Chapter 14: Lily's Midnight Adventure
When Derek got back to the Common Room that evening, he went to the study group as he had promised Sarah earlier. She smiled at him as he sat down, as did Lily, Wanda, Kelly and… his happiness dropped when he realized that not only were all the girls at the group, there were only girls at the group.
And Derek knew what they were going to ask him.
"Before you ask," he said, sitting down with a slight huff, "I've been having no luck getting him to mention anything about anyone in that subject." He watched as all their faces turned glum and then back to their studies. He shook his head in amusement. How they all paid so much attention to this strange mission of theirs! And his own, in a way. It was refreshing to be doing something to help Remus, since Remus had not really ever been as terrible to him as the rest of the Marauders had. Even after… no… especially after the antics with James, Remus was Derek's favorite Marauder.
Lily and Derek conferred over the Charms notes for Derek's sake and the Arithmancy notes for Lily's, letting all of the others hear their conversations just in case it would help some of them. It turned out, like every other time the did that, to be immensely useful for the rest of the people who were doing the assignments at the same time. Sarah made noises every time she made a breakthrough ("Whaaa-ooooh! So the angle has to be the degree at which you hate them!"), and Derek couldn't help but chuckle at some of the more interesting ones. Sarah never noticed.
Just as they were finishing up Transfiguration, Derek noticed that the common room had cleared and his watch told him that it was nearly midnight. He told Lily this and she scurried; grabbing up her arrayed books and papers as if something was on fire. "Is there something the matter?" Kelly asked her, watching her antics with some apprehension.
"Remus and I have patrol tonight, and our shift started a half hour ago! Why didn't he get me!" she shrieked, and then she was off into the girls' dorms like a flash and merely seconds later she came out again and sprinted out of the portrait hole, red hair and robes flying behind her.
Needless to say, she had the rest of the sixth year girls and Derek staring after her for a few long moments.
Derek finally broke the tension by turning back to his homework and began to clear it up. The rest of them followed suit, but didn't notice that Derek was cleaning up very slowly. Each of them finished before him and wished him goodnight as they headed up to the dormitory they shared. Derek stopped his act of clearing up when Sarah finally had finished clearing up and gave him a goodnight hug. He was the last one remaining in the common room, and the only light left was the fireplace that was by the comfy chairs. He made sure his homework could actually be taken up to his dorm easily and took it over to the comfy chair and set it down next to it and fell into the chair himself.
He stared into the flames of the fire that was his only company. He could feel everything that was happening was coming to a head. At last, in a way. He was tired of being pressed on all sides. Something had to go; he knew it. He had wished originally that the problem with James would be the thing to explode first, but it looked like that happening was getting less and less likely as the days passed. And Dumbledore's words weren't encouraging on the other front at all. They were helpful, as they helped him sort his thoughts a bit, but they didn't encourage him at all.
So it seemed that Christmas break, a mere month and change away, was going to be when he had to make a decision between torture of the soul and torture of the body. Because joining the Death Eaters would make him right in his parents' eyes finally, but they would never love him. That was something beyond them. Even thinking back to his time before becoming a Gryffindor… love hadn't been in any of the relationships except the one with Theo. His parents simply kept him around because he was their kid. He could no longer imagine what he would be doing now if he hadn't opened up to Sarah, and then later to James that summer.
He regretted none of it; even if he wished for some of the events to go a little better.
It was amazing really, what magic couldn't fix. Magic wouldn't fix his problem; it couldn't actually help him get the kind of life he would've liked to have had originally. It wouldn't even fix some of the minor things that were wrong with his life as it is. Magic could only help him protect himself against those who would try to kill him. Kill Sarah, kill Lily, kill Remus… kill everyone. Derek took out his wand from within the folds of his robes and played with it the way his parents had taught him. Looking at ease, but really ready to curse the skin off of anyone in his way.
He was slightly surprised at himself. He had gone from, in June, a bastard who basically cared about himself and had a few people to talk to stay sane, to a normal kid with the same kinds of hopes and fears as the rest of them. Though not necessarily, he added with a wry grin, the same problems. He had people he cared about. He had realized some people meant more to him than he had ever thought. And others he had simply realized where their loyalties lied to begin with. And how they could never rival the kinds of things he felt daily while he remained within the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. He felt a strong pull to stay at the castle over winter break, no matter what his parents said.
