ran out without anything, shutting the door quietly behind her.
Jogging she stumbled down the stairs to the foyer and into the sitting room, heading for the back doors.
Whoever it was had a lot of explaining to do... sneaking over the walls of private property...
Athrun landed heavily on the grass and sighed, feeling more tired than he suspected he would.
Going for a run on the sand dunes had been his routine for the last couple of days. If he couldn't sleep he ran until he was so worn out he collapsed... It worked, for the most part, except he didnt collapse until sometime early in the morning.
Today however, his body wasn't so patient. Tired and now in some serious pain, he gritted his teeth and pushed himself up, grunting softly at the effort.
Rubbing sand from his face, he beat at his clothes for a second, filling the air around him with heavy clouds of dust.
"Bloody hell..." he grumbled, then heard a door open, instinctively he turned his eyes to the house and for soem reason decided to dive into the shadows, hiding within the darkness of the trees. He couldn't see who it was that had come out, but it didn't matter who it was... one way or the other he would have to explain what he was doing out there why he was covered in sand and so on... and he didn't feel like it.
Grunting, he made his way slowly around and to the side, pressing his back against the wall in an effort to stay hidden.
He thought he'd made it, except he saw a shadow moving across the ground towards him.
He winced. Oh...crap.
The person turned sharply, blocked out by the shadows of the building. Athrun felt someone grab his arm, instinct took over and he twisted, trying to get free, to his surprise he found the person had side stepped and folded his arm against his back sharply, shooting flames of pain to his shoulder.
Grunting, he wrapped his leg around theirs and pulled. Both of them cried out sharply as they hit the ground.
"Ow-damnit...get off!"
He was rather roughly pushed back, but he didn't pull back, too surprised to actually register what was said.
"Cagalli?"
there was a pouse, both vocal and otherwise (she had continued to shove him off of her, considering he was nearly on top)
"Athrun?"
Unknowingly they both froze. Damnit.
Cagalli unfroze first finding it awkward that he was leaning over her. "Uh... will you get off me please?'
He scambled off, blushing without mercy. "Oh...god, sorry..."
Cagalli pushed herself up lightly. "It's okay..." she mumbled, grunting softly.
Athrun took her arm and pulled her to her feet gently.
She pulled away softly, looking up at him, though she could see nothing really. "What were you doing in the dunes?' she asked, a bit skeptical.
He blinked. "How did you know I was at the-"
"I saw you climbing over the fence, i came to see who it was, didn't expect an attack though." she pointed out.
He laughed nervously. "Uh... yeah, sorry... I didn't know it was you." he mumbled sheepishly.
A smile tugged forcefully at her mouth and before she knew it she was smirking slightly.
"Heh, I sort of hoped so."
She turned and began to walk towards the building again, turning towards the light.
Athrun hesitated for a moment, wishing he could just stay in the darkness, so that he didn't have to worry about the burning spreading all over his neck and face. Sighing, he followed her anyway.
She glanced back at him, swallowing the awkwardness that seemed to suddenly become noticeable.
"What 'were' you doing out there?" she asked again, looking at him. He blinked and looked at the ground, shrugging lightly. "Uh... couldn't sleep." he managed.
She stopped sharply, deciding the didn't want to play this game anymore.. pretending nothing was wrong, acting as if they were both fine when they weren't...
What could she say though? She was the one that had decided to withdraw.
"Athrun." she said, despite having no clue what she could possibly say. He looked up at her quickly, sensing her change in tempo.
"...I...I'm so sorry." she started, blinking steadily at him, feeling the tears rising. She crushed the feeling as much as she could, but it was hard.
"If i had a choice-" she began and stopped, because she did have a choice, she was lying to herself as much everyone else.. she did have a choice, she was just... scared.
"I'm scared." she whimpered suddenly, looking down at her hands sharply, feeling her tears begin to spill over again, the calmness she had felt in her room was suddenly stolen away by a more persistant feeling of fear that hovered right behind her sadness, dominating most of her feelings and choices.
Athrun looked her silently, reaching up to brush her hair from her face lightly as it moved along with the wind.
"Of what..?" he asked quietly, turning her face up to look at him and finding to his shock tears streaming down her face. "I... don't know. It's stupid, I guess, but..." she continued, shaking her head. "i can't help it... I'm so sorry.."
It made no sense, what she was saying... but he was willing to put up with it. Quietly, he pulled her into a hug, sensing her hesitance... then her release.
It didn't really matter what she was scared of... he would help her figure it out later.
Lacus heard her the moment she began to clean up. They weren't exactly next to each other in the hallway, but her crying was louder than she supposed...
Silently, she walked over to her friends room and froze, hearing the door open. She flattened herself by the wall and watched as she ran out...
For a long minute she considered staying put. She shouldn't follow... but, if she didn't... she only had a couple days left.
Sighing, she followed her and watched from the shadows in surprised silence, eyes wider than usual.
This could still work... it just needs more time... She frowned, knowing that that was the one thing they didn't have.
Plans began to form in her head as she walked back to her room, and a grin spread over her face. Kira would be hesitant to help out, but he would eventually.. once she explained.
Happily, she slipped into her room and shut the door quietly. They could get a couple more weeks if she planned things carefully.
And meanwhile outside, the Prince and Princess of opposing nations wondered briefly...
"What is it we fear...?"