Oh, if only things were that easy. But he would not be staying at the castle over winter break, he would be going to wherever Lord Voldemort met with his followers, and he wasn't sure what was going to happen there. He wasn't sure whether he would be able to do anything to stop his own death if he didn't acquiesce to the bastard's wishes. He couldn't imagine what his parents would do to him if Voldemort left him alive. He didn't really want to think about that, but it was something he had to worry about.
Derek felt a hand come down on his shoulder, and he jumped up turning and pointed his wand at his assailant. When he finally got a good look at Lily's face, he lowered his wand. Lily looked a little surprised at his reaction, but not hurt at all. Derek sighed. "Where's Remus?"
"In his dorm, where he's supposed to be. Where I'm supposed to be… Merlin, where we're all supposed to be."
Derek tilted his head. "What happened to your Prefect rounds?"
Lily scowled. "It wasn't tonight, it was tomorrow night. I went looking for Remus, but when I couldn't find him anywhere, I just started doing the rounds on my own. When it was almost quitting time I ran into the Hufflepuff fifth year prefects, the people who were actually supposed to be on their rounds tonight. Thankfully they understood my predicament and let me go back to my dorms."
Lily fumed for a moment. "How could I be so stupid! I can't believe I mixed up the nights we're supposed to be on shift!"
Derek was a little taken aback. "Lily, calm down, you didn't lose any points, you're back now, and those Hufflepuffs won't tell the whole school. It's okay!"
Lily hopped over the couch and plopped herself unceremoniously where Derek had vacated. Derek walked over to the other side of the couch as she spoke again heatedly. "I lost sleep before a test. But that would be fine without the other thing. Ooohhh…"
"Lily…"
"That… cow! I found her after I had talked to the Hufflepuffs, so I knew I wasn't on duty. I decided to be nice, and because I didn't really want to admit that I was so scatterbrained tonight. So I told her…
"It's your lucky night," Lily said to the frozen figure in front of her, "I'm not strictly on duty at the moment, so I'm just going to keep walking without any recollection of who I just passed…" And she took four steps and was about to take the fifth that would take her past the figure when she felt a hand grasp her arm. Lily whirled. "Lumos!" And when the light revealed the figure, she gasped.
Bellatrix Black.
"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Bellatrix cooed, her grip not slackening and the wandlight revealing her wand was trained on Lily just as warily as Lily's was on her. "An ickle little mudblood wandering the halls after dark without her scruffy guide. Did you get lost, little girl?" And she laughed. A cruel laugh that echoed off of the walls in the hallway they were standing in.
"Let me go," Lily demanded through clenched teeth.
"Why would I let a prize like you go?" Bellatrix was cooing again. "You may be an ickle mudblood, but you're definitely one of the ones the Dark Lord would want to meet. Personally." The way the last word was emphasized made Lily swallow with fear, which caused another spurt of laughter to erupt from Bellatrix's mouth. "Oh, I'm going to enjoy this. Hagrid may have stopped us from doing this to you in third year, but I'm certainly going to enjoy every last curse I place on you." There was a soft footfall from Lily's right, and both girls turned toward it, neither moving their wands from their targets.
The way the shadows lined up, the only thing they could see about the student was that they were wearing Hogwarts robes. That didn't rule out anyone at all, and both girls watched warily as the mystery person walked toward them, and just as the House badge and the tie were about to come into view, they stopped, and took a wary stance. Lily didn't know the stance; she had never seen it before. So it wasn't someone she knew would help her out, but with the wariness, she didn't know whether they would help Bellatrix either.
Both girls waited with bated breath until the mystery person acted. They didn't speak, they just raised their wand and conjured ropes to bind Bellatrix. Bellatrix's wand clattered to the floor and rolled towards the newcomer. Lily, unable to relax, watched with bated breath as her rescuer stopped the incoming wand with an outstretched foot, and then bent to pick it up. When he bent over, he revealed his face to both Lily and Bellatrix, and Bellatrix blanched, while Lily didn't know what to think.
James Potter finally stepped into the full light, and Lily saw the anger that was burning in his eyes. She found her own anger growing. Just like him, to come gallivanting in just at the last moment and curse away at something that had just called her mudblood…
But this was more serious than that. James looked at Bellatrix for a bit, and she stared back at him with defiant eyes. Finally James ended it by silently and slowly raising his wand to her again. "Stupify," he said quietly, and Bellatrix fainted. He turned to Lily, finding her green eyes blazing just as much as his hazel ones were. His lost their blaze when met with her furious face, and he looked downcast. Then he spoke again.
"This is why I curse them, Lily." That's all he said. He then levitated Bellatrix with a quiet swish and flick of his wand, and he walked off through the hallway towards the Hospital Wing. Lily was left staring after him.
"I don't get it!" Lily slammed her fist into the armrest of the couch. It gave easily and gave no satisfying crack or sound or even hurt her fist at all. "What is it with him! He's always around, doing things to madden me, then asks me out as if they would cause me to love him in a single moment! What was he doing out? What was he thinking when he did that? Why didn't he act like himself!"
"Lily…" Derek tried again, but to no avail.
"He's maddening! I don't know what to do with him anymore! Can't he make up his damn mind! This morning he was a prat, at lunch he was a prat, this afternoon he was a git, at dinner he was a prat again, and then tonight he was a gentleman! What is going on!"
"He's maturing."
Both Derek and Lily turned to find James standing there behind them, an impassive look on his face. Derek didn't know what to do, so he remained frozen to that spot.
"Maturing? And yet you happened to be out of your dorm tonight?"
"If I wasn't out of my dorm tonight, Merlin knows what would've happened to you!" James cried out. Derek immediately cast silencing spells around that corner of the Common Room. He didn't want anyone else losing sleep over this. Yet another example of something relatively mundane I actually can fix with magic he thought wryly.
"We were at an impasse, you git! I could have taken care of myself!"
"But there was a chance! A small one, maybe, but a chance that you would get hurt!"
"Oh, so you now care about my feelings?"
"I've cared about your feelings for a long time!"
"AND YOU DECIDE THAT JUST BECAUSE I HANG OUT WITH DEREK, THAT I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND!" Derek blinked. Why me?
"IT'S NOT THAT BIG OF A JUMP, LILY! YOU OBVIOUSLY WERE SEARCHING FOR TIME ALONE WITH EACH OTHER!"
"TO TALK! OR DOES A SIMPLE TALK NOT MAKE ANY SENSE TO THAT SMALL BRAIN OF YOURS!"
"NOT WHEN EVERYONE'S NEW FAVORITE PERSON HERE IS TRYING TO BE ALONE WITH THE PRITTIEST GIRL IN SCHOOL!"
Lily and James were both already livid, but after that last comment, Lily looked absolutely deadly. "Favorite person, hmm? Why not? If you keep accusing us of doing it, perhaps we should." She then turned to Derek, who took a step back, but before he knew it, Lily had closed the distance and pressed her lips to his. It felt good, sure, but it didn't feel right… Lily was pretty, Lily was his good friend and they could tell each other anything… but this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Something of him was not in the kiss, even if he did kiss back a little.
When Lily pulled away, Derek stole a look at James. He was looking between the two of them, and alternating between two emotions. Derek, anger. Lily, hurt. Repeat.
Lily looked back at James fully. "Are you satisfied?"
"I KNEW IT!" James pointed at Derek with an accusing finger. "I KNEW IT ALL ALONG! YOU ARE HER BOYFRIEND!"
"No!" Derek spat. "I'm not and I never was! Don't you ever listen to what Lily has to say? We're friends, that's all!"
"DON'T TELL ME YOU DIDN'T ENJOY IT, FUGUE!"
"STOP IT, POTTER!"
"It doesn't matter if I enjoy it or not! I can't afford to!"
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!"
But Lily wasn't paying attention to James anymore, she turned, anger dissipating rapidly, to face Derek. "What…?"
"I'M PROBABLY NOT COMING BACK AFTER CHRISTMAS!" Derek shouted, fed up, "I'M PROBABLY GOING TO DIE! DO YOU THINK I CARE ABOUT ROMANCE!"
There was suddenly silence within the Common Room. And there was no longer a need for Derek's charms. Spent, Derek collapsed to the floor. Lily flicked out her wand and levitated Derek back to the couch. James simply stood shocked where he stood. When Derek was settled on the couch, Lily sat in one of the chairs, while James sat in a chair on the other side. "Thanks, Lily," Derek said.
There were a few minutes of silence. Derek didn't know whether he liked the silence much more than he did the raucous argument that had just ended. He didn't know whether it was better now that he had actually told someone about his new timeframe to… live… or if it would have been better to face it all alone. Without the awkward silences.
James was the first to venture into the realm of speaking again. "What do you mean, Derek?"
Derek sighed. Well, since the main bit was out, he might as well give them the details. "I got a letter from my parents this morning. They are requiring me to come home over the Christmas holidays and, in their words, "meet a good friend". I can only imagine one identity for this "friend" if they don't wish to name them."
"Voldemort," James whispered. Lily paled.
"I wanted to talk to Lily in private because she hadn't heard about my… problem… yet at the beginning of the year and I wasn't about to tell her in front of people like, say, Kelly. There were always people around. We kept the study group going because it's helping all of our grades, even though we got the talk in a while ago. And you went off and decided that I was spurning your friendship and going out with Lily."
Derek sighed. "It doesn't matter now. I have a month and a half or so before I have to leave here for…" he was about to say, maybe the last time, but he couldn't bring himself to. "for the holidays. Trust me when I say that I don't intend on asking the person who you continually pine after out."
James looked at Derek for a second, then over at Lily, who, though pale, nodded in agreement with what Derek was saying. Then he turned back to Derek. "Alright," he said, getting up and straightening his robes. "It's late. We should go to bed."
"I'll join you in a moment, James."
"Alright… Derek…" James replied, though slightly hesitantly, and then he turned and walked up the stairs to the boys dormitories.
Derek sat up and leaned on the opposite armrest from where Lily was sitting. She was staring into the dying embers of the fire. "I thought we had a test tomorrow, Lily."
Lily turned to look at him. "Oh, Derek… here I am worried about the idiot who I have to deal with daily, and I forget all about you and your… problem… and how it is so much worse than having some git chase after you for your hand." She sniffed, and rubbed her eyes.
"You know how James actually rescued me this time, instead of doing something pointless in my defense?" Lily asked, and Derek nodded his assent. "That's what we do when the people we care about are in trouble. That's one of the reasons I have been saying no to him this whole time… he hasn't been doing all of the simple things that show that we care about someone else. He just… does what he thinks will make himself look better in other people's eyes.
"You're better than that Derek. We know how we feel about each other because we have done those little things. And the big things too. You've surreptitiously gotten me a box of tissues when I was having a cry and no one knew why. Everyone else was asking me what was going wrong, but all you did was go off and get me a box of tissues."
Derek nodded. "And there was that time that I was in the Hospital Wing following a Quidditch match, and though everyone would come by and talk to me, I had nothing to do for quite a while, since I was all caught up on my homework. You must have found out about it, because when you gave me my homework for charms, there was a book to read inside."
Lily smiled and nodded back. "It's the little things that tell you whether you're friends with someone or not. The big things can be important, and Potter has certainly started to pick up on that… but the little ones are the most important. They are what keep us sane." Lily stood up and stretched, and Derek followed suit. "Potter may yet figure that out, it seems."
"Don't count him out yet," Derek said, "his heart's in the right place. He just needs to learn how to show it."
"Exactly," Lily said, and kissed Derek's cheek. "Er… about that earlier kiss…"
"It's alright," Derek said, "It's not the way we're supposed to be."
Lily smiled. "I couldn't have said it better, myself. Goodnight, Derek."
"Goodnight, Lily."
Lily walked back up into her dorm, and Derek turned to do the same. The explosion had come and gone. He felt much better about everything. James, Lily, his own choice, and even his upcoming "problem". What an accurate word. Problems can be solved